If I Were the Commissioner of the NFL

This past Sunday, the Miami Dolphins pulled off a big upset against the Buffalo Bills, 21-19 at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida. But their quarterback, Tuanigamanuolepola "Tua" Tagovailoa, who led the University of Alabama to the 2017 National Championship, suffered a concussion and had to be removed from the game.

Just 4 days later, last night, the Dolphins played again, losing to the Cincinnati Bengals, 27-15 at Paycor Stadium (formerly named Paul Brown Stadium) in Cincinnati. Tua got sacked by Josh Tupou, and hit the back of his head on the artificial turf. At first, it looked like he was paralyzed. He did not move for 8 minutes until the ambulance came onto the field. He was taken to the University of Cincinnati Medical Center, regained full movement, was discharged, and was allowed to fly back to Miami with his teammates.

If I were the Commissioner of the National Football League, I would void Tua Tagovailoa's contract with the Miami Dolphins, and make him a free agent, eligible to sign with any other team. But I would also advise him to retire. I know, he's only 24 years old. And he needs a job. But he doesn't need a job that puts his central nervous system at further risk.

I would also ban all of the Dolphins' coaches, including head coach Mike McDaniel, their general manager Chris Grier, and their medical staff from the NFL for life. This was not just a failure. This was negligence. Possibly criminal negligence.

And I would strongly advise team owner Stephen Ross to sell the team. Team owners in other sports have been forced out due to racism. But not the kind of racism that has gotten people killed. This kind of negligence will get someone killed unless action is taken.

This was a Thursday game, with only 3 days off since the Dolphins' (and the Bengals') previous game. I would ban all Thursday games, except for Thanksgiving, and give all teams playing on Thanksgiving a bye the previous Sunday.

And this was a head-on-artificial turf injury. I would ban artificial turf. Starting next season, all fields have to be real grass. You can't grow grass under a fixed dome? Get the hell out of the dome. You NFL owners are filthy rich. You can afford to build your own stadiums without taxpayer dollars, and you can certainly afford to replace your current turf field with real grass, or rent another stadium in the interim.

Too many players have suffered and eventually died as a result of football-inflicted head trauma. Usually, the effects are long-term. But five players have died as a result of playing in professional football games in this country, the last being Chuck Hughes of the Detroit Lions in 1971. Six if you count Darryl Stingley, who lived nearly 30 years after his 1978 paralysis which did, indirectly, lead to his death. I don't want there to be another.

But then, I am not the Commissioner of the NFL. Roger Goodell is. And he is the weakest NFL boss since Elmer Layden in 1945. He proved that by letting the New England Patriots and Tom Brady -- together and separately -- get away with everything. Goodell is what English soccer fans would call a useless bastard. Nothing is going to be done, because the team owners aren't going to be scared into losing money if nothing gets done. They are going to go on as before, and there will be more players hurt like Tua.

And, eventually, there will be a player who dies as a result. Maybe it'll be like putting up a traffic light at a dangerous intersection: The right thing will only be done once someone dies.

"Cheers" is the 1980s in a Nutshell

Top row, left to right: Ted Danson as Sam Malone,

John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin and George Wendt as Norm Peterson.

Bottom row, left to right: Nicholas Colasanto as Ernie Pantusso, a.k.a. "Coach";

Shelley Long as Diane Chambers, and Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli

September 30, 1982, 40 years ago: The situation comedy Cheers premieres on NBC. It was about Sam Malone (played by Ted Danson), a former relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, who ruined his career by excessive drinking, and now ran a bar in Boston.

This would seem to have been a bad idea, given his affliction, but he was good at it. The show was also about the bar itself, and the characters who were regular visitors.

Cheers is the 1980s in a nutshell. Here are the Top 10 Reasons:

1. Sam represents the excesses of the time, managing to skate through everything -- until he can't anymore. He wasn't quite "Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll" personified, but he was a womanizer, a substance abuser (in his case, alcohol), and a lover of fast cars (to the end of the show, he drove a cherry-red 1964 Chrevolet Corvette).

After almost, but not quite, going through with his marriage ceremony to Diane Chambers (Shelley Long), he sees Diane accept a job across the country, and she says she'll be back in 6 months. Sam doesn't buy it, and he turns out to be right. He sells the bar, and buys a boat, which he handles badly, and it sinks on its maiden voyage. That was his "Crash of '87," although the story happened to him before it happened to Wall Street.

He goes back to work at the bar, but he's just a bartender, no longer the owner, and tries to scheme his way back into ownership. At first, it doesn't work. This represents the Eighties' "bill coming due" after the Wall Street Crash of '87, although, in real life, the economy didn't fall all at once. The Savings & Loan Scandal of 1989 had more to do with the recession of 1990-93 than the Crash did. Sam did get the bar back, but it took 3 years.

2. Diane represents mental illness, and President Ronald Reagan letting so many mentally ill people out on the street. She did annoy everyone, but she was clearly impaired. And she was not properly treated. The character of Dr. Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) was introduced at the start of Season 3 as her therapist, but before his introductory episode was out, we found out he was also sleeping with her, which was a massive violation of medical ethics. The relationship didn't last much longer, since she went back to Sam after he went back on the wagon.

3. Coach represents the old ways that have seemingly been lost. Emblematic of this is that, aside from the Red Sox, the only time we find out which team once employed Ernie Pantusso, a.k.a. "Coach" (Nicolas Colasanto), was when he said he played for the St. Louis Browns' organization. The Browns moved to become the Baltimore Orioles in 1954, after winning just 1 Pennant and no World Series in more than half a century. So, by this point, any mention of them was as a hopeless relic.

4. Cliff represents Reagan Era paranoia. Mail carrier Cliff Clavin was a dedicated employee of the U.S. Postal Service. He was also a self-styled know-it-all, whose bluster wouldn't have lasted two minutes in the Internet era, when his "little known facts" would have been quickly exposed.

He was also one of the most politically conservative characters on TV, saying after George H.W. Bush became President in 1989, "Ever since Reagan left office, this country's gone to heck in a handcart." He was played by John Ratzenberger, and, as Cliff, he wasn't acting: He's like that in real life.

5. Norm represents the working class, who were told they would have it better now, but they really don't. On September 23, 1982, 7 days before the show premiered, Billy Joel released his album The Nylon Curtain, including the working man's lament "Allentown." On September 30, hours before the show premiered, Bruce Springsteen released his album Nebraska, including "Atlantic City." The American Dream wasn't coming true anymore, and keeping a job -- and, if not, getting a new one -- proved hard, even for a white-collar man like accountant Norm Peterson (George Wendt).

"Bars can be sad places," Norm once said. "Some people spend their whole lives in a bar. Yesterday, some guy came in, and sat down next to me for 11 hours." Cheers was his refuge from an uncaring world. Cheers was where people still cared about him. Like the theme song, written and sung by Gary Portnoy, said: "Sometimes, you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came."

6. Frasier represents the ruling class, suddenly realizing that they don't rule as much as they thought they did. Like a similarly stuffy and bald medical man from Boston, Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester III (David Ogden Stiers on M*A*S*H), Frasier frequently reminded people that he graduated from Harvard University.

The fact that the spinoff series Frasier retconned him as actually being from Seattle doesn't change the perception that he fit in better in Boston. That show also changed his background: While his mother was a brilliant scientist, his father was a working-class cop. But viewers wouldn't know that until 1993, and watched Cheers thinking that Frasier was a Boston Brahmin like Charles.

7. Carla represents women, trying to have it every which way, and facing the consequences more than the men do. Carla Tortelli (Rhea Perlman) started the series with a nasty, cheating, no-good 1st husband and 5 kids. She ended it with one cheating ex-husband alive, another dead (not killed by her, although she was certainly capable of it), and 8 kids (1 with neither of them). No one on the show struggled more than Carla. Why? Was it because she was a woman?

Maybe not: Diane struggled less, and so did Rebecca Howe (Kirstie Alley), who managed the bar from Seasons 6 to 9, and then was assistant manager under Sam the rest of the way.) But Carla was the show's only married woman. (Despite a close call in the Season 5 finale, and another when she returned for the series finale, Diane and Sam never did marry each other.)

