Showing posts with label castle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label castle. Show all posts

Monday, October 31, 2016

Top 10 TV Halloween Episodes

Note: This is weighted toward shows I not only saw, but liked. So if you're looking for The Simpsons and their annual "Treehouse of Horror," forget it. The sooner everyone realizes that The Simpsons is gross and sucks, the better.

Honorable Mention -- since, technically, it's not an episode of a regular series. It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, October 27, 1966. This is the 1st animated depiction of 2 staples of the Peanuts comic strip: Lucy Van Pelt (voiced by Sally Dryer) pulling the football away from Charlie Brown (Peter Robbins), and Charlie's dog Snoopy (Bill Melendez) imagining himself to be a World War I flying ace.

Lucy's brother Linus (Christopher Shea), rather than Charlie himself, is the star of this episode, believing in the Great Pumpkin, apparently Halloween's answer to Santa Claus. Charlie's sister Sally (Kathy Steinberg), who has a crush on Linus, sits in the pumpkin patch with him, awaiting the Great Pumpkin's arrival. As for Charlie Brown's trick-or-treating, "I got a rock!"

Honorable Mention -- since it didn't air on or near Halloween (rather, it aired on New Year's Eve), but it does involve a costume party. The Honeymooners, "The Man From Space," December 31, 1955. Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) and Ed Norton (Art Carney) both want to win the costume contest at their lodge, the Loyal Order of Friendly Raccoons. Their competitiveness causes a rift in their friendship. Ralph practically dismantles his apartment to build his "man from space" costume, and when Norton is called in to work in a sewer emergency, it looks like Ralphie boy has it won.

This episode would be shown in both the 1985 and the 1955 segments of Back to the Future. The Honeymooners did air on November 5, 1955, but it was a different episode, "The Sleepwalker."

10. Cheers, "Bar Wars V: The Final Judgment," October 31, 1991. Since Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, Cheers' arch-rival bar, has messed with them on Halloween before, and it appears that they have messed with Cheers on H-Day again, Sam Malone (Ted Danson) decides to go all in. It turns out that he and the Cheers Gang go too far.

9. Friends, "The One With the Halloween Party," November 1, 2001. The highlight of this episode is seeing Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) dressed as Supergirl. But Ross Geller (David Schwimmer) dresses as "Spudnik," a potato with a silver TV antenna on his head, in tribute to the 1st artificial satellite, Sputnik 1. Except he looks like a giant turd.

8. Roseanne, "Boo!", October 31, 1989. Roseanne Conner (Roseanne Barr) likes to think she's "The Queen of Halloween." Her husband Dan (John Goodman), on the other hand, likes to think that he's "The Master." They go all-out to spook each other, and also to spook their daughter Becky (Lecy Goranson), who has lost the Halloween spirit.

7. Home Improvement, "Crazy For You," October 27, 1993. Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor (Tim Allen) is one of those perpetual kids who goes overboard for Halloween, including practical jokes, so his wife Jill (Patricia Richardson) decides to play a practical joke on him, convincing the local celebrity that he has a murderous stalker.
6. Modern Family, "Halloween," October 27, 2010. Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) is one of those perpetual kids who goes overboard for Halloween. Fortunately for him, he's married to Claire (Julie Bowen), who shares his passion for the holiday. She wants to put together the ultimate Halloween haunted house, but the rest of her family isn't exactly cooperating.
Till death do they part -- and then some.

5. Frasier, "Halloween," October 28, 1997. Dr. Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce) hosts a Halloween party, with literary characters as the theme. He's dressed as Cyrano de Bergerac, complete with exaggerated nose.

His brother, Dr. Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer), discovers that his costume, the Archbishop of Canterbury from The Canterbury Tales, is "a babe magnet," particularly attracting a bodystocking-wearing Eve (played by Camille Donatacci, whom Grammer soon married).

But the subplot is that Roz Doyle (Peri Gilpin), the producer of Frasier's radio show, is pregnant (unplanned), but Niles misunderstands, and thinks Daphne Moon (Jane Leeves), his unrequited crush, is, and that the baby's father isn't stepping up to make an honest woman of her. So he proposes to her.

Frasier and Niles' father, retired Seattle Detective Martin Crane, is dressed as the greatest detective of them all, Sherlock Holmes. At one point, Niles asks him where Frasier is. Marty: "Haven't got a clue." Niles: "Holmes, you astound me!"
4. Barney Miller, "Werewolf," October 28, 1976. Although not specifically a Halloween episode, it aired during Halloween week, and a guy turns himself in to the 12th Precinct by claiming to be a werewolf. The character would return a few years later, claiming to be possessed by a demon.
"Barney... Barney!"

3. NCIS, "Witch Hunt," October 31, 2006. A Marine's daughter is kidnapped while trick-or-treating, and Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon) and his Major Case Response Team have to find her.

Meanwhile, we find out that Special Agent Tony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly), a perpetual frat boy whom we would have expected to love Halloween, hates it. And forensic analyst Dr. Abby Sciuto (Pauley Perette) is dressed as Marilyn Monroe, and still helps to solve the case.

2. Castle, "Vampire Weekend," October 26, 2009. A college student who's into the "vampire lifestyle" is murdered in a cemetery. Mystery novelist Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) and New York Detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic) have to solve the murder. In so doing, they solve another murder, one from 18 years ago.

A subplot involving Castle's daughter Alexis (Molly Quinn) provides some comic relief, and finally some poignance. Castle starts out wearing what he calls a "space cowboy" costume, actually the one Fillion wore as Captain Mal Reynolds on Firefly, one of several references to that show over Castle's 8-year run. He ends it dressed as Edgar Allan Poe.
1. M*A*S*H, "Trick Or Treatment," November 1, 1982. A day late, but by no means a dollar short. The medical staff at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in the Korean War, including Hawkeye Pierce (Alan Alda) as a longjohns-wearing Superman, tell ghost stories while working on patients, and learn the spookiest one of all.
Ken Levine and David Isaacs wrote several episodes of the series, although not this one, which features an appearance by George Wendt as a Marine who has a drunken Halloween misadventure. Andrew Clay, the future Diceman, plays another. Levine and Isaacs would go on to write many Cheers episodes, with Wendt as Norm Peterson.

