Oh Well, It's Not the End of the World

The Yankees are actually cutting costs? While still owned by the Steinbrenner family?

The Mets are not only spending like a small-market team -- possibly out of necessity -- but are looking into replacing the traded R.A. Dickey with Carl Pavano, ol' American Idle himself?

The Giants are in danger of blowing what should have been a sure NFC East title -- and in danger of missing the Playoffs completely?

The Jets are, well, the Same Old Jets?

The Knicks are still looking for the title -- and, this May, it will have been 40 years?

The Brooklyn Nets are looking like the same old New Jersey Nets?

The NHL season has been canceled through January 14, and is looking like there won't be a season at all -- a 2nd season out of 9 canceled completely?

The Red Bulls still don't have a manager (aside from former player Mike Petke as current caretaker)?

The Rutgers football team is about to play in a minor bowl game, having blown the best chance they will ever have at winning their league outright and playing in a BCS bowl game?

The Rutgers basketball team is 8-2, but that includes a loss at home to St. Peter's of Jersey City (roughly the equivalent of the Mets losing to a Triple-A team -- no, I mean a team actually in Triple-A), and their coach Mike Rice is suspended for 3 games, and they haven't even started the killer schedule of the Big East Conference yet?

All this?

Oh well, it's not the end of the world.

*

And since the world didn't end, I might as well do the countdowns.

Days until the Devils play again: Who knows. All NHL games have been cancelled through January 14, including the Winter Classic, set to be played on New Year's Day between Detroit and Toronto at the University of Michigan's 111,000-seat stadium; and the 2013 NHL All-Star Game, set for Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio, home of the Columbus Blue Jackets. As in 2004-05, we may not have a season at all.

Days until the Devils play another local rival: Who knows.

Days until Arsenal play another competitive match: 1, tomorrow, away to Wigan Athletic, at the DW Stadium in Wigan, which is in Lancashire in the north of England, about halfway between Liverpool and Manchester.

Days until Rutgers plays football again: 7, a week from tonight, December 28, against former Big East opponent (now an ACC team) Virginia Tech, in the Russell Athletic Bowl, at the Citrus Bowl Stadium in Orlando. It could have been so much more, but they threw away the outright Big East title at home to Louisville.

Days until the U.S. National Soccer Team plays again: 39, on Tuesday night, January 29, at BBVA Compass Stadium, the new home of Houston Dynamo, against Canada, in a friendly, as a tuneup for the last, "Hexagonal" round of CONCACAF World Cup Qualifiers, for the region that encompasses North America, Central America, and the Caribbean nations. That round begins on February 6, away to Honduras. If they finish 1st or 2nd in this group of 6 -- and they definitely should win, certainly should finish no worse than 2nd behind Mexico -- they qualify for the 2014 World Cup. Anyway, the friendly with Canada takes place in under 6 weeks.

Days until the next North London Derby: 71, on Saturday, March 2, 2013, at White Hart Lane. (This is corrected, I had it too low by 20 days.) Just 10 weeks. That March 2 date presumes that Arsenal are not paired up with Spurs in the FA Cup's 4th or 5th Round, both of which will take place before March 2.

Days until the Red Bulls play again: 72, on Sunday, March 3, away to the Portland Timbers in Oregon. The 2013 MLS schedule has been partly released, including the club's first game and its first home game. A little over 10 weeks.

Days until the Red Bulls' home opener: 85, on Saturday, March 16, against D.C. United (or, as Metro fans call them, "The D.C. Scum"). Under 3 months.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby," against either the New England Revolution, the Philadelphia Union or D.C. United: See the previous answer.

Days until the Yankees play again: 101, on Monday, April 1, at 1:05 PM, at home at Yankee Stadium II, against the Boston Red Sox.  Under 4 months. Beat The Scum!

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: See the previous answer.

Days until Alex Rodriguez collects his 3,000th career hit: 254 (estimated around September 1, 2013). Under 9 months.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: Uncertain, since the 2013 schedule has not been released. But if the usual pattern holds, it will be on the 2nd Friday in September... which, next year, just so happens to be a Friday the 13th. Oy vey. Anyway, if that's the way it works out, then it's 266 days. Under 9 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving clash: 342.

Days until Super Bowl XLVIII at the Meadowlands: 408 (February 2, 2014). Under 14 months. Of course, we have no idea who the opposing teams will be. The possibility exists that either the Giants or the Jets could be in it -- or both. To this day, no team has ever played a Super Bowl in its own stadium -- in spite of multiple hostings by Miami, New Orleans and various California teams. Only 2 have done so in their home metro area: The 1979-80 Los Angeles Rams, whose home field was then the L.A. Coliseum, and they lost to Pittsburgh at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena; and the 1984-85 San Francisco 49ers, whose home field, then as now, was Candlestick Park, and they beat Miami at Stanford Stadium in Palo Alto, which had a much larger capacity than Candlestick.

Days until the 2014 Winter Olympics: 413 (February 7, 2014).

Days until the 2014 World Cup in Brazil: 538 (June 12, 2014). Under 18 months.

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 700th career home run: 603 (estimated, around September 15, 2014). About 21 months.

Days until the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 1,323 (August 5, 2016). Under 4 years.

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 756th career home run to surpass all-time leader Hank Aaron: 1,379 (estimated -- I'm guessing around the end of 2016, around September 30).

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 763rd career home run to become as close to a "real" all-time leader as we are likely to have: 1,591 (estimated -- estimating 28 home runs a year, taking his recent injury into account, I'm guessing around April 30, 2017, at age 41). Under 4 1/2 years -- if he can. At this point, I don't think he's going to make it.

No Particular Place, Tebow

In all fairness, Mark Sanchez has led the Jets to 2 AFC Championship Games -- as many AFC Championship Games as all other Jet quarterbacks combined: Richard Todd, 1982-83; and Vinny Testaverde, 1998-99. This doesn't count the AFL Championship Game won by Joe Namath in 1968.

And, in all fairness, Tim Tebow led an NFL team to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in the postseason. The list of quarterbacks who've done that is actually pretty impressive: Tommy Thompson (1947 Eagles), Bob Griese (1972 Dolphins -- and his son Brian never did it for the Broncos), Ken Stabler (1973 & '76 Raiders), Craig Morton (1977 Broncos), Dan Fouts (1982 Chargers), Jim Plunkett (1983 Raiders), Dan Marino (1984 Dolphins), John Elway (1989 & '97 Broncos), Jim Kelly (1992 Bills), Joe Montana (1993 Chiefs), Stan Humphries (1994 Chargers), Troy Aikman (1995 Cowboys), Drew Bledsoe (1996 Patriots), Tom Brady (2001 & '04 Patriots), Steve McNair (2002 Titans), David Garrard (2007 Jaguars), Aaron Rodgers (2010 Packers) and Tim Tebow (2011 Broncos).

But now, neither Sanchez (who is just 26 years old) nor Tebow (a year younger) seems to be good enough to be the starting quarterback for the New York Jets.

And Greg McElroy is? Who the hell is Greg McElroy?