8. Woody represents the Rubes out in the Hinterlands, who just like having Reagan tell them all those nice stories about how wonderful things were, could be again, and eventually were again, except they were only words. Woody Boyd (Woody Harrelson) was brought in as a bartender after Colasanto died of cancer during Season 3. There he was in the big city, telling everybody how great life was on the farm in Indiana.

But this was no Radar O'Reilly on M*A*S*H: Unlike the Iowa-tied company clerk, Woody was even dumber than Coach. How dumb was he? Dumb enough to fall for a lot of Cliff's "little known facts." At least he meant well.

9. Rebecca represents all the good white people who bought into Reagan's myth, and were gradually betrayed by it. She went after one rich boss, played by Tom Skerritt; then another who bought him out, played by Roger Rees. Skerritt's character wouldn't even think about romancing her, while Rees' character did, but only when he could gain advantage from it.

She resisted all of Sam's smarmy advances... until after Sam bought the bar back (for 87 cents). Then, she went all in for the handsome, athletic guy with the great hair. (Of course, Reagan wasn't an alcoholic. His father and his brother were, though.)

10. The show ended in 1993, four months into Bill Clinton's first term, when we finally began to clean up the mess of the Reagan Years. The last scene shows Norm telling Sam he knew he wouldn't go off with Diane, because, "You always come back to your one true love." In Sam's case, for all his fooling around, his one true love wasn't a woman. It was the bar. Where he could be in charge, but he never lorded it over his friends. People like Carla, Norm, Cliff, Woody, even Frasier (at least until he moved back to Seattle).

In his Inaugural Address, Clinton said, "There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America." Sam figured out the bar was where he could balance freedom and responsibility, duty and friendship. He had found his calling. It wasn't baseball, or drinking, or fast cars, or women, and it certainly wasn't either Diane or Rebecca. It was being first among equals, in the place where everybody knew his name.

Judge 61 and -.0013, Cole 248

Let's not bury the lead: Last night, Aaron Judge hit his 61st home run of the season. It drove in the tying and go-ahead runs, and the Yankees beat the Toronto Blue Jays, 8-3 at the Rogers Centre in Toronto.

It tied the American League record set by a previous Yankee right fielder, Roger Maris, in 1961. It surpassed the record that Maris broke, set by yet another Yankee right fielder, Babe Ruth, with 60 in 1927.

Judge magnanimously says that Barry Bonds' 73 in 2001 is the real record. With all due respect to the man who is putting up the greatest season I've ever seen from any player -- noting that he's played great defense, too -- he's wrong about this. Bonds' 73 for a season and his 762 for a career are fake. The career record remains 755 by Hank Aaron. And Roger Maris Jr., who hugged Judge's mother in the stands after the record-tying home run, is right that Major League Baseball should officially recognize 61, or whatever number Judge finishes with.

The Blue Jays began the game by walking Judge. In all fairness, he has worked full counts on most of these walks. But Oswaldo Cabrera then walked as well, and you know what leadoff walks can do. Josh Donaldson and Oswald Peraza hit RBI singles. (We're gonna have to start calling these guys "Ozzie C" and "Ozzie P.") Harrison Bader grounded out, but Marwin González singled home a run. It was 3-0 Yankees before Gerrit Cole even took the mound.

And he was in pursuit of a record, too. In 1978, Ron Guidry stuck out 248 batters to set the Yankee single-season record. Cole came close to breaking it last year. Last night, he had a perfect game going through 5 innings, and had struck out 4 batters, to tie the record.

But he couldn't get the 249th. Worse, he gave up another home run to lead off the 6th, and ended up blowing the lead. It was 3-3 when Aaron Hicks led off the top of the 7th with a single. Pressure on Judge? Maybe late, game-on-the-line pressure was just what he needed. He took ball 1 from Tim Mayza, and then sent a no-doubt-about-er way over the left field fence. Number 61. Yankees lead, 5-3.

A fan tried to catch it, but it bounced off his glove, and down into the Blue Jays' bullpen. As it turned out, his name -- I swear, I'm not making this up -- was Frankie Lasagna, and he owns an Italian restaurant in Toronto. And he couldn't catch it.

The puns have flown. "That's a spicy meet-a-ball." "It got pasta him." "Frankie, ricotta catch that!" My own response was to paraphrase the late, great Ray Liotta in Goodfellas: It was revenge for 1985, and 1993, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing he could do about it. Judge was a made man, and Frankie wasn't. And he just had to sit there and take it.

The Yankees got another run in the 7th, on a Bader single. Two more runs came thanks to sloppy Toronto fielding in the 9th. Cole got the 1st out in the 7th, but had thrown 92 pitches, so Aaron Boone took him out. Zack Britton got the 2nd out, but walked 2 batters. Scott Effross got the 3rd out. Clarke Schmidt pitched a scoreless 8th. And Aroldis Chapman, who doesn't need added pressure, and had hardly any, pitched a perfect 9th.

Yankees 8, Blue Jays 3. WP: Cole (13-7). No save. LP: Mayza (8-1).

The Yankees have today off. Tomorrow, they start a 3-game home series against the Baltimore Orioles, so Judge will have a great chance to hit Number 62 at home. Then, we close the regular season with 4 games away to the Texas Rangers. Then, we wait to see who we play in the American League Division Series, which gives us a chance to properly set our rotation up.

If everybody takes their regular turn in the rotation, then Cole would get his chance to surpass Guidry this coming Tuesday, October 4. Regardless of how he does, that would work out just fine for him to start Game 1 of the ALDS, because he'd get 6 days' rest, as it's on Tuesday, October 11.

The ALCS would run from October 19 to, if it goes to a Game 7, October 26; and the World Series will start, weather permitting, on October 29, and a Game 7 would set a new record for latest-in-the-year MLB game ever, November 5. Why so late? The lockout that began this season, pushing the regular season's start back a week. In other words, without that, Game 7 of the World Series would have been on October 29.

Judge also still has a good shot at the Triple Crown. He easily leads the AL in both home runs and runs batted in. In the race for the highest batting average, he has .3134, trailing Luis Arráez of the Minnesota Twins at .3147 -- .0013 behind. Xander Bogaerts of the Boston Red Sox had been neck-and-neck with Judge, but he has slipped to .309.

How to Be a Yankee Fan In Dallas -- 2022 Edition

"I'm in hell!" – Morgan Freeman
"Worse: You're in Texas!" – Chris Rock
-- Nurse Betty

This coming Monday, the Yankees close the 2022 regular season by visiting the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex to face the Texas Rangers, in what Texas native Molly Ivins – frequently sarcastically – called The Great State.

An example of her writing: "In the Great State, you can get 5 years for murder, and 99 for pot possession." (I once sent the late, great newspaper columnist an e-mail asking if it could be knocked down to 98 years if you didn't inhale. Sadly, she never responded.)

Anyway, this completes the circuit: I have now done trip guides for all 30 Major League Baseball teams this season.

Before You Go. It's not just The South, it's Texas. This is the State that elected George W. Bush, Rick Perry, Greg Abbott and Bill Clements Governor; Dick Armey, Tom DeLay, Ron Paul and Louie Gohmert to the House of Representatives; and Phil Gramm and Ted Cruz to the Senate -- and thinks the rest of the country isn't conservative enough. This is the State where, in political terms, somebody like Long Island's conservative Congressman Peter King is considered a sissy.

This is a State that thinks that poor nonwhites don't matter at all, and that poor whites only matter if you can convince them that, no matter how bad their life is, they're still better than the (slur on blacks) and the (slur on Hispanics). Hell, they just had a school shooting there today: At last report, 20 shot, 10 of them dead.

So if you go to Texas for this series, it would be best to avoid political discussions. And, for crying out loud, don't mention that, now over half a century ago, a liberal Democratic President was killed in Dallas. They might say JFK had it comin' 'cause he was a (N-word)-lovin' Communist.

No. I'm not kidding. There are millions of Texans who think like this -- and, among their own people, they will be less likely to hold back. So don't ask them what they think. About anything.

At any rate, before we go any further, enjoy Lewis Black's R-rated smackdown of Rick Perry and the State of Texas as a whole. Perry is so stupid and myopic, he makes Dubya look like Pat Moynihan.

Also within the realm of "It's not just The South, it's Texas," you should be prepared for hot weather. It's not just the heat that's so bad, it's the humidity. And the mosquitoes. You think it was only the heat that made the Houston Astros build the Astrodome? Sandy Koufax said, "Some of the bugs they've got down there are twin-engine jobs." And, unlike Houston (then as now), the Dallas-area team does not have a dome, or even a roof over the stands. It's hot, it's humid, it's muggy and it's buggy, and they have that shit all the time.