The song "Monster Mash" by Bobby "Boris" Pickett is a staple of Halloween episodes, but it wasn't recorded until 1962, 10 years after this M*A*S*H episode takes place, so it doesn't appear in the episode.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Nate Is Nasty -- And So Are Castle's Showrunners

I became a fan of ABC's TV show Castle in its 2nd season, in 2010, when it featured an episode, "The Suicide Squeeze," about a murdered baseball player, and Joe Torre had a cameo as himself. Or, as Stana Katic's Detective Kate Beckett, a character not easily flustered, said, "Oh my God! That was Joe Freakin' Torre! I gotta call my Dad!"

The show is winding down its 8th season, and both Katic and Tamala Jones, who plays Dr. Lanie Parrish, the show's medical examiner, will not be returning for a 9th. It has not been officially decided yet, but it is generally believed that the show will return for a 9th season -- and the show's fans, especially its female fans, are furious that Katic is not returning, and that the great love story between Beckett, now a Captain, and mystery writer Richard Castle, played by Nathan Fillion, will come to an end -- given the "LokSat" storyline, possibly a tragic one.

The show should have ended last season. Not that this season hasn't had its fun moments. But last season's season finale, "Hollander's Woods," in which Rick's "origin story" was finally revealed, and resolved, would have been a perfect series finale. But, no, the showrunners have screwed things up royally, and the fanbase is one part outraged, five parts saddened.

If the showrunners do kill Kate off, that won't just be filthy... that'll be nasty. After all, the previous showrunner, show creator Andrew W. Marlowe, appeared to have killed her off at the end of Season 3. Maybe the show is called Castle, not Castle & Beckett, but, as a Season 7 "It's a Wonderful Life"-type episode showed, without Beckett, Castle wouldn't have been nearly as well off -- and the same would have gone for Beckett without Castle.

The show depends on their interaction. Castle without Beckett, especially at this point, would be like Superman without Lois Lane, or Robin Hood without Maid Marian.

*

At any rate, last night, ABC aired a new episode. At the same time, Yankee pitcher Nathan Eovaldi was pitching a no-hitter. And since the game was in the Central Time Zone, it would not end before Castle's 10:00 PM start time. So I was choosing Nathan Fillion over Nathan Eovaldi.
"Nasty Nate" got a 3-0 cushion thanks to home runs by Jacoby Ellsbury (finally, his 1st of the season) and Starlin Castro (his 3rd), and an RBI double by Mark Teixeira.

Still, knowing Joe Girardi -- who once watched CC Sabathia take a no-hitter into the 8th inning in Tampa Bay, and said in his postgame press conference that he was going to take CC out after the 8th, no matter what -- I had this vision of the future: Girardi was going to take Eovaldi out after 6 due to his pitch count, go to his bullpen, and watch the no-hitter, the shutout and the lead get blown, and the Yankee bats would then fail, and we'd lose 4-3 (or worse).

He didn't do that: He left Eovaldi in to pitch the 7th. Nomar Mazara led off, and singled on a 3-2 pitch to break up the no-hitter. At least, now, I could continue to watch Castle with a clear conscience -- but also with my smartphone able to give me score updates.

Incredibly, Girardi still left Eovaldi in, and he got Adrian Beltre to ground into a double play. Good thing, too, as Prince Fielder doubled, which, if Beltre had struck, popped, grounded or even flied out, would probably have led Mazara score. Eovaldi then got Ian Desmond to ground out, preserving the 3-0 lead on 2 hits.

Girardi even let Eovaldi start the 8th, but he walked Mitch Moreland. That was it: Girardi took him out, and brought in Dellin Betances. He got Elvis Andrus to ground into a double play, but Brett Nicholas hit a home run. Again, had the guy who grounded into the double play been eliminated only as a single out, it would have put the lead in considerably more jeopardy than it already was.

No-hitters are wonderful, shutouts are nice, but getting the win is what matters. Fortunately, Betances stuck out Delino DeShields Jr. to end the threat. And Andrew Miller sent the Rangers down 1-2-3 in the 9th.

Ballgame over. Yankees 3, Rangers 1. WP: Eovaldi (1-2). SV: Miller (5). LP: Cesar Ramos (0-1).

*

The series continues tonight. Luis Severino starts for us, A.J. Griffin for the Rangers.

I hope Girardi doesn't, through good intentions, try to wreck this game. Or any others. He's done that too many times, trusting his binder instead of the facts of the effectiveness of the players on the field, especially the pitchers.

Of course, he could do everything as well as it could possibly be done, and he'd still be at the mercy of Brian Cashman, Lonn Trost, Randy Levine, and Hank and Hal Steinbrenner.

But I doubt that even they could wreck the Yankees as much as the showrunners are in a position to wreck Castle.

And there's no "free agent" actor who could be signed for a recasting of Kate Beckett. Baseball, and the Yankees, continued after Babe Ruth. But the Yankees didn't depend on any one person. Castle depends on two... and, unless this season's finale is the series finale, they're going to go on without one of them. Even if they keep Kate alive with another actress... it would be like signing Stephen Drew to replace Derek Jeter.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

It CAN Get Worse, But I Wish It Wouldn't

Last night was a bad night. The shocking ending to the Castle season finale didn't help. Andrew Marlowe, how could you?

But the opening of the four-games, two-ballparks Yankees-Mets series may have been the worst regular-season game in Yankee history. We've had postseason disasters that were worse -- the 2012 ALCS, Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS, the last 3 games of the 2003 World Series, the last 2 games of the 2001 World Series, the last 3 games of the 1995 ALDS, and the last 4 games of the 1981 World Series come to mind -- but as regular-season games go, this one will be hard to top. Or, is that "bottom"?

The Mets got a run off Hiroki Kuroda in the 1st, but the Yankees tagged former Yankee (and Indian, and Angel, and Red Sock, etc.) Bartolo Colon for 4 runs in the 2nd. Three straight singles by Brian McCann, Alfonso Soriano and Yangervis Solarte loaded the bases. Colon struck out Kelly Johnson and got a lineout from Brian Roberts.

But then, in one of those things that makes John Sterling say to Suzyn Waldman, "You know, Suzyn, you just can't predict baseball," a grand slam was hit -- by Brett Gardner. It was his 2nd home run of the season.

One does not simply blow a three-run lead. It is folly.

Travis d'Arnaud, the catcher the Mets got from the Toronto Blue Jays, who was supposedly making the R.A. Dickey deal tolerable, homered in the 5th. David Wright led off the 6th with a single. And then came a slap to the face. Curtis Granderson, who left the Yankees, signed with the Mets, and followed up his talk about how he'd been told that "true New Yorkers are Met fans," but until recently hadn't been able to hit sand if he'd fallen off a camel, hit one out to tie it up. 4-4.