He's a 24-year-old righthander, born in Los Angeles, who played high school football in the Dallas area while his father, a former quarterback at the University of Hawaii, worked in the front office for the Cowboys. On the team at Carroll Senior High School in Southlake, he was stuck behind Chase Daniel until his senior year. (Daniel went on to star at the University of Missouri, and is now Drew Brees' backup on the New Orleans Saints.) But in that senior year, McElroy led them to a 16-0 season and a State Championship, and was named the State's Player of the Year.

He went to the University of Alabama, and here's what he did in the 2009 season: Knocked off Virginia Tech, then ranked Number 5 in the nation, with a 2nd-half comeback; beat Number 22 South Carolina; beat Ole Miss in front of the biggest crowd ever to attend a sporting event in the State of Mississippi; dethroned Number 1 Florida with a performance that earned him the game's MVP, despite sustaining two cracked ribs; and beat Texas to win the National Championship.

His senior year wasn't quite as good, as Heisman Trophy winner Cam Newton led Auburn past Alabama and knocked the Crimson Tide out of contention for another SEC title. But he was named a National Football Foundation scholar-athlete, so he wasn't one of these guys who went to a big school just to play football.

In other words, while he was not as accomplished at the college level as Tebow, he was more accomplished at that level than Sanchez.

The Jets drafted him in the 7th round in 2011. In his 1st year, he was available for the entire season, and took a grand total of zero snaps. In his NFL career to date, he has made 1 appearance, throwing 5 passes -- 1 of which was a touchdown to Jeff Cumberland for the Jets' only score in a 7-6 "win" over the suddenly-pathetic Arizona Cardinals on December 2.

Which certainly suggests that McElroy deserves as much of a chance as the Jets have given Sanchez -- and more of one than they've given Tebow.

*

So the era of "The Sanchize" appears to be over. And the Tebow Experiment hasn't even been tried. And there's a rumor going around that, A, the Jets are shopping Sanchez; and, 2, Tebow has asked to be traded. (In that other kind of football, this would be called "putting in a transfer request.")

The Jets are 6-8. No chance at the Playoffs. My thoughts on Rex Ryan are well known: His tenure as coach has been a failure, not so much because of what he's done (2 AFC Championship Games are more than any other Jet coach has been able to do), but because of what he said he would do, and hasn't.

So Sanchez may go, Tebow probably will go, and Ryan should go.

But, until Ryan does go, Tebow remains the bigger story. Not since George W. Bush went on vacation in August 2001, ignoring a certain memo about Osama bin Laden, has a man generated as much publicity for doing nothing as has Tim Tebow.

Only, in Tebow's case, it isn't really his fault. Whether he deserves to be a starting quarterback in the NFL is a discussion worth having -- and, from what I've seen, he seems to be a decent enough person, but not a quarterback good enough to start at the NFL level.

But, support him or not, I think we can all agree that he didn't deserve what's happened to him with the J, E, T, S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

To the tune of "No Particular Place to Go" by Chuck Berry (which sounds a lot like one of Chuck's earlier hits, "School Day"):

Riding along to the Mile High.
He can be their post-John Elway guy.
He stole the money, Brian Griese.
As good as his dad, he'd never be.
Cruisin' to Denver, Colorado.
To that particular place, Tebow.

Riding along, and he is for real.
He beat those Pittsburgh men of Steel.
His passing yards were 316.
Like the Scripture said, know what I mean?
But then got slaughtered in Foxboro.
So it's no particular place, Tebow.

No particular place, Tebow.
So off to New York, the kid did go.
The streets of the City are paved with gold.
And the Sanchez losses are getting old.
Can you imagine the way he felt?
Stuck to the bench like he's in seatbelt!

Sitting along in the Meadowlands!
Sanchez can't keep the ball in hands!
But Timmy won't be Rex's boy!
Passed over for who? Greg McElroy?
A bunch of Jet minds that are working slow!
It's no particular place, Tebow!

How Long It's Been: I Wasn't Here

I'm not really in the mood to celebrate my birthday. Especially now that Number 40 is in the rearview mirror.

When I was born, there was an American League team in Washington, and they had a winning season -- the only one for a Major League Baseball team in that city between 1945 and 2012. There was also one in Seattle, but it wasn't the Mariners. It was the Pilots, who would, before the next season dawned, fill a 4-year void (save for a few "home games" in 1968 and '69 by the Chicago White Sox) and become the Milwaukee Brewers. There were still minor-league teams in Dallas, Denver, Phoenix, Miami and the Tampa Bay area.

There were black players and Hispanic players, but no Asian players, and no designated hitter.  Only the Astrodome in Houston had a roof, and it was not retractable. There was no regular-season Interleague Play. The Pilots/Brewers, the Kansas City Royals, the Montreal Expos, and the San Diego Padres had all just debuted, and, between them, lost 411 games. The Baltimore Orioles won 109 games, a match for the most games won between 1954 and 1998... and still lost the World Series.

Every major league ballpark had lights except Wrigley Field in Chicago, but only one, the Astrodome, had artificial turf.  That would soon change, as, the following season, multipurpose stadiums would open in Cincinnati and Pittsburgh with the plastic stuff, and in Philadelphia a year after that, while St. Louis, San Francisco and, strangely, Comiskey Park in Chicago would all put it down for a few years before tearing it back up and replacing it with real grass.

But, for the moment, there were still 11 of the 24 teams playing in ballparks built before World War II, and 7 of them built in 1912 or earlier.  Indeed, there were still  3 ballparks standing -- Comiskey, Connie Mack Stadium in Philadelphia (formerly Shibe Park) and Forbes Field in Pittsburgh -- that had hosted not just Cy Young Award winners, but Cy Young himself.

Of the 24 ballparks used by MLB teams that year, only 9 still stand, and only 5 are still in use by the teams then using them: Fenway, Wrigley, Dodger Stadium and Angel Stadium in the Los Angeles area, and the Oakland Coliseum. Still standing but no longer being used by an MLB team: Robert F. Kennedy Stadium in Washington, San Diego Stadium (now Qualcomm Stadium and still the home of the NFL's Chargers), Candlestick (still the home of the NFL's San Francisco 49ers through 2013) and the Astrodome (dormant, its future uncertain).

The only NFL teams still in the same stadiums they were in for the 1969 season are the Chargers, the 49ers, the Raiders (who left Oakland and returned), and the Green Bay Packers (Lambeau Field).  From the NBA and the NHL combined, only one arena remains from the season that was being played: Madison Square Garden in New York, then billed as "the New Madison Square Garden Center," but now older than the "Old Garden" that it replaced.

Major League Baseball celebrated the 100th Anniversary of professional baseball, with an all-time team that proclaimed Babe Ruth "Baseball's Greatest Player Ever" and Joe DiMaggio "Baseball's Greatest Living Player." Also on their list of greatest living players, but like Joe D no longer living today, were George Sisler, Charlie Gehringer, Joe Cronin, Pie Traynor, Ted Williams, Bill Dickey, Lefty Grove and Bob Feller. The only ones still alive from that team are Stan Musial and Willie Mays – Mays still being active at that time.

