Top 5 American Sports Rivalries That Make No Sense

Last night, the New York Red Bulls (or, to be more corporately accurate, "Red Bull New York") went down to Washington, and beat D.C. United, 2-0.

Is that a big deal? I mean, any more than any other win? It shouldn't be. It's 230 miles from Times Square in Midtown Manhattan to downtown Washington, and 221 miles from Red Bull Arena in Harrison, New Jersey to Audi Field in Southwest Washington.

To some, this rivalry may make sense geographically. But hold on: There are not one, not two, but three Major League Soccer teams closer to Red Bull Arena than are DCU: The New England Revolution, at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts, 215 miles; the Philadelphia Union, at Subaru Park (formerly Talen Energy Stadium and PPL Park) in Chester, Pennsylvania, 104 miles; and, easy enough to guess, New York City FC, still playing "home" games at the new Yankee Stadium in The Bronx, just 21 miles (although, with traffic, especially over the George Washington Bridge, it could take over an hour).

So why are DCU the Red Bulls' arch-rivals? Why do "Metro" (short for the team's name from 1996 to 2005, the New York/New Jersey MetroStars) fans treat DCU the way college teams treat their arch-rivals? Why is the week leading up to the game "Hate DC Week"?

Top 5 American Sports Rivalries That Make No Sense

Note: All distances given are between each team's current home venues. Where they may have played at the times of the rivalry's biggest moments, if not the same, is not relevant for this discussion. And all win totals are current as of last night's RBNY-DCU game.

5. Red Bull New York vs. D.C. United

Began: 1996, with the founding of Major League Soccer

Really Began: Same time

Distance: 221 miles

All-Time Series: DCU 44, RBNY 36 (counting last night's win), 17 draws

Trophy: Atlantic Cup, DCU lead 12-11, although RBNY have won the last 3

Playoff Games: DCU 8, RBNY 3, 3 draws

In no other sport is New York vs. Washington a real rivalry. The Yankees and the Washington Senators were never rivals. The Mets and the Washington Nationals have only been playing each other since 2005, when the former Montreal Expos moved to the District of Columbia.

The New York Giants and the Washington Football Team (formerly the Washington Redskins) have been playing each other, and always in the same Division (under various names), since 1937. But both teams have bigger rivalries: The Giants with the Philadelphia Eagles, and the WFT with the Dallas Cowboys (which I'll get to later).

The New York Jets aren't in the same Conference, let alone the same Division, so they don't care about Washington at all, except on those rare occasions when they play each other. But Giant fans take no special pleasure when Washington lose, unless it means the Giants get closer to winning the NFC Eastern Division. And that wouldn't affect Jet fans at all.

The New York Knicks and the Washington Wizards have been playing each other since 1963 (the DC team was the Baltimore Bullets until 1973, then the Washington Bullets until 1997). But, aside from the late 1960s and the early 1970s, when it was New York vs. Baltimore, there has never been much of a rivalry between them. And the team now known as the Brooklyn Nets have been playing them since 1976, with no animus toward them.

As for hockey, the Washington Capitals have had some memorable Playoff matchups with the locals, playing the Rangers in 9 series, the Islanders 8 (including losing to the Isles last month), and the Devils 2. But they don't consider any of those teams their rivals. They'd rather beat the Philadelphia Flyers or the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Even in college sports, there isn't much of a rivalry: St. John's vs. Georgetown was a huge basketball matchup in the Big East Conference in the mid-1980s, but that didn't last long: It was big on quality, but short on quantity. And St. John's discontinued football in 2002.

New York City FC? They have but one rival, and that's the Red Bulls. Maybe two rivals, if you count the New York City government, which isn't willing to build them a stadium. Maybe three, if you count the Yankees, who have forced them out of Yankee Stadium for 3 separate home games.

So, why RBNY vs. DCU? Because, when MLS was founded in 1996, there were only 3 teams in the Northeast: Those 2, and the New England Revolution. One would think that New York vs. Boston would become MLS' big rivalry, due to the Yankees-Red Sox, Jets-Patriots, Knicks-Celtics and Rangers-Bruins rivalries.