So, before you go, check the websites of the Dallas Morning News and the Fort Worth Star-Telegram (the "Startle-gram") for the weather. For the moment, it's projected to be in the high 80s in the afternoons, and in the low 60s at night. Fortunately, given that you won't be inside the retractable-roof stadium for the entire trip, no rain is forecast for the series. Regardless of what they say, bring bugspray, and remember to keep yourself hydrated.

Fortunately, despite the State's Southernness and Confederate past, you don't need a passport to visit, and you don't need to change your money.

Texas (except for the southwestern corner, with El Paso) is in the Central Time Zone, 1 hour behind New York. Adjust your timepieces accordingly.

Tickets. The Rangers are averaging 24,390 fans this season. The official seating capacity at what's now known as Globe Life Park in Arlington is 40,300. That leaves about 16,000 empty seats, so getting tickets should not be a problem.

You know the old saying that everything is big in Texas? You could count baseball ticket prices in that. Lower Box seats go for $200. Infield Mezzanines are $85. Corner Boxes are $80. Mezzanines are $60. Baseline Pavilions are $40. Outfield Mezzanines (we could call them "bleachers") are $40. Upper Boxes are $35, and Upper Reserved are $25.

Getting There. It is 1,551 miles from Midtown Manhattan to downtown Dallas, and 1,576 miles from Yankee Stadium to Globe Life Field. So unless you want to be cooped up for 24-30 hours, you... are... flying.

Nonstop roundtrip flights on American Airlines from Newark, Kennedy or LaGuardia airports to Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport could set you back as little as just under $500. Ironically, American Airlines, which has its corporate headquarters at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport, is more expensive to its home city than to most. (That airport, which rendered the smaller Love Field a regional airport, is Texas-sized huge, covering more ground that Manhattan Island.)

Amtrak offers the Lake Shore Limited (a variation on the old New York Central Railroad's 20th Century Limited), leaving Penn Station at 3:40 PM Eastern Time and arriving at Chicago's Union Station at 9:45 AM Central Time. Then switch to the Texas Eagle at 1:45 PM, and arrive at Dallas' Union Station (400 S. Houston Street at Wood Street) the following morning at 11:30. It would be $540.

If, that is, it were available. But the Lake Shore Limited is sold out for Saturday into Sunday. So, no train this time.

As with American Airlines, Dallas is Greyhound's hometown, or at least the location of its corporate headquarters: 205 S. Lamar Street at Commerce Street, which is also the address of their Dallas station. If you look at Greyhound buses, you'll notice they all have Texas license plates. So how bad can the bus be?

Well, it's $780 round-trip, and advanced purchase can get it down to $534 -- which could be more expensive than flying. It's a 40-hour trip, and you'll have to change buses at least twice, in Richmond, Virginia (and I don't like the Richmond station) and either Atlanta or Memphis.

Oh... kay. So what about driving? As I said, over 1,500 miles. I would definitely recommend bringing a friend and sharing the driving. The fastest way from New York to Dallas is to get into New Jersey, take Interstate 78 West across the State and into Pennsylvania, then turn to Interstate 81 South, across Pennsylvania, the "panhandles" of Maryland and West Virginia, and across the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia into Tennessee, where I-81 will flow into Interstate 40. Take I-40 into Arkansas, and switch to Interstate 30 in Little Rock, taking it into the Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area, a.k.a. "The Metroplex." Between the forks of Interstate 35 in the Metroplex, I-30 is named the Tom Landry Freeway, after the legendary Dallas Cowboys coach.

Once you get across the Hudson River into New Jersey, you should be in New Jersey for about an hour, Pennsylvania for 3 hours, Maryland for 15 minutes, West Virginia for half an hour, Virginia for 5 and a half hours (more than the entire trip will be before you get to Virginia), 8 hours and 15 minutes in Tennessee, 3 hours in Arkansas, and about 3 hours and 45 minutes in Texas.

Taking 45-minute rest stops in or around (my recommendations) Harrisburg, Pennsylvania; Charlottesville, Virginia; Bristol, on the Virginia/Tennessee State Line; Nashville and Memphis, Tennessee; Little Rock and Texarkana, Arkansas; and accounting for overruns there and for traffic at each end of the journey, and we're talking 31 hours. So, leaving New York at around 10:00 on Sunday morning (thus avoiding rush-hour traffic), you should be able to reach the Metroplex at around 4:00 on Monday afternoon (again, allowing you to avoid rush-hour traffic, and giving you time to get to your hotel).

And you will be getting a hotel. Fortunately, Globe Life Park is in Arlington, midway between the downtowns of Dallas and Fort Worth. Well before either the Rangers or the Cowboys set up shop in Arlington, Six Flags Over Texas did so, as the original theme park in the Six Flags chain (opening in 1961), and so there are plenty of hotels available nearby. They're also likely to be cheaper than the ones in downtown Dallas.

Once In the City. Texas declared its independence from Mexico on March 2, 1836; was admitted to the Union as the 28th State on December 29, 1845; became the 7th State to secede from the Union, on February 1, 1861; and the 10th former Confederate State to be readmitted, on March 30, 1870.

Dallas (population about 1.3 million, founded in 1856) was named after George Mifflin Dallas, a Mayor of Philadelphia and Senator from Pennsylvania who was James K. Polk's Vice President (1845-49). Fort Worth (about 920,000, founded in 1849) was named for William Jenkins Worth, a General in the War of 1812 and the Mexican-American War. And Arlington (400,000, founded in 1876) was named for the Virginia city across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C., as a tribute to Confederate General Robert E. Lee.

The population of the entire Metroplex is about 7.7 million and climbing, although when you throw in Oklahoma, southern Arkansas and northern Louisiana, the total population of the Rangers' "market" is about 19 million -- a little less than the New York Tri-State Area, and soon it will surpass us.

Dallas proper is about 42 percent Hispanic, 28 percent white, 24 percent black, and 3 percent Asian. South Dallas is mostly black, while North Dallas is mostly white. The northern suburbs are rich, and so conservative, they make New Jersey Republicans look like Socialists.

Dallas has been spared major racial incidents. But there were race riots in North Texas in Slocum in 1910, and in Longview in 1919.

Commerce Street divides Dallas street addresses into North and South. Beckley Avenue, across the Trinity River from downtown, appears to divide them into East and West. The sales tax in the State of Texas is 6.25 percent, in Dallas County 8.25 percent, and in Tarrant County (including Arlington and Fort Worth) 8 percent even.

ZIP Codes for the Dallas side of the Metroplex start with the digits 75; and for the Fort Worth side, 76. The Area Codes are 214, 469, 940 and 972 for Dallas; and 817 for Fort Worth and Arlington.

Public transportation is a relatively new idea in Texas. While Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) has built a subway and a light rail system, and it has a bus service (get a Day Pass for $5.00), until recently, Arlington was the largest city in the country with no public transportation at all.

A Green Line light rail train, just outside of downtown

Dallas' beltway is named for 2 Presidents: Interstate 635, to the north, is the Lyndon B. Johnson Freeway; while Interstate 20, to the south, is the Ronald Reagan Memorial Highway. I-20, along with Interstate 820, the Jim Wright Freeway (named for the local Congressman who was an ally of LBJ's, an enemy of Reagan's, and Speaker of the House from 1987 to 1989), is Fort Worth's beltway. And, as I said, I-30, the Tom Landry Freeway, connects the 2 cities and goes through Arlington.

Going In. Globe Life Field is 17 miles west of downtown in Dallas, and 18 miles east of downtown Fort Worth, about halfway between. Arlington is in Fort Worth's Tarrant County, not Dallas County. The official address of "The Globe" is 734 Stadium Drive, off Exit 29 on the Landry Freeway. It sits right between Six Flags and the new Cowboys stadium (now named AT&T Stadium).

Globe Life Field, with Jerry World behind it

To the north, across Randol Mill Road, is Choctaw Stadium, home of the Rangers from 1994 to 2019, and going through several name changes in that period. It hosted the 1995 All-Star Game, and every postseason home game the Rangers have yet played, including games in the 2010 and 2011 World Series. Currently, it is home to North Texas SC, a minor-league soccer team; the Dallas Jackals of Major League Rugby; and the Dallas Renegades of the XFL.

