World Cup Roundup

Top 10 observations about the 2022 World Cup -- from the obvious. to the hottest of all hot takes:

1. The tournament never should have been given to Qatar. We all know that this country -- bigoted toward women, Jews and gays -- never should have been considered, let alone given the tournament. But the country's royal family guaranteed FIFA, the governing body of world soccer, its most profitable World Cup ever, and got it. As with Russia 2018, it was a bribe.

Throw in the moving of the tournament from late Spring and early Summer to late Autumn, due to the intense Middle East heat, the fact that the construction of these stadiums was a reminder of the plight of migrant labor, and even a reminder that there are places in this world where slavery still exists, and it was, clearly, the worst World Cup ever, from an administrative standpoint, surpassing the ones hosted by fascist governments in Italy in 1934, Argentina in 1978, and Russia.

The time zone differences were a minor issues. Certainly, it was more workable than in 2002, when Japan and South Korea teamed to hold it. If Australia -- with or without New Zealand stepping in -- want to host it in 2030 or beyond, that will have to be dealt with. The tournament has to be convenient for the hosts, but the rest of the world's needs also need to be taken into consideration. (At least Australia would have the infrastructure already in place.)

2. A World Cup for which Italy does not qualify is not a true World Cup. At least it was better than in 2018, when Italy, the Netherlands, and the U.S. did not qualify.

Let's face it: Given that, in 2026, there will be an expansion from 32 to 48 teams, there's going to be some teams that don't really belong. So let's lessen that issue by guaranteeing "legacy teams," teams that have won World Cups before. That total now stands at: Brazil 5, Italy 4, Germany 4, Argentina 3, Uruguay 2, France 2, England 1, Spain 1.

3. A Group Stage defeat doesn't necessarily mean disaster. So Argentina were upset by Saudi Arabia. It ended up not mattering, any more than did the most embarrassing Group Stage loss ever, West Germany falling to political (if not footballing) arch-rival East German on West German soil in 1974.

4. The U.S.-England match. With the decline of high school football on Thanksgiving, and the NFL having mostly bumped the college game off of Turkey Day, having the American team's most-hypable game of the Group Stage on the day after was reminiscent of old college football rivalries often played on Thanksgiving Weekend, and sometimes on the Day itself: Alabama vs. Auburn, Texas vs. Texas A&M, Nebraska vs. Oklahoma, Michigan vs. Ohio State, Notre Dame vs. USC. (That order of listing them was a choice: The 1st 3 of those have been played on T-Day in recent years, but the latter 2 are almost always on the Saturday after.)

The English love to remind the Americans of certain things. "It's called 'football,' not 'soccer'": There was even a commercial for Doritos chips (not "crisps") where David Beckham (his hair is still ridiculous, but at least he still ha it) and Peyton Manning discuss the difference, with assistance from U.S. soccer legends, most of them women like Mia Hamm and Carli Lloyd.

The English love to remind us that they invented the sport. They did not. They invented its organization, but even that was a co-invention with the Scots. They love to remind us that they've won the World Cup, and we haven't. Well, we've won 4 World Cups. When they hear that, They say the women's game doesn't count. Then that means that their women's team, which has been more successful recently than their men's team, gets insulted.

Let's be honest: England claiming superiority because they've won 1 of the 17 World Cups, and that 1 being 56 years ago, is like Toronto Maple Leafs fans claiming 13 Stanley Cups, when they haven't even made the Finals since 1967. At least the New York Yankees have won 7 of their 27 World Series since England '66 and Toronto '67, and that's still the most since then, as well as overall.

And when the game was played, the U.S. did not play well, and England controlled the game most of the way. And still, it ended 0-0. It had all the markings of a Premier League game where Arsenal dominate but still can't find a win. England were better, but couldn't prove it on the scoreboard.

It was better for England than the 2010 match in South Africa, which became a 1-1 draw thanks to Rob Green's "Hand of Clod" mishandling of a Clint Dempsey shot. That was reminiscent of an Arsenal failure to win because of a fluke goal that never should have happened. For the vast majority of English fans, who like to mock Arsenal, the shoe seems to go on the other foot every 4 years.

Throw in the biggest upset in World Cup history, America's 1950 win over England in Brazil, and the record is as follows: American wins 1, draws 2, England wins exactly none. For all their braggadocio, England have never beaten America at the World Cup.

5. The American performance. The draw with England was encouraging, but it followed a draw with England's neighbors, Wales. That was depressing: We led 1-0 after 80 minutes, but indiscipline took over, and we gave away a stupid penalty.