The National Football League celebrated its 50th season (the next year would be its 50th Anniversary) with an all-time team, with members like Johnny Unitas, Marion Motley, Don Hutson, Leo Nomellini and Emlen Tunnell – then all still alive (Unitas still active), now all dead.

The NFL, in the process of being merged with the AFL, and had a combined total of 26 teams.  There was a team in Baltimore, but it wasn't the Ravens. There was one in St. Louis, but it wasn't the Rams. There was one in Houston, but it wasn’t the Texans. The Boston Patriots had yet to move out to the suburbs and became "the New England Patriots." The Patriots, 49ers, Raiders, Dallas Cowboys, Miami Dolphins and Pittsburgh Steelers had yet to win any World Championships. Between them, they have now won 24.

Some of the NFL's founding fathers were not only still alive, but still involved: George Halas with the Chicago Bears, Art Rooney with the Steelers, and Dan Reeves with the Los Angeles Rams – no relation to the Cowboys running back of the same name, later to be head coach of the Broncos, Giants and Atlanta Falcons. 

The defending World Champions in the 4 major sports were the Mets, the Jets, the Boston Celtics and the Montreal Canadiens. Yes, the Mets and the Jets were both World Champions, and the Knicks were about to be. Stop laughing. The Jets had actually won a title before the Knicks, who were now -- if you didn't count the American Basketball Association's New York Nets, out on Long Island -- the only New York team without a World Championship. But that would soon change.

What were the defining baseball players of my childhood doing at this time? Reggie Jackson had just finished his 2nd full season, in which he hit 47 home runs. Thurman Munson and Carlton Fisk had recently made their big-league debuts. Tom Seaver and Nolan Ryan had helped the Mets to their Miracle – but, at this point, if you had bet then that neither one would ever win another World Championship, people would have laughed at you. (Of course, at that point, they also would have laughed if you had then bet that Ryan would win more games in the majors than Seaver.) Steve Carlton had recently struck out 19 Mets in a game, setting a new National League record -- and losing, because Ron Swoboda hit 2 home runs.
 
Pete Rose won his 2nd straight NL batting title, and his Cincinnati Reds teammate Johnny Bench had a pretty good season, but they hadn't yet won their 1st Pennant, Cincinnati's 1st since 1961 – that would come the next season. Willie Stargell had just become the 1st player to hit a home run completely out of Dodger Stadium. Rod Carew had just won his 1st American League batting title. Carl Yastrzemski hit 40 home runs and drove in 111 runs, but his Red Sox had already changed significantly from their "Impossible Dream" Pennant team of 2 years earlier.

Mike Schmidt was still playing at Ohio University (not to be confused with The… Ohio State University), and had yet to face a professional pitch. George Brett was still at El Segundo High School in Los Angeles County.

The head coaches of the major league teams then playing in the New York Tri-State Area were Ralph Houk of the Yankees, Gil Hodges of the Mets, Alex Webster of the Giants, Weeb Ewbank of the Jets, Red Holzman of the Knicks, York Larese of the Nets, and Emile Francis of the Rangers. Only Larese and Francis are still alive. (UPDATE: Larese died in 2016.)

Of the current coaches of the Tri-State Area teams: Tom Coughlin was an assistant coach at Syracuse University, Terry Collins of the Mets was at Eastern Michigan University, Mike D'Antoni of the Knicks was at Marshall University, John Tortorella of the Rangers was 11 years old, Rex Ryan of the Jets was 7, Joe Girardi of the Yankees was 5, Avery Johnson of the Nets was 4, Jack Capuano of the Islanders was 3, and Peter DeBoer of the Devils was a year and a half.

The Olympic Games have since been held in America 4 times, Canada 3 times, Japan twice, and once each in Germany, Austria, Russia, Bosnia, Korea, France, Spain, Norway, Australia, Greece, Italy, China and Britain. The World Cup has since been held twice each in Mexico and Germany, and once each in America, Argentina, Spain, Italy, France, Japan, Korea and South Africa.

The University of Texas had just beaten the University of Arkansas to win yet another college football "Game of the Century," and would beat Notre Dame in the Cotton Bowl to win the National Championship. It was the 1st time Notre Dame had accepted a bowl bid since their "Four Horsemen" went to the 1925 Rose Bowl. The University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) was about to win its 4th straight National Championship in college basketball, their 6th overall, and this time without a dominant center.

UCLA's recently-graduated dominating center, Lew Alcindor, was winning the NBA Rookie of the Year with the Milwaukee Bucks, who got him because they finished tied with the Phoenix Suns with the worst record in the NBA the season before (each club's 1st season), and the tie was broken when… the Bucks won a coin toss. Unfair? Perhaps: The Bucks did get a title out of it, in 1971, but haven't won one since. The Suns have never won one, although, like the Bucks, they've usually been good. Soon after that title, Alcindor changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

There were then 25 Amendments to the Constitution of the United States. There was, as yet, no Environmental Protection Agency, Title IX or legalized abortion. The Stonewall Riot had happened less than 6 months earlier. 

Richard Nixon was President of the United States. Harry Truman and Lyndon Johnson were still alive. So was the widow of Dwight D. Eisenhower, who had died earlier in the year. Gerald Ford was the Minority Leader of the U.S. House of Representatives. Jimmy Carter was a former State Senator in Georgia, about to run his 2nd, much more successful, campaign for Governor. Ronald Reagan was in his 1st term as Governor of California. 

George Herbert Walker Bush was a Congressman from Texas, and his son George had entered the Texas Air National Guard. Apparently, it was okay for him and his father to support the Vietnam War even if he didn’t have to actually fight in it.

Bill Clinton was at Oxford University on a Rhodes Scholarship, and Hillary Rodham was about to be named valedictorian at Wellesley College. Al Gore was in the U.S. Army in Vietnam, while Dan Quayle was in the Indiana National Guard. Guess which one supported the war, and which one didn't. Joe Biden was about to be admitted to the Delaware bar, and was too old to be drafted. Mitt Romney had just gotten married, and had gotten a draft deferment as a Mormon missionary.

His father, George Romney, was President Nixon's Secretary of Housing & Urban Development. Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich both had teaching deferments. Rudy Giuliani got a deferment as a law clerk. John McCain did not have a deferment, and the Navy pilot was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. John Boehner enlisted in the U.S. Navy, but was later discharged for medical reasons, and was now going to college. Jon Corzine was a new college graduate and about to enlist in the Marine Corps.

The Governor of New York was Nelson Rockefeller, having made 3 unsuccessful runs for President. The Mayor of New York City was John Lindsay, who had just been denied renomination by the City's Republican Party because of his poor handling of snow removal during the blizzard earlier in the year. But he ran as a 3rd-party nominee and won a second term anyway.

The Governor of New Jersey was Richard J. Hughes, about to wrap up his 2nd term. Former Governor Robert B. Meyner had tried to get the office back, but lost to South Jersey Congressman William T. Cahill, who became the State's 1st Republican Governor in 16 years (8 of Meyner, 8 of Hughes).