Choctaw Stadium, retrofitted for all kinds of "football,"

with Globe Life Field and Jerry Jones' Death Star in the background

Across AT&T Way from the ballparks is a parking lot where the original home of the Rangers, Arlington Stadium, stood from 1965 to 1993. (It was a minor-league park called Turnpike Stadium before the announcement of the move of the team led to its expansion for the 1972 season.)

About that previously mentioned public transportation problem. If you got a hotel near the various Arlington attractions, you're in luck: The Arlington Entertainment District Trolley goes to the area hotels and to the stadiums and theme parks. But if your hotel is in Dallas, you'll have to take Trinity Rail Express (TRE) to Centerport Station, and then transfer to bus 221, and take that to Collins & Andrew Streets. And even then, you'd have to walk over a mile down Cedarland Blvd. and Randol Mill Road to get to the ballpark. The whole thing is listed as taking an hour and 40 minutes.

But at least it's now possible to get from Dallas to a Ranger game and back without spending $50 on taxis. So how much is it? From Union Station to Centerport, each way, is $2.50. I don't know what the zones are for the bus, but a Day Pass is $5.00, meaning that getting there and back could top out at $10, which is reasonable considering the distance involved.

Parking is $15, and this includes Lot M and Lot N, on the site of the old Arlington Stadium. From Lots F, G, H, M & N, you would walk across a bridge over Mark Holtz Lake, named for the late Rangers broadcaster, to the new ballpark.

Unlike Choctaw Stadium, which had various old ballparks incorporated into the design, Globe Life Field is more like Miller Park in Milwaukee, and Chase Field in Phoenix: A big, soulless airplane hangar that has no business hosting baseball. The field is artificial, and is not symmetrical. It's 329 feet to left field, 372 to left-center, 404 to straightaway center, 374 to right center, and 326 down the right field line.

Nomar Mazara of the Rangers hit the longest home run at this stadium, 505 feet on June 21, 2019. Home plate is the same one used at Arlington and Choctaw Stadiums, so they've had the same one since 1972.

With roof open

Complaints about the heat led Dallas-area voters to do something they would ordinarily do: Vote to raise taxes. They did so in November 2016, approving the Rangers' plan for a new ballpark, to be built, along with a shopping mall and a hotel.

The COVID-19 pandemic was both the worst and the best thing to happen to the new stadium. The worst, because it pushed back its opening from March 23 to July 24, 2020. The best, because it became part of MLB's 2020 "postseason bubble." Because it's an American League facility, it was used for the National League Playoffs, to maintain its neutrality. And it was chosen as the site for all the games of the 2020 World Series, won by the Los Angeles Dodgers over the Tampa Bay Rays. It was the 1st time the Dodger franchise, in any city, had played a "home game" on artificial turf.

With roof closed

UPDATE: Following the 2022 season, MLB announced that Globe Life Field would host the 2024 All-Star Game.

Food. Along with the usual ballpark fare, the Rangers, going back to their early days at Arlington Stadium, were known for their nachos, as one might expect of a place with a Mexican influence, as Texas is. As one also might expect in Texas, they have barbecue stands, and lots and lots of beer, including the hometown brand, Lone Star Beer.

In Texas, you can expect Tex-Mex, and Casa De Fuego (House of Fire) is behind Section 125. They have a "Coney Island" stand, but the closest this Section 40 stand comes to being the Brooklyn seaside institution is selling chili dogs. There's a Dublin Up Irish Pub at 211, several Hot'n Chedder Sausage stands (their spelling, not mine), and at Section 24 (should be 34, to match his uniform number), Nolan Ryan's Beef Steak Sandwich. At Section 16, they have "Sausage Sundae." I don't wanna know.

According to a recent Thrillist article on the best food at each ballpark, the best thing to eat at Arlington is the chicken & donut skewer, at Flew the Coop at Section 50. Clearly, the author doesn't know what's good.

Team History Displays. The Rangers, having now been around for 50 years, have a bit of history. And while they never won a Pennant until 2010, or even qualified for postseason play until 1996, rarely have they been flat-out terrible. For the most part, they've been just sort of there, just another stop on a team's schedule, and nothing to get excited about.

But they have had their moments, ranging from the sublime (the no-hitters and strikeout milestones of Nolan Ryan) to the ridiculous (sending 18-year-old Houston area native David Clyde to pitch in 1973, when he clearly wasn't ready, and wrecking the arm of the top pick in the draft, just so they could bring in fans wanting to see a native Texan -- from the other side of the State -- pitch for the Rangers).

They have their AL Pennants and their AL Western Division banners flying from poles at the back wall in the outfield.

The Rangers have 5 retired numbers, aside from the universally-retired 42 for Jackie Robinson, and they hang in the left field corner: 34, for Ryan; 26, for Johnny Oates, the manager who took them to their 1st 3 postseason berths; 7 for Iván Rodríguez, in honor of his election to the Hall of Fame, despite the steroid cloud hanging over him; 10 for Michael Young; and 29 for Adrián Beltré.)

The Rangers have a team Hall of Fame, which is under the right field stands, and is open to ticketed fans during home games, and during ballpark tours. There are currently 26 members:

* Pitchers: Ryan, Charlie Hough, Ferguson Jenkins, Jeff Russell, and former Yankees John Wetteland and (ugh) Kenny Rogers. 

* Catchers: Rodríguez (briefly a Yankee) and Jim Sundberg.

* Infielders: Young, Beltré, Toby Harrah (the last active Washington Senator, and a former Yankee), Buddy Bell and Ian Kinsler.

* Outfielders: Tom Grieve, Rusty Greer, Juan González, Josh Hamilton and former Yankee Rubén Sierra.

* Non-players: Oates (another former Yankee), broadcasters Mark Holtz and Eric Nadel, team presidents Tom Schieffer and John Blake, public address announcer Chuck Morgan; and 2 Mayors of Arlington: Tom Vandergriff, serving 1951-77, known as "the Father of the Texas Rangers," and Richard Greene, 1987-97, who got what's now Choctaw Stadium built.

In 1999, Ryan was named to both the Major League Baseball All-Century Team and The Sporting News' 100 Greatest Baseball Players. He was the only player generally identified with the Rangers to receive either honor. He was also chosen by Ranger fans in the 2006 DHL Hometown Heroes poll.

In 2022, ESPN named its 100 Greatest Baseball Players. Among players who played significant time for the Rangers, Alex Rodriguez ranked 26th, Nolan Ryan 42nd, Iván Rodríguez 90th, and Adrián Beltré 97th. Apparently, they didn't care about steroid use.

At the start of the 2012 season, the Rangers dedicated statues of Shannon and Cooper Stone, the father and son involved in a tragic incident the year before. All-Star Ranger left fielder Josh Hamilton saw the Stones in the stands, and tossed a ball up to them. But Shannon, a 39-year-old firefighter, bobbled it, and fell over the railing to his death. His son Cooper was just 6, and the poor kid saw the whole thing. He was wearing a HAMILTON 32 jersey.

The Rangers invited Cooper and his mother Jenny to throw out the ceremonial first pitches at a Playoff game in 2011, and dedicated the statues on Opening Day, as a symbol of the bond between fathers, sons and baseball.

A highway near the ballpark is the Nolan Ryan Freeway. Keep in mind, though, that Ryan only pitched for the Rangers for 5 seasons, and while he is regarded as a Texas icon, he was from the Houston area, not the Dallas area.

The center-field "batter's eye" is known as Holtz Hill, and a statue of Vandergriff stands behind Holtz Hill on a part of the Ballpark's concourse called Vandergriff Plaza. A statue of Ryan is outside the park. A copy of that statue is outside the ballpark in Round Rock, outside Austin, where the Round Rock Express are named for Nolan and owned by the Ryan family.

Vandergriff had Turnpike Stadium built in 1965, and expanded it to become Arlington Stadium as he tried to bring a major league team to the Metroplex, finally getting the "new" Washington Senators for the 1972 season.

The City Council offered to name the expanded stadium for Vandergriff, but he said it should be named for the city, and he threw out the first ball for their first game and broadcast for them for 3 years. He later served a term in Congress (elected as a Democrat, defeated by noted right-wing nut Dick Armey) and as a County Judge (elected as a Republican), and died at age 84, living just long enough to see his team play in its first World Series.

