Aaugh!

Today was the 118th game of the Yankees' season. It ended with them at 60-58, their worst record at that stage in 31 years. They are 12 1/2 games behind the Baltimore Orioles in the American League Eastern Division. They are 5 games, 4 in the all-important loss column, behind the Toronto Blue Jays for the 3rd and final AL Wild Card Playoff berth.

During today's broadcast on the YES Network, Michael Kay made the point that, out of the 5 men the Yankees intended to have in their starting rotation, only Gerrit Cole has not spent any time on the Injured List. Of those 5, 3 are on it now: Nestor Cortés, Carlos Rodón and Frankie Montas. The other, Luis Severino, has been awful. And one of the pitchers filling those holes in the rotation, Domingo Germán, is out for the season on alcohol rehab.

This leaves the Yankees with a rotation of Cole, Severino, Clarke Schmidt, and rookies Jhony Brito and Randy Vásquez. The talk now is of trying to stretch reliever Michael King into a starter, when his longest outing this season has been 3 1/3rd innings, and he hasn't gone as many as 4 innings since July 3, 2021.

Then there's the hitting, and the lack of it. These are not batting averages, they are on-base percentages, all correct as of the end of today's game: Aaron Judge .415, Gleyber Torres .337, Anthony Rizzo (currently on the IL) .328, Billy McKinney .326, Isiah Kiner-Falefa .321, DJ LeMahieu .315, Harrison Bader .301, Jake Bauers .295, Anthony Volpe .291, Giancarlo Stanton .282, Kyle Higashioka .275, Orlando Cabrera .265, Ben Rortvedt .263, Jose Trevino (currently on the IL) .257, Josh Donaldson (on the IL for the season) .225.

And the bullpen isn't very good, and there's no definitive closer. Not Clay Holmes, not Michael King, not Ron Marinaccio, not Albert Abreu, and certainly not Wandy Peralta. Jonathan Loáisiga recently returned from the IL, but he's not ready to be the closer yet.

Which brings us today's game, the finale of a 3-game series at LoanDepot Park in Miami. The Yankees had won on Friday night, while the Miami Marlins had won yesterday afternoon. Today, Cole got the start, and, as usual, he was terrific, going 6 innings, allowing 2 runs on 6 hits and 2 walks, striking out 6. He was backed by home runs from Rortvedt and Volpe.

Leave him in for the 7th inning, right? According to common sense, right. According to manager Aaron Boone, duh, let me check with my boss first. According to his boss, general manager Brian Cashman, no, he's thrown 99 pitches, take him out. And according to his boss, team owner Hal Steinbrenner, whatever you decide is okay by me, Brian.

So Wandy Peralta was brought into pitch the 7th, and he allowed a run. They newly acquired Keynan Middleton had to come in and get the last 2 outs in the 8th. So leave him in, right? Wrong: Boone sent Holmes out to pitch the 9th, to protect a 4-run lead.

Holmes allowed a double, got a strikeout, allowed an infield single and a bases-loading walk, then fielded a grounder himself and made an error trying to throw the runner out at the plate, game-tying triple by Luis Arraez, who was hitting over .400 not that long ago, but has slumped to .367. Tommy Kahnle was brought in, and he allowed a game-losing single. Marlins 8, Yankees 7.

Some Charlie Brownisms come to mind: Aaugh! Rats! I can't stand it! Good grief! My stomach hurts! Not to mention a Lucyism: You blockheads!

Back in 2002, Boston Red Sox president Larry Lucchino called the Yankees "The Evil Empire," bringing up comparisons to the Galactic Empire in Star Wars. Well, if the Yankees really were the Empire, today, Darth Cole would have Force-choked Holmes.

Next, the Yankees have to go to play the team with the best record in baseball, the Atlanta Braves. After 3 games there, and a day off on Thursday, they come home on Friday to play the Red Sox. By the time they take the field to play The Scum, they could be under .500.

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Days until the Yankees' next series against the Boston Red Sox begins: 5, this Friday night, at Yankee Stadium II.

Days until the next New York Red Bulls game: 7, next Sunday night, at 7:30 PM, home to D.C. United.

Days until the Red Bulls again play a nearby rival: See the previous answer.

Days until the next Arsenal match: 8, at 3:00 PM on Monday, August 21, away to South London team Crystal palace. The Arsenal opened the Premier League season yesterday, beating Nottingham Forest, 2-1 at home.

Days until the next East Brunswick High School football game: 19, on Friday, September 1, at 7:00 PM, home to Somerset County school Hillsborough. Under 3 weeks. That's on Labor Day Weekend.

Days until the next Rutgers University football game: 21, on Sunday, September 3, at 12:00 Noon, home to Northwestern University. Just 3 weeks. This is also on Labor Day Weekend. Why they're playing on a Sunday, I don't know.

Days until the next game of the U.S. National Soccer Team: 27, on Saturday, September 9, at 5:30 PM New York time, an international friendly, home to the former Soviet "republic" of Uzbekistan, at the new CityPark in St. Louis, home to MLS expansion team St. Louis City FC.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge game: 40, on Friday, September 22, at 7:00 PM, at home at Jay Doyle Field. Under 6 weeks.

Days until the next North London Derby: 41, on Saturday, September 23, at the Emirates Stadium. Under 6 weeks.

Days until the New Jersey Devils play again: 60, on Thursday night, October 12, home to the Detroit Red Wings. Just 3 months.

Days until the New Jersey Devils again play a local rival: 68, on Friday night, October 20, away to the New York Islanders.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 97, on Saturday, November 18, 2023, at 12:00 Noon, at Beaver Stadium in State College, Pennsylvania. A little over 3 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympic Games: 348, on Friday, July 26, 2024, in Paris, France. Under 1 year, or under 12 months.

Days until the next Presidential election: 450, on Tuesday, November 5, 2024. Under s year and a half, or under 15 months.

Days until the next elections for Governor of New Jersey and Mayor of New York City: 814, on Tuesday, November 4, 2025. Under 2 1/2 years.

Days until the next Winter Olympics open in Milan, Italy: 908, on Friday, February 6, 2026. Under 2 1/2 years.

Days until the next World Cup opens: 1,030, on Monday, June 8, 2026. Under 3 years.