How to Go to a Somerset Patriots Game -- 2017 Edition

Somerset County Courthouse, Somerville, New Jersey

The Somerset Patriots, of the independent Atlantic League, begin their season next Friday, April 21, at 7:05 PM, at home at TD Bank Ballpark, against the Lancaster Barnstormers of "Pennsylvania Dutch Country."

Before You Go. Somerset County, New Jersey straddles the line between the New York and Philadelphia metropolitan areas, but most of it is close to New York City, so the weather will be essentially the same. Which also means that it's in the Eastern Time Zone, so no changing of clocks will be necessary.

Tickets. The ballpark officially seats 6,100, plus lawn seating and standing room. They usually sell out, so it's best to order tickets online. In the 100 sections, closest to the field, seats behind home plate are $12, while on the baselines they're more expensive, $14. Seats in the 200 sections are $11.

Most home games are scheduled to start at 7:05, with Sunday games starting at 1:05. However, 5 Wednesday games will start at 11:05 AM: April 26 and August 16 vs. Long Island, May 17 vs. Sugar Land, June 7 vs. Bridgeport, and July 26 vs. Southern Maryland. The game vs. York on Tuesday, August 8, will also be an 11:05 AM start. The May 17, July 26 and August 16 morning games are each the opener of a separate-admission doubleheader. There is no explanation for the others: It's not as though they are homestand-ending "getaway days," as, in each case, they're playing the same team at home the night of the next day.

The Patriots will host the 2017 Atlantic League All-Star Game.

Getting There. It's 45 miles from Times Square to TD Bank Ballpark in Bridgewater. Too close to fly. There's no bus service. NJ Transit does offer train service. Leaving Penn Station in New York at 5:08 will get you to Newark's Penn Station at 5:29. Then you have to change trains to the Raritan Valley Line train, leaving Track 5 at 5:35. It will arrive at Bridgewater station at 6:12, and that will drop you off behind the center field fence. For a Sunday game, leave New York at 11:14 AM, change at Newark at 11:38, and you'll arrive at 12:24 PM. Round-trip fare is $29.50.

If you're driving, take the New Jersey Turnpike South to Exit 10, and take Interstate 287 North (even though it will look like West on a map) to Exit 13B. This will put you on N.J. Route 28 West, a.k.a. Union Avenue. Make a left on Promenade Blvd., and take that to the end, which will be Main Street and the ballpark. If you do it right, it should take no more than an hour -- not counting traffic backup caused by parking.

Once In the County. Somerset County, first settled in 1681 at Bound Brook, was named for the county of the same name in England's West Country. (Which is appropriate, since the one in New Jersey is west of New York.) The name comes from the Old English term meaning "the people living near Somerton," and Somerton meant "summer town," due to the lakes nearby.

Somerset County, New Jersey has lakes, but is much more defined by its rivers, including the Raritan and the Millstone. Four branches of the Raritan River come together at Bound Brook, which led to terrible flooding from Hurricane Floyd in 1999.

Somerset Ballpark, as it was then known, flooded by Hurricane Floyd,

September 13, 1999 just 3 months after its opening.

George Washington led his Continental Army through the County on his retreat from New York to Pennsylvania in the Summer of 1776, and the Battle of Bound Brook was fought on April 13, 1777, just a mile and a half east of the ballpark. So "Somerset Patriots" was an appropriate name for the team.

There are about 330,000 people living in the County, including 45,000 in Bridgewater, the town in which the ballpark is located; and 12,000 in Somerville, the County seat. Add the 840,000 in Middlesex County to the east, the 125,000 in Hunterdon County to the west, and the 500,000 in Morris County to the north, and you've got a "market" of nearly 1.8 million people for the Patriots.

Unlike Middlesex County, though, Somerset, Hunterdon and Morris are mostly rural, and not poor farmers, either. This is "New Jersey Horse Country," where rich families like that of the late magazine publisher and adventurer Malcolm Forbes, and his Presidential candidate son Malcolm Stevenson Forbes Jr., or "Steve Forbes," live.