Since Interleague Play began in 1997, the Rangers have played regular-season games against the other MLB team in Texas, the Houston Astros, who joined them in the American League in 2013. The rivalry is known as the Lone Star Series, and, since 2001, the winner of the season series receives the Silver Boot. The Rangers have dominated the series, 130-103. Each team has won the season series 9 times, with 4 splits. The Astros were the 1st of the 2 to win a Pennant (2005) and a World Series (2017).

Johnny Oates with the 1st Silver Boot, in 2001

Note that the original Texas Rangers, the lawmen for whom the team (and the legendary Lone Ranger) were named, have their own Hall of Fame and Museum, in Waco. It's 100 miles south of the Dallas area, so if you want to see that, you'll need a car.

Stuff. The Rangers have team shops throughout the Ballpark, and also in downtown Dallas and downtown Fort Worth. The usual array of caps, jerseys, T-shirts, jackets, and baseball equipment are available. Naturally, they also sell cowboy hats and foam 10-gallon hats with the Ranger logo on them.

There are DVD retrospectives of their 2010 and '11 Pennant seasons. The Essential Games of the Texas Rangers includes 4 games: Ryan's 7th no-hitter on May 1, 1991; the team's 1st postseason game, Game 1 of the 1996 AL Division Series (which remained their only postseason game won until 2010); and their 2 Pennant clinchers, both in Game 6 of an ALCS, in 2010 against the Yankees and 2011 against the Detroit Tigers.

There aren't very many books about the Rangers -- indeed, if you do a search, and don't specify the baseball team, you'll probably end up with lots of books about the lawmen. Probably the best known book about the team doesn't exactly put them in a positive light: Seasons in Hell: With Billy Martin, Whitey Herzog and "The Worst Baseball Team in History" -- The 1973-1975 Texas Rangers.

Mike Shropshire, who covered the Rangers first for the Star-Telegram and then the Morning News, published it in 1996, at a time when the Rangers had yet to appear in a postseason game -- although 1974, when Billy (having taken over from Herzog the year before) took them to 2nd place, should have been a fun season to cover. But when you have to go to a stadium without sun protection in Texas, the long season could be pretty rough even in the best of times.

Broadcaster Nadel published The Texas Rangers: The Authorized History after the '96 AL West title, and the Morning News staff published Believe It! Texas Rangers: 2010 American League Champions, after they finally won a Pennant.

During the Game. A recent Thrillist article on "Baseball's Most Intolerable Fans" ranked the Rangers 23rd -- in other words, the 8th most tolerable. If you were going to a Dallas Cowboys game, I would advise you against wearing New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Houston Texans, Green Bay Packers, San Francisco 49ers, and especially Washington Redskins gear. Under those circumstances, the stereotypical aggression of Texans may come into to play. However, wearing Yankee gear in Globe Life Park will almost certainly get you no more than a little verbal.

And, this being a stadium, you're gonna get searched, and so is everyone else, so Texas' infamously lenient gun laws will be rendered useless. You're not going to get shot. Even JFK and J.R. Ewing wouldn't have gotten shot.

Since the Rangers arrived in the Metroplex in 1972, they are wearing sleeve patches commemorating their 50th Anniversary.

All 3 games of this series will feature promotions. Monday will be Marine Corps Appreciation Night. (As they say in the Corps, "Ooh-rah!") Tuesday will be Texas Tech University Night, even though Tech is in Lubbock, 330 miles west of Arlington. And Wednesday will be Dollar Hot Dog Night.

The Rangers hold auditions for National Anthem singers, instead of having a regular singer. They have a fight song, "Hail Hail the Rangers" -- an ironic title if you know Scottish soccer, as it's Glasgow's Celtic who use "Hail, hail!" as a slogan, not their arch-rivals, the team across town called Rangers, who, like their Texas baseball and New York hockey counterparts, famously wear blue shirts. And it is with great regret, and some queasiness, that I report that the Rangers' regular song to play in the 7th inning stretch after "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" is the nauseating "Cotton Eye Joe."

Like its predecessor, Arlington Stadium, Globe Life Park offers no protection from the searing Texas heat. As a result, most home games are played at night. Until the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball era began, the Rangers were one of the few teams that ever played Sunday home games at night, a holdover from the era of "blue laws."

Like Arlington Stadium, it is a hitters' park. This is particularly true to right field, where the pole is just 325 feet away, and the upper deck appears to overhang the lower one (there's that Detroit similarity). They call their fans "Rangers Republic," as opposed to "Red Sox Nation" (or "Yankees Universe").

In 2010 -- and, since they finally won their 1st Pennant that year, they kept it -- the Rangers started a tradition where they had 4 girls run around Holtz Hill with giant Texas State flags when the Rangers score, similar to what many football teams do when their teams score.

Speaking of football, they are also, along with the Miami Marlins, the only team in MLB that has anything resembling cheerleaders: The Texas Rangers Six Shooters is an interactive dance squad that performs various duties at Rangers home games. These women dance, tumble, and interact with fans, and lead the singing of "God Bless America" with a kid on top of the Ranger dugout during the 7th Inning Stretch.

The one on the left appears to be making the classic

University of Texas "Hook 'em Horns" sign,

even though Arlington is 200 miles north of Austin.

Along with the fact that the old Arlington Stadium had been a minor-league park, the fact that the Rangers have only been around since the age of Glam Rock, and the fact that it took them 39 seasons to win their 1st Pennant, have all combined to give the Rangers, even now, after 2 Pennants and 8 Playoff berths, the feel of a minor-league team -- or, to use the expression from English soccer, a small club.

One good thing about the Rangers: As far as I know, they are the only MLB team that prohibits The Wave. And it's not their rule, either: It's a County law, probably instituted in the wake of that falling fan.

The Rangers' mascot is "Rangers Captain" -- not to be confused with Mark Messier, or Captain Video and his Video Rangers. He's a horse wearing a Ranger uniform. He wears Number 72, in honor of the team's 1972 beginning.

On his page on the team website, Captain's Corral, he is listed as follows: "Bats: Both. Throws: Smoke." He has also been known to "throw down" with opposing mascots, including T.C. the Minnesota Twins' bear, the Mariner Moose, and Junction Jack, the jackrabbit who used to represent the cross-State Houston Astros.

You know how the Yankees have "The Great City Subway Race"? And the Mets used to have the plane race? The Orioles have a Hot Dog race? The Nationals have the Presidents' Race? The Pirates have the Pierogi Race? The Brewers have the Sausage Race? The Rangers have the Dot Race.

The... wha-at? The Dot Race. It appears to have predated all of the preceding, although there seems to be some dispute as to who did it first, the Rangers or the Oakland A's. Originally, at Arlington Stadium, three dots -- red, green and blue -- would race around the scoreboard in the middle of the 6th inning.

Now, they have live-action racing dots. Each fan is given a coupon that has one of the 3 colors. A coupon with the winning color can be taken to a Texas store to purchase... a new car! No, just kidding, not a new car. Okay, how about a steak dinner, which would certainly fit in with Texas' image? Nope. Okay, how about a free hot dog at a ballpark concession stand? Nope. You win... a bottle of the race's sponsor, Ozarka bottled water. Oh. Joy. All that money in Texas, and that's the best they can do?

And in an apparent effort to make the Los Angeles Angels' look mature, the Rangers adopted the "Claw and Antlers" gesture. Utility infielder Esteban German saw a home run, and held his hands in a claw-like position. (That sounds like something to do with dexterity rather than strength.) A stolen base led German to hold his hands to his head, his fingers attempting to look like the antlers of a deer or a moose. (Now that sounds like it could represent strength, at least if it's a moose, though a deer can be speedy.) A foam "antlers" hat soon followed, and became a big seller. 'Scuse me while I roll my eyes.

Suddenly, the University of Texas' "Hook 'em, Horns"

hand sign doesn't look so silly.

If the Rangers win, they'll play "I Like Texas" by Pat Green as a victory song.

After the Game. Dallas has a bit of a bad reputation when it comes to crime, but you'll be pretty far from it. Not only is the ballpark not in a bad neighborhood, it's one of those ballparks that's not in any neighborhood. As long as you don't make any snide remarks about the Cowboys, safety will not be an issue.