The Yankees made the Mets pay for that in the bottom of the 6th. With one out, Soriano doubled. Solarte singled him home. On Twitter, I said, "Best 3rd baseman in New York," a reference to Wright being overrated. Johnson, who tends to either hit a home run or nothing at all, hit a triple, scoring Solarte.

Roberts grounded to short, and Johnson was thrown out at the plate, but Roberts reached 1st. Gardner singled him to 3rd. Derek Jeter -- showing Met fans how it's done since 1996, although he didn't do much in this at-bat -- was up. Joe Girardi ordered a double-steal, and d'Arnaud's throwing error to 2nd allowed Roberts to score. Shades of Mike Piazza, whose defensive liabilities canceled out his steroid-aided hitting. (Excuse me, his alleged steroid-aided hitting.)

7-4 Yankees after 6.

One does not simply blow two three-run leads in a single game. It is worse than folly.

Then Girardi made a really stupid mistake: He took Kuroda out of the game, and put Alfredo Aceves on the mound. In 2009, Aceves was a key figure in Title 27. Suffice it to say, if the Yankees rebound, and win Title 28, it will be in spite of Aceves, not with his help. He allowed a leadoff walk to d'Arnaud and a home run to Eric Young Jr. (the Piscataway High School graduate and son of former Met, Rutgers University and New Brunswick High star Eric Young). 7-6.

John Ryan Murphy -- pinch-hitting for Carlos Beltran, an injury to whom would be a big problem -- got to 2nd base with 1 out in the bottom of the 7th. He didn't score, partly because Strikeout Soriano struck (out) again.

Matt Thornton was on the mound to start the top of the 8th. Probably because the Mets had lefthanded hitters coming up. Is he destined to become the new Boone Logan, the lefty pitcher who gets called on to get lefty hitters out, only to find he can't, thus invalidating his purpose in the major leagues?

He got Granderson out to start the inning, and got 2 strikes on Eric Campbell. But Campbell hit a sharp liner off Solarte's glove, sharp enough to be scored a hit instead of an error, and it went for 2 bases. Lucas Duda (who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn going into the game) singled Campbell home. 7-7.

Girardi compounded his bullpen-choice mistakes by bringing in Preston Claiborne. Who allowed a game-winning home run to Chris Young.

Solarte led off the bottom of the 8th with a single, but Johnson grounded into a double play to eliminate him. Roberts singled, but Gardner struck out. How do you get 2 hits off the Mets bullpen in the 8th inning and not get a runner to 3rd? The 2014 Yankees found a way.

There was hope in the bottom of the 9th: The Mets brought in their closer.

Kyle Farnsworth.

Kerosene Kyle.

Not a Darn's Worth.

Surprising no one, Jeter led off with a walk. Tying run at the plate.

We can do this, people.

Well, yes, we can -- and, no, we didn't.

Jacoby Ellsbury flied out. Mark Teixeira pinch-hit for Murphy, and singled Jeter over to 3rd. Girardi then pinch-ran Brendan Ryan for the injury-struggling Teix.

Runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs? Tying run on 1st? Winning run at the plate? Against Kyle Farnsworth?

I liked our chances.

McCann grounded into a double play. Game over.

Mets 9, Yankees 7. WP: Jenrry Mejia (4-0). SV: Farnsworth (3). LP: Thornton (0-1).

A team hitting as badly as the Mets did over the 1st 6 weeks of the season should not be scoring 9 runs and getting 14 hits, including 4 home runs, off you in an entire series. The Mets did it to the Yankees in one game.

That is unacceptable.

And now, we go into tonight's game, with Vidal Nuno starting for us, against Met "ace" Zach Wheeler.

Oy vey.

As Bill Cosby taught us, Don't ever say, "It can't get any worse." It can always get worse.

But I wish it wouldn't. A Yankee win tonight, considering how many factors are against us, could be the spark that lights the season. It could also be a shock to the Mets' system, sending them back into the abyss, which would be a nice bonus for us.

But we can't consider what it would do to the Mets. We have to be concerned with our own team.

Considering that egg it laid last night, very concerned.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Top 10 Most Devastating TV Character Deaths

This is not about sports.

This past Sunday night, Game of Thrones aired "Red Wedding," in which there was a Total Eclipse of the Starks.

And it wasn't like "the Moldavian Wedding Massacre" on Dynasty on May 15, 1985, where pretty much everybody got shot, but none of the major characters died. Although a character played by Ali McGraw did, and she was a big name in those days.

(For you younger readers: Confusing Dynasty with Duck Dynasty is like comparing Noel Coward to Larry the Cable Guy -- if, that is, Noel Coward had been a mean old bastard whose current and ex-wives kept trying to beat each other up.)

Surely, "Red Wedding" was one of the most shocking moments in TV history. Indeed, one guy on Twitter wrote of the series' creator, "Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use Twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters." (Another Twitterer said, "It's too bad Entourage didn't end like that.")

But how does the loss of Robb Stark, his wife Talisa, and his mother Catelyn compare to the most devastating TV character deaths ever?

It just happened, so, obviously, it hasn't yet stood the test of time. But the shock value, even for a show that killed off its seemingly most important character (Robb's father Ned) in its Season 1 finale, was huge. How vicious the murders were adds to it.

For this list, I'm only going to include the unexpected. That means that any character killed off by the writers because the actor playing him died can't be included. So you won't be seeing the likes of...

* Harold "Mr." Hooper, played by Will Lee on Sesame Street, December 7, 1982.
* Sgt. Phil Esterhaus, Michael Conrad on Hill Street Blues, November 22, 1983.
* Ernie Pantusso, a.k.a. Coach, Nicholas Colasanto on Cheers, February 12, 1985.
* Selma Hacker, Selma Diamond on Night Court, May 13, 1985.
* Ike Johnson, John Hancock on Love & War, October 12, 1992.
* Leo McGarry, John Spencer on The West Wing, December 15, 2005.
* J.R. Ewing, Larry Hagman on Dallas, November 23, 2012.

Nor will you be seeing Lt. Tasha Yar on Star Trek: The Next Generation, April 25, 1988. It was already well-known that Denise Crosby wanted to leave the show, so it wasn't really a shock.

And you certainly won't see Chuckles the Clown (who was never shown onscreen) from The Mary Tyler Moore Show, October 25, 1975. That was played for laughs. Same with the many deaths of Kenny McCormick (cartoon character voiced by Matt Stone) on South Park.