Christine Todd Whitman was a Somerset County Freeholder before being elected Governor in 1993. That other Governor Christie, former Morris County Freeholder Chris Christie, was very popular there, back when he was popular anywhere.

But maybe the tide is turning: Donald Trump got 54 percent of the vote in Hunterdon, but, surprisingly, only 50 percent in Morris, and Hillary Clinton clobbered him in Somerset, 54 to 42 percent. Contrast that with 2012: Mitt Romney got 58 in Hunterdon, 55 in Morris, and lost to Barack Obama 52 to 46 in Somerset.

Still, if you go to a Somerset Patriots game, it won't be like going to a Brooklyn Cyclones game -- or a Newark Bears game, when that was still available. Somerset County is about 64 percent white, 14 percent Asian, 13 percent Hispanic, 9 percent black -- and the minorities tend to not go to Patriots games.

The sales tax in New Jersey is 7 percent. ZIP Codes in North Jersey tend to begin with the digits 07, including 071 for Newark and environs, 072 for Elizabeth, 073 for Jersey City, and 075 for Paterson. Central and South Jersey got ZIP Codes starting with the digits 08, including 084 for Atlantic City, 086 and 086 for Trenton, and 089 for New Brunswick and environs.

New Jersey's original Area Code was 201. 609 was split off in 1958, 908 in 1991, 732 in 1997, and 856 in 1999. Now, they serve as follows: 201, with 551 overlaid in 2001, serves only Bergen and Hudson Counties (including the Meadowlands, and thus MetLife Stadium, and Harrison, and thus Red Bull Arena); 609 serves Mercer County (including the capital of Trenton and Princeton University) and the Southern Shore region (including Atlantic City); 732, with 848 overlaid, much of Central Jersey (including Rutgers University) and the Northern Shore region; 856, the Delaware River region that serves as suburbs of Philadelphia; 908, the Counties of Union, northern Somerset, Morris and Warren; and 973, with 862 overlaid, the Counties of Essex (including Newark, and thus the Prudential Center) and Passaic.

The main newspaper for Somerset County is The Courier News, formerly based in Plainfield, now in Somerville. (Very confusing: Plainfield is in Union County, North Plainfield is in Somerset County, and South Plainfield is in Middlesex County.) Somerset County has no beltway. Public Service Electric & Gas (PSE&G) runs the electricity for Somerset County.

New Jersey Transit runs bus service to the County, with a 1-zone ride costing $1.60 and a 2-zone ride being $2.55. NJT also runs its Raritan Valley Line trains from Penn Station in Newark to High Bridge in Hunterdon County, and its Somerset County stations are Bound Brook, Bridgewater, Finderne (also in Bridgewater), Somerville, Raritan and North Branch (in Branchburg).

Bridgewater Station

Somerville is home to the Tour of Somerville, which was founded in 1940, was suspended during World War II, and has been run every Memorial Day weekend since 1946, which the highlight race on Memorial Day itself. While it is an old, established town of 12,000, surrounding Bridgewater is a typical sprawling Central Jersey suburb of 45,000. It is crossed by Interstates 78 and 287, and U.S. Routes 22, 202 and 206. It includes Raritan Valley Community College, which served Somerset and Hunterdon Counties; and Bridgewater Commons, a high-end mall that opened in 1988.

Going In. Opening in 1999 as Somerset Ballpark, and named Commerce Bank Ballpark from 2000 to 2008, TD Bank Ballpark is at 860 East Main Street in Bridgewater. It is about a mile and a half west of downtown Bound Brook, and about 3 miles east of downtown Somerville. Parking is $2.00, which is cheap, but the lot tends to fill up quickly, so some fans park for free across the street at Target, and walk across Main Street to the ballpark.

The field is natural grass, and points southeast. As with the ballparks for Montclair, and the now-defunct teams in Newark, Camden and Atlantic City, you can see trains going by.

Front entrance, with a facade that tries to fool you into thinking

it's been there as long as the Somerset County Courthouse,

which opened in downtown Somerville in 1909.

