Class Is In Session

In the immortal words of Bruce Campbell, All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up!

"Super Bowl" is one word, not two.

If you've previously said that you were boycotting the NFL, shut the hell up about how the TV networks cover Taylor Swift's appearances at the games.

It's okay to root for the Kansas City Chiefs to win the upcoming Super Bowl, because it will make right-wingers upset over Taylor Swift, who wants President Biden to be re-elected.

It's okay to root for the San Francisco 49ers to win the upcoming Super Bowl, because it will make right-wingers upset that "liberal" "coastal" "elite" San Francisco beat "conservative" "Middle America" Kansas City.

Joe Montana is the greatest quarterback who ever lived. There are a few other legitimate candidates. Tom Brady is not one of them, because he was a compulsive and unrepentant cheater.

The Mets have not surpassed the Yankees. Not in any way. They don't even have the better ballpark food. Maybe they had that at Shea, but not since they both opened new ballparks.

Golf is still not a sport. Nor is figure skating. Nor is auto racing.

The Honeymooners is the greatest sitcom of all time. M*A*S*H is a better show, but it's not a sitcom. The Sopranos had its moments, but the vulgarity, and I don't just mean the language, hurts it. The Office was not funny, in either version.

Robert Pattinson is a better Batman than Ben Affleck, and David Corinswet will be a better Superman than Henry Cavill, if for no other reason than Zack Snyder will not be involved.

Elon Musk has never invented a damn thing, and he is not a genius.

It's pork roll. Not Taylor ham. Says who? Says Taylor, the company that invented the stuff, and sells more of it than anybody. They call it pork roll, because it legally isn't ham.

Pizza tastes better by the water. New York City is practically surrounded by water. And in New Jersey, the pizza is better down the Shore.

There is no such thing as a chicken cheesesteak. A chicken sandwich with the things you might put on a cheesesteak might be very good, but the word "steak" implies beef. No beef, no steak.

New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Chicago and San Francisco are better places to live than Florida or Texas.

Evidence matters.

You don't get to call something a "crisis" if you're not willing to try to stop it until a President who belongs to your party takes office. Especially if the last President who belonged to your party already failed to stop it.

I don't care if you're the biggest pop star in the world, or a sitting U.S. Senator who recently suspended your campaign for President: Don't tell a man you love him unless you actually do.

Stop caring about what bathrooms people use, and just make sure you wash your hands. More kids get molested by clergymen than "trans" people, anyway.

The race of the cop matters less than the race of the arrestee.

The history of all the peoples of America is American history, whether you like them, or not; whether you accept it, or not.

Class dismissed.