Dallas' 10 Greatest Teams

This weekend, the Yankees are hosting the Texas Rangers, the Major League Baseball team for the Dallas-Fort Worth "Metroplex."

Dallas' 10 Greatest Teams

Honorable Mention to the 1994-99 Texas Rangers. The Rangers lost 205 games in their 1st 2 seasons in Arlington, but were rarely terrible after that. They finished 2nd in the American League Western Division in 1974, 1977, 1981, 1986 and 1993. In 1994, their 1st season at their 1994-2019 ballpark, they 52-62 when the strike hit, a bad record, but they were in 1st place. This made them, unofficially, the 1st team ever to "win a Division title" with a losing record.

They won the AL West in 1996, 1998 and 1999. They beat the Yankees in Game 1 of the 1996 AL Division Series. But they didn't win another postseason game until 2010, as the Yankees took the next 3 in '96, and swept them in '98 and '99.

10. 1983-88 Dallas Mavericks. The Mavs' 1st 2 seasons in the NBA were dreadful, but they were decent in their 3rd, and made the Playoffs in their 4th, 1983-84. They won Playoff rounds in 1984 and 1986, but smacked into the "Showtime" Los Angeles Lakers both times.

In 1987, they won their 1st Division title (the Midwest Division), but lost to the Seattle SuperSonics in the 1st round. In 1988, they went on a roll, defeating their arch-rivals, the Houston Rockets, and then the Denver Nuggets, to reach the NBA Western Conference Finals for the 1st time. But, again, the Lakers were in their way. They took Kareem, Magic, Worthy and the rest to the full 7 games, but experience won out.

That would be it for the 1st generation of Mavericks, as they made the Playoffs only once in the next 12 seasons, winning only 24 games in 1992-93 and 1993-94 combined, the worst 2-season performance in the NBA's 1st 72 seasons.

9. 2000-07 Dallas Mavericks. These were the years of "Allas" and "Irk Nowitzki," as they had great offense, but no "D" in "Big D." They won Playoff rounds in 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2005, reaching the Conference Finals in 2003. In 2006, they reached the NBA Finals for the 1st time, but Dirk and company lost to the Miami Heat.

It may have taken something out of them: While they made the Playoffs in each of the next 4 seasons, including a Division title in 2007, they won just 1 round in that time. They would be back, but it would be a different team, though still led by Nowitzki.

8. 2009-16 Texas Rangers. Things picked up again for them in 2009. In 2010, not only did they finally win a 2nd postseason game, but they won a postseason series for the 1st time, beating the Tampa Bay Rays in the ALDS. Then they finally got revenge on the Yankees, winning their 1st Pennant in 6 games. But they lost the World Series to the San Francisco Giants.

In 2011, they won another Pennant, and it looked like they had the St. Louis Cardinals beat in Game 6 of the World Series. But they took the 1986 Boston Red Sox off the hook for worst World Series loss ever: They blew clinching leads in the 9th and the 10th innings of Game 6, and lost in the 11th. Then they lost Game 7.

They blew a big Division lead in 2012, and lost the AL Wild Card Game to the Baltimore Orioles. Their 91 wins were only enough to finish 2nd in 2013. After a bad 2014, they won the AL West again in 2015 and 2016, but lost the ALDS to the Toronto Blue Jays both times.

7. 1960-62 Dallas Texans. The founding franchise of the American Football League, started by Lamar Hunt, son of Dallas oil tycoon H.L. Hunt. They went 8-6 in the AFL's 1st season, 1960. They fell to 6-8 in 1961. But in 1962, they went 11-3, and beat their cross-State rivals, the Houston Oilers, in the AFL Championship Game. The Oilers had won the previous 2 AFL titles.

But football fans North Texas had already proven that the NFL brand meant more to them than winning, as they were committed to the Cowboys. So Hunt moved his AFL Champions, and they became the Kansas City Chiefs. Still, the Cowboys wouldn't win a league title until the 1971 season. By that point, the former Dallas team had won 2 more AFL titles for Kansas City, and also Super Bowl IV.

6. 1971-74 Dallas Tornado. No "S" on the end. They played in the old North American Soccer League from 1967 to 1981, and reached the Final, the Soccer Bowl, twice, winning over the Atlanta Chiefs in 1971, and losing to the Philadelphia Atoms in 1973. They won their division in 1973, 1974, 1977 and 1980.

Their successor club in Major League Soccer hasn't been so lucky. Known from 1996 to 2004 as the Dallas Burn, they won the U.S. Open Cup under that name in 1997. They've won Division titles in 2006, 2015 and 2016; and another U.S. Open Cup in 2016. But they've only reached 1 MLS Cup Final, losing it to the Colorado Rapids in 2010.

5. 2008-11 Dallas Mavericks. At last. In 2009, they beat the San Antonio Spurs in the 1st round, but got knocked out by the Denver Nuggets. They won the Southwest Division in 