It is a hitter's ballpark: The left field pole is just 317 feet from home plate, the right field pole even closer at 315 feet. Center field is 402 feet away. I've been there about 15 times, and I've seen at least 2 home runs there every game. It's not clear who's hit the longest home run in the ballpark's history, although Josh Pressley hit one in 2010 that was estimated at 450 feet, and in 2012, Jesse Hoorelbeke hit one that hit halfway up a light tower in left field. As far as I know, no one's ever hit the big scoreboard in right field.

The ballpark also hosts high school baseball. Both the Somerset County Tournament and the Greater Middlesex Conference Tournament (even though the ballpark isn't in Middlesex County) hold their Finals there. And it's held concerts.

Food. The concessions stands are tended mainly by local high school and college students, with some senior citizens acting as supervisors. This is not a recommended way to sell food.

They have big stands behind both baselines. They have a Mister Softee stand behind 3rd base, and stands for Little Caesars Pizza and a Breyer's Ice Cream behind 1st base. Handle Bar, a small bar with TV sets showing the Yankees, Mets and Phillies, is behind Section 214.

Carts on the concourse include: Original Philly Cheesesteaks (also Pierogi, Section 212), Popcorn (212), Cotton Candy (206), Guinness Pub Cart (204), Dippin Dots (206, 202 and 209), Snack Cart (209), Beers of the World (211), Leinenkugel Lodge (213), Premio Sausage (also Pierogi, 213), Funnel Cake (215), and Grub Hut Mexi-Que (215).

Team History Displays. The Patriots are the most successful team in Atlantic League history. They have Playoffs in 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 -- 13 of their 19 seasons. (They were founded in 1998, but played their entire season on the road, waiting for their ballpark to open in 1999.) They reached the League Finals in 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2013 and 2015. And they've won 6 Pennants: 2001, 2003, 2005, 2008, 2009 and 2015. (The next-closest is the Long Island Ducks, with 3 Pennants.) Flags for those Pennants fly from poles atop the outfield fence.

Aside from the universally-retired Number 42 of Jackie Robinson, the Patriots have retired 1 number: 28, worn by Sparky Lyle, the former Yankee reliever and prankster who served as their manager from 1998 to 2012. He was succeeded by his longtime pitching coach, Brett Jodie.

Sparky, team owner Steve Kalafer, and Jodie

In addition, concourse displays show the team's titles and players who've played in the major leagues -- most of them, as is the nature of the Atlantic League, before getting to Somerset, rarely after.

Stuff. There are no team videos, and no books have been written about the Patriots. There is a large team store, just to the 1st base side of the home plate entrance.

During the Game. Even when the new Newark Bears were in the league, to give the Patriots something of an in-State rivalry, safety was never an issue. "Family atmosphere is the watchword."

The Patriots hold auditions for National Anthem singers, and they take the Anthem very seriously: If you forget to remove your cap, you will be reminded.

Their main mascot is Sparkee the Schnauzer, named for Lyle and based on his famous mustache. In 2007, they added a secondary mascot, a giant teddy bear named Slider. In 2010, they added a tertiary mascot, TD, named for the stadium's sponsoring bank, but he didn't last long.

They also have a human mascot, tying into the Patriot/American Revolution theme: General Admission, a guy in a copy of a Continental Army uniform, complete with tricorner hat and replica musket. When the Patriots need a rally, he is shown on the video board, yelling, "Somerset!" and the fans respond, "Patriots!"

Sparkee, Rutgers University head football coach Chris Ash,

Slider, Sparky Lyle, and General Admission

After the Game. Both you and your car will be safe. However, if you're hungry after the game, you may be out of luck, at least immediately. The closest places to east are about a mile to the west in Bridgewater, or a mile to the east in Bound Brook. Bridgewater Commons, Somerset County's mall, is about 5 miles to the northwest, and likely to be closed by the time the game lets out, so that's not much of an option. You're probably better off just driving home until you see a sign for a place you like. And, if you took the train, wait until you get to Penn Station.

Sidelights. TD Bank Ballpark is 45 miles from Times Square, 41 from MetLife Stadium, 28 from the Prudential Center, 7 from Rutgers Stadium, 20 from Powers Field in Princeton, and 68 from the Philadelphia sports complex.