The only bars I could find that have been mentioned as catering to New Yorkers are Buffalo Joe's at 3636 Frankford Road, home of the local Giants fan club, about halfway between the stadium and downtown Dallas; and Binions Ice House, home of Metroplex Jets fans,  at 205 N. West Street, in Arlington, a mile and a half southwest of the Cowboys' stadium and 2 miles southwest of the Texas Rangers' new stadium.

If, on a visit to Dallas, you want to watch your favorite European soccer team, your best bet is The Londoner, 14930 Midway Road, Addison, 14 miles north of downtown. From Union Station, DART Red Line to Forest Lane Station, then transfer to Bus 488.

Sidelights. On November 30, 2018, Thrillist published a list of "America's 25 Most Fun Cities," and Dallas came in 14th. Despite their new rapid-rail system, Dallas is almost entirely a car-friendly, everything-else-unfriendly city. Actually, it's not that friendly at all. It's a city for oil companies, for banks, for insurance companies, things normal Americans tend to hate. As one Houston native once put it, "Dallas is not in Texas."

In fact, most Texans, especially people from Fort Worth (and, to a slightly lesser extent, those from Houston) seem to think of Dallas the way the rest of America thinks of New York: They hate it, and they think that it represents all that is bad about their homeland. Until, that is, they need a win. Or money. But there are some sites that may be worth visiting.

Before there was the Texas Rangers, and before the Dallas-Fort Worth Spurs minor league team that opened Turnpike/Arlington Stadium in 1965, there were the Dallas team alternately called the Steers, the Rebels, the Eagles and the Rangers; and the Fort Worth Cats.

Dallas won Texas League (Double-A) Pennants in 1926, 1929, 1941, 1946 and 1953. They played at Burnett Field, which opened in 1924, and was abandoned after the Dallas Rangers and the Fort Worth Cats merged to become the Spurs in 1965. Currently, it's a vacant lot. 1500 E. Jefferson Blvd. at Colorado Blvd. Bus 011.

The Cats won TL Pennants in 1895, 1905, 1906, 1920, 1921, 1922, 1923, 1924, 1925, 1930, 1937, 1939 and 1948. Those 6 straight Pennants in the Twenties became a pipeline of stars for the St. Louis Cardinals, and the 1930 Pennant featured Dizzy Dean and a few other future members of the Cards' 1930s "Gashouse Gang."

LaGrave Field, the 1949 version

The Cats played at LaGrave Field, the 1st version of which opened in 1900, and was replaced in 1926, again after a fire in 1949, and one more time in 2002, as a new Fort Worth Cats team began play in an independent league. But that team went bust after the 2014 season, and the abandoned park has suffered vandalism since. 301 NE 6th Street. Trinity Railway Express to Fort Worth Intermodal Transit Center, then Number 1 bus.

The 2002 version

From 1972 to 1993, the Rangers played at Arlington Stadium. Known for its shape and its lack of protection from the Texas sun as The Frying Pan, it was an expanded minor-league park, home to the Texas League's Dallas-Fort Worth Spurs from 1965 to 1971, expanded from an original 10,000 seats to 20,000 in 1969, to 35,000 for the Rangers' arrival in 1972 to 43,000 in 1978.

Arlington Stadium, in its 1972-77 configuration

It was famous for its nachos, its scoreboard with a Texas outline, and those Dot Races. But it was not really a major league quality ballpark.

One more baseball-themed place in Texas that might interest a Yankee Fan: Due to his cancer treatments and liver transplant, Mickey Mantle, who lived in Dallas during the off-seasons and after his baseball career, spent the end of his life at the Baylor University Medical Center. 3501 Junius Street at Gaston Avenue. Bus 019.

Merlyn Mantle died in 2009, and while it can be presumed that Mickey's surviving sons, Danny and David, inherited his memorabilia, I don't know what happened to their house, which (I've been led to believe) was in a gated community and probably not accessible to the public anyway; so even if I could find the address, I wouldn't list it here. (For all I know, one or both sons may live there, and I've heard that one of them -- Danny, I think -- is a Tea Party flake, and even if he wasn't, the family shouldn't be disturbed just because you're a Yankee Fan and their father was one of the Yankees.)

If you truly wish to pay your respects to this baseball legend: Mickey, Merlyn, and their sons Mickey Jr. and Billy are laid to rest at Sparkman-Hillcrest Memorial Park Cemetery. Also buried there are oil baron H.L. Hunt, his son the AFL founder and Kansas City Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt, tennis star Maureen Connolly, Senator John Tower, Governor and Senator W. Lee "Pappy" O'Daniel, bluesman Freddie King, actress Greer Garson and Mary Kay Cosmetics founder Mary Kay Ash. 7405 West Northwest Highway at Durham Street. Red Line to Park Lane station, then 428 Bus to the cemetery.

Aside from Mantle, Texas' greatest baseball product was Tris Speaker, the all-time leader in doubles with 792 and regarded as the best defensive outfielder before Joe DiMaggio. He's buried at Fairview Cemetery in Hubbard, 73 miles south of downtown Dallas. No public transit.

As I said, AT&T Stadium, the new home of the Cowboys (opening in 2009), is close to Globe Life Park; in fact, it's 7/10ths of a mile. You could walk between them. If you don't mind losing 5 pounds of water weight in the Texas heat. The official address is 925 N. Collins Street, and the Cowboys offer tours of this Texas-sized facility, which will make the new Yankee Stadium seem sensible by comparison.

It has now hosted a Super Bowl (XLV, Green Bay over Pittsburgh), a College Football National Championship Game (2014-15, Ohio State over Oregon), an NCAA Final Four (in 2014, Connecticut over Kentucky), some major prizefights and concerts (including Texas native George Strait opening the stadium with Reba McIntire, and recently holding the final show of his "farewell tour" there), and the biggest crowd ever to attend a basketball game, 108,713, at the 2010 NBA All-Star Game. It hosted 3 games of the 2021 CONCACAF Gold Cup. (UPDATE: It will host the Final Four again in 2030.)

While the Azteca Stadium in Mexico City hosted a larger regular-season crowd, the biggest crowd ever to see an NFL game on American soil was the 1st regular-season game there, the Cowboys and the Giants (Lawrence Tynes winning it for the G-Men with a last-second field goal), 105,121.

It hosts several special college football games: The annual Cotton Bowl Classic, the annual Cowboys Classic, the annual Arkansas-Texas A&M game, the Big 12 Championship, and, on January 12 of next year, it will host the first National Championship game in college football's playoff era.

Mexico's national soccer team has now played there 6 times. The U.S. team has played there twice: A 3-1 win over Hondruas in the CONCACAF Gold Cup on July 24, 2013; and a 2-0 win over Costa Rica in the Gold Cup on July 22, 2017. The national teams of Brazil and Argentina, Mexican clubs Club America and San Luis, and European giants Chelsea, Barcelona and AS Roma have also played there.

It hosted 2 games of the 2021 CONCACAF Gold Cup, and has been approved by FIFA as one of the host venues for the 2026 World Cup.

Don't bother looking for the former home of the Cowboys, Texas Stadium, because "the Hole Bowl" was demolished in 2010. If you must, the address was 2401 E. Airport Freeway, in Irving. The U.S. soccer team played there once, a 1991 loss to Costa Rica.

The North American Soccer League's Dallas Tornado played most of its home games there, featuring native son Kyle Rote Jr., son of the SMU grad who played for the Giants in the 1950s. They hosted the 1973 NASL Final, but lost to the Philadelphia Atoms.

But they won the 1971 Final, 2-1 over the Atlanta Chiefs, at what was then their home field, Franklin Stadium, across from Hillcrest High School in North Dallas. 10000 Hillcrest Road, about 8 miles north of downtown. Red Line to Walnut Hill, then transfer to Bus 506 to Meadow & Stone Canyon, and then walk about half a mile west.

The Cowboys' 1st home, from 1960 to 1970, was the Cotton Bowl, which also hosted the Cotton Bowl game from 1937 to 2009, after which it was moved to AT&T Stadium. On 5 occasions, the game decided the National Championship: 1959-60, Syracuse over Texas; 1963-64, Texas over Navy; 1964-65, Arkansas over Nebraska; 1969-70, Texas over Notre Dame; and 1977-78, Notre Dame over Texas.