And forget about Rosalind Shays (Diana Muldaur) on L.A. Law, 1991. Yes, it was shocking. But devastating? Hell, some of us cheering when that bitch (literally) went down, when she (literally) got the shaft. Shaft. Can you dig it?

The deaths on ER? Losing Lucy Knight to a knife-wielding maniac was hard, especially since Kellie Martin, then 24 years old, still looked as young as she did on Life Goes On (she was 14 when it premiered). Losing Dr. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards) was hard, but this was his second go-around with the brain tumor, so it was hardly unexpected. As for Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano (Paul McCrane) to a second mishap with a helicopter within a year, well, he didn't deserve death. He did, however, deserve humiliation. But no one of these deaths makes the list.

Nor can I quite put Detective Bobby Simone, Jimmy Smits on NYPD Blue, on this list. The same goes for Grey's Anatomy or Lost, which, unlike ER, I didn't watch: When you frequently kill characters, or get rid of characters for reasons other than death, it doesn't sting as much.

One final disclaimer: This list is mainly affected by shows I've actually seen. In some cases, I didn't watch the shows, but I'm aware of their impact, and so I've made an allowance for that.

Top 10 Most Devastating TV Character Deaths

Honorable Mention: Matthew Crawley, Dan Stevens on Downtown Abbey, December 25, 2012 (episode taking place in 1921). He survived World War I and the Spanish influenza epidemic that followed it. His wife Mary was about to have a baby, and show viewers were afraid that, for the second time, a female character would die in childbirth. (Lady Sybil Branson was the first, 2 months earlier). Wrong: Matthew is driving his convertible, in high spirits, when he is hit by a truck.

Honorable Mention: Gary Shepherd, Peter Horton on thirtysomething, February 12, 1991. I never watched the show, but people who did had to watch as Nancy (Patricia Wettig) battled cancer, and while she's in the hospital, having just heard that the results of her latest test have come back negative for a relapse, she's told that Gary is dead in a car crash.

Honorable Mention: Omar Little, Michael K. Williams on The Wire, February 24, 2008. Omar was a thief who robbed drug dealers in Baltimore. In the tradition of "honor among thieves," he did have a kind of moral code. And he ended up killing 5 men over the course of the show's first 5 seasons.

With that kind of rep, clearly, he was going to get taken down. Who killed him? A drug lord, sick of Omar muscling in on his territory? A hitman, working on behalf of such a drug lord? A victim's loved one, taking the law into his own hands, to get revenge? A cop, angry that Omar had, himself, taken the law into his own hands? Someone objecting to the fact that Omar was openly gay? An ex-boyfriend?

Actually, it was a kid named Kenard (Thuliso Dingwall). True, he was involved with the Fayette Street Mafia. But he was only about 12 years old, and he took Omar down simply for the sake of gaining some street cred, being able to say he took him down, like in the Wild West.

Honorable Mention: Adriana La Cerva, Drea de Matteo on The Sopranos, May 23, 2004. Another one of those shows that always seems to have somebody dying, and in this one's case, violently. So when the death of a single character stands out to the show's fans, attention must be paid.

To me, the shocking thing was not that she'd been whacked, bumped off, rubbed out, taken out, taken down, whichever killing metaphor you want to use; or even that it happened when (she thought) she and boyfriend Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli) were going to go off together in the Witness Protection Program. It was that her killer turned out to be Silvio Dante (Steven Van Zandt).

Silvio? In a "life" of bad guys, he seemed like one of the more moral ones. Maybe he saw how Tony Soprano's (James Gandolfini) men, including Chris-tuh-fuh himself, had botched jobs before, he thought, "If you want something done right, ya gotta do it yourself."

Now, the Top 10:

10. Dan Conner, John Goodman on Roseanne, May 7, 1996. In the Season 8 finale, Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert) and David Healy (Johnny Galecki) have gotten married, but Darlene's morbidly obese father Dan has a heart attack. As Season 9 begins, we find out he's going to be okay. Then he and wife Roseanne (Roseanne Barr) win $108 million in the lottery. Then things get crazy.

Then comes the series finale, and we find out that Roseanne made the whole thing up, writing it as a novel after Dan's heart attack turned out to be fatal. Dan wasn't perfect, but he was a good guy, and he didn't deserve to go out like that.

UPDATE: In 2018, Roseanne was revived, and it was revealed that the made-up part was the fact that Dan had died. He discovered the novel that Roseanne had written but never gotten published, and said the book would have been a success if she hadn't killed off "the most interesting character." Then, in a weird twist, Barr made some unacceptable comments, and the producers fired her, and the writers killed her character off, leaving Dan a widower.

9. Susan Ross, Heidi Swedberg on Seinfeld, May 16, 1996. The circumstances of the death of George Costanza's fiancee in the Season 7 finale are too stupid to repeat here.

That none of the characters, least of all George (Jason Alexander), seem particularly troubled, made this one tough to take. I mean, yeah, Susan wasn't especially likeable, but she wasn't a rotten person. Certainly, she wasn't as callous as George, Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) were when they found out. Damn it, show some respect for the dead.

8. Captain Roy Montgomery, Ruben Santiago-Hudson on Castle, May 16, 2011. It was known that RSH was leaving the show, and in the next-to-last episode of Season 3, Montgomery said he was retiring. You know how that works: As soon as the old man, especially if he's a cop, says he's gonna retire, and live the good life with his wife, get the condo in Florida, travel the world, buy the boat -- or, as Montgomery said when Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) asked him what he would do if he won $100 million in the lottery, "Buy me a big-ass boat" -- he's toast.

Montgomery was killed trying to protect Detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic) from the men in the plot to kill her mother, crusading lawyer Johanna Beckett, in 1999. And before he died, he managed to get off a shot that killed one of the plotters, the man who had shot him. You know how it goes: "If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' a bunch o' them bastards with me!"

The shocking part was not that Montgomery was going to die, and violently, but that he had been in on the plot as a younger cop. Not that he had anything to do with Mrs. Beckett's death, but that he was one of 3 cops involved in the kidnapping of Mafia hitmen, and that Mrs. Beckett found out about the kidnappings (if not about Montgomery's involvement), and the cops had to get rid of her.

That brought Kate's "Batman moment," abandoning her plan to go into her mother's line of work, and becoming a homicide cop. And she ended up coming under Montgomery's command (meaning that somebody in the trail between Kate and the killers slipped up), and so he kept her under his command to watch over her. He did, until he no longer could, and it was either her life to forfeit, or his.