Hugh Carey was in Congress. Ed Koch, David Dinkins and Mario Cuomo were practicing law. Brendan Byrne was Essex County Prosecutor. Tom Kean was in the New Jersey Assembly, Harry Reid in Nevada's. Michael Bloomberg was a young stockbroker. Nancy Pelosi was about to move to San Francisco, where her brother-in-law was on the Board of Supervisors (what major cities in California call a city council).

Jim Florio was the assistant city attorney for Camden. Mitch McConnell was an assistant to the man whose job he would later hold, Senator Marlow Cook of Kentucky. George Pataki and Donald DiFrancesco were in law school. Christine Todd was about to join the Nixon Administration, working in the Office of Economic Opportunity. (There's a laugh: The future Christie Whitman working in the War On Poverty? That's like Jim McGreevey becoming a priest! Wait a minute... ) Richard Codey was in the family business: He was a funeral director. David Paterson was in high school.

Barack Obama, Michelle Robinson (Obama), Eliot Spitzer, Andrew Cuomo, Jim McGreevey and Chris Christie were in grade school. Sarah Palin was in kindergarten –- unless she quit. Paul Ryan was not born yet.

There were still living people who were veterans of the Indian Wars, the Mahdist War, the Northwest Rebellion; competitors at the 1st modern Olympics in 1896, and in every World Series except those of 1905, 1906 and 1907.

The United Nations' International Labor Organization had just be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The Pope was Paul VI. The current Pope, Benedict XVI, then Father Joseph Ratzinger, was teaching in his native Germany, at the University of Regensburg. There have since been 8 Presidents of the United States, 8 Prime Ministers of Britain and 4 Popes.

Canada's Prime Minister was Pierre Trudeau. He was young (51), dashing and charismatic. It was as if John F. Kennedy was singing lead for the Beatles – in French. Canada, as I said, now had its 1st Major League Baseball team, the Montreal Expos. And a group called The Guess Who had just become Canada's biggest rock band ever (to that point). For the first time ever, Canada was hip. Especially if you were an American worrying about being drafted. 

Elizabeth II was Queen of England -- that still hasn't changed -- but she was just 43 years old, the same age I am now. (That fact shocks me.) Britain's Prime Minister was Harold Wilson. The English Football League season that was underway would be won by Everton, the "other club" in Liverpool, and the FA Cup, for the 1st time, would be won by London's Chelsea.

In the season that ended earlier in the year, the League was won by Leeds United, and the FA Cup was won by Manchester City, the defending League Champions, beating Leicester City 1-0 on a goal by Neil Young – no, not that Neil Young.

AC Milan, led by perhaps Italy's greatest player ever, Gianni Rivera, won their 2nd European Cup by beating Ajax Amsterdam, led by 21-year-old wunderkind Johan Cruijff. Ajax and their "Total Football" would be back, big-time. The current season's European Cup would be won by the other major Dutch team of the time, Rotterdam's Feyenoord.

Major novels of the year included The Godfather by Mario Puzo, Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton, The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles, Portnoy’s Complaint by my fellow native of Essex Count, New Jersey, Philip Roth, Rich Man, Poor Man by Irwin Shaw, and The Seven Minutes by Irving Wallace (about a novel, of the same title, that was "the most banned book in history," containing a woman's thoughts during 7 minutes of sex).

There was also Naked Came the Stranger by Peneleope Ashe. This was a name used for a composite of 24 authors, conspiring to see if a novel could be really, really bad, but still sell big if it had a lot of sex scenes in it. This was a truly late-Sixties kind of experiment – and it worked.

Major non-fiction books included the career-launching memoir I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou and the career-launching historical work Mary, Queen of Scots by Antonia Fraser.

J.R.R. Tolkein was still alive. Tom Clancy, rejected by the U.S. Army due to poor eyesight, had gone to work for an insurance company. Anne Rice was a graduate student at the University of California, having witnessed the People's Park demonstration earlier in the year. Stephen King was at the University of Maine. George R.R. Martin was at Northwestern University. John Grisham was in high school. J.K. Rowling was 4 years old.

No one had yet heard of John Rambo, Spenser: For Hire, George Smiley, The Punisher, Rocky Balboa, T.S. Garp, Arthur Dent, Jason Bourne, Hannibal Lecter, Celie Harris, Kinsey Millhone, Jack Ryan, Forrest Gump, John McClane, Alex Cross, Bridget Jones, Robert Langdon, Bella Swan, Lisbeth Salander or Katniss Everdeen.

The films On Her Majesty's Secret Service (George Lazenby's debut, and farewell, as James Bond) and Anne of the Thousand Days (starring Genevieve Bujold as Anne Boleyn and Richard Burton as King Henry VIII) were released on the exact day that I was born. The Adam West version of Batman had been canceled a year and a half earlier, and Bob Holiday, in the 1966 Broadway musical It's a Bird... It's a Plane... It's Superman, was the most recent live-action Man of Steel. Jon Pertwee was about to begin playing The Doctor.

Other films out at the time were the film version of Hello, Dolly! with Barbra Streisand; They Shoot Horses, Don't They?; The Undefeated, a Western starring John Wayne and Rock Hudson; and Change of Habit, with Elvis Presley playing an inner-city doctor (seriously) who unintentionally tempts a nun played by Mary Tyler Moore. It was Elvis' last feature film, and it's one of his better ones. It was also the 1st time that Mary worked with Ed Asner, with The Mary Tyler Moore Show yet to come.

George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola had just founded American Zoetrope Studios, but Lucas had yet to make a full-length feature film. This was also then true of Steven Spielberg. Martin Scorcese had made 1, Who's That Knocking At My Door? Michael Douglas was 25 years old and filming Adam at Six A.M. His future wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones, was almost 3 months old. No one had yet heard of John Shaft, Leatherface, Damien Thorn, Howard Beale, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger.

Television shows that debuted in that season included Room 222, Marcus Welby, M.D., Medical Center, The Brady Bunch, and kids' shows Sesame Street, H.R. Pufnstuf and Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? From Britain came the debuts of Monty Python’s Flying Circus and The Benny Hill Show.  

Star Trek aired its last first-run episode 6 months earlier. As series star William Shatner put it, "We all thought it was over!" As series creator Gene Roddenberry put it, "Six weeks later, man landed on the Moon. Suddenly, traveling to space didn't seem all that strange anymore." The original show was a victim of timing.

Or was it? It was soon picked up in syndication, and, like The Honeymooners before it and The Odd Couple after it, also shown on New York's WPIX-Channel 11, it gained a massive following that it never got on its original network.

That didn't help Roddenberry -- at least, not yet. He had just gotten divorced, and had just seen his pet project get canceled, had sworn he would never write for television again, and was now writing a sexploitation film, Pretty Maids All in a Row. Despite being directed by Roger Vadim, and starring Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson, Telly Savalas, Keenan Wynn, Roddy McDowell, Star Trek veterans James Doohan and William Campbell, and future The Secrets of Isis star Joanna Cameron, it flopped upon its 1971 release.

