Adlai and Kamala, Jack and...

I have an analogy.

Kamala Harris is this generation's Adlai Stevenson: Inspiring millions, but unable to break through with the majority.

We don't yet know who our John F. Kennedy, taking us over the finish line, and becoming the great leader of the era, will be.

I saw a lot of people hoping that Joe Biden wouldn't run again, and, if so -- and then, once he did so decide -- that the Democratic nominee for President should be Gavin Newsom.

So maybe if we accept that, for at least another generation, this country isn't decent enough to elect a woman as President, the office can be won by a man capable of taking conservatives on and taking them down, and Newsom could be "our JFK."

If not him, I don't know who it would be. But he has to be considered the 2028 front-runner now:

* Kamala isn't going to be allowed to run again.

* Other women will run, but won't be allowed to stay in the race past the New Hampshire Primary. So, Elizabeth Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Kirsten Gillibrand, forget it.

* Bernie Sanders is older than Joe Biden, and has never been a Democrat, anyway.

* Cory Booker is black. He's not getting the nomination. Not in 2028, anyway.

* Pete Buttigieg is gay. He's not getting the nomination. Not in 2028, anyway.

Newsom is white. He's male. He's straight. He's married. He has children. He has none of the things that the pundits have now branded as negatives -- Kamala's or otherwise. He'll be 59 at the time of the next election, just the right age. He's good-looking. He's well-spoken. He comes off great on television. He's smart. He's experienced. He's not afraid to shove the Republicans' arguments right back in their ugly fascist faces.

Downsides? Only one that I can see: He had an affair that ended his 1st marriage. But that was to Kimberly Guilfoyle, who turned out to be not just a Trump fangirl, but is now engaged to Donald Trump Jr. Besides, if the other side brings up an affair from over 20 years ago, we can remind them that Trump proved that character doesn't matter.

Of course, maybe the "JFK" we're looking for is someone else, someone that we haven't yet considered. In which case, your guess is as good as mine.

If Baseball Were Like the Iowa Caucuses

If baseball were like the Iowa Caucuses...

* Yankee Fans would be Joe Biden supporters, telling everyone that their candidate is the one best able to beat the bad guys.

* Met fans would be Bernie Sanders supporters, telling everyone that their candidate will win and has to, because everybody else is corrupt.

* Despite the fact that Kamala Harris is from Oakland, Los Angeles Dodger fans would be Harris supporters, saying they were cheated before it ever started.

* Houston Astro fans would be Pete Buttigieg supporters, swooping in with cheating, and getting caught.

* Boston Red Sox fans would be Donald Trump supporters: Just when you think they can't win this time, they cheat.

* And the Playoffs and World Series wouldn't be shown on television, and the Commissioner would still not have released the results by Thanksgiving.

*

Days until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 2, this Thursday night, against the Philadelphia Flyers, a.k.a. The Philth, will be at the Wells Fargo Center. The next game against the New York Rangers, a.k.a. The Scum, will be on Saturday night, March 7, at Madison Square Garden. The next game against the New York Islanders will be on Saturday night, March 21, at the Prudential Center.

Days until the New Hampshire Primary: 7, next Tuesday.

Days until Arsenal play again: 12, on Sunday, February 16, at 11:30 AM New York time, in Premier League action, home to North-East team Newcastle United.

Days until the New York Red Bulls play again: 26, on Sunday, March 1, at 1:00 PM, home to FC Cincinnati. Under 4 weeks.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 Opening Day: 51, at 1:00 on Thursday, March 26, away to the Baltimore Orioles. A little over 7 weeks. And now, it feels as though we can look forward to it.

Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: 51, at 3:45 PM New York time on March 26, 2020, against the Netherlands, at Philips Stadion in Eindhoven, home of PSV Eindhoven.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 home opener: 58, on Thursday, April 2, against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 74, on Saturday, April 18, at 1:00 PM, against the New England Revolution, at Red Bull Arena. On Sunday, April 26, at 3:00 PM, they will play D.C. United, at Audi Field in Washington. On Sunday, May 31, at 3:00 PM, they will play New York City FC, at Yankee Stadium II. And on Saturday, June 6, at 6:00 PM, they will play the Philadelphia Union, at Red Bull Arena.

Days until the next North London Derby: 81, on Saturday, April 25, Arsenal's 1st visit to the new Tottenham Stadium, adjacent to the site of the previous White Hart Lane. Under 12 weeks. It is currently scheduled to be on the 16th Anniversary of the 2nd time that Arsenal won the League at White Hart Lane -- but also the last time Arsenal won the League anywhere. Of course, for TV reasons, the game could be moved to another date, probably the next day.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 94, on May 8, 2020, at Yankee Stadium II. A little over 3 months. 

Days until Euro 2020 begins, a tournament being held all over Europe instead of in a single host nation: 129, on Friday, June 12, 2020. A little over 4 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 171, on July 24, 2020. Under 6 months.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: 213, on Friday night, September 4, against arch-rival Old Bridge, at the purple shit pit on Route 9. The 2020 season will mark the debut of the Big Central Football Conference, which places every high school in Middlesex, Monmouth, Mercer, Somerset and Hunterdon Counties, and a few in Union and Ocean Counties, in the same league for football only. For every other sport, EB will still be in the Greater Middlesex Conference.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge football game: See the previous answer.

Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 214, on Saturday, September 5, at noon, home to Monmouth University, a Football Championship Subdivision School in West Long Branch, Monmouth County, New Jersey. In other words, if they don't win this game overwhelmingly, especially now that Greg Schiano is back as head coach, it will look very, very bad. Anyway, a little over 7 months.