Kate was right when she told Castle and her homicide squad partners Javier Esposito (Jon Huertas) and Kevin Ryan (Seamus Dever), "As far as anybody outside this room knows, Roy Montgomery died a hero." Yes, he blew it as a younger man. But when he had to come through, he was a hero.

RSH had previously died in the 2nd-ever episode of The West Wing, as President Bartlet's Air Force officer doctor, aboard a Middle East trade mission plane shot down by Syria -- something I had totally forgotten until after he'd died on Castle.

7. Joyce Summers, Kristine Sutherland on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, February 27, 2001. Unlike most of these, this episode was neither a season finale nor a season premiere. Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) battled all kinds of supernatural bad guys and bad girls. Characters dying on that show was not unheard of. But Buffy's mother died from a brain aneurysm.

No vampire draining her blood. No werewolf mauling. No evil spirit scaring her into a heart attack. No Jason axe, or Freddy blade-glove, or Leatherface chainsaw, or even a Norman Bates kitchen knife. No violence. She's betrayed by her own body. Buffy loses her mom to something that could have happened even if she'd never heard of the supernatural world in which she battled. And it's not like she could pick up a weapon and pursue the killer and gain her revenge. There was nothing that could be done.

6. Special Agent Caitlin Todd, Sasha Alexander on NCIS, May 24, 2005. Alexander, wife of film director Eduardo Ponti (and thus daughter-in-law of Sophia Loren) wanted to leave the show and start a family.  (They now have a 7-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son, and she has returned to TV on Rizzoli & Isles.) There were no hard feelings between Alexander and the show's producers, or between Alexander and CBS. She wanted out, and had the best possible excuse. And, unlike some of these other, she had no problem with her character going out in a blaze of glory.

By this point, a major TV show character dying, even violently, was no longer unheard of. But this was nasty. Kate Todd, who previously had 2 chances to kill Israeli doctor turned Palestinian terrorist Ari Haswari (Rudolf Martin), is shot by him from a sniper's nest shortly after she, Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon) and Anthony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) busted up a terrorist plan in Washington, D.C. This, just a moment after she dove in front of Gibbs to save him from a different sniper, saved by her bulletproof vest, so it looked like she would be okay.

This was about 58 1/2 minutes into the episode, so there was no time for either viewers or characters to process the moment before the credits rolled.

Sadistic bastard thought he was, Ari liked Kate, and, on a deep level that she painfully admitted, the feeling was mutual. But he killed her anyway, as the beginning of a plan to get Gibbs: First to break him down by killing people around him, and then killing him. This was in the Season 2 finale, seen from the agents' perspective.

The Season 3 premiere begins with the same scene shown from Ari's perspective, and after pulling the trigger, he says, "Sorry, Kate" -- probably the least sincere apology in the history of television. To make his point to Gibbs (if not to Kate), the rifle he used is nicknamed a "Kate" -- a nickname Gibbs knows, having used it himself in combat.

5. Edith Bunker, Jean Stapleton on Archie Bunker's Place (previously All in the Family), October 1980. The death this week of Stapleton reminded us of this one. It won't escape your notice that Numbers 2 and 5 on this list were on shows created and produced by Norman Lear. Unlike with James Evans, Lear and the performer in question were not at odds; Stapleton had simply decided that she'd had enough of playing Edith.

So, when the 11th season of the combined Bunker family sitcom premiered on November 2, 1980, it is revealed that Edith died a month earlier. To see Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor), TV's biggest blowhard, reduced to a grieving widower was hard to take: "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be the first one to go... You had no right to leave me that way... without giving me just one more chance to say I love you... "

4. Alice Harper Cartwright, Bonnie Bedelia on Bonanza, September 12, 1972. (Taking place in 1873. Various Civil War references, and a tombstone date, in earlier episodes proved that the show always took place 99 years in the past.) One of the running gags of pop culture was that all the women romanced by the Cartwright men die.

Ben, a.k.a. Pa (Lorne Greene) married 3 women. The 1st 2 died shortly after childbirth. The 3rd, Marie, was originally believed to have died in a fall from a horse, when her son with Ben, Joseph, a.k.a. Little Joe (Michael Landon as an adult) was very young. Decades later, in the prequel series Ponderosa, there is a retcon: Her name is Felicia, and she is murdered.

The fact of the Cartwright men's lady loves dying was even referenced on an episode of Happy Days, when Marion Cunningham (Marion Ross) watches Bonanza, says that Little Joe is getting married again, and that he hopes his wife doesn't die this time.

Actually, the "fact" is a bit of a stretch: Only once did Little Joe get married on the show. By 1972, 13 seasons into the iconic NBC drama's run, Westerns were long out as a popular form, although CBS' Gunsmoke hung on until 1975.

And, to make matters worse, Dan Blocker, who played 6-foot-3, 300-pound middle son Eric "Hoss" Cartwright, had died, from a pulmonary embolism during what should have been routine gall bladder surgery. (He was only 43 years and 5 months old -- exactly the same age I am now. My grandfather had his gall bladder taken out when he was 76 and wracked with emphysema, and he lived.) With Pernell Roberts, who played eldest son Adam, already having left the show a few years earlier, it was time to wrap it up.

The Season 14 premiere, "Forever," had originally been written by Landon as a Hoss episode. He was the one supposed to get married. But when Blocker died, it was rewritten for Joe, and Landon directed it, as he would later direct, produce and star in Little House On the Prairie and Highway to Heaven.

Joe meets Alice Harper, who'd been brought to Virginia City, Nevada by her brother. But, deeply in debt, the brother skipped town. She needs money. Joe needs a wife.  They get married. Time passes, and the couple discover they're going to become parents.  But the brother's creditors send thugs out to find him. Unable to do so, they go after his sister, the new Mrs. Cartwright.

Standing at her grave at the end of the episode, Joe simply says, "I love you" -- which was Landon's way of saying those words to Blocker, who had been his brother on film and dear friend in real life.

This may have been the 1st time in TV history, or at least on a major series, where "Bad things happen to good people," and that's what made it so difficult, as Bonanza was, and remains, 40 years after it rode off into the sunset, one of the most beloved TV shows ever.