As you might imagine, among Somerset County fans, the Yankees easily have the edge over the Mets and the Phillies, while the Giants have it over the Jets and the Eagles. The Knicks are the most popular NBA team, however, according to social media interaction, the Los Angeles Lakers are more popular there than the Brooklyn (formerly New Jersey) Nets. And hockey fans there are More likely to be Rangers fans than Devils fans. But with all their tie-ins with Rutgers, no other college football team -- not even Penn State or Notre Dame -- has much of a chance.

Although there are loads of museums in New York and Philadelphia, and a few in closer places such as Newark, Morristown, New Brunswick, Princeton and Trenton, Somerset County isn't much for museums, but it has a few "historic sites."

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Like the other minor-league teams in the New York Tri-State Area, the Somerset Patriots advertise family-friendly fun at a parent-friendly price. You probably won't see any future major leaguers, but you might see a former major leaguer or two.

Maurice "Mo" Mentum Jumps the Club Again

A lot to get to, as I missed telling you about 2 games.

Sunday afternoon. My sister, her guy and I took her girls to Twins Day at the Somerset Patriots. Along with all the other sets of child twins in the ballpark (about 20 pairs), they got to go on the field during the 7th Inning Stretch and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." They didn't seem into the game much this time (as opposed to last September at the same park), but when the time came to sing, they did great.

The Pats, of the independent Atlantic League, beat the Camden Riversharks, 7-2. I got to use the Woody Allen line: "A shark has to keep moving, or it dies. I think what we've got here is a dead shark."

While this was going on, Freddy Garcia (5-5) was pitching great for the Yankees again, and they pounded Josh Tomlin (7-4). Yankees 9, Indians 1.

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Last night, the finale of the 4-game series against Cleveland, was a totally different story. A.J. Burnett (6-5) was Good A.J. again, allowing 1 run on 5 hits in nearly 8 innings. But the Yankees only got 5 hits off Hector Carrasco (6-3) and Chris Perez (16th save), and lost, 1-0.

Taking 3 out of 4 from a 1st-place team is usually very good. Still, I would've loved to have taken the 3 runs the Yanks got in the 8th inning on Sunday (or even 2 of them) and moved them to the 8th inning of last night.

Once again, the true most valuable player in the game is Maurice Mentum, better known as "Mo" Mentum. He jumped the club again, this time playing for the Indians.

*

To make matters worse, Derek Jeter had to leave the game with a calf strain. He had earlier gotten a hit to reach 2,994 for his career. He needed 6 hits in the 3 upcoming games against the Texas Rangers to get to 3,000 on the homestand. Now, he's day-to-day.

(I know: "We're all day-to-day." Like John Maynard Keynes said: "In the long run, we are all dead.")

A cynical person might think, "He knew he wasn't going to make it to 3,000 on the homestand, so he cooked up this excuse and the club is going along with it." But I doubt that. This is a guy, much like Martin Brodeur, that you practically need a crowbar to pull out of the lineup. If he has to leave the game, he must be in a lot of pain. Such an injury does hurt. How do I know? I'm not at liberty to say...

At the start of the 1974 season, with Hank Aaron just 1 home run away from Babe Ruth's career record of 714, the Atlanta Braves were supposed to open the season in Cincinnati before coming home, and the Braves organization wanted Aaron to break the record at home. So they announced he wouldn't play in the opening series.

Commissioner Bowie Kuhn, who rarely missed an opportunity to show he was a lawyer first and a baseball fan second, ordered the Braves to play Aaron. He did have a point: By not starting Aaron, who'd hit 40 home runs the year before despite being 39 years old, they were choosing not to play arguably their best player, thus possibly losing games on purpose. But Bowie was thinking about baseball fans in general, not Aaron's home fans.

A compromise was reached: Aaron would start the 1st 2 games of the series. He homered in the opener, Number 714, didn't get another that day, or the next, sat the next, and then got Number 715 in the Braves' home opener.

Kuhn left the Commissioner's post in 1984 and has been dead for a few years, so he's not here to force the Yankees to start Jeter on the road, whenever he's able to return.