It also hosted the original NFL version of the Dallas Texans in 1952; the AFL's Dallas Texans from 1960 to 1962, before they moved and became the Kansas City Chiefs; some (but not all) home games of Southern Methodist University between 1932 and 2000; the Tornado in their 1967 and 1968 seasons' some games of soccer's 1994 World Cup, 7 U.S. soccer games, most recently a draw to Mexico in 2004; and an Elvis concert on October 11, 1956, the 20,000 fans being his biggest crowd until he resumed touring in 1970. It hosted the 2020 NHL Winter Classic, with the Dallas Stars beating the Nashville Predators 4-2.

But it's old, opening in 1930, and the only thing that's still held there is the annual "Red River Rivalry" game between the Universities of Texas and Oklahoma, every 2nd Saturday in October, and that's only because that's the weekend when the Texas State Fair is held, as the stadium is in Fair Park. (Just look for the statue of "Big Tex" -- you can't miss him.) While it doesn't seem fair that Oklahoma's visit to play Texas should be called a "neutral site" if it's in the State of Texas, the fact remains that each school gets half the tickets, and it's actually slightly closer to OU's campus in Norman, 191 miles, than it is from UT's in Austin, 197 miles. The address is 3750 The Midway.

Next-door is the African-American Museum of Dallas. 1300 Robert B. Cullum Blvd., in the Fair Park section of south Dallas. Bus 012 or 026, or Green Line light rail to Fair Park station. Be advised that this is generally considered to be a high-crime area of Dallas.

The NBA's Dallas Mavericks and the NHL's Dallas Stars play at the American Airlines Center, or the AAC. Not to be confused with the American Airlines Arena in Miami (which was really confusing when the Mavs played the Heat in the 2006 and 2011 NBA Finals), it looks like a cross between a rodeo barn and an airplane hangar. 2500 Victory Avenue in the Victory Park neighborhood, north of downtown. Bus 052 or Green Line to Victory station.

Before the AAC opened in 2001, both teams played at the Reunion Arena. This building hosted the 1984 Republican Convention, where Ronald Reagan was nominated for a 2nd term as President. To New York Tri-State Area fans, it is probably best remembered as the place where Jason Arnott's double-overtime goal won Game 6 and gave the New Jersey Devils the 2000 Stanley Cup over the defending Champion Stars. The 1986 NCAA Final Four, won by Louisville over Duke, was held there.

It was demolished in November 2009, 5 months before Texas Stadium was imploded. The arena didn't even get to celebrate a 30th Anniversary. 777 Sports Street at Houston Viaduct, downtown, a 10-minute walk from Union Station.

The Major League Soccer club FC Dallas (formerly the Dallas Burn) play at Toyota Stadium, at 9200 World Cup Way in the suburb of Frisco. It's 28 miles up the Dallas North Tollway from downtown, so forget about any way of getting there except driving. The U.S. soccer team has played there 4 times, notching a win and a loss against Guatemala, and wins over Honduras and Ecuador. The National Soccer Hall of Fame will open there on November 2.

Toyota Stadium hosted the knockout round of the CONCACAF Women's Championship in October 2018. The Semifinals were held on the 14th, America beat Jamaica 6-0, and Canada beat Panama 7-0. On the 17th, Jamaica beat Panama 4-2 on penalty kicks after a 2-2 3rd place game, and America beat Canada 2-0 in the Final. It hosted 4 games of the 2021 CONCACAF Gold Cup.

The Dallas Sportatorium was built in 1935 to host professional wrestling, burned down in 1953 (legend has it that it was arson by a rival promoter), was rebuilt as a 4,500-seat venue, and continued to host wrestling even as it was replaced by larger arenas and fell into a rat-infested, crumbling decline, before a 2001 fire (this one was likely the result of the neglect, rather than arson) finally led to its 2003 demolition. Elvis Presley sang there early in his career, on April 16, May 29, June 18 and September 3, 1955. The site is now vacant. 1000 S. Industrial Blvd. at Cadiz Street, just south of downtown.

The Dallas Memorial Auditorium opened in 1957, and hosted some Chaparrals games. The Beatles played there on September 18, 1964. Elvis sang there on November 13, 1971; June 6, 1975; and December 28, 1976. It is now part of the Kay Bailey Hutchison Convention Center, named for Texas' 1st female U.S. Senator. 650 S. Griffin Street, downtown.

Elvis also sang in Fort Worth, at the Tarrant County Convention Center, now the Fort Worth Convention Center, on June 18, 1972; June 15 and 16, 1974; and June 3 and July 3, 1976. 1201 Houston Street. A short walk from the Fort Worth Intermodal Transportation Center.

Lone Star Park is the region's major horse racing track. It hosted the 2004 Breeders' Cup. 1000 Lone Star Parkway in Grand Prairie, 12 miles west of downtown Dallas, and about halfway between Arlington and Irving. No public transportation.

If there's 2 non-sports things the average American knows about Dallas, it's that the city is where U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963, and where Ewing Oil President J.R. Ewing was shot on March 21, 1980.

Elm, Main and Commerce Streets merge to go over railroad tracks near Union Station, and then go under Interstate 35E, the Stemmons Freeway – that's the "triple underpass" so often mentioned in accounts of the JFK assassination.

The former Texas School Book Depository, now named The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza, is at the northwest corner of Elm & Houston Streets, while the "grassy knoll" is to the north of Elm, and the west of the Depository. Like Ford's Theater, where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 1865, and the area surrounding it in Washington, the area around Dealey Plaza is, structurally speaking, all but unchanged from the time the President in question was gunned down, an oddity in Dallas, where newer construction always seems to be happening.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy was shot in downtown Dallas and died, while John Ross Ewing Jr. was shot in downtown Dallas and lived. Where's the justice in that? J.R. was shot in his office at Ewing Oil's headquarters, which, in the memorable opening sequence of Dallas, was in the real-life Renaissance Tower, at 1201 Elm Street, Dallas' tallest building from 1974 to 1985. In real life, it's the headquarters for Neiman Marcus. Bank of America Plaza, on Elm at Griffith Street, is now the tallest building in Dallas, at 921 feet, although not the tallest in Texas (there's 2 in Houston that are taller).

The real Southfork Ranch is at 3700 Hogge Drive (that's pronounced "Hoag") in Parker, 28 miles northeast of the city. (Again, you'll need a car.) It's not nearly as old as the Ewing family's fictional history would suggest: It was built in 1970. It's now a conference center, and like the replica of the Ponderosa Ranch that Lorne Greene had built to look like his TV home on Bonanza, it is designed to resemble the Ewing family home as seen on both the original 1978-91 series and the 2012-14 revival. It is open to tours, for an admission fee of $9.50.

In addition to the preceding locations, Elvis sang in North Texas:

* At the Carthage Milling Company in Carthage, 160 miles southeast of downtown Dallas, on November 12, 1955 (the night of the dance in Back to the Future).

* At the high school gymnasium in DeKalb, 150 miles northeast, on March 4, 1955.

* At Owl Park in Gainesville, 70 miles north, on Apirl 14, 1955.

* In Gilmer, 125 miles east, at the Rural Electrification Administration Building on January 26, 1955, and at Trinity High School on September 26, 1955.

* In Gladewater, 120 miles east, at the Mint Club on November 23 and Dcember 24, 1954, the high school gym on April 30 and November 19, 1955, and at the baseball park on August 10, 1955.

* The City Auditorium in Greenville, 50 miles northeast, on October 5, 1955.

* In Hawkins, 110 miles east, at the high school on December 20, 1954 and the Humble Oil Company Camp on January 24, 1955.

* In Henderson, 140 miles southeast, at the Rodeo Arena on August 9, 1955.

* In Joinerville, 130 miles southeast, at Gaston High School on January 28, 1955.

* At Driller Park in Kilgore, 120 miles east, on August 12, 1955.

* At the Reo Palm Isle Club in Longview, 130 miles east, on January 27, March 31, August 11 and November 18, 1955.

* At the American Legion Hall in Mount Pleasant, 120 miles northeast, on December 31, 1954.

* In New Boston, 150 miles northeast, at the Red River Arsenal on December 31, 1954, and at the high school, first at the gym on January 11, 1955, and then at the football stadium on June 6, 1955.

* At the Boys Club Gymnasium in Paris, 100 miles northeast, on October 4, 1955.

* At the Recreation Hall in Stephenville, 100 miles southwest, on July 4, 1955.