So much of it is iconic: Pa's admonishments about right and wrong, telling the boys (well, mostly Little Joe) to, "Take your feet off the table," yet always letting them know that he was a loving father; Adam's moody brooding; Hoss' signature ten-gallon hat and Jackie Gleason-esque moon-faced smile; Little Joe becoming TV's first truly angsty teenager, even if he was already 22 when the show debuted; Victor Sen Yung being forced to speak broken English as Ponderosa Ranch cook Hop Sing but still standing up for himself, becoming an early role model for Asian Americans; and, of course, that epic opening, with the burning map of Virginia City and the 4 men riding their horses into the camera.

Today, Bonnie Bedelia is better known as Holly Gennaro McClane in Die Hard. Her full name is Bonnie Bedelia Culkin, and she is the sister of Kit and thus the aunt of Macaulay, Kieran and Rory Culkin.

A sequel series revealed that Little Joe married again, and had a son (played by Michael Landon Jr.) and a daughter; that Adam moved to Australia and had a son there; and that Hoss had a son he never knew, and that these cousins ran the Ponderosa early in the 20th Century.

3. Dolores Landingham, Kathryn Joosten on The West Wing, May 9, 2001. Joosten has since died, but was still very much active after this. Mrs. Landingham had known Jed Bartlet (Martin Sheen) since he was in a preppy New Hampshire private high school, becoming secretary first to Jed's headmaster father and then to Jed himself as Congressman, Governor and President.

Everyone felt betrayed that he had kept his sleeping-giant illness a secret from them, let alone from the country. There was going to be a Congressional investigation, possibly even impeachment. And, oh yeah, he had to decide, right now, whether he was going to run for re-election -- this, after he'd made a deal with his wife, Abbey (Stockard Channing), that, because of his condition, he would serve only one term.

With the cloud of scandal hovering over him, it seemed like the White House was caving in on the most popular POTUS in TV history. And then, in one of those episodes where the network concludes the preview by saying, "Whatever you do, don't miss the last 5 (or 2) minutes," we find out that she'd just been killed in a car crash -- having just bought the first new car of her 70-or-so-year life. This, after her husband had been dead for years.  This, after they had both been predeceased by both of their twin sons, Army doctors in a firefight in Vietnam.

Her death was announced in the next-to-last episode of Season 2, and in the finale, the President had a little chat with God after her funeral at the National Cathedral. And yet, she comes back to him as a ghost, telling him that if he's too scared to run again just because he thinks people won't vote for him because of his refusal to disclose, "Then, gosh, Jed, I'm not sure I even want to know you."

So at his press conference after announcing it, he's asked if he's going to run for re-election. And he says, "Yeah. And I'm gonna win." And he does. And he makes it through the second term alive. Unlike Mrs. Landingham, Admiral Fitzwallace, and, most heartbreakingly of all, his best friend Leo.

Speaking of Fitz (sort of)...

2. James Evans, John Amos on Good Times, September 22, 1976. Like a later sitcom with a mostly-black cast set in Chicago, Family Matters, Good Times was supposed to be about a black couple trying to be role models for their children. Fans latched onto a "breakout character," and it almost ruined the show.

Jimmy Walker's J.J. Evans (James Jr.) was a very different character to Jaleel White's Steve Urkel on Family Matters, but his too-eager embrace of his sudden fame ticked off his castmates, in particular the actors playing his parents, Amos and Esther Rolle as Florida Evans. Rolle: "He's 18, and he doesn't work. He can't read or write. He doesn't think. The show didn't start out to be that... They have made J.J. more stupid, and enlarged the role." Amos: "The writers would prefer to put a chicken hat on J.J., and have him prance around, saying, 'Dy-no-mite!' And, that way, they could waste a few minutes, and not have to write meaningful dialogue."

Finally, Amos had enough, and let Norman Lear know how he felt.  Lear essentially fired him: As with McLean Stevenson a year and a half earlier, CBS decided after Season 3, "You ain't stayin', you ain't leavin' alive."

The 2-part episode was titled "The Big Move." James is from Mississippi, and moved to Chicago after returning from the U.S. Army during the Korean War.  (Another sort-of connection with Henry Blake.) The family was poor, but never lost hope. But good news comes: James has an offer of a better job back in his home State. He goes down there to prepare for it -- Amos is never actually seen in this episode -- and is killed in a car crash.

At first, the reaction is not one of overwhelming sadness, which bothers son Michael (Ralph Carter). Even Florida doesn't seem all that affected.  Eventually, though, she realizes she is alone, not just in the room but in life, and loses it, smashing a punchbowl and saying, "Damn, damn, damn!"

This was the first time an Amos character would be killed off on a TV show, but not the last: Retired Admiral Percy Fitzwallace, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, would be killed on The West Wing episode "Gaza," airing on May 12, 2004. At this writing, in real life, Amos, born in Newark and growing up in neighboring East Orange, is still alive, 73 years old.

1. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, M.D., McLean Stevenson on M*A*S*H, March 18, 1975.  The episode was titled, "Abyssinia, Henry." "Abyssinia," the former name for Ethiopia, was a slang term for farewell, sounding like, "I'll be seein' ya," and Blake had used the term on the show before.

The commanding officer of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in the Korean War, Henry was a drunk and a womanizer, and totally unsuited to the role of commanding a military unit. But he was a good doctor, and, like his successor, Col. Sherman T. Potter (Harry Morgan), understood that the people under his command were human beings first, their jobs second, and soldiers third; and that, sometimes, "going by the book" meant there would be some unfairness.

As the episode starts, the company clerk, Corporal Walter "Radar" O'Reilly (Gary Burghoff), tells Henry, whom he sees almost as a father figure (as his own dad died when he was very young), that a message has come in from I-Corps: He's got all his rotation points. He's being discharged, going home to Bloomington, Illinois. (Stevenson's real-life hometown -- he was a cousin of that town's favorite son, 2-time Democratic Presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson.)

Some time after Henry leaves, probably a few days, there is an operating session, which appeared in the script as just an empty page -- in other words, the actors didn't even know what was going to happen, except for Burghoff. Radar walks in, and says that Henry's plane was shot down by an enemy plane, and, "There weren't no survivors."

There is silence, except for the dropping of a surgical instrument clanging on the floor, and the tears of head nurse Major Margaret Houlihan, as her portrayer, Loretta Swit, seemed genuinely moved by the death of a fictional character, one with whom she was so often at odds. Even Larry Linville, playing nasty gung-ho hypocrite Major Frank Burns, seemed saddened. Operating on the same patient, Captains Ben "Hawkeye" Pierce and "Trapper John" McIntyre (Alan Alda and Wayne Rogers) looked like they were doing whaver they could to not cry, for fear that their tears would infect the patient.