As for current Commissioner Bud Selig, well, I seriously doubt he's going to be as much of a pain in the ass about it as Kuhn. On the other hand, if the best argument for how good a Commissioner Selig has been is, "He's been better than Bowie Kuhn," then that's setting the bar really low. (It's like saying, "Of course, Jose Reyes is the best shortstop in Met history. Who else are you going to pick, Bud Harrelson?")

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The Yankees are now 2 1/2 games behind the Boston Red Scum, 2 in the AILC. The Rangers come to town to start a 3-game series tonight, CC Sabathia against Alexi Ogando.

Meanwhile, the Yankees' two hottest hitters lately have been Jorge Posada (apparently it was all worry about Jorge Jr.'s surgery) and Alex Rodriguez. (No attention on A-Rod, and he's hitting great? NCIS Rule Number 39: There is no such thing as coincidence.) Now, if we can just get Nick Swisher hitting, I'm starting to worry about him.

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Jeter hits 2994 6
Rivera saves 575 26
A-Rod homers 626 137
A-Rod hits 2737 263

The Nieces and Thierry Henry

Quite a weekend. First, I saw the New York Red Bulls defeat the San Jose Earthquakes 2-0 at Red Bull Arena on Saturday night. Then, on Sunday night, a party of 7 that included me and my nieces Ashley and Rachel took the girls to their 1st real baseball game, postponed from an earlier rainout, in which the Somerset Patriots of Bridgewater, New Jersey hosted and defeated the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs of Waldorf, Maryland, 5-2.

Dane Richards scored the 1st Red Bulls goal, assisted by the legendary Thierry Henry. Richards returned the favor, assisting Henry on the 2nd.

I never got to see Mickey Mantle hit a home run, or Johnny Unitas throw a touchdown pass, or (except on TV) Guy Lafleur blaze a slapshot into the net. And I only know Walt (Clyde) Frazier as a broadcaster. Tonight, I was in the building, just 50 or so feet away, and I saw Thierry Henry score a goal.

Because I have never left the North American continent, this was a hard thing to ever see in person. When the New York Football Challenge happened over a 4-day stretch last month, I wasn't able to see the 1st game, in which Henry scored against Tottenham Hotspur (something he enjoyed doing when he played for Arsenal, Spurs' arch-rivals), because something came up at the last minute. And while Henry did have an assist in the Sunday game, which I did see, against another English side, Manchester City, he did not score.

This time he did, and all the DVD highlights came to life. He did all the familiar moves. Especially that Gallic shrug of his shoulders, as if to say, "This game, it is easy."

Then the game turned into an Arsenal match: Some louse (I'm not using the word I would like to use, as the girls may read this well before they're old enough to read that word) hacked him down in the 86th minute, and he was injured.

He got up, and was subbed, but the Red Bulls have to go to defending MLS Champion Real Salt Lake next week, and I wouldn't even risk him in a game they're almost sure to lose anyway. Let him rest for the big meet-and-greet the following Saturday against the Colorado Rapids.

*

The Patriots game had almost everything. No fight, and no beanballs, although there was a player hit by a pitch that appeared to be completely accidental. There were 3 home runs, 2 by the Pats and 1 by the Crabs. There was some good pitching, including by Bill Pulsipher, the former "Generation K" pitcher who blew out his elbow with the Mets, who went 6 strong for the Patriots.

There was some sensational fielding, and the Pats' 3rd baseman, Jeff Nettles, was responsible for some of that -- to be expected, as he's the son of Graig Nettles, a sensational 3rd baseman and a Yankee teammate of Pats manager Sparky Lyle. But the Crabs' 3rd baseman, Patrick Osborn, and their shortstop, Travis Garcia, were even more amazing.

And the game was still in doubt until the end: Although the Patriots had a 5-2 lead in the 9th, the Crabs got the tying runs on base and the potential winning run to the plate, but the Pats got out of it.

Rachel, who's really into music, was very excited about singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the 7th-inning stretch. (Because of the pregame ceremonies, they played "God Bless America" then instead of before "Take Me Out.") She did great.