This put us in a position where we had to beat Iran, which had the world supporting them as their people finally seem to have taken the initiative in challenging their evil religious-fanatic government. We won, but it was a very sluggish 1-0, and we felt like the least deserving team in the last 16.

6. The big difference. And then we had to play the Netherlands, one of the teams that always seems to grab the world's attention at the World Cup. Haji Wright's goal to pull us within 2-1 was quickly canceled out, and the Dutch won, 3-1.

After not making the tournament at all last time, making the knockout stage this time is a success. But the Dutch showed us that the difference between Top 16 and Top 8 is big. Manager Gregg Berhalter earned the right to be the man to bridge that difference, but, bridge it, he must, if we are to go any further than this.

To go with superstar midfielder Christian Pulisic, we need an out-and-out scorer, and we need stronger defenders. And it's not like "club football," where we can just go out and buy them. They have to be trained. Maybe Berhalter can bring Arsène Wenger in as a consultant, to help them develop "the quality" and "the mental strength." Because, for now, as to either one, we can truthfully say, "I did not see it."

One person who will never get to see is Grant Wahl, a journalist who did as much as anyone in the MLS era to spread knowledge of soccer through America. The 49-year-old native of the Kansas side of the Kansas City area, a Princeton graduate, wrote the 2002 Sports Illustrated cover story that introduced the world to a high school basketball star named LeBron James, and continued to write for SI on the subject of soccer, for which Fox Sports hired him as a studio analyst.

He was in the press box watching the Quarterfinal between Argentina and the Netherlands, which Argentina won on penalties (of course: When it comes to penalties, the Dutch are famously as useless as the English), when he collapsed in his seat. Despite his detainment by Qatari authorities after flouting their rules against political statements, and subsequent death threats, it was quickly determined that his claims of feeling unwell were due to an aortic aneurysm, which ruptured.

7. England choked again. After showing Senegal the difference between Teams 1 through 8 and Teams 9 through 16, the Three Lions had to face France, and were lucky to be level going into the 78th minute, when former Arsenal star Olivier Giroud scored for France.

In the 84th minute, England were awarded a penalty, and, of course it would be Harry Kane, golden boy for England and Tottenham Hotspur, who took it. But his former Tottenham teammate, Hugo Lloris, stopped him. After his giveaway performance in Russia 2018, and now this, any discussion of whether Kane, a known diver for penalties, is "world class" needs to end.

Of course, Kane wasn't the only choker. England haven't had a good defense in 30 years, and, once again, their attack tightened up after falling behind. For England, at least historically, the difference between Teams 1 through 4 and Teams 5 through 8 might be bigger than the U.S.'s difference between Teams 1 through 8 and Teams 9 through 16.

8. The Magic of Morocco. No team from the African continent, and no team from an Arab country, had ever reached the World Cup Semifinal. The only Muslim-majority country to have done so was Turkey in 2002. But Morocco won Group F. Then, avenging their geopolitical defeat of the Middle Ages, they beat Spain on penalties after a 0-0 draw, with goalkeeper Yassine Bounou stopping 3 penalties. "Bono" plays his club soccer in Spain, for Sevilla.

They faced Portugal in the Quarterfinal. Portugal were expected to play hard in what was to be the last World Cup for Cristiano Ronaldo. But Morocco held them, and Bounou's Sevilla teammate Youssef En-Nesyri scored in the 42nd minute, and Morocco were through to the Semifinal.

Which meant that they would face their former colonial overlords, France, the defending Champions. The dream ended quickly, as France scored in the 5th minute, and Morocco never looked like scoring. France added a goal to make the final 2-0. As Croatia had done in the previous tournament by reaching the Final and holding their own in it, Morocco had won the world's hearts, but someone else would win the World Cup.

9. The Mbappé hat trick. Only once before had a player scored 3 goals -- known among hockey fans as a "hat trick," and the term has drifted to soccer -- in a World Cup Final. That was Geoff Hurst of England in 1966, and the 2nd of those goals remains controversial.

Kylian Mbappé was a big reason why France won in 2018. He stood to be an even bigger reason why France won in 2022, had they done so. For the 1st 80 minutes of the game, France did practically nothing in attack. They couldn't: Argentina just controlled the ball the whole way. There was no doubt in my mind that Argentina were the better team.

That said, it was a very rough game. Argentina have been accused of dirty tactics by the world's English-language media since their performance in England in 1966, and this game was no exception. Eventually, the French began replying with their own roughhousing.