No one had yet heard of Mary Richards, Keith Patridge, Archie Bunker, Kwai Chang Caine, Fred Sanford, Bob Hartley, Theo Kojak, Arthur Fonzarelli, Barney Miller, Basil Fawlty, J.R. Ewing, Mork from Ork, Jake and Elwood Blues, William Adama, Arnold Jackson, Ken Reeves, Mario and Luigi, Derek "Del Boy" Trotter, Sam Malone, Christine Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey, He-Man, Edmund Blackadder, Goku, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Thundercats, Bart Simpson, Hayden Fox, Zack Morris, Dale Cooper, The Seinfeld Four, Buffy Summers, Fox Mulder, Andy Sipowicz, Doug Ross, Alan Partridge, Ross Geller and Rachel Greene, Xena, Ash Ketchum, Carrie Bradshaw, Tony Soprano, Jed Bartlet, Master Chief, Jack Bauer, Omar Little, Michael Bluth, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Rick Grimes, Michael Scott, Don Draper, Walter White, Jax Teller, Richard Castle and Leslie Knope.

Robert Kardashian was in law school, Bruce Jenner was playing college football in Iowa, Kristen Mary Houghton was about to turn 14, and none of them knew each other yet.

The Number 1 song in America on the day I was born was "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" by Steam. They were not a real group, just a bunch of studio musicians, and the song is better known by its chorus: "Na na na na... Na na na na... hey hey hey, Goodbye!"

The month before, and it was the only month in which it would ever be true, both Elvis and the Beatles had Number 1 hits: Elvis had "Suspicious Minds" and the Beatles had the double-sided hit "Come Together" (written by John Lennon) and "Something" (which Frank Sinatra would call "the greatest love song of the last 50 years" after hailing Lennon and Paul McCartney as great songwriters, even though it was written by George Harrison).

The Supremes also had their last hit with Diana Ross, and it would become their last Number 1: "Someday We'll Be Together." Led Zeppelin had their highest-charting single (in the U.S., anyway), "Whole Lotta Love." Sinatra had hit with Paul Anka's song "My Way." Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington were still alive and performing. Bob Dylan had hit with his country-themed album Nashville Skyline, Johnny Cash had a variety show on ABC, and each helped the other's comeback when Cash invited Dylan to appear on his show.

The Jackson 5 had just had their 1st hit, putting Michael Jackson into the national consciousness for the 1st time. David Bowie was riding the success of "Space Oddity." Elton John released his debut solo album, Empty Sky. Bruce Springsteen had just formed a band named Steel Mill, Billy Joel one named Attila.

Hippies were all the rage, although they would have been shocked that it would take until 2012 for recreational marijuana use to be legal in any State. The gay rights movement had really kicked off in June, but at the time, I don't think anyone involved expected that gay marriage would be legal in their lifetimes, in even a few States.

Inflation has been such that what $1.00 would buy then, $6.09 would buy now. A U.S. postage stamp was 6 cents. A New York Subway token was 20 cents. The average prices of a gallon of gas was 35 cents, a cup of coffee 42 cents, a McDonald's meal 79 cents (49 cents of that being the recently-introduced Big Mac), a movie ticket $1.20, a new car around $2,300, and a new house $28,100. The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed that day at 783.79.

The tallest building in the world was the Empire State Building, but the World Trade Center complex was under construction. There were no portable telephones, unless you count car phones. Only about half of American homes had color television sets. There were no video games -- there were arcades, but they were still based on pinball machines, as told in The Who's rock opera of that year, Tommy.

There were artificial kidneys, but no artificial hearts. There were birth control pills, but no Viagra. Credit cards were still a relatively new thing, and the 1st automatic teller machine in America had just gone into operation. There were no tabletop, let alone desktop or laptop, computers. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Tim Berners-Lee were all 14 years old. But at least then, we could legitimately say, "We can put a man on the Moon, so why can't we... ?"

Toward the end of 1969, the first draft lottery of the Vietnam War era was held. The 1st Boeing 747 made its maiden flight, from Seattle to New York. Black Panther Party members Fred Hampton and Mark Clark were assassinated by Chicago police officers. Labor leader Jock Yablonski was assassinated on the order of a rival.

And 2 people were murdered at a rock concert at the Altamont Speedway in California's East Bay region, while the Rolling Stones sang "Gimme Shelter," thus providing both a stark contrast to Woodstock 4 months earlier and a painful end to the 1960s for rock and roll fans.

Joseph Kennedy Sr., and Josef von Sternberg, and Ruth White, an actress from Perth Amboy, New Jersey who had recently appeared in Midnight Cowboy, died. (She was 55 and had cancer, while the others were much older.) Shawn Carter (a.k.a. Jay-Z), and Kristy Swanson (the 1st Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and Julie Delpy were born. And, on the exact same day that I was born, so was a Major League Baseball player, Joe Randa, a 3rd baseman who played from 1995 to 2006, mostly for the Kansas City Royals.

That's what life was like when I was born, on December 18, 1969. It was a different time.

Aren't they all?

Guns: Don't Blame the Video Games

In the wake of the Sandy Hook Massacre, once again, people who want to blame anything else but the easy access to guns have brought up an old straw man: Video games. They claim that there are video games -- including the popular Grand Theft Auto series, one of whose covers is shown above -- whose violence leads children to become violent, and act out their fantasies in real life.

Do you think video games have too much influence on kids? Let me use my own experience, from the 1978 debut of Space Invaders until my 1987 graduation from high school, as an example.

I played Pong, a game similar to tennis, but I've never qualified for Wimbledon.

I played Space Invaders, Missile Command, Galaxian and its sequel Galaga, but NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) hasn't hired me. (I know, the initials don't really reflect the acronym.)

I played Centipede, but I've never been hired by an exterminator. Nor have I ever wanted such a job.

I played Joust, but I've never been hired to work at Medieval Times, or any Renaissance Faire.

I played Techmo Bowl (and, in the 1990s, the even more fun Cyberball 2072), but the New York Jets have never put me on their coaching staff. And when you think of who they have hired...

I played video games based on Star Trek and Star Wars, but neither Rick Berman nor George Lucas has ever hired me as a consultant on their respective franchises.

I played Castle Wolfenstein, but the History Channel hasn't asked me to participate in any of its World War II documentaries. (I'm not saying I'm blaming aliens, but... )

I played Crush, Crumble & Chomp! and Rampage, but no one's ever hired me to work on a monster movie.

I was a whiz at Spy Hunter, but the CIA hasn't shown the slightest interest in me. (Which may be a good thing.)

And, let's not forget, a lot of those games involve shooting at living things, and otherwise causing destruction. I once wrecked a car, but it certainly wasn't intentional.

Blaming violent video games for real-world violence is ridiculous. And it needs to stop. The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is stopping him from getting the gun.

They'll Never See It

December 14, 1976, East Brunswick, New Jersey...

If it had happened in my school, when I was 6, about to be 7...

We wouldn't have seen the development of personal computers and the Internet, mobile phones, hybrid cars, and a device that allows us to not only, effectively, program our own radio station, but carry that station in our pocket. We wouldn't have seen the destruction of 2 space shuttles, but we also wouldn't have seen the flights of 5.