She was also excited about living out a certain part of the song. She really wanted us to "Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack." We never saw a peanut vendor, but a vendor did come bearing Cracker Jack packs. $5.75? That's a lot of money for Cracker Jacks. (I remember being shocked in 1996 when I saw a vendor with a cereal-box sized box of them, at $4.00. This $5.75 bag, 14 years later, was smaller.)

And guess what? Rachel doesn't like them! Rachel doesn't like Cracker Jacks! Ashley sure does, though. They may be twins, but they're not only not identical, but they're very different in some ways. Anyway, it's hard to get disillusioned when you're 3, and I think Rachel's gotten over it already. As she herself would say, "It's okay, it's okay."

The Blue Crabs, based on a peninsula of Maryland near the Potomac River, south of Washington, D.C., have a name, logo and uniforms that are suspiciously close to those of the Lakewood BlueClaws, here in New Jersey.

After the game, as they do every Sunday, the Pats had a kids-run-the-bases event. I held Rachel's hand, and my sister (their mother) held Ashley's hand, and we ran around the bases at a professional baseball stadium.

This would not have been possible for me at the same age. That would have been 1973, and there were no minor-league teams in New Jersey then, and there's no way my parents would have let that happen in New York City. Not at Shea Stadium in Queens, and certainly not at Yankee Stadium in The Bronx, then in its final pre-renovation season.

Not in 1973, and if you saw the U.S. version of the TV show Life On Mars, or the ESPN miniseries The Bronx Is Burning, set in 1976-77, let me tell you that they got just about everything about the urban jungle New York then was right. At the time, the Yankees let fans onto the field to exit the Stadium through an outfield gate, allowing them to see the Monuments that were then in center field, but the orange-jacketed, orange-capped ushers kept fans off the infield.

Besides, big-league teams usually don't do "kids run the bases," although I did see it done in my one game at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh. Some minor-league teams do a "seniors run the bases," although when I suggested this to my parents, now in their 60s, they laughed off the idea.

Ashley had a good time. Rachel absolutely loved it. She seems to get it: While Ashley enjoyed the experience, Rachel seems to revel in baseball. She's already seen more of it live at that age than I had at twice that (6). She understands the difference between "safe" and "out." She understands the difference between "fair" and "foul." And when I explained to her why one fly ball was a home run and another was not, she seemed to understand that, too.

I'd like to say that the run around the bases was one of the great joys of my life. The truth is, I was so worried about making sure Rachel didn't trip and fall, and possibly get trampled by another kid (or, worse, a grownup), that I couldn't soak in the moment. And let me tell you: When you're 40 years old, and have made a few trips up and down the steps to get to the concession stands and the restroom, 90 feet between bases seems like a lot longer. I was exhausted!

Then again, how much longer is 90 feet when you're the size of a 3-year-old?

But those 3-year-olds have so much heart. A few big-league athletes, in a number of sports, could learn from them.

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I am not a fan of the Somerset Patriots, for reasons I will not get into here. But they ran everything very well, from their salute to veterans before the game to the kids running the bases afterwards. I wish they had warned us beforehand that there was going to be gunfire -- they had an Iwo Jima survivor on hand, and they re-enacted the Marines' storming of the beaches and the iconic photo of the raising of the flag on Mount Suribachi, and then fired a salute coupled with "Taps" when the ceremony ended -- but, other than that, it was first-class all the way.

I wish they had better food, though. I can say the same about their rivals, the Newark Bears. You'd think a city as ethnically (and thus gastronomically) diverse as Newark would have more concession options. Both independent-league teams are way behind the major-league-affiliated Trenton Thunder and Lakewood BlueClaws in this regard.

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The other day, the Met-fan blogger Metstradamus mused (he also uses the word "Musings" in his blog title) about Jeff Francoeur, whose early-season heroics have collapsed to the point where he's a liability at the plate, and whose usual choice of country songs as walk-up music have been replaced by the current Number 1 song in America, "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna.

Actually, Eminem is a step up for Rihanna, if not for Francoeur. At least Eminem only raps about committing domestic violence, unlike Rihanna's ex Chris Brown.