I watched the game at a bar in Midtown Manhattan, supporting France but surrounded by Argentina fans. A few of them had been in America long enough to get the joke, adapted from comedian Rodney Dangerfield's line about going to a prizefight: "I went to the World Cup, and a hockey game broke out!"

Argentina's 1st goal was a penalty given after an obvious dive by Ángel Di María. (No surprise there: He's spent most of his career at teams where cheating is the norm: Real Madrid, Manchester United, and he's now with Juventus.) Of course, the penalty was taken by their premier player, Lionel Messi.

It would have been hard to say Argentina cheated their way to victory, though, had the subsequent score of 2-0 held up: In the 36th minute, they had a strong setup, leading to a very nice goal by Di María, totally legit. "That's ballgame," I said at the time. "No way France come back from that."

And, until the 80th minute, it looked like I was right. But Randal Kolo Mouani was brought down in the box. That gave France a penalty and a lifeline. Mbappé took it and scored, and France had a chance. Just 1 minute later, Mbappé scored brilliantly from open play. It was 2-2. Argentina had blown a game they had controlled for it 1st 87 percent. As the old English soccer saying goes, "Two-nil, and they fucked it up!"

The last 10 minutes were nervy. And, as usual, given the heat and the injury stoppages, there were 8 minutes of stoppage time, but neither team could find a 3rd goal. In the 108th minute, Messi fired. The ball crossed the goal line, but was kicked out by a France player before it could reach the back of the next. VAR (Video-Aided Refereeing) showed that the goal was complete, and it was properly awarded. Argentina, again, had it won.

Except, again, they didn't. A handball in the box by Gonzalo Montiel meant another penalty for France. Mbappé took it, and it was 3-3. After 123 minutes, referee Szymon Marciniak of Poland blew his whistle, and the game went to penalties.

France won the toss, and elected to kick first, against Argentina goalkeeper Emiliano Martínez, of Aston Villa and, formerly, of Arsenal. There was no question that Mbappé was going to take the 1st one for them, even if it wouldn't be credited as a record-breaking 4th goal in a Final. He made it. Likewise, there was no question that the 1st Argentine to shoot toward France's goalie and Captain, Lloris, would be Messi. He made it.

But in the 2nd Round, Martínez stopped Kingsley Coman. Paulo Dybala made it 2-1 Argentina. And then, after having a great tournament for France, Real Madrid's Aurélien Tchouaméni missed the net completely, shooting wide left. Leandro Parades made it 3-1.Kolo Muani converted to keep France going, but Montiel, a right back for Sevilla in the club game, converted to give Argentina the 4-2 win, and their 3rd World Cup.

And to give Lionel Messi the World Cup that had been denied him, as he'd been with Argentina as they lost to Germany in penalties at the 2006 Quarterfinals; were knocked out by Germany in regular time at the 2010 Quarterfinals; lost to German yet again, in extra time, in the 2014 Final; and were knocked out by France in the Round of 16 in 2018. Finally, the "GOAT" (Greatest Of All Time) had removed the only doubt as to that title, by winning the biggest trophy of all, the one that had, until now, eluded him.

10. Lionel Messi Is NOT the Greatest Of All Time. Pelé -- whose illness prevented his attendance at the World Cup for the 1st time since 1954 -- won 3 World Cups, was definitively the best player in the world longer than the debate between Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo has raged, and, unlike Messi and Cristiano, never had to cheat, or to benefit from his teammates' cheating.

The Messi or "Ronaldo" debate -- as a far of the earlier Brazilian player named Ronaldo, I refuse to call Cristiano that -- is over. The debate as to whether Messi has succeeded Diego Maradona as Argentina's greatest icon -- sports or otherwise -- is well on. But there is no debate about the greatest soccer player ever. It's Pelé. O Rei is still The King.

I Hope the World Cup Is a Disaster for Qatar

Lusail Iconic Stadium, site of the Final, December 18

The World Cup starts tomorrow. It's in the Middle East nation of Qatar (pronounced like, "Welcome Back, Kotter"), the smallest country (by both area and population, 2.8 million) ever to host it, and they got it the same way Russia got the last World Cup, by bribing the voters.

The use of migrant workers as slaves in building the stadiums, so that 6,500 of them died in the process. Their bigotry toward women, gays, and Jews -- can you imagine if Israel had qualified? Now, they've done the one thing that fans from America, England, almost certainly Germany, and several other countries will not forgive: They've decided not to sell beer in the stadiums.

They say that the world has to respect their culture.