We wouldn't have seen peace between Israel and Egypt, and between Israel and Jordan. We wouldn't have seen the Good Friday Accord that brought peace to Northern Ireland. We wouldn't have seen the end of the regimes of Marcos, Pinochet, Mobutu, Saddam, Khadafy and Mubarak. We wouldn't have seen the rise of Osama bin Laden and the 9/11 attacks, but we also wouldn't have seen the termination of bin Laden and the marginalization of al-Qaeda.

We wouldn't have seen a President who admitted that he feels our pain, and we wouldn't have seen the first black President, one who demonstrates how good it is to have a President who thinks first and acts second. And we wouldn't have seen a candidate for President who seemed to revel in being a rich man and a bully get what was coming to him at the ballot box.

We wouldn't have read some incredible books, seen some amazing movies, watched some great TV shows, some already made, some yet to be made. We wouldn't have heard the voices of Whitney Houston or Alicia Keys, wouldn't have seen Michael Jackson become something more than just another teen idol, wouldn't have seen Eminem and Pink make us laugh one second and think the next with their songs and videos.

We wouldn't have seen championships won by the Yankees, Mets, Giants, Rangers and Islanders. We wouldn't have seen the Devils arrive and win Stanley Cups. We wouldn't have seen the Cosmos win more titles, then fall, then be replaced by the MetroStars/Red Bulls. We wouldn't have seen the development of international sports networks that have shown us the world's game, opening us to names like Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Maldini, Zidane, Henry, the other Ronaldo, Messi, Balotelli.

We wouldn't have seen the New York sports scene develop legends like Lawrence Taylor, Phil Simms, Bernard King, Dwight Gooden, Patrick Ewing, Jeff Hostetler, Brian Leetch, Martin Brodeur, Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Mike Piazza, David Wright and Eli Manning.

We wouldn't have seen the World Series heroics of Reggie Jackson, Tug McGraw, Kirk Gibson, Jack Morris, Joe Carter, David Justice, Jim Leyritz, Scott Brosius, Chad Curtis, Luis Sojo, Curt Schilling, Scott Spiezio, Geoff Blum, Joe Blanton, Johnny Damon, Brian Wilson, David Freese and Pablo Sandoval.

We wouldn't have seen the Super Bowl heroics of John Stallworth, Marcus Allen, Doug Williams, Brett Favre, Terrell Davis, Mike Jones, Adam Vinatieri, David Tyree, or the Saints' onside kick.

We wouldn't have seen the NBA Finals heroics of Magic Johnson, Julius Erving, Moses Malone, Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Tim Duncan, Shaquille O'Neal, Kevin Garnett, Dirk Nowitzki or LeBron James.

We wouldn't have seen the Stanley Cup heroics of Bobby Nystrom, Mario Lemieux, Guy Carbonneau, Mark Messier, New Jersey's own Jim Dowd, Uwe Krupp, Steve Yzerman, Brett Hull, Jason Arnott, Ray Bourque, Dave Andreychuk, Patrick Kane and Tim Thomas.

We wouldn't have seen the Olympic achievements of the U.S. hockey team, Eric Heiden, New Jersey's own Carl Lewis, Mary Lou Retton, Bonnie Blair, Kerri Strug, Michael Phelps and Gabby Douglas.

We wouldn't have seen most of the career of Walter Payton, Bucky Dent's Bloop, The Drive -- either John Elway's or Joe Montana's -- Larry Bird make The Steal, Orel Hershiser pitch 59 straight scoreless innings, Michael Jordan make The Shot, the now-tainted home run record race, the Music City Miracle, the Jets-Dolphins Monday Night Miracle, Jeter pulling off The Flip or The Dive or hitting a home run for his 3,000th hit, Alex Rodriguez's 500th and 600th home runs; the defensive routs of Mike Singletary, Reggie White, Ray Lewis and Clay Matthews III, the running of Curtis Martin; the passing of Dan Marino, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees; or the field goals that Jason Elam and Sebastian Janikowski hit for 63 yards or the ones that Jason Tynes kicked to get the Giants into 2 Super Bowls.

We wouldn't have seen the new Yankee Stadium, Citi Field, MetLife Stadium, the Prudential Center, the Barclays Center or Red Bull Arena.

And we wouldn't have met the friends we've met from 1977 to 2012, and in the cases of some of us the people we fell in love with, the people we married, the children that we had.

Think of all that we would have missed, had one mentally ill man come into my school -- or your school -- with a firearm designed for warfare, and shot it up when I, or you, were 6 years old.

December 14, 2012, Newtown, Connecticut...

Something will happen in Super Bowl XLVII in a few weeks. Something that we'll never forget. It may be a previously unnoticed player becoming a hero for all time. Or a goat for all time. It may be a previously established hero reinforcing his legend. It may be a player with a cloud over him finding some measure of redemption.

Something will happen in the 2013 baseball season, and in its World Series.

There will be hockey again, and new legends will be born.

The current stars of baseball, football, and every other sport will play out their careers, and be replaced by new legends. Some of the old legends will return to coach the new legends.

And, of course, outside the world of sports, things will happen. Some beneficial, some harmful. Some wonderful, some, as what happened in Newtown, horrific.

Some will be beyond the imagination of those now older than 6 or 7 years old.

But those people who died in the Newtown Massacre won't get to see them.

All because a very few people in this country don't yet think that it is important to ensure that people who are mentally ill shouldn't have firearms, and that weapons designed for war, for nothing but killing as many people as you can shoot at any one time, should be available to just about anybody.

When will we see the next Derek Jeter? The next Joe Montana? The next Michael Jordan? The next Mike Eruzione? The next Thierry Henry?

When will we see the next Albert Einstein? The next Mother Teresa? The next Bill Gates? The next Vincent van Gogh? The next scientist to find a great cure?

What if one of those was killed in Sandy Hook Elementary School?

You can be a "law-abiding gun owner" and still accept that some people shouldn't have guns.

Because people like these shooters are not "a well-regulated militia."

They're not a well-regulated anything.

Who is the Sportsman of the Year?

Thanks to the magic of the Internet, I had already known it for a few days. But, last night, I was in a Barnes & Noble store, and I saw the cover of Sports Illustrated, awarding the magazine's annual Sportsman of the Year to LeBron James of the defending World Champion Miami Heat -- and, this past summer, Olympic Gold Medalist.

Last night, in Miami, the Heat lost 97-95 to the Golden State Warriors, a team that has missed the Playoffs 5 years in a row, made the Playoffs once in the last 17 years, and hasn't even been to the Conference Finals since Gerald Ford was President.

The Dreaded SI Cover Jinx strikes again? Or just a coincdence? As Leroy Jethro Gibbs taught us on NCIS, "Rule Number 39: There is no such thing as coincidence."

(Of course, I'm guessing Gibbs doesn't believe in jinxes, either.)

LeBron, Athlete of the Year? An understandable pick. But "sportsman"? The big jerk doesn't know the meaning of the word. If he does, he's got a funny way of showing it.

(UPDATE: LeBron would eventually prove to me that he is no jerk. At the time, though, I wasn't willing to see it. Shortsightedness on my part, or had LeBron grown up? At this point, it doesn't matter.)