But, regardless of whether Eminem's character in the song is apologizing for his own domestic abuse, or for the stuff that other Eminem characters have done, or for something Eminem may have done in his real life, or helping Rihanna deal with her real life, or is, in fact, an apologist for such abuse (in which case Eminem would have crossed an even worse line than Chris Brown, though I doubt this is what he's doing), Francoeur is an idiot.

Francoeur is an idiot for choosing this song, especially so soon after teammate Francisco Rodriguez's arrest for assaulting his girlfriend's father.

The Mets need to dump Francoeur, who began the season as such a feel-good story. He's not the only one they need to dump, and he's not the worst offender. That would be general manager Omar Minaya, who has pissed off more of his own team's fans than perhaps any MLB executive since... well, since George Steinbrenner in 1990.

To get this back on a lighthearted note: When can we classify what the Mets do to their fans as "domestic abuse"? Bring your kiddies, and bring your wife, the state will come and lock you up for your life!

*

The Chicago White Sox have claimed Manny Ramirez off waivers from the Los Angeles Dodgers. The L.A. Bums gave up on the former Indians and Red Sox slugger with the scuzzy hair and the steroid past, and now the Pale Hose have him. Well, that's one way to get him to change his socks!

Stephen Strasburg has a torn elbow ligament. After just 12 major league games, 68 innings pitched (5-3, 2.91 ERA 141 ERA+, 1.074 WHIP), the season's phenom is probably going to have Tommy John surgery, and we probably won't see him pitch again until Opening Day 2012.

So much for the Washington Nationals making a run at respectability in 2011. Look at the bright side, D.C. area fans: Unlike 1972 through 2004, you HAVE a team, however difficult it may be to watch them. The alternative is worse. If you've forgotten already, ask the 22,000 fans who came to watch the Montreal Expos every home game in 1994.

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Days until Rutgers plays football again: 2, this Thursday night, at home at Rutgers Stadium, against Norfolk State University.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: 11.

Days until the first regular-season Giants game at the new Meadowlands Stadium: 13. Under 2 weeks.

Days until the first regular-season Jets game at the new Meadowlands Stadium: 14.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 24, Friday, September 24, at Yankee Stadium II.

Days until the Devils play hockey again: 38, on Friday, October 8, at home at the Prudential Center in Newark, against the Dallas Stars.

Days until Rutgers and Army play the first college football game at the new Meadowlands Stadium: 47.

Days until the Devils play another local rival: 54, on Sunday, October 24, at Madison Square Garden against The Scum. Just 2 months. Then the Rags come to the Prudential on Friday, November 5. The first game of the season against the Islanders is on Friday, November 26, the day after Thanksgiving, at the Nassau Coliseum, followed the next day by the first game of the season against the defending Eastern Conference Champion Philadelphia Flyers, at The Rock.

Days until the next North London Derby: 82, Sunday, November 21, at New Highbury. Under 3 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving clash: 86.

Days until Derek Jeter collects his 3,000th career hit: 262 (estimated).

Days until the Rutgers-Army football game at Yankee Stadium: 438.

Days until the last Nets game in New Jersey: 593 (estimated).

Days until the 2012 Olympics begin in London: 696.

Days until Alex Rodriguez collects his 3,000th career hit: 779 (estimated).

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 700th career home run: 1,049 (estimated).

Days until Super Bowl XLVIII at the Meadowlands: 1,248.

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 756th career home run to surpass all-time leader Hank Aaron: 1,712 (estimated).

Days until Alex Rodriguez hits his 763rd career home run to become as close to a "real" all-time leader as we are likely to have: 1,736 (estimated).

Beware of Giant Schnauzers and Rain Delays

So, let's see: The Yankees split the 2-game series in Texas, losing 4-3 to the Rangers on Tuesday night against a pitcher they'd never seen before, and then on Wednesday trailing Cliff Lee 6-1 and coming back to win 7-6. Then came 4 in Kansas City, and a split against the Royals: Winning 4-3 on Thursday, losing 4-3 on Friday, winning 8-3 on Saturday with A-Rod's 3 homers (hit so far that even John Sterling couldn't do "It is high! It is far! It is... caught at the wall!" -- 604 down, 159 to go), and losing yesterday 1-0 to yet another pitcher they'd never seen before, A.J. Burnett pitching well (good sign) but not enough hitting.

