Top 10 TV Characters You Wouldn't Want to Invite to a Holiday Dinner (Even Though They're Good Guys)

I'm not counting guys who think they're good guys, but really aren't, like Archie Bunker or Ray Barone's parents.

Honorable Mention: The Squad from Barney Miller. Never mind that they're law-enforcement officials, and thus always on call, and might have to leave early -- which would eliminate everyone from Joe Friday to Theo Kojak to Andy Sipowicz to Maggie Bell.

Barney (played by Hal Linden) and Stanley Wojciehowicz (Max Gail) would probably be okay. But Phil Fish (Abe Vigoda) would hog the bathroom. Nick Yemana (Jack Soo) would volunteer to bring some food, but you wouldn't want to eat it. And he'd bring coffee, but you wouldn't want to drink it.

Arthur Dietrich (Steve Landesberg) would talk all night long, and you'd never know if he was telling the truth. (He was like Cliff on Cheers, except he was actually smart.) Ron Harris (Ron Glass) would criticize everything, including everyone's clothes. Seriously, can you imagine Harris holding court on Christmas sweaters? And Frank Luger would spend the whole night lamenting how the holidays ain't the way they used to be.

10. Commander Spock (Leonard Nimoy), Star Trek. Vulcans don't eat meat. He would have enough class to not make a nuisance of himself over the serving of turkey, or whatever other meat you might provide. But he would probably tell you that stuffing the bird, when simply serving the stuffing as a side dish, is a waste of work, and, therefore, highly illogical.

9. The Full House Guys. Danny Tanner (Bob Saget) would be a noodge. Joey Gladstone (Dave Coulier) would act immature, and have to be put at the kids' table. And Jesse Katsopolis (John Stamos) would sing Christmas carols in character as Elvis.

8. Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball), I Love Lucy. Not only are there enough episodes to explain why she shouldn't be allowed to help cook, meaning she'd have some explaining to do; but she'd spend the dinner whining about how her husband Ricky (Desi Arnaz) wouldn't let her be a part of his float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

7. Any number of NCIS Special Agents. More law-enforcement people who would always be on call. With his need to dominate every situation, Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon) would want to carve the bird. With his own knife. And how often does he sterilize "Ol' Rule Number 9"? And in what? You'd probably want Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard (rest in peace, David McCallum) to carve: He's an expert with using a knife on dead things.

Don't involve Ziva David (Cote de Pablo): It's not that she's Jewish, and would want to celebrate Hanukkah along with Christmas. It's that she'd probably want to kill the turkey herself, and her choice of weapon might render it inedible. Also, don't invite Tony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly): He'd spend the whole night talking about holiday movies, and bragging about his prowess in everything from fighting crime to his love life.

6. The Cartwright Sons, Bonanza. Not so much Adam (Pernell Roberts), but definitely Hoss, (Dan Blocker), and Little Joe (Michael Landon). Not only would Hoss eat more than anyone else, but you'd constantly be telling Joe to take his feet off the table.

5. Jack Tripper (John Ritter), Three's Company. At first, he seems like the ideal fictional character to invite. After all, he's a chef, and a good one. But he'd probably carry the turkey out, and trip, and drop it.

4. The Honeymooners Guys. Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) would eat everything he could, then be the first one to pass out on the sofa while watching football. And Ed Norton (Art Carney) would eat everything else, ask why nobody ever serves pizza at a holiday dinner, and then, annoyingly, never gain an ounce. But before that, he'd recommend a recipe he learned... while working in the sewer!

Also, don't let Ralph do any of the cooking. He once cooked for himself. Results: He turned the oven all the way up, so the chicken would cook faster, and he burned it; and he thought he didn't have enough rice, so he put the entire box in, and it boiled over.

3. Lieutenant Columbo (Peter Falk -- the character's first name was never mentioned), Columbo. Another cop for whom his job isn't the biggest issue. The real problem with Columbo is, you could put the full spread out in front of him, and everything would be good, and he would still say, "There's just one thing that bothers me. I can't get it out of my mind."

