If Baseball Were Like the Iowa Caucuses

If baseball were like the Iowa Caucuses...

* Yankee Fans would be Joe Biden supporters, telling everyone that their candidate is the one best able to beat the bad guys.

* Met fans would be Bernie Sanders supporters, telling everyone that their candidate will win and has to, because everybody else is corrupt.

* Despite the fact that Kamala Harris is from Oakland, Los Angeles Dodger fans would be Harris supporters, saying they were cheated before it ever started.

* Houston Astro fans would be Pete Buttigieg supporters, swooping in with cheating, and getting caught.

* Boston Red Sox fans would be Donald Trump supporters: Just when you think they can't win this time, they cheat.

* And the Playoffs and World Series wouldn't be shown on television, and the Commissioner would still not have released the results by Thanksgiving.

*

Days until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 2, this Thursday night, against the Philadelphia Flyers, a.k.a. The Philth, will be at the Wells Fargo Center. The next game against the New York Rangers, a.k.a. The Scum, will be on Saturday night, March 7, at Madison Square Garden. The next game against the New York Islanders will be on Saturday night, March 21, at the Prudential Center.

Days until the New Hampshire Primary: 7, next Tuesday.

Days until Arsenal play again: 12, on Sunday, February 16, at 11:30 AM New York time, in Premier League action, home to North-East team Newcastle United.

Days until the New York Red Bulls play again: 26, on Sunday, March 1, at 1:00 PM, home to FC Cincinnati. Under 4 weeks.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 Opening Day: 51, at 1:00 on Thursday, March 26, away to the Baltimore Orioles. A little over 7 weeks. And now, it feels as though we can look forward to it.

Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: 51, at 3:45 PM New York time on March 26, 2020, against the Netherlands, at Philips Stadion in Eindhoven, home of PSV Eindhoven.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 home opener: 58, on Thursday, April 2, against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 74, on Saturday, April 18, at 1:00 PM, against the New England Revolution, at Red Bull Arena. On Sunday, April 26, at 3:00 PM, they will play D.C. United, at Audi Field in Washington. On Sunday, May 31, at 3:00 PM, they will play New York City FC, at Yankee Stadium II. And on Saturday, June 6, at 6:00 PM, they will play the Philadelphia Union, at Red Bull Arena.

Days until the next North London Derby: 81, on Saturday, April 25, Arsenal's 1st visit to the new Tottenham Stadium, adjacent to the site of the previous White Hart Lane. Under 12 weeks. It is currently scheduled to be on the 16th Anniversary of the 2nd time that Arsenal won the League at White Hart Lane -- but also the last time Arsenal won the League anywhere. Of course, for TV reasons, the game could be moved to another date, probably the next day.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 94, on May 8, 2020, at Yankee Stadium II. A little over 3 months. 

Days until Euro 2020 begins, a tournament being held all over Europe instead of in a single host nation: 129, on Friday, June 12, 2020. A little over 4 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 171, on July 24, 2020. Under 6 months.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: 213, on Friday night, September 4, against arch-rival Old Bridge, at the purple shit pit on Route 9. The 2020 season will mark the debut of the Big Central Football Conference, which places every high school in Middlesex, Monmouth, Mercer, Somerset and Hunterdon Counties, and a few in Union and Ocean Counties, in the same league for football only. For every other sport, EB will still be in the Greater Middlesex Conference.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge football game: See the previous answer.

Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 214, on Saturday, September 5, at noon, home to Monmouth University, a Football Championship Subdivision School in West Long Branch, Monmouth County, New Jersey. In other words, if they don't win this game overwhelmingly, especially now that Greg Schiano is back as head coach, it will look very, very bad. Anyway, a little over 7 months.

Days until the next Presidential election, when we can dump the Trump-Pence regime and elect a real Administration: 273, on November 3, 2020. Under 9 months.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 298, on Saturday, November 28, at home. Under 10 months.

Days until a fully-Democratic-controlled Congress can convene, and the Republicans can do nothing about it: 334, on January 3, 2021. Under 11 months.

Days until Liberation Day: 351, at noon on January 20, 2021. Under 12 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not just from Donald Trump. Having Mike Pence as President wouldn't be better, just differently bad, mixing theocracy with plutocracy, rather than mixing kleptocracy with plutocracy.

Days until Alex Rodriguez and David Ortiz become eligible for the Baseball Hall of Fame: 707, on January 11, 2022. Under 2 years, or a little over 23 months. We will then find out if it's okay for a Red Sox steroid cheat to be in the Hall, but not for a Yankee steroid cheat.

Days until the next Winter Olympics begins in Beijing, China: 731, on February 4, 2022. Exactly 2 years, or exactly 24 months.

Days until the next World Cup is scheduled to kick off in Qatar: 1,021, on November 21, 2022, in Qatar. Under 3 years, or under 34 months.

Days until the next Women's World Cup is scheduled to kick off: As yet unknown, but space on the international women's soccer calendar has been cleared for July 10 to August 20, 2023. So if July 10 is the tournament's starting date, that would be 1,252 days, a little under 3 1/2 years, or a little over 41 months. A host nation is expected to be chosen on March 20. Bids have bee put in by Brazil (South America has never hosted), Colombia (ditto), Japan (Asia last hosted in 2007), and a joint bid by Australia and New Zealand (Oceania has never hosted).