Yesterday was not a good day for me. Earlier, Arsenal opened the 2010-11 English Premier League season with an awful game at a supposedly weaker Liverpool, trailing 1-0 until a gift muff by 'Pool keeper Pepe Reina in the last minute of regulation salvaged a 1-1 draw and a road point.

Then came what could have been the highlight of the summer: The nieces' first live baseball game.

We took them to TD Bank Ballpark in Bridgewater, New Jersey, to see the host Somerset Patriots take on their arch-rivals, the Newark Bears -- and since their Nana and Pop-Pop are both from Newark, and their Uncle Mike is originally from neighboring Bloomfield and was once turned down for a job by the Patriots, we were rooting for the Bears.

(The fact that my alma mater, East Brunswick High School, has Bears as a mascot -- and won the 2005 Middlesex County baseball tournament final at that very ballpark -- has nothing to do with it.)

But it rained much of the day, and they only got the top of the 1st inning in, and it was pouring through that inning, and they put the tarp back on. And my sister, the girls' mother, was really ticked off: She went to the ticket office, and they kept telling her that their radar said that the rain would pass in half an hour... and in another half an hour... and another half an hour...

Finally, after a 5:05 start, and a rain delay that began at 5:15, at 6:30 she'd had enough. She couldn't get refunds, but she did get us all exchanges, and we'll be going back on Sunday, August 29, 2 weeks later, when the Patriots play the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs -- not to be confused with the Lakewood BlueClaws, although a blueclaw is a crab, and the two teams' logos are remarkably similar.

Sparkee the Schnauzer -- the Patriots' mascot, who was patterned after Sparky Lyle, the thick-mustachioed former Yankee reliever who has managed the Patriots since their 1998 inception -- was on the concourse during the rain delay, signing autographs for fans, including on the T-shirts that were given away to the 1st 2,000 fans to arrive.

The girls recently turned 3. Mascots are usually a bit taller than the average person. And Sparkee isn't exactly cuddly. These things have been known to scare children.

Rachel was fine. My sister lifted her up, and she was able to get an autograph and give Sparkee a high-five, no trouble.

Ashley was another story. She was freaked out and a half by Sparkee, screaming and crying.

We tried Ashley first, Rachel second. After Sparkee signed Rachel's T-shirt, I tried to tell Ashley, "See? Sparkee's nice. He's a good dog. Good dog, Sparkee!" Ashley wasn't buying it at all.

Ashley was scared, Rachel wasn't. I would've bet the cost of the tickets that it would have been the other way around. It takes a lot to upset Ashley.

I told my sister that I didn't think the game would be resumed, that they were going to drag it out until they'd sold as many concessions as they would have in a regular 9-inning game, so that, after rainchecks, they would still get one game's worth of admissions, but they would get two games' worth of parking, food and souvenir revenue. She agreed, and so at 6:30 we got our exchanges and left.

Later last night, I found out that the game was resumed! And as soon as it was resumed, in the bottom of the 1st, a home run was hit by Josh Pressley (who ain't no king, in fact he ain't nothin' but a hound dog). The girls would have loved to have seen that. The Bears took the lead, but the Patriots scored 6 runs in the 6th inning, and won, 9-5. Two home runs were hit by Jeff Nettles, son of Sparky's former Yankee teammate Graig Nettles. (Like his father, Jeff plays 3rd base, wears Number 9, and has some power. Unlike his lefty father, Jeff bats righthanded.)

I hate the Patriots. I don't know who I'm going to root for on August 29. Maybe I'll just explain things that happen to the girls, and not take any interest in who wins.

Anyway, tonight the Yankees open a 4-game set at home against the Detroit Tigers. Either later today or tomorrow, I'll post the all-time team for the Detroit area. I've already got the choices made, now I just have to write the explanations.