* At the Mayfair Building in Tyler, 100 miles southeast, on January 25, May 23 and August 8, 1955.

* At the Heart O Texas Coliseum (now the Extraco Events Center) in Waco, 100 miles south, on April 23, 1955, and April 17 and October 12, 1956.

* And in Wichita Falls, 140 miles northwest, at the M-B Corral on April 25, 1955, at Spudder Park on August 22, 1956, and at the Memorial Auditorium on January 19 and April 9, 1956.

Dallas values bigness, but unless you count Southfork and Dealey Plaza, it isn't big on museums. The best known is the Dallas Museum of Art, downtown at 1717 N. Harwood Street at Flora Street. Nearby is the Perot Museum of Nature and Science, named for ol' H. Ross himself, at 2201 N. Field Street at Broom Street.

The Dallas area is also home to 2 major football-playing colleges: Southern Methodist University in north Dallas, which, as alma mater of Laura Bush, was chosen as the site of the George W. Bush Presidential Library (now open); and Texas Christian University in Fort Worth.

SMU played at Ownby Stadium (when not playing at the Cotton Bowl) from 1926 to 1998. The Dallas Tornado of the old North American Soccer League also played there from 1976 to 1979. It was demolished, and replaced with the 32,000-seat Gerald F. Ford stadium. (No relation to the 1974-77 President who'd been a star center on the University of Michigan football team, this Gerald Ford is a billionaire banker who gave $42 million of his own money to build it.) 5800 Ownby Drive.

The Bush Library is at 2943 SMU Blvd. & North Central Expressway, a 5-minute walk from Ford Stadium, Moody Coliseum, and the university bookstore, which, like so many university bookstores, is a Barnes & Noble (not named for Dallas character Cliff Barnes).

SMU is also home to Moody Coliseum, home court of their basketball team. The Dallas Chaparrals played ABA games there from 1967 until 1973, when they became the San Antonio Spurs. 6024 Airline Road. All SMU locations can be accessed by the Blue or Red Line to Mockingbird Station.

SMU has produced players like Doak Walker, Forrest Gregg, Dandy Don Meredith, and the "Pony Express" backfield of Eric Dickerson and Craig James (both now TV-network studio analysts), while TCU has produced Slingin' Sammy Baugh, Jim Swink and Bob Lilly. Both schools have had their highs and their lows, and following their 1987 "death penalty" (for committing recruiting violations while already on probation), and their return to play in 1989 under Gregg as coach, SMU are now what college basketball fans would call a "mid-major" school.

Ironically, TCU, normally the less lucky of the schools, seriously challenged for the 2009 and 2010 National Championships, but their own "mid-major" schedule doomed them in that regard. TCU's Amon G. Carter Stadium hosted the U.S. soccer team's 1988 loss to Ecuador.

Aside from Dallas, TV shows that have shot in, or been set in, the Dallas area include Walker, Texas Ranger, Prison Break, the new series Queen of the South (based on a Mexican telenovela), and the ridiculous, short-lived ABC nighttime soap GCB (which stood for "Good Christian Bitches").

The Fox cartoon King of the Hill was definitely in Texas, but clues suggested that their fictional town of Arlen could be in any of several different parts of the State. The fact that they're obviously all Cowboys fans -- the show premiered in 1997, a few days after the last Houston Oilers home game -- suggests it's near Dallas.

Movies about, or involving, the JFK assassination usually have to shoot in Dallas: The 1983 NBC miniseries Kennedy with Martin Sheen, JFK, Love Field, Ruby, Watchmen, All the Way (with Bryan Cranston as Lyndon B. Johnson, the Texan who succeeded him), the new LBJ (with Woody Harrelson as Johnson), and the Hulu series 11/22/63, based on Stephen King's fantasy novel.

Other movies shot in the city include the 1962 version of State Fair, Bonnie and Clyde, Mars Needs Women, Logan's Run, The Lathe of Heaven, Silkwood, Tender Mercies, Places in the Heart, The Trip to Bountiful, Born on the Fourth of July, Problem Child, My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys (not about the football team), The Apostle, Boys Don't Cry, Dallas Buyers Club, the football films Necessary Roughness and Any Given Sunday, and, of course, the porno classic Debbie Does Dallas.

However, it might surprise you to know that RoboCop, which was set in a Detroit that was purported to be in a near future when the city was even worse than it then was in real life, was filmed in Dallas. What does that say about Dallas? (To me, it says, "This is another reason why Dallas sucks.")

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Texas is a weird place, and the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex is no exception. But it's a pretty good area for sports, and it even seems to have finally embraced baseball as something more than something to do between football seasons.

If you can afford it, go, and help your fellow Yankee Fans make the Rangers feel like they're in Yankee Stadium. After all, as I've said before, RANGERS SUCK! Especially when they wear blue shirts. Whatever the sport, whatever the country, the only Ranger in a blue shirt who doesn't suck is the Lone Ranger! (And in the new movie, even he didn't wear a blue shirt. But then, the movie tanked, just like the last Lone Ranger movie did, in 1981.)

But remember to avoid using the oft-heard phrase "Dallas sucks." In this case, keep the truth to yourself!

Yankees Clinch AL East, Judge Still On 60

The next step toward a 28th World Championship for the New York Yankees is out of the way. Last night, against the Toronto Blue Jays, at the Rogers Centre in Toronto, Jameson Taillon was brilliant, pitching 7 and 2/3rds innings, allowing 2 runs on 7 hits and no walks. Although he does give up more home runs per start than any Yankee pitcher except Gerrit Cole, he usually doesn't beat himself.

He needed baserunners. Aaron Judge gave them to him: He was walked 4 times, and still did not hit his 61st home run of the season. Many online Yankee Fans calling the Jays "chicken" (well, it is another form of bird), but the YES Network announcers -- Michael Kay, David Cone and Paul O'Neill -- seemed to be in agreement that it wasn't "the old unintentional intentional walk." They had a point: Judge had a full count in every at-bat except his 1st, when he lined out to 3rd base, a great catch by Matt Chapman. I'd like to chalk it up to Judge having a good batting eye, which has him leading in all 3 Triple Crown categories with 8 games to go.

Anthony Rizzo and Gleyber Torres gave the Yankees back-to-back singles in the 3rd inning, turning a 1-0 deficit into a 2-1 lead. Another Torres single made it 3-1 in the 5th. In the 6th, an Aaron Hicks double and yet another RBI single from Torres made it 5-1, before the Jays subsequently got a run back. Torres had been in a horrible slump over the Summer, and the Yankees followed. His hot streak since has also been matched by the team as a whole.

Lou Trivino got the last 4 outs, including a grounder to 2nd for the final out, clinching the American League Eastern Division Championship. Yankees 5, Blue Jays 2. WP: Taillon (14-5). SV: Trivino (11, but his 1st for the Yankees since coming over from the Oakland Athletics). LP: José Berriors (11-7).

This is the 20th time the Yankees have won the Division. Actually, it's the 21st, since they were in 1st place in 1994 when the season ended, but Major League Baseball does not officially count that. The Los Angeles Dodgers also have 20 plus 1994, for 21. The Atlanta Braves have 21, without having won in 1994, and could win a 22nd, because, last night, the Mets completed their choke of their National League Eastern Division lead, and are now tied with the Braves. Counting American League Pennants won before Divisional Play began in 1969, this is the 50th time the Yankees have finished 1st.

With the Division title secured, and 1st place overall in the AL probably out of reach with the Houston Astros 6 1/2 games ahead, the only thing left to play for is Judge's pursuit of the AL home run record of Yankee Legend Roger Maris, 61. Like Babe Ruth, but unlike Maris, Judge got to 60 within 154 games. And, like Ruth and Maris, but unlike the other men to hit 60 home runs in a season -- Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds -- he appears not to have used steroids or any other method of cheating.

The series in Toronto concludes tonight. If it still matters to you, Gerrit Cole starts against Mitch White. Cole is 4 strikeouts short of Ron Guidry's single-season Yankee record of 248. If he doesn't get hurt early, or bombed out of the yard early, he'll break it. And hardly anybody will care, and some fans might not even notice.

Then, after a day off tomorrow, the Yankees come home to face the Baltimore Orioles. The ideal situation would be for Judge to hit Number 61 tonight, and then Number 62 on Friday, at home.