Days until the next Presidential election, when we can dump the Trump-Pence regime and elect a real Administration: 273, on November 3, 2020. Under 9 months.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 298, on Saturday, November 28, at home. Under 10 months.

Days until a fully-Democratic-controlled Congress can convene, and the Republicans can do nothing about it: 334, on January 3, 2021. Under 11 months.

Days until Liberation Day: 351, at noon on January 20, 2021. Under 12 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not just from Donald Trump. Having Mike Pence as President wouldn't be better, just differently bad, mixing theocracy with plutocracy, rather than mixing kleptocracy with plutocracy.

Days until Alex Rodriguez and David Ortiz become eligible for the Baseball Hall of Fame: 707, on January 11, 2022. Under 2 years, or a little over 23 months. We will then find out if it's okay for a Red Sox steroid cheat to be in the Hall, but not for a Yankee steroid cheat.

Days until the next Winter Olympics begins in Beijing, China: 731, on February 4, 2022. Exactly 2 years, or exactly 24 months.

Days until the next World Cup is scheduled to kick off in Qatar: 1,021, on November 21, 2022, in Qatar. Under 3 years, or under 34 months.

Days until the next Women's World Cup is scheduled to kick off: As yet unknown, but space on the international women's soccer calendar has been cleared for July 10 to August 20, 2023. So if July 10 is the tournament's starting date, that would be 1,252 days, a little under 3 1/2 years, or a little over 41 months. A host nation is expected to be chosen on March 20. Bids have bee put in by Brazil (South America has never hosted), Colombia (ditto), Japan (Asia last hosted in 2007), and a joint bid by Australia and New Zealand (Oceania has never hosted).

If Seinfeld covered the 2020 Election So Far

Kramer: Jerry, Bernie Sanders is leading a revolution! Ya gotta vote for him!

Jerry: No way! He's old and stale! And he's creepy! And he's done nothing for 30 years! It would be like voting for Uncle Leo!

*

Jerry: George, you only like Tulsi Gabbard because she's attractive.

George: No, no!

Elaine: (Nods, yes, yes)

Jerry: I think, yes, yes!

Elaine: George, she's trash.

George: She's not trash.

Jerry: Was she in the trash?

George: She was on top of the trash.

Jerry: Then she's trash.

*

Elaine: I like Beto O'Rourke. He's sponge-worthy.

(2 weeks later)

Elaine: I don't like what Beto said about supporting Tulsi. I'm switching to Mayor Pete.

Jerry: Pete Buttigieg? But he's gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Elaine: (Has a desperate look on her face)

Jerry: Wait... Oh my God, don't tell me! You're not thinking about... conversion?

Elaine: Jerry, I need a shortstop. Real bad.

(2 weeks later)

Elaine: Well, I should have stuck with my sisters. I'm voting for Elizabeth Warren.

Jerry: What about Kamala Harris? She's a woman and a person of color.

Elaine: Jerry, Warren is Native American.

(2 weeks later)

Elaine: Okay, K-Hive it is.

*

Jerry: I'm voting for Joe Biden.

Kenny Bania: Why? Go with Andrew Yang. He's gold, Jerry, gold.

Jerry: No. We need somebody who can beat Trump. Besides, Biden's a smart guy. And yet, he's a gaffe machine. And I'm a comedian.

*

Jerry, seeing the red MAGA hat coming: Hello, Newman.

Newman, seeing Jerry's Biden pin: Hello, Jerry. Still a beta snowflake cuck who can't get over 2016, I see.

Elaine: You know, Newman, Trump once grabbed me by the pussy. Back when only New Yorkers knew what a son of a bitch he is. That's why he talks like that now: I hit him so hard, it gave him brain damage.

*

Old Woman On Street: I'm not voting at all. It doesn't matter. They're all corrupt!

Jerry: Shut up, you old bag!

*

Jerry's closing monologue: I think everybody is voting for the person who makes them feel like they did when they were kids, and they had no responsibility, and had a President they thought was cool. Young Republicans see Trump as the 2003 and 2004 version of George W. Bush, taking names and kicking ass, and showing that it doesn't matter if the liberals say he's stupid.

Middle-aged Republicans, who grew up in the 1970s and '80s, see him as the new Ronald Reagan, cutting taxes, putting anti-abortion Judges on the Supreme Court, and standing up to America's enemies. Even though he's bending over backwards for Russia. And North Korea. And the Middle Eastern dictators.

Old Republicans, who grew up in the 1940s and '50s, see him as the new Dwight D. Eisenhower, always winning with a smile. Except Ike appointed Earl Warren as Chief Justice, sent the 101st Airborne to desegregate a school, and played less golf. And Trump looks like an idiot when he smiles.

Now, with the Democrats, Kamala Harris supporters and Cory Booker supporters tend to be young, so they're looking for the new Barack Obama. Elizabeth Warren voters are a little older, so they're looking for Bill Clinton, except someone who is a woman, rather than someone chasing women. Older Democrats, even though they might now be older than these guys, they're looking at Beto and Mayor Pete, because they see the new Jack or Bobby Kennedy.

The outlier is the Bernie Sanders voters. They come in all ages, so they were either there for the cool reforms of the 1960s, or they wish they were, and they see him as the guy who can finish the revolution. All he's gotta do is not have another heart attack, not crash into any more doors, or not drool. In other words, not be the end of the Administration of Woodrow Wilson. Because, let's face it: Jane Sanders is no Edith Wilson! Except for the hating black people part.