There's a story that I hope is true, but is probably apocryphal. When Nazi Germany prepared to host the 1936 Olympics, signs were put in at the restrooms in the Olympiastadion in Berlin, saying, "Dogs and Jews are not allowed."

The International Olympic Committee when to Adolf Hitler himself, and told him that the signs must come down. He said that they wouldn't put up with anyone telling them how to decorate their houses, so how dare they tell him?

They told him, "Mr. Chancellor, when that five-ringed flag goes up over the stadium, it is no longer Germany. It is Olympia. And we are the masters there."

The signs came down.

I hope the games at this World Cup are exciting. And I hope a country I like wins it. America? Not a chance. But I'd love it if Brazil, France or the Netherlands win. There are a few other countries I would be fine with winning it. Not England: They haven't shut up about 1966, and they'd never shut up about this.

But I hope that this tournament is a disaster for the government of the State of Qatar. I hope they lose so much money on this tournament that they call their Uncle Sammy for help, and Joe Biden answers the phone, and says, "Look, here's the deal: You fellas, God love ya, ya got into this mess with your own malarkey, and you can get yourselves out. Like my Dad always said: When ya get knocked down, get up!"

And then they can call Vladimir Putin, and he'll say, "Novy telefon, who dis?" And then they can call their friend Mohammed bin Salman in Saudi Arabia, and he'll say, "Meet me in the embassy." And they'll say, "Oh, shit, we're dead."

Like those 6,500 slaves.

*

Hours until the next Rutgers University football game: 7, this afternoon at 3:30, home to Penn State. It is unlikely that we will beat The Scum. But as the great English soccer player, and not-so-great manager, Kevin Keegan, would say, "I would loove it if we beat them, loove it!"

Days until the next game of the U.S. National Soccer Team: 2, in the World Cup, on Monday, at 2:00 PM New York time, against Wales, at the Ahmad bin Ali Stadium in Al Rayyan, Qatar.

Days until the New Jersey Devils again play a local rival: 9, a week from this Monday, at 7:00 PM, away to the New York Rangers.

Days until the next Arsenal match: 37, on Monday, December 26, the day after Christmas, known in Britain as Boxing Day, at 3:00 PM New York time, at home at the Emirates Stadium, a Premier League match against East London team West Ham United. The long wait is due to the world's soccer leagues pausing for the World Cup.

Days until the next North London Derby: 56, on Saturday, January 14, 2023, at 10:00 AM New York time, at the new Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Most likely, this game will be rescheduled, to another time of day, and possibly to another day, most likely the next day, to fit the whims of the TV networks. Either way, it will be just 8 weeks -- unless Arsenal get drawn against Spurs in one of the domestic cups, which could postpone this match.

Days until the next New York Red Bulls game: Unknown. The opening game of the 2023 season will be on Saturday, February 25, but that's not necessarily when the Red Bulls will have their season debut. It could be that day, or the next day, or even the next weekend. If it is on February 25, that's 98 days. So, under 4 months.

Days until the Red Bulls again play a nearby rival: Unknown. Usually, the opening game is not against either New York City FC, the Philadelphia Union, D.C. United or the New England Revolution. So we're probably looking at, at the least, 1 more week, which would be a minimum of 105 days.

Days until the Yankees' next series against the Boston Red Sox begins: 202, on Friday, June 9, 2023, at Yankee Stadium II. Under 7 months.

Days until the next Women's World Cup opens: 233, on Friday, July 10, 2023, jointly held in the neighboring nations of Australia and New Zealand. Under 8 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick High School football game: Unknown, since we won't know the 2023 schedule for months. It could be as soon as Friday, September 1, which would be 286 days. Under 10 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge game: Also unknown. It could be the season opener. At least, after this year's game was at the purple shit pit on Route 9, next year's game will be at home.

Hours until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game after this one: 364, on Saturday, November 18, 2023, at a time to be determined, at Beaver Stadium in State College, Pennsylvania. Exactly 1 year.

Days until the next Summer Olympic Games: 615, on Friday, July 26, 2024, in Paris, France. Under 2 years, or a little over 20 months.

Days until the next Presidential election: 717, on Tuesday, November 5, 2024. Under 2 years, or under 24 months.

Days until the next elections for Governor of New Jersey and Mayor of New York City: 1,081, on Tuesday, November 4, 2025. Under 3 years.

Days until the next Winter Olympics open in Milan, Italy: 1,175, on Friday, February 6, 2026. A little over 3 years.

No World Cup for U.K., U.S.: Thanks a Lot, You Stupid Brummies!

Today, FIFA, the governing body for world soccer, awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia, and the 2022 World Cup to Qatar.