Dictionary.com defines "sportsman" as follows:

1. A man who engages in sports, especially in some open-air sport, as hunting, fishing, racing, etc.

2. A person who exhibits qualities especially esteemed in those who engage in sports, as fairness, courtesy, good temper, etc.

Based on those definitions, am I judging LeBron too harshly?

He does engage in a sport. Basketball, unlike golf, is a sport. Although the "hunting, fish, racing, etc." part of it harkens back to a time when there were no professional team sports as we now understand that phrase.

As late as its first decade, 1954-64, SI went out of its way to focus on such sports: Horse racing (no problem there), tennis (no problem there), golf (I don't like it, but I understand), fishing (I don't like it, but I understand), hunting (I despise it, but I understand), and even dog shows and professional cardplaying -- not like in today's professional poker, but contract bridge.

The man most often associated with that latter game, Charles Goren, was on the SI cover at least twice in that period. Dog shows and card games are certainly competitions, but they're not sports. Okay, when Oscar Madison played poker on The Odd Couple, it could get somewhat physical.  Other than that...

But based on the 2nd definition...

* Good temper? Actually, yes. I have never seen LeBron lose his temper on the basketball court. If he ever has, I've either never heard about it, or missed it.

* Fairness? Well, if you think about it, he did fulfill his contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers. He wanted better players brought in, but he never demanded a trade from them. To the Cavs, he was fair. But to the Cavs' fans? Well, strictly speaking, he never had a contract with them. They certainly have the right to be mad at him, but does he really owe them anything more than he actually gave?

* Courtesy? This is where LeBron falls short. He had other options besides "taking my talents to South Beach." He could have stayed home in Cleveland. He could have gone to the great basketball city of New York. Or he could have gone to the great basketball city of Chicago. Considering how good both the Knicks and the Bulls are at the moment, he could have made all the difference those teams needed.

And when New York and Chicago love an athlete, that athlete stays loved. Even if they fall. After all, Joe Pepitone went to prison, and Lenny Dykstra is going there, but they're still loved in New York. But no, LeBron left for a ready-made team and good weather.

Winning a championship is never easy -- he found that out when the Dallas Mavericks beat the Heat, as the 2011 Heat did a great impersonation of the 2004 Lakers -- but the 2012 NBA Title was probably the most ready-made in the league's 65-year history. And it still felt like he was rubbing everyone else's noses in it.

I cannot see LeBron as Sportsman of the Year. Athlete of the Year, maybe. Sportsman of the Year, no.

So here are my 5 nominees, and my winner:

5. Urban Meyer. He left the University of Florida pretty much on top. Then he went to Ohio State when it was disgraced, and its loyal fans needed a lift. He gave them one. He (apparently) has obeyed the rules, and built an undefeated team that, if not for the transgressions of his predecessor Jim Tressel, would now be Big Ten Champions and preparing to play Notre Dame for the National Championship. But because of the NCAA's probation, they can't play to determine that they are, indeed, the best college football team in the country.

And you know what? Just like Terry Bowden, who led Auburn to an undefeated season in his first year after the scandal that forced Pat Dye to retire, he hasn't complained a lick. Compare him to men like Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino. And, if you want to throw in the collegiate form of another sport, Rick Pitino and John Calipari.

(UPDATE: Clearly, this was written before the 2018 abuse scandal at Ohio State.)

4. Usain Bolt. We can't know for sure that he is the fastest human who has ever lived. But as far as we can determine by timing, he is. And, except for being a Manchester United fan, he is, as far as I can determine, a man of sterling character, a credit to to his nation (Jamaica), his sport, and to any race, be it the 100-meter dash or the human race.

3. Michael Phelps. Sure, it seems greedy to want all those Gold Medals. But he challenged himself, and, yes, in some races he needed teammates, and challenged them, too, and they benefited. He's a great individual athlete and a great team athlete. He doesn't have a swelled head  He has a good sense of what he means to his sport.

And his one public misstep wasn't exactly committing a felony like what O.J. Simpson did and what Kobe Bryant was accused of, and it wasn't a blatant violation of the rules of his sport like what Pete Rose and the steroid users did, and it wasn't even a thoughtless (or even willful) humiliation of his family like what Tiger Woods did. Besides, there are now 2 States where it's legal.

(Man, if you had told me 20 years ago, or even 5, that, in 2012, gay marriage would be legal in more States than recreational marijuana use, I would've asked you what you were smoking.)

2. Eli Manning. The New York Giants quarterback didn't say he was the best quarterback -- even in his own family. He said he had joined "the elite" of quarterbacking. Then he proved his point. He showed the New England Patriots, for the 2nd time in 5 years, cheating doth never prosper for long.

While the groundsharing Jets don't know who their starting quarterback will be, or should be, Eli just does his job, quietly, and does it well, in the biggest sport in the country, in the biggest metropolitan area in the country. When he wins, he accepts it modestly and credits his teammates. When he loses, he takes it like a man, puts it in the past, and does his best the next week.

Of course, the Sportsman of the Year does not have to be a current athlete. My choice for 2012 isn't.

1. Bruce Bochy. Once upon a time, he was called "a good defensive catcher." Translation: He couldn't hit a beach ball with a telephone pole. He batted .239 with with 26 home runs and 93 RBIs. Curtis Granderson might call that "a typical season." Bochy calls it "my entire playing career" (1978 to 1987).

But, like a lot of mediocre athletes, his love for the game and his intelligence led him into coaching. All he's done is manage a team that had never won the World Series in over half a century in their current city to 2 in the last 3 seasons.

And this team, the San Francisco Giants, previously known for steroid cheat Barry Bonds, appears to have done so cleanly, and with a bunch of fun characters, who know what to take seriously, and what not to. Bochy has also been active in youth charities.  He's a great manager and a great guy, and hardly anybody knows it.

Youkilis, a Yankee? What Have We Done to Deserve This?

Warning: This post contains foul language.  If you can't handle it, don't read it.

Kevin Youkilis is a Yankee? Kevin FUCKING Youkilis?

What have we done to deserve this?

Little Bill (Gene Hackman): "I don't deserve this!"
Munny (Clint Eastwood): "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it!"
-- Unforgiven

If they give that bastard the Number 20 that he wore with The Scum, the Number 20 worn with such honor on the Yankees by Tiny Bonham, Spec Shea, Bucky Dent and Jorge Posada, I am going to have one hell of a conniption. (Tiny and Spec are dead, and won't care. I suspect Bucky won't care, and maybe Jorge won't -- but I'll bet Laura Posada will.)

(UPDATE: He got Number 36. So it was an insult to Johnny Mize and David Cone.)

Lisa Swan of Subway Squawkers spoke for many of us, explaining why this deal is so sickening: Not because of what Youkilis can do if he's healthy (a massive if), but because of his inability to stay healthy, and his attitude, and the price of that attitude, and what his signing means for the Big Pinstriped Picture:

Hey, kids. Brian Cashman made history Tuesday! Thanks to his idiotic signing of Kevin Youkilis, the Yankees will be paying more for the third baseman spot in 2013 than any other team has ever paid for any other position in history! That's right, folks. The Yanks will be spending a mind-boggling $40 million year for third base next year, more than the Miami Marlins will be spending for their entire franchise's payroll.