But DCU won 3 of the 1st 4 MLS Cups, and 4 of the 1st 9, establishing themselves as the league's dominant team in its first period. And they dominated the MetroStars as well. Metro fans got jealous, and they got nasty. Eventually, DCU began to decline. With the opening of Red Bull Arena in 2010, Metro got better. Not until 2014 would RBNY beat DCU in a Playoff game (which are sometimes two-legged "ties"), and not until 2015 would RBNY knock DCU out of the Playoffs.

Also with the opening of RBA, Metro fans began to point out the difference in the stadiums: RBA was new and soccer-specific, while Robert F. Kennedy Stadium, built in 1961 as a multipurpose facility, was not well-maintained. There were jokes about rats, and, to the tune of "London Bridge," Metro fans sang, "RFK is falling down!" That came to an end with DCU's 2018 move into the soccer-specific Audi Field.

It's not all on Metro's side. DCU fans would still rather beat them than Philly, New England, or the other New York. This may only be the 25th season of Major League Soccer, but there is some history there.

4. San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks

Began: 1976, with the founding of the Seahawks

Really Began: 2002, with the move of the Seahawks to the NFC West

Distance: 834 miles

All-Time Series: Seattle 25, San Francisco 17, no ties

Trophy: None

Playoff Games: Seattle 1, San Francisco 0

From the Seahawks' debut in 1976 until 2001, 25 years, this matchup only happened 6 times. Then, in 2002, came realignment, and the Seahawks were moved out of the AFC West into the NFC West. Suddenly, with the 49ers-Rams rivalry on hold because the Rams were in St. Louis, out of the traditional Northern California vs. Southern California hatred, the Niners had a real rival again.

Except, this one doesn't make sense, not even geographically. Since when are San Francisco and Seattle rivals? Okay, there's the whole tech thing: Seattle's Microsoft would not have been possible without the Silicon Valley around San Jose, which is part of the San Francisco Bay Area, where the 49ers moved when Levi's Stadium opened in Santa Clara in 2014.

But is that a reason for the fans of the respective cities to hate each other? St. Louis and Milwaukee are the nation's 2 major beer brewing centers, but they don't hate each other. Even when the St. Louis Cardinals and the Milwaukee Brewers faced each other in the 1982 World Series, there were a few "Suds Series" jokes, but they didn't hate each other. Since 1998, the Cards and the Brew Crew have been in the National League Central Division together, but both teams' fans hate the Chicago Cubs more. (Those 2 rivlries, at least, make geographical sense.)

Is there any other pair of cities that hate each other because they're industry rivals? San Diego and Seattle don't hate each other because they're both Navy cities. (Maybe if Norfolk, Virginia had a team.) New York and Atlanta don't like each other, but it's not because Atlanta has CNN's headquarters and nearly every other network is based in New York.

Boston and Philadelphia both have Revolutionary War connections, but the history they care about now is mainly their sports history against each other. You don't see too many Philadelphians bragging that Ben Franklin couldn't stand Boston so he left for Philly (even though that's true).

It is true that the Seahawks have usually been good since their move to the NFC West, and that the 49ers have had their moments since then. But, aside from the 2013 NFC Championship Game, won by the 'Hawks, this matchup has usually not meant very much.

Finally, once the Rams moved back to the Los Angeles area for the 2016 season, that automatically restored them to their 1950 to 1994 position as the 49ers' arch-rivals. Seahawk fans may still hate the 49ers more than any other team, but the feeling is not mutual.

3. University of Notre Dame vs. University of Southern California (hereafter referred to as "USC")

Began: 1926

Really Began: 1964, with a nationally-televised classic

Distance: 2,099 miles

All-Time Series: ND 47, USC 36, 5 ties

Trophy: Jeweled Shillelagh, ND 32, USC 29, 3 ties

Playoff/Bowl Games: None so far

That Knute Rockne, who had already built Notre Dame into one of the most successful college football programs in the country in the 1920s, would want to test his team against another of the sport's great programs, as USC had become under Howard Jones (who had previously coached at the University of Iowa and was a friend of Rockne's), is not a surprise. That it became an annual rivalry, especially given the distance involved and in the age before jet flights, is very much a surprise.

