Would You Rather?

Me after Game 7 of last year's ALCS.

First time I've posted a recent picture of myself on this blog.

This week marks the 100th Anniversary of one of those songs that was written to capitalize on World War I: "Would You Rather Be a Colonel With an Eagle On Your Shoulder, Or a Private With a Chicken On Your Knee?"

So you see the title, and you think, "Obviously, I'd rather be a Colonel, with command over men, than a Private plucking a chicken because he's on K.P." (Kitchen Patrol.)

The song says otherwise. A Colonel has too much responsibility. Whereas, in the context of the song, a "chicken" is a "chick." A girl. Or, as the British (with whom American soldiers would sometimes be meeting) would say, a "bird."

There's also a game called "Would You Rather?" As in, would you rather do Incredibly Disgusting or Humiliating Thing A, or Incredibly Disgusting or Humiliating Thing B? (For the sake of propriety, and your sensitive sensibilities, I will not quote any of the items I've ever seen used in this game.)

Tonight, the Yankees host the Oakland Athletics in the American League Wild Card Game at Yankee Stadium II. Luis Severino gets the start, against Liam Hendriks. (That's how it's spelled, not "Hendricks.")

The winner faces the Boston Red Sox in the AL Division Series. The winner of that advances to the AL Championship Series, to face the winner of the other ALDS, between the Cleveland Indians and the defending World Champion Houston Astros.

Would you rather...

A. Lose tonight, and have the season end with 100 wins, a record number of home runs for a Major League Baseball team, but no postseason success? Or...

B. Win tonight, but then get beat by the Red Sox in the postseason, again, and let their Chowdahead Masshole fans gloat over us again?

I'd rather A. Better to lose to the plucky A's than to The Scum.

And if we get past both the A's and The Scum, and lose to Cleveland or Houston?

I'd rather lose to Cleveland. I hate Texas.

And if we somehow manage to win the Pennant, and lose the World Series?

I can live with that. A Pennant is better than Brian Cashman has ever done without Gene Michael's players.

Unless the National League Champions turn out to be the Dodgers. To Hell with them and to Hell with Los Angeles. Gotta stand up for New York City. The Treason of '57 must never be forgotten.

Gotta stand up for New York City.

Except when the Mets are playing. To Hell with the Mets.

Say this for Met fans: At least they know their team is trying to win. However feebly, their team's management goes into every season with the goal of winning.

We Yankee Fans used to know that feeling. Now? Our team's management goes into every season with 2 goals: Sell as many tickets as possible, and keep the payroll under the luxury tax threshold.

To Hell with the luxury tax threshold. Spend whatever it takes. If we reach the World Series, we'll get that money back in revenue.

So, just as last year's postseason was the referendum on Joe Girardi, this year's postseason should be the referendum on Brian Cashman: Win the Pennant, and you can stay; fail to win it, and you're fired.

Of course, he won't be. The Steinbrenner Brothers, Lonn Trost and Randy Levine have fully bought into Cashman's plan to stay under the luxury tax threshold until some big contracts come off the books this coming off-season, and then 2019 is the year to win it all.

But when you're the New York Yankees, and you have more resources than any team in baseball, you're supposed to try to win it all every season.

If you fail, try to figure out where you went wrong, correct it, and try again next season to win it all.

Because if you're not trying to win it all, then why play at all?

Would you rather make money, or win the World Series?

It's a trick question. It's major league sports. Only idiots, or teams with truly bad venue leases, lose money. And if you aren't one of those, and you end up losing money, you've still got enough to shrug it off.

Go for the win.

How confident am I in the Yankees tonight?

Severino has struggled in the 2nd half. And the bats are a guessing game. We could win this game 10-8, or 1-0. Or we could lose this game 10-8, or 1-0.

A year ago, with Joe Girardi still the manager, and the Yankees hosting the Wild Card Game, I outlined the following nightmare scenario:

I can see it now: Aaron Judge hits 4 home runs, Luis Severino is cruising, and the Yankees lead the Minnesota Twins 10-1 after 6 innings.

But because Sevy has already thrown 95 pitches, Girardi brings Adam Warren in to pitch the 7th. By the time the top of the 9th is over, it's 12-10, and every relief pitcher has been used.

A home run is hit in the bottom of the 9th, to make it 12-11, and the Yankees load the bases, just to give us hope.

And who's up? Of course, it's the guy we threw Andrew Miller away for last year, Clint Frazier. And he strikes out.

Granted, tonight, there are many differences. Our manager. The opponent. Our roster.

But which Yankees will show up? The team that won 100 games, or the team that lost about a dozen games it shouldn't have, including several to the Red Sox, because they were gutless wonders?

In about 12 hours, we will begin to find out. In about 16 hours -- barring extra innings, which would really chafe my chaps, as M*A*S*H's Colonel Potter would have said -- we should know.

Would you rather agonize through 13 innings to win, like the Colorado Rockies did against the Chicago Cubs in last night's National League Wild Card Game at Wrigley Field?

Or, for whatever reason, miss the game entirely, and later find out we won?

I'd rather miss the game, and later find out the result -- whether that turns out to be win or lose.

In the immortal words of Detective Sergeant Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon
films), I'm too old for this shit.