Monday, September 30, 2019

Deserve's Got Everything to Do With It -- 2019 MLB Edition

"I don't deserve this!" -- Gene Hackman
"Deserve's got nothin' to do with it!" -- Clint Eastwood
-- Unforgiven

When I put my Yankee bias aside and make suggestions as to who's worthy of winning the World Series, deserve's got everything to do with it.

The 10 teams that made Major League Baseball's Playoffs are listed here, in ascending order of worthiness. No, I am not going to put the Yankees 1st. This is purely without personal bias. Political bias, yes; personal bias, no.

10. Houston Astros, American League Western Division Champions.

Pro: You would never know that they're from Texas, as you don't see much ego there. And they're very good in their community.

Con: They won the World Series just 2 years ago, so it's a little soon for them to be a popular favorite again. Besides, it's Texas. Tea Partiers.

UPDATE: Little did I then know that they were a bunch of cheating bastards.

9. St. Louis Cardinals, National League Central Division Champions.

Pro: They currently represent excellence in baseball, "doing things the right way." Their success has been clean. Nice ballpark. And St. Louis is a great baseball city.

Con: Yes, yes, we know St. Louis is a great baseball city, will you stop telling us, already? Honestly, the Cards have reached the point that people got to with the Red Sox in 2013, the Yankees in 2002, the Atlanta Braves in 1996: People are now sick of them. They last won the Pennant just 6 years ago, the World Series just 8 years ago. They don't need another. Their fans are mostly Tea Partiers, on top of their annoying parochialism.

8. Tampa Bay Rays, American League Wild Card entry.

Pro: They managed to make the Playoffs, and stay in the AL East race most of the way, in spite of MLB's lowest payroll. That should be worth some praise.

Con: Once again, their fans proved that they won't come out to see even a winner. The stadium is stupid. And it's Florida. And while they've never won a World Series in 22 seasons of trying, they did win a Pennant just 11 years ago.

7. Atlanta Braves, National League Eastern Division Champions.

Pro: They haven't won a Pennant in 20 years, or a World Series in 24 years. The Falcons blew a great chance, and the Hawks haven't helped. Their fans have waited a long time. And they've got a good new ballpark.

Con: It's the Braves. Do we really want to see them in the World Series again? Besides, their fans are Rednecks, Tea Partiers and Trumpanzees. Why do you think the organization left Atlanta a "Chocolate City," and moved out to the nearly all-white northwestern suburbs? It's not like there was anything wrong with Turner Field, although it was a little hard to get to despite being close to downtown.

6. Los Angeles Dodgers, National League Western Division Champions.

Pro: They've done very well for themselves lately. They're exciting. Magic Johnson is a classy owner. Dodger Stadium is now the 3rd-oldest stadium in baseball, and feels historic without seeming old. They haven't won a World Series in 31 years. They're in a liberal city in a liberal State.

Con: How long do I have to hold the O'Malley Treason against them? Until they move back to Brooklyn. Plus, they're still Dodger fans: They show up late, they leave early, and they can't get energized unless they're playing their arch-rivals, the San Francisco Giants.

5. New York Yankees, American League Eastern Division Champions.

Pro: They showed some character in making the Playoffs in spite of a buildup of injuries that would make even an Arsenal fan blanch. CC Sabathia deserves a last hurrah, and a bunch of interesting young players have already earned this shot. The critics of the new Yankee Stadium can shut up: It's great, if ridiculously expensive. They're in a liberal City in a liberal State. And it's been nearly 8 years since the last New York Tri-State Area sports title: The Giants' win in Super Bowl XLVI.

Con: The Yankee game experience is too expensive. Their fans have earned some arrogance, but not that much. This is the 4th Yankee Playoff run in the last 5 seasons, and they last won a Pennant and a World Series 10 years ago. No, Yankee Fans, that is not an eternity. Ask the fans of pretty much any team but Boston, Houston, San Francisco and St. Louis.

4. Oakland Athletics, American League Wild Card Entry.

Pro: They have once again triumphed over the odds -- a very low payroll and an increasingly inadequate home stadium -- to make the Playoffs. They are young and exciting. And their fans deserve a break: Not only is Oakland a difficult city, which has lost the Warriors back to San Francisco across the Bay and the Raiders (after the current season) to Las Vegas, they need this win. The A's haven't won a Pennant in 29 years or a World Series in 30 years. And it's a liberal city in a liberal State.

Con: Not much. It would finally justify Billy Beane's thus-far Pennantless tenure. And while Oakland hasn't won a World Series in 30 years, they have recently won 3 out of 5 trips to the NBA Finals. So they're not that deprived.

3. Milwaukee Brewers, National League Wild Card entry.

Pro: They got this far despite the season-ending injury to their best player, Christian Yelich. Milwaukee is a terrific city, a liberal one in a liberal State. (They got fooled earlier in the 2010s, by Trump, and before that by Scott Walker for Governor. The 2018 elections show that they're over it.)

While the Packers gave Wisconsin a Super Bowl win just 9 years ago (give or take a few months), Milwaukee hasn't had a Pennant winner in 37 years, a World Championship in any sport in 48 years (since the Bucks won the 1971 NBA title), or a World Series in 62 years (since the 1957 Braves). They've waited long enough for "Happy Days" to return. Ayyyy!

Con: Miller Park is not one of the good new ballparks. It looks like an airplane hangar. And the thought of Ryan Braun getting a World Series ring isn't very appetizing.

2. Minnesota Twins, American League Central Division Champions.

Pro: They have a decent ballpark, and an exciting young team. And their fan base deserves a break. They haven't won their Division in 9 years. They haven't won the World Series, or even a Pennant, in 28 years -- their city's last sports title, unless you count the 4 WNBA titles won by the Minnesota Lynx in this decade. And Minnesota is a reliably Democratic State. Also, given what we've seen from Packers vs. Vikings, and Badgers vs. Gophers, wouldn't a Milwaukee vs. Minnesota World Series (not even possible until 1998, before the Brewers switched to the NL), be cool?

Con: Not much to speak of. Their manager, Rocco Baldelli, is a former Tampa Bay Ray, which means he may have learned some dirty tricks from Joe Maddon. But that's the only bad thing about the team that I can think of. It's not like they're still playing in the Metrodome.

1. Washington Nationals, National League Wild Card entry.

Pro: They made the Playoffs after losing Bryce Harper. That, alone, is worthy of respect. It's a great city, and a liberal city. They have a great ballpark. The District hasn't won a Pennant in 86 years or a World Series in 95 years. It's time.

Con: Not much, although their failure to reach a League Championship Series suggests maybe they're not quite good enough. And the District did just win a title a year and a half ago, the Capitals' Stanley Cup, so they're not that deprived.

Therefore, if the Yankees can't do it... LET'S GO, NATS!

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