Which leads me to...

2. The Crane Brothers. Dr. Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer on Cheers and Frasier) and Dr. Niles Crane, (David Hyde Pierce on Frasier, once literally had this discussion:

Frasier: "What could be better than the perfect meal?"

Niles: "An otherwise perfect meal with one flaw, that we could talk about all night."

Which leads me to...

1. The Odd Couple. Felix Unger (Tony Randall) would criticize everything. But Oscar Madison (Jack Klugman) would be worse: He would put ketchup on everything, and spill most of it!

Yankees Win With Ridiculous Rule

The Yankees went into the finale of their weekend series away to the Tampa Bay Rays at 3-5. Things were looking very bad. Another loss, producing a sweep, might have induced panic.

Who knows: Maybe panic is what this team needs.

Jordan Montgomery took the mound, and his 2nd start of the season wasn't nearly as good as his 1st. The pattern for the Yankees has been to fall behind early and never catch up. They fell behind early again, as "Gumby" allowed 4 runs in 5 innings, on home runs by Mike Zunino in the 2nd inning and Randy Arozarena in the 3rd.

This time, though, the Yankees also scored relatively early. Cliche Alert: Walks can kill you, especially the leadoff variety. Gary Sanchez led off the top of the 3rd by drawing a walk against Rays pitcher Michael Wacha, and Gio Urshela followed this with a home run, to tie the game at 2-2.

Brett Gardner singled, DJ LeMahieu doubled, and Aaron Judge drew a walk. Bases loaded, nobody out. Aaron Hicks grounded to 2nd, resulting in a double play, but it got Gardner home to give the Yankees a 3-2 lead. But Giancarlo Stanton grounded to 3rd to end the inning.

Arozarena's homer put the Rays back on top, 4-3. The Yankees wasted a leadoff walk by Gleyber Torres in the 4th, and loaded the bases with 1 out in the 7th before LeMahieu grounded into a double play. Chad Green replaced Montgomery after one of those troublesome leadoff walks in the 6th. He faced 6 batters and got them all out, making him possibly the most important player in this game.

Then came the top of the 8th. The Yankees got another of those potentially fatal lead off walks. In fact, the oft-struck-out Judge and Stanton both drew walks in the inning, sandwiching a flyout by Hicks. Mike Tauchman was sent into to pinch-run for Stanton. And Torres, who really needed to start delivering, did, his single bringing home Judge and tying the game, sending Tauchman to 2nd.

Up came the newly-acquired Rougned Odor -- pronounced "ROOG-ned Oh-DOOR." The 27-year-old 2nd baseman from Maracaibo, Venezuela, previously best known for punching Toronto Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista, had been known as a power hitter with some speed for the Texas Rangers, but struck out way too much.

Having shaved his huge beard (and now, you notice just how much his ears stick out), he sounds like a typical Brian Cashman acquisition -- with one key difference: He bats lefthanded. He might be exactly what the Yankees need.

Not in the top of the 8th inning yesterday, though: He popped up to 3rd. Sanchez ended the inning by flying to right.

Darren O'Day pitched a perfect bottom of the 8th for the Yankees. Aaron Boone did something neither Joe Torre nor Joe Girardi liked doing: He brought his closer in to pitch the 9th inning with the game tied. Aroldis Chapman struck out the side, but it wasn't that simple: He was a bit wild, and he allowed a double to Zunino.

On to extra innings, and starting the inning with what's become known as "the ghost runner": The player who made the last out in the previous inning. That rule has already hurt the Yankees this season, as it had last season, and hasn't seemed to help much.

On December 1, 1972, ABC aired an episode of The Odd Couple where Felix Unger and Oscar Madison went on the game show Password. That show always had 2 teams of 2: A regular person, and a celebrity to help them. The host was Allen Ludden, and, often, one of the celebrities would by his wife, Betty White. (Yes, that Betty White.)

