* A World Series between my beloved Mets and the Boston Red Sox, while the Yankees collapse into injuries and fall to last place.
* The New York Rangers win the Stanley Cup, this time beating the Los Angeles Kings in the Finals.
* The New Jersey Devils and the New York Islanders, who both have issues, being moved to Sun Belt cities.
* The Boston Celtics win the NBA Championship.
* Tottenham finish ahead of Arsenal and beat them in the FA Cup Final, leading to the sacking of Arsène Wenger and his replacement with a complete idiot.
* Penn State winning college football's National Championship, while Rutgers goes 0-11.
* Republicans winning the elections for Governor of New Jersey and Mayor of New York City.
* And an NFL season that sets up Super Bowl LII as being between the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots. With President Donald Trump watching from a skybox, Anita Bryant singing the National Anthem, and Wayne Newton doing the halftime show.
Hey, a boy can dream, can't he?
Wait, what day is today, again?
Hours until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 7, tonight, at 7:00, away to the Philadelphia Flyers. Next Saturday night at 6:00, the Devils will host the New York Islanders, and will honor the retiring Patrik Elias, possibly with the retirement of his uniform Number 26. Then they'll head out to Detroit and play the Red Wings in the last game of the regular season, which will also be the last regular-season game at the Joe Louis Arena. The Wings and the Pistons will move into the Little Caesars Arena next Autumn.
Hours until the Red Bulls play again: 8 1/2, tonight, at 8:30 PM Eastern Time, away to the Houston Dynamo.
Days until The Arsenal play again: 1, tomorrow morning, at 11:00 (4:00 in the afternoon, their time), home to Manchester City.
Days until the Yankees' 2017 season opener: 1, tomorrow night, at 8:00 PM, away to the Tampa Bay Rays.
Days until the Yankees' 2017 home opener: 9, on Monday, April 10, at 1:00 PM, home to the Rays.
Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 14, against D.C. United, on Saturday, April 15, at Red Bull Arena in Harrison, New Jersey. They will next play the Philadelphia Union on Saturday, May 6, at Talen Energy Stadium in Chester, Pennsylvania. They will next play the New England Revolution on Saturday, May 27, at Red Bull Arena. And they will next play a Hudson River Derby against New York City FC on Saturday, June 24, at Red Bull Arena.
Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series: 24, on Tuesday, April 25, at 7:00 PM, at Fenway Park.
Days until the next North London Derby: 29, on Sunday, April 30, at White Hart Lane, for the last time, before Spurs' old stadium us mercifully demolished to make way for the new one. This game was moved from the 29th to accommodate the TV networks. It is also possible that Arsenal could face Tottenham again this season, in the FA Cup Final -- the result of which would absolutely be treated as a referendum on Arsène Wenger's last season as manager. Well, maybe not if he wins it.
Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: 68, on Thursday night, June 8, in a CONCACAF World Cup Qualifier, at Dick's Sporting Goods Park in the Denver suburbs, against Trinidad & Tobago. Having gotten the win against Honduras but only a draw against Panama, this game is a must-win. The women's team plays Russia this Thursday night at Toyota Park, home of FC Dallas, and then again on Sunday afternoon at BBVA Compass Stadium, home of the aforementioned Houston Dynamo.
Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 154, on Saturday, September 2, 2017, home to the University of Washington. Just 5 months.
Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: Unknown, as the 2017 schedule hasn't been released yet. I now know that high school football games have been scheduled in Middlesex County, New Jersey on Friday night, September 8. That's 160 days from now.
Days until the next election for Governor of New Jersey: 220, on Tuesday, November 7, 2017. A little over 7 months.
Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 211, on Saturday, November 11, 2017, at Beaver Stadium in State College, Pennsylvania.
Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving game: 236, on Thursday morning, November 23, 2017, at 10:00. Under 8 months, and thank God it's at home at Jay Doyle's grove, rather than at the purple shit pit on Route 9.
Days until the next World Cup kicks off in Russia: 446, on June 14, 2018. Under a year and a half, or a little under 15 months. Has Bruce Arena turned our chances around? Or will Trump ruin them? Maybe, with the tournament on his soil, Putin will tell Trump to tell Bruce Arena to tank the games. Maybe not. Or maybe just if we end up playing Russia. I don't think Arena will listen. I hope his life insurance is paid up, because Putin kills people.
Days until the next Congressional election: 585, on November 6, 2018. Under 2 years, or a little over 19 months.
Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Mariano Rivera: 648, on January 9, 2019. Under 2 years, or a little over 21 months.
Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Derek Jeter: 1,013, on January 8, 2020. Under 3 years, or a little over 33 months.
Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 1,211, on July 24, 2020. Under over 3 1/2 years, or a little under 40 months.
Days until the next Presidential election: 1,313, on November 3, 2020. Under 4 years, or a little over 43 months.
Days until Liberation Day: 1,392, at noon on January 20, 2021. A little under 4 years, or a little under 46 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not Donald Trump. Mike Pence wouldn't be better, just differently bad.