And what are the Yanks getting for their money? ... Replacing an aging, expensive, injury-riddled third baseman with a bad hip, with another aging, expensive, injury-riddled third baseman with a bad hip. Not to mention that whole Red Sox thing. Good grief.

Only the Yanks would get "younger" (Youk will be 34 in March) with a player who misses 40 to 60 games a year, and who has been on the DL pretty much every year of his career. Only the Yankees would replace an overpaid, frequently-injured third baseman with an even more brittle version. And give him $12 million (!) to do so.

Not to mention that Youkilis is a jerk, and even his fellow Red Sox players long ago grew tired of his hissy fits after every strikeout. (And before you bring up Paul O'Neill, he acted like a baby, too, but he helped the Yankees get four rings. Youk won't be getting his own Yankeeography any time soon.)

"That whole Red Sox thing" has been overcome before. Sparing you the details of pre-Steinbrenner-ban acquisitions like Babe Ruth, Red Ruffing and Sparky Lyle, we had to accept Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon.

Now, except for his fling with Margot Adams, Boggs is a decent guy. Damon turned out to be one, once we stopped seeing him through the Fenway prism. Clemens was always a jackass, but we decided to ignore that for a while. All 3 worked out well for us: Boggs and Damon each helped us win a World Series we really needed, 1996 and 2009, respectively; while Clemens was a part of the 1999 and 2000 World Champions (just sorta along for the ride on the former, a key cog on the latter).

It's not just that Youk was a Red Sock. Or that he was a member of the 2007 Red Sox, a more hateful bunch of Scum than even the 2004 variety. After all, the '07 team had Super Punk, Josh Beckett, and the insanely annoying Jonathan Papelbon, as well as Youk with his whinging and his wiggling his candy ass. The 2007 Red Sox were so offensive (and I don't mean with the bats) that they made the 1993 Philllies "Macho Row" bunch look like gentlemen.

And, yes, the Sox did get tired of Youk's act, just as they finally got tired of the acts of Beckett, Papelbum, Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, and even "Manny Being Manny" Ramirez. (But not, as yet, John Lackey. Remember the Boston "Buffalo Heads"? I think Lackey may be the last of the "Fried Chicken Heads.")

And now this guy is a Yankee? Oy vey.

And if that were the worst of it, I would already agree with it 100 percent.  But, as Lisa continues: 

Yesterday, I heard over and over from Yankee fans trying to justify the trade about how this was the best Brian Cashman could do. What nonsense. I would have been happy with a rookie or role player who can play decent defense and can stay healthy. But the Yanks are more interested in big names for ratings on the YES Network than with having some nobody (the horror!) field the position. Of course, having somebody who could, you know, actually be a relevant player in 2013, not 2004, never figures into Cashman's equation. (Hey, Manny Ramirez is still out there; maybe Cash can sign him, too!) 

Don't give him any ideas, Lisa.

She concludes:

Brian (Fredo) Cashman will preen somewhere about what a great GM he is, putting this golden oldies team on the field. Good grief. I haven't had somebody join the team that I had such a visceral reaction to since Javy Vazquez Part Deux. This is worse. 

Guess what, folks? You can't count on the Yankees making the playoffs with this ancient crew just because they have in the past. Every single team in the AL East got better in the winter this year, except for the Yankees, who got worse (Rafael Soriano not being on this team will come back to bite them.) There's a reason my Sox fan friends are laughing over Youkilis being a Yankee -- they know what he is now. And the one-time .300+ hitter is not an All-Star third baseman anymore. He's slightly more relevant than Derek Lowe, but that's about it. Good grief.

Now, I have to disagree with her. I was actually willing to give Home Run Javy a second chance. I was wrong. I don't want to give Youkilis even a first chance.

Look, there's something to be said for, "This guy has hurt us before, let's get him now. Even if he doesn't work out well for us, at least he won't be hurting us anymore." It has worked before.

In 1946, the Yankees wanted to trade Joe Gordon, a great 2nd baseman, to the Cleveland Indians, for a pitcher. Joe DiMaggio told them the pitcher to get was Allie Reynolds. Why? Not because Reynolds had a great fastball (although he did), but that DiMaggio had trouble hitting him.

Well, without Reynolds to hit against, DiMaggio won the MVP in '47, could have won it in '48, and missed the 1st half of '49 but came on like gangbusters in the 2nd half.  Without DiMaggio to pitch to, Reynolds helped the Yankees win the Series in '47, '49, '50 and '51 -- and, after DiMaggio's retirement, '52 and '53. Joe D said to get this guy, and he became the ace of a team that won 5 straight World Series. (Sadly, he simply doesn't quite have the career stats to get into the Hall of Fame.)

In 1998, the Yankees signed Chili Davis. He'd driven the Yankees crazy for the Minnesota Twins and the California Angels (as that team was then known). He played the 1st 2 games of the season, then got hurt, and was out until August 17. At least he wasn't hurting us, right?

But when he did come back, he hit .291 the rest of the way. It didn't mean much, as the Yanks ran away with the title, although he hit .286 in both the ALCS and the World Series. In 1999, at age 39, he played a full season, and hit 25 doubles and 17 home runs, with 78 RBIs, helped the Yankees win another title, and retired. (Having hit 350 home runs, the 1st native of Jamaica to play in the major leagues is now the hitting instructor for the Oakland Athletics.)

And, of course, there were the acquisitions, for the 1993 season, of Boggs and Jimmy Key, who'd been a fantastic pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays. Key went 186-117 in just 12 full seasons in the majors, and really doesn't get the credit he deserves. Boggs was a good addition to the team that built toward the title and got it in 1996; Key was, well, a key addition.

Look, if Youkilis can do well for the Yankees, I'll hold my nose until he proves himself as such, and then accept him as one of us. I did that for Clemens. I did that for ex-Mets Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, David Cone, and, uh, Joe Torre.

But I don't think he'll do well for us. This is a big name being signed by a GM working for an ownership that, unlike those from whom the club was inherited, seems to care about profits and publicity more than winning. And the new acquisition is frequently injured and viewed as "foreign." With the results... 

The Yankees are starting to act more and more like Arsenal -- which got knocked out of the League Cup last night. By Bradford City. That's a League Two team. That's the English soccer equivalent of the Florida State League.

Come to think of it, Cashman and the Arsenal board are also acting like Lou Lamoriello with the New Jersey Devils -- when the Devils play, that is. (Gary Bettman, end the lockout, you bloody cunt!)

It's bad enough to root for one team that plays like this. But the 3 teams about whom I care the most, all playing like that? That is unacceptable.

Youkilis... As they say where Arsenal are based, "Fucking hell!"

UPDATE: Youkilis played 28 games for the Yankees in 2013, batted .219 with 2 home runs and 8 RBIs, got hurt in June, and never played in the major leagues again. He retired with a .281 lifetime batting average and 150 home runs -- about half of which seemed to come against the Yankees. He was a massive waste of money and time for the Yankees, but he goes down in history as a Red Sox hero -- if any Red Sox player from the post-Boggs era can be called a "hero."