England had been one of the favorites for 2018. Since 2010's was held in South Africa and 2014's will be held in the South American nation of Brazil, it was almost certain to go to somewhere in Europe. And that would have made 2022 sure to go to somewhere other than Europe, South America or Africa. That gave the U.S. and Australia a chance, seeing as how, like England (Great Britain, actually), they have most of the stadiums they need already in place, and strong economies.

Aside from the time difference (an 8 PM start time in Sydney would be a 10 AM in New York), I would've been just fine with Australia hosting it. They did a great job with the 2000 Olympics, and with the facilities they already have, they might not have had to build a single new stadium. It would have been economical, they've got a good transport system despite being a far-flung country (2,500 miles from Sydney to Perth), and with Australia being mostly British by descent anyway, the passionate home fan base is there. It would have been a fine choice, and I would've only been slightly disappointed at not getting it.

That said, I'm really glad it'll be in Brazil next time, only 2 time zones ahead of U.S. Eastern. South Africa did a good job hosting this summer, but it was a bad choice for me, time-wise. A lot further east, Australia would've been an even bigger reminder of why I'm glad it only happens once every 4 years, but they still would have been a far better host than the Russkies and the Sheiks.

Russia? Where Vladimir Putin – a dead ringer for horrible English referee Mike Dean – is first among equals among mobsters? And Eastern Europe is notorious for racism. And for lousy stadiums: Communism may have inspired some great literature and film, but their architecture stinks, especially their athletic facilities.

And Qatar? Home to 1.7 million people (fewer than the city of Houston, or England's Greater Manchester metropolitan area) and al-Jazeera? How many stadiums to they have built already, one? And it's a tiny country: Where are they gonna put said grounds? No booze, and women stay covered up? (In other words, Brazilian women will probably have to stay home, and a lot of other international babes will be rendered useless as well.)

Brazil 2014 will be The Last World Cup. Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022 may be called "World Cups," but FIFA have succeeded in making it a bigger joke than the Olympics. (Come to think of it, Brazil 2016 may be the last one of those worth watching, too.)

I'm disappointed with the U.S. not getting 2022, but I would have been fine with it if '18 and '22 had gone to countries not stuck in the 20th Century (Russia's gangarchy) or the 16th Century (and Qatar is considered liberal only by OPEC standards).

Who's to blame? Charges that FIFA can be bribed have been made before: A lot of people thought South Africa was going to get it for 2006, but it went to Germany instead. A nation with more money, and of course it's the homeland of FIFA President Sepp Blatter. The 2010 Cup was a consolation prize for South Africa, and they did a pretty good job, considering they're poor by comparison (although richer than most other African nations).

England (and thus America) getting stiffed might also have something to do with that Carling Cup Quarterfinal yesterday, a "derby" between the 2 teams of Birmingham, Birmingham City and Aston Villa, won by City 2-1, and at the end the City fans (a.k.a. "Brummies" or "Bluenoses") stormed the field. Sorry, forgot to speak English there: They invaded the pitch. And tore out seats.

The Zulu Army – so named because they were the 1st English hooligan firm to be racially integrated, and also because their original members loved the Michael Caine movie Zulu – lives. In the immortal words of Bowling for Soup, they're still preoccupied with 1985.

So, as an Arsenal fan and an American, I can only say... Thanks a lot, you stupid Brummies! If you hadn't torn up St. Andrews, which I thought you considered to be sacred ground, maybe England, and thus the U.S., would have had a fairer chance! Inbred cunts.

Let the record show that one of America's major steel cities, Birmingham, Alabama, was named for the English steelmaking city of the same name, except we pronounce it BIR-ming-ham, not BIRM-ing-um. As an industrial center, Birmingham, England became a producer of hard rock: Traffic with Steve Winwood, Ozzy Osbourne's original band Black Sabbath, and Judas Priest, whose breakthrough album (in 1980) was titled Britsh Steel and featured the immortal song "Breaking the Law."

I hated Priest as a kid. And Ozzy. And AC/DC, too. What can I say, I grew up. And the music that's come out since has been considerably lesser.

The most famous person from Brum, aside from politicians like Neville Chamberlain and England's answer to George Wallace, the contemptible Enoch "Rivers of Blood" Powell, is probably Ozzy. But he's a Villa fan. Hates the Bluenoses.

Maybe he's not as crazy as we thought.

Although, let's be honest: To answer Bowling for Soup's question, Ozzy became an actor in 1970, when he founded Black Sabbath. He's been playing the Prince of Darkness ever since.