Within the fictional universe of The Odd Couple, it turned out that Ludden was a big fan of Oscar's newspaper sports column, and offered him a slot as a celebrity contestant. Oscar wasn't a fan of the show, but Felix was. So, since Ludden was willing to do something nice for him, he asked if Felix could be his contestant partner, and Ludden agreed.

But as much as Felix loved the game, he was lousy at it. Not only did he give weird responses to Oscar's clues, he gave even weirder clues. When the password was "Bird," Felix said, "Aristophanes." Aristophanes was a playwright in the Golden Age of Anicent Greece, and one of his plays was a satire titled The Birds. Felix had a classical education, and knew this. Oscar worked his way up as a kid from the streets, and didn't know this. But Felix didn't know that, and blew it.

During the commercial break, Oscar told Felix, "No more Greek clues! Aristophanes is ridiculous!" When they came back, the next password was "ridiculous."

Ludden: "Oscar, play or pass?"
Oscar: "Oh, I'm gonna play, Allen." (Glares at Felix, and says, through gritted teeth.) "Aristophanes."

Felix, getting it: "Ridiculous!"

Jack Klugman as Oscar (left), and Tony Randall as Felix

Having pulled off perhaps the most telegraphed punch in TV history, they won the round, but, ultimately, lost the game.

I call the "ghost runner" rule The Aristophanes Rule. It's ridiculous!

Nevertheless... Judge began the top of the 10th on 2nd base. He has good speed for a man his size. Rays reliever Collin McHugh made the mistake of hitting Hicks with a pitch. So that's men on 1st and 2nd with nobody out. Obviously, the strategy here is to bunt. And Tauchman laid down a good one. Now, it's men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out. A fly ball gets home a run, and a single may get home 2.

But not if you ground back to the shortstop. That's what Torres did, and Judge was thrown out at home on a force play. Now, it was 1st and 3rd with 2 out.

The batter was Odor. With a 2nd chance to be the big hero, he was, with a Texas Leaguer to center that scored Hicks. Sanchez singled to center, scoring Torres.

What's better than insurance runs? More insurance runs. Urshela singled to right, to score Odor. Manuel Margot, in right field for Tampa Bay, botched it, and that allowed Sanchez to score. Gardner struck out. Cliche Alert: But the damage is done. Rookie Albert Abreu pitched a perfect bottom of the 10th, stranding the ghost runner.

Yankees 8, Rays 4. WP: Chapman (1-0). No save: Abreu came in with a 4-run lead. If you're going to have the ghost runner, maybe holding a 4-run lead is worthy of being given a save. LP: McHugh (0-1)

The Yankees remain in the Tampa Bay area. Due to COVID restrictions, the Toronto Blue Jays are still unable to play home games in Toronto. Last season, they played them in the big U.S. city closest to Toronto: Buffalo, New York.

This season, they may end up being able to play some home games in Toronto later on. But they can't play them in Buffalo: The city decided that Sahlen Field needed upgrades to really be ready for major league games, in case it was needed for such again.

So the Class AAA Buffalo Bisons will be playing their home games this season in... Trenton, New Jersey, making Trenton, previously home to the Class AA Trenton Thunder, and now home to a "collegiate league" team of the same name, the highest-ranking baseball city in New Jersey since the Brooklyn Dodgers played games in Jersey City in 1956 and 1957.

And Buffalo is out as a location for the Jays. And no other major league team was willing to groundshare with them. So the Jays are playing games at their Spring Training facility: TD Ballpark in Dunedin, 24 miles west of downtown Tampa, and 24 miles northwest of Tropicana field. (At least the name has a slight connection: TD stands for Toronto-Dominion, a bank whose name is also on the ballpark of the Yankees' new Class AA affiliate, the Somerset Patriots, and the new Boston Garden.)

TD Ballpark seats 8,500 people. This makes it the smallest ballpark in which the Yankees have played a regular-season game since 1908, when Sportsman's Park in St. Louis seated only 8,000, and was replaced the next year by the 31,000-seat stadium that would serve St. Louis baseball until 1966.