Stevenson was still on the set to see the filming of this scene, and was deeply hurt. Producers Larry Gelbart and Gene Reynolds got over 1,000 letters, some understanding, many not. Gelbart later regretted the way it was handled. The first time the episode was repeated, the last scene was cut out of the broadcast, although it was included in syndication and on VHS & DVD.

Why did the writers and producers do it? They knew Stevenson wanted to move on, but did they have to kill Henry off? Why not just send him home alive? Or, if they had to have him die, let him pass away quietly in his bed, before he had a chance to leave? Why such a violent and terrifying death as a plane crash? Simple: The show was about war, and war is hell.

(Father Francis Mulcahy, played by William Christopher, used that line on the show during an OR session, and Hawkeye contradicted him: "I think war is worse than hell. There are no innocent bystanders in hell.")

If "Red Wedding" was a slug in the gut, even for generations used to shocks on TV, "Abyssinia, Henry" was not: It was a slug in the gut for generations not used to this sort of thing. Sure, they were used to the Vietnam War (for which M*A*S*H was an allegory), and had seen the assassinations of the Kennedy brothers and Martin Luther King, riots in the inner cities and at the Democratic Convention, a massacre on a college campus, and a President go too far and commit an unintentional long-term suicide for his Administration -- all within the last 12 years.

But TV wasn't like that: It was escapism. Sure, there were serious TV shows before M*A*S*H, but even on shows like that, you knew the major characters were going to be okay in the end. "Abyssinia, Henry" meant that you could never take that for granted again.

It seems self-serving, even obnoxious, for me to point out the crap people had to live through in the 12 years before "Abyssinia, Henry," and to then say that the years of my childhood were "a more innocent time." But for TV viewing, other than for the news, it really was. When Henry Blake died, so did a certain way of looking at television. And not for the better.

Friday, February 10, 2012

My 10 Favorite TV Episodes, Ever

This isn't about sports.

10. Seinfeld, "The Soup Nazi," November 2, 1995. Do you have to ask why? In that case, "No soup for you!"

9. Life On Mars, "Life Is a Rock," April 1, 2009. Of all the TV shows that could have aired on April Fool's Day, this show's finale is one that probably shouldn't have. But after the way "Ashes to Ashes," the spinoff of the original British version, ended, I never again want to hear from the Brits how "the bloody Yanks" screwed up "their" show.

8. NCIS, "One Shot, One Kill," February 10, 2004. The Gibbs team investigates the sniper-killing of 2 Marine recruiting sergeants. Gibbs Rule Number 9 is revealed: "Never go anywhere without a knife." T.J. Thyne, later Hodgins on Bones, has a brief guest appearance. Tamara Taylor, Camille on Bones, played an NCIS special agent on 2 other episodes.

7. Castle, "Punked," October 11, 2010. The murder weapon is a 200-year-old dueling pistol. Castle suspects a time-traveling killer. It leads him and Beckett into a steampunk club. There are two kinds of folks who don't like Castle: Psychopaths, and people who have never seen it.

6. Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Relics," October 12, 1992. James Doohan guests as Scotty, who'd kept himself alive for 75 years as a pattern inside a transporter buffer. (If ya gotta ask... ) He soon realizes that too much time has passed... until the new Enterprise's Chief Engineer, Geordie LaForge, steps in to help.

5. The Honeymooners, "Better Living Through TV," November 12, 1955. This was the 1st episode of the show that I ever saw. In order to sell a not-so-glorified Swiss Army Knife, Ralph and Ed do a live TV commercial. Ed says, "Zip, zip! Amazing!" Ralph, nervous as hell, says, "Homina homina homina... "

4. The Twilight Zone, "The Obsolete Man," June 2, 1961. Burgess Meredith is condemned to death -- and not for all the people he killed as the Penguin on Batman. But, like the Son of the God that he and a few other people in this dystopian future still believe in, he turns his death into victory for humanity. Rod Serling was right: "Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of man, that state is obsolete."

3. M*A*S*H, "Adam's Ribs," November 26, 1974. Hawkeye flips out over the mess tent chow -- and partially predicts the film "Network," which came out 2 years later -- and orders takeout barbecue from Chicago. Calling from Korea. In 1951.

2. Mad About You, "Giblets for Murray," November 17, 1994. Paul and Jamie try to host Thanksgiving dinner for the 1st time. The families are problematic. Then the dog eats the turkey, and hilarity ensues.

1. The West Wing, "Game On," October 30, 2002. President Martin Sheen clobbers James Brolin as George W. Bush's stand-in in the Presidential debate, and Leo puts a terrorist-supporting ambassador in his place.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Catching Up, Like the Yankees Have Done

Computer issues prevented me from updating for 3 straight days. Which felt like 4, considering I was going back and forth between the Yankees and TV season finales.

I can't believe both Kate Beckett (Stana Katic on Castle) and Teresa Lisbon (Robin Tunney on The Mentalist) both got shot. So did Mike Franks (Muse Watson -- great name -- on NCIS), but he's a lot harder on the eyes, not to mention the ears, than Beckett and Lisbon.

Lisbon says she'll be all right, but Franks is dead, and Beckett sure looks dead. At least Patrick Jane (Simon Baker on The Mentalist) finally got Red John (a very creepy cameo by West Winger Bradley Whitford).

UPDATE: Beckett's life was saved, and Whitford's character turned out not to be Red John. It took another 4 years for Jane to get his revenge.)

*

Tuesday night. The Yankees not only got the hits they needed, but came through late, scoring 2 runs in the 7th and 2 more in the 9th, to finally beat the Tampa Bay Rays, 6-2. Alex Rodriguez hit 2 homers to break out of a nasty slump. WP: Ivan Nova (4-3). No save. LP: James Shields (4-2).

*

Wednesday night. Back up the coast to Baltimore to face the Orioles, revitalized under former Yankee manager William Nathaniel Showalter III.

Bartolo Colon turned back the clock again. He pitched 8 brilliant innings and got a Nick Swisher sacrifice fly to score A-Rod in the 4th, and the Yankees took a 1-0 lead into the bottom of the 9th.

All game long, John Sterling was musing (I like that word) on WCBS about how Colon was throwing an average of 10 pitches per inning. So should he have been sent back out for the bottom of the 9th to protect his 1-run lead?

If you have Mariano Rivera to come out of the pen to throw fresh and protect that lead, you bring him in. Right? Right?

This time, wrong: Mo didn't have it, and the O's tied it up.