But, thanks to a discussion between Mrs. Rockne and the wife of USC athletic director Gwynn Wilson, it happened. Since that time, each program has gotten much bigger. It could be argued that these are the 2 most successful college football programs ever, although University of Alabama fans could legitimately dispute that, and fans of Ohio State, Michigan, Oklahoma and Texas would probably also like a word.

The modern era of the rivalry began in 1964, with a huge game, nationally telecast. Ara Parseghian and Notre Dame went into the Los Angeles Coliseum undefeated and 11-point favorites, with the eventual Heisman Trophy winner, John Huarte, at quarterback. But John McKay led the Trojans back from 17-0 to beat the Fighting Irish 20-17, with running back Mike Garrett leading them to the National Championship, and succeeding Huarte as Heisman winner the following year.

Since then, it's been back and forth, with the teams switching off periods of dominance. Due to the weather, it's played in midseason when Notre Dame has the home field advantage in South Bend, Indiana, in odd-numbered years, broadcast on NBC, which has an exclusive contract with Notre Dame for home games; while when USC has it, in even-numbered years, it's played on the Saturday of Thanksgiving Weekend, broadcast on ABC, which has the Pac-12 package.

Yes, it's a great spectacle. But it makes no sense geographically: There is no other intersectional college football rivalry that approaches this one. And it's been a while since both teams were serious national title contenders at the same time, making it make less sense competitively, too.

I should also point out that this rivalry only exists in football. USC doesn't have a great basketball program. Notre Dame's never really been great at the sport, although they've had their moments.

Even so, they've got a bigger rivalry with the other major Los Angeles school, USC's local rivals, the University of California at Los Angeles. When UCLA had its 88-game winning streak of 1971 to 1974, still a men's collegiate record, Notre Dame was both the last and the next team to beat them.

2. Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys

Began: 1960, with the founding of the Cowboys

Really Began: 1967, with an incident detailed below

Distance: 1,480 miles

All-Time Series: Dallas 69, Philadelphia 53, no ties

Trophy: None

Playoff Games: Dallas 3, Philadelphia 1

In 1960, the NFL added the Dallas Cowboys as an expansion team, and the Philadelphia Eagles won the Championship. The following season, the NFL added the Minnesota Vikings as an expansion team, and placed them in the Western Division. That made sense. They decided to move a team from the Western Division to the Eastern Division. That made sense. They should have moved the Baltimore Colts, who were in the West despite being further east than 4 of the 6 teams then in the West.

Instead, it was the Cowboys who got moved to the East, despite being further west than only 2 teams in the entire League. And so, every year, the Cowboys and Eagles have played each other twice in the regular season: At Franklin Field on the University of Pennsylvania campus and the Cotton Bowl in Dallas from 1961 to 1970, at Veterans Stadium in South Philadelphia from 1971 to 2002, at Texas Stadium in suburban Irving from 1971 to 2008, at Lincoln Financial Field in South Philadelphia since 2003, and at AT&T Stadium in suburban Arlington since 2009.

On December 10, 1967, at the Cotton Bowl, the Cowboys, on their way to the NFL Championship Game, were leading 31-3 in the 4th quarter, when their linebacker Lee Roy Jordan gave a forearm shiver to Eagles running back Timmy Brown, knocking out a number of his teeth, depending on who you talked to. The newspapers at the time said it was 4. Until his death earlier this year, Brown said it was 9. Clearly, the viciousness of the hit was unnecessary, and the Cowboys won the game, 38-17.

This began a string of 12 straight wins in the series for the Cowboys, and 23 out of 25. Dick Vermeil became Eagles head coach in 1976, and, noting the Cowboys' dominance over not just the Eagles, but the entire Division, now known as the NFC East, made beating the Cowboys the team's 1st big goal. They accomplished this on ABC Monday Night Football in 1979, and then beat the Cowboys at the Vet in the 1980 NFC Championship Game. After nearly 40 years, it is still one of the most treasured victories for Eagle fans.