I hate extra innings. If you're gonna win, do it in 9, so I'm not too tired to celebrate. If you're gonna lose, do it in 9, so I'm not tired AND pissed off.

Here's what the Yankees blew on Wednesday night:

* 2nd: A-Rod on 3rd, Swisher on 1st, 1 out. Andruw Jones struck out, Eduardo Nunez grounded to short.

* 3rd: Curtis Granderson walked, 2 out. Mark Teixeira grounded to 3rd.

* 5th: Derek Jeter singled, 2 out. Granderson struck out.

* 6th: A-Rod singled with 1 out. Thrown out trying to stretch it to a double, 2 out. Robinson Cano singled. Swish struck out. Insert "George Carlin word" of choice here.

* 7th: Jones draws a leadoff walk. Brett Gardner pinch-runs. Nunez sacrifices him to 2nd, 1 out. Francisco Cervelli flies to center. Jeter grounds to 3rd. You can't waste leadoff walks like that!

* 8th: Teix walks with 1 out. A-Rod grounds into an around-the-horn double play, 3rd to 2nd to 1st. And the A-colytes grouse when Jeter does that.

* 10th: Russell Martin singles with 1 out. Jeter and Granderson both strike out. This is when I decided it was no longer a matter of if the Yankees would lose, but when and how. I figured it would be on a what-the-hell play. You know the kind I mean.

* 12th: Chris Dickerson leads off with a single. Gardner sacrifices him to 2nd, 1 out. Looks good, right? Nunez grounds to 3rd, Dickerson can't advance, man on 2nd, 2 out. Martin grounds to short but beats it out, and then steals 2nd. So men on 2nd & 3rd with 2 out. Jeter up. Captain Clutch, not so much: A weak grounder to 3rd, the kind of hit we've been seeing to much of from him the last year or so.

* 13th: Granderson hits a leadoff single. Teix singles him to 3rd. 1st and 3rd, nobody out! This is it, the Yankees are going to win! No, it's not, A-Rod pulls a Carlos Beltran and takes a called 3rd strike. Robinson Cano is intentionally walked. Bases loaded, 1 out. Dickerson strikes out. Gardner grounds to 1st.

* 14th: Nunez hits a leadoff single. He steals 2nd. Man on 2nd, nobody out. This is it, right? Wrong. Martin hits a foul pop to 1st. Jeter hits another weak infield grounder, this time to 2nd, advancing Nunez to 3rd. Granderson grounds to short.

Think about that for a moment: It may have been 14 innings, but the Yankees stranded 14 runners -- 7 of them got as far as 2nd base, 10 of them got on base with less than 2 outs. You can't do that!

Top of the 15th. I am one very tired and very unhappy uncle. Teix leads off with a single. Don't get your hopes up, Mike, A-Rod is up. Will it be a strikeout, a popup, or a double play? None: He singles, too. So men on 1st and 2nd with nobody out, and Cano up. The Orioles pull pitcher Jeremy Accardo, replacing him with Michael Gonzalez. Still, the next 3 hitters are Cano, Dickerson and Gardner. Surely, one of them will get the big hit, right? The way this game has gone thus far, probably not.

Cano does! A hit! Center fielder Adam Jones mishandles it! Teix scores! A-Rod scores! Cano gets all the way to 3rd! It's 3-1 Yankees, and still nobody out!

Gonzalez hits Dickerson in the face with a pitch. Stay classy, Baltimore.

A.J. Burnett, of all people, pinch-runs for Dickerson, who turns out to be fine. Gardner hits a sac fly that scores Cano. Jeter had been the designated hitter, then moves to short for the bottom of the 15th, replacing Nunez, so now the Yankees have had a pitcher as a pinch-runner and the pitcher forced to bat... and bat 6th.

Fortunately, Hector Noesi, making his major league debut, pitched 3 strong innings before working himself out of a jam (the depleted Yankee bullpen left him, and Joe Giradi, no choice) in the bottom of the 15th. Final(ly) score, Yankees 4, Orioles 1.

WP: Noesi (1-0). LP: Accardo, 2-1.

The funny part was that there was this leather-lung, probably right underneath the press box because you could hear him over the radio all game long, yelling, "LET'S GO YANKEEEEEEEES!" In the 14th, Suzyn Waldman said, "You'd think he'd get tired." Sterling chuckled.

I wonder if they had a 14th-inning stretch? I have seen it done.

*

Last night, the Yanks and O's finished up the 2-gamer on the Inner Harbor. The man who built the 1st Yankee Dynasty, "Colonel" Jacob Ruppert, said his idea of a perfect day was when the Yankees scored 8 runs in the 1st inning, and then slowly pulled away.

He would have liked last night's game, if not thinking it "perfect."  A Jeter double, a Granderson triple (1), a Teix groundout (2), A-Rod struck out, Cano was hit by a pitch (another purpose pitch? Why couldn't Buck have been this aggressive when he was managing the Yankees? He could've had Ken Griffey Jr. or Edgar Martinez plunked in that Playoff in '95), Martin walked, a wild pitch, Jorge Posada (remember him?) walked to load the bases. Swish got the kind of hit that ends slumps, doubling (3, 4 & 5). Five runs before the Birds even came to bat.

The Yankees scored 4 more in the 4th, to knock Brad Bergesen (1-5) out of the box. Gardner and Jeter -- who are you callin' an old man? -- hit back-to-back triples, and Teix, the native of nearby Annapolis, Maryland who grew up an Oriole fan, knocked one out later that inning for his 285th career home run. He'll reach 300 before the season is out.

Now, the only question was, would the Yankees get 5 full innings in before the umpires called it due to rain? CC Sabathia (4-3) efficiently set the O's down to make it an official game. He tossed 8 innings, 7 hits, no walks, 9 strikeouts, and, most importantly, gave the exhausted bullpen a nice rest before Amaury Sanit, a Cuban defector born on the 4th of July (in 1979), allowed the O's to get on the board in the bottom of the 9th. Yankees 13, Orioles 2.

*

So the Yankees come home to start -- ugh -- Interleague play again, with 3 in The Bronx against The Other Team. I'll have more on that later.

The Yankees are currently 23-19, officially a game behind the Rays, but even in the All-Important Loss Column. The Scum are a game and a half back (1 in the AILC), the Toronto Blue Jays, pesky or otherwise, 2 1/2 back (2), and the O's 5 back (4).

Jeter 2970 30
Rivera 572 29
A-Rod 621 142