Dallas has had the Strikebreakers of 1987, and has knocked the Eagles out of the Playoffs in the seasons of 1992, 1995 and 2009. For Philly, there's been revenge for the Strikebreakers in 1987; the Bounty Bowls of 1989, one of them a 27-0 Eagles win in Irving on Thanksgiving; the snowballs thrown at Jimmy Johnson in 1993; the 4th & 1 Twice Game in 1995; the Eagle fans' cheering of Michael Irvin's career-ending injury in 1999; Roy Williams' illegal horse-collar tackle of Terrell Owens in 2004, before T.O., already with a reputation for disrespecting the Cowboys, became a Cowboy himself; and a Thanksgiving win by the Eagles in Arlington in 2014.

Through it all, as WIP morning show host Angelo Cataldi says he's seen -- and has often led -- "I've seen fathers with sons, three or four years old, and they know four, five, or six words, and two of those words, taught to them by their fathers, are, 'Dallas Sucks!'"

The New York Giants are just 95 miles away from The Linc. The Washington Football Team, 130 miles. The Pittsburgh Steelers, 312 miles. The Giants and the WFT are in the same Division as the Eagles, the Steelers not but in the same State.

Still, if you told Eagle fans they would go 2-14, but they could choose their 2 wins, they would both be over the Cowboys.

1. Washington Football Team vs. Dallas Cowboys

Began: 1960, with the founding of the Cowboys

Really Began: 1971, with details below

Distance: 1,480 miles

All-Time Series: Dallas 73, Washington 45, 2 ties

Trophy: None

Playoff Games: Washington 2, Dallas 0

In 1959, when Clint Murchison, leading the group that owned the Cowboys franchise, wanted entry into the NFL, a unanimous vote of the 12 established owners was required to admit them. The Washington Redskins' owner, George Preston Marshall, refused.

Marshall also owned the team's radio network. (The NFL was already negotiating TV rights separately.) As the Southernmost team in the League at the time, he was marketing the 'Skins as the South's team. The Redskins were also the last NFL team that hadn't yet racially integrated. These facts are connected. Marshall didn't want to give up his Southern status.

So Murchison pulled a dirty trick: He bought the rights to the fight song, "Hail to the Redskins." He told Marshall that if he wanted the right to ever play the song at his games again, he would have to vote to admit the Cowboys. Certainly, as an oilman, Murchison could not be bought with mere money. (Marshall was rich, but not that rich.) Not wanting to lose the NFL's best-known fight song (even more than "Bear Down, Chicago Bears,"), Marshall caved: He got the rights to the song, and Murchison got his admittance into the NFL.

In 1971, George Allen was named head coach of the Redskins. He knew that, in the newly-merged-and-realigned NFL, the Cowboys were well-positioned to dominate the NFC East. And, as a former coach of the Los Angeles Rams, he was already sick of the Cowboys for their success since 1966. So he made it his mission to beat the Cowboys, more than it was to win a title.

He made his players hate the Cowboys as much as he did. As Cowboy defensive end Harvey Martin said in an interview about the rivalry -- with some irony, given that the Cowboys played in the city where John F. Kennedy was assassinated, and that the Redskins' stadium was now named for JFK's assassinated brother, Robert F. Kennedy, "When you go to play the Redskins, you better have your guns on." The apotheosis of this was the Redskins' win over the Cowboys on New Year's Eve 1972, in the NFC Championship Game.

The contrast between the head coaches was remarkable. Cowboys coach Tom Landry was always described as stoic, never using his face to betray his emotions. Allen was one of the most emotional head coaches in NFL history. However, when Joe Gibbs became Redskins coach in 1981, he was less emotional than Allen, but more successful. He beat the Cowboys in the 1982 NFC Championship Game, sparking a run of 10 seasons in which the Redskins reached 4 Super Bowls, winning 3. The Cowboys won 2 out of 5 in 9 years before that, and would win 3 out of 3 in 4 years after that.

Biggest Event: They've face each other in 2 NFC Championship Games: 1972 and 1982, both times as RFK Stadium. The Redskins have won them both, and each time, faced the Miami Dolphins in the Super Bowl, losing in VII and winning in XVII.

The Redskins finally bowed to anti-racist pressure this calendar year, and will operate the 2020 season as "The Washington Football Team" until they decide on a new name. Ironically, "Cowboys" also has racial connotations, although few people know it. There was a strong black presence in the Wild West, and so there were "cowboys," and their white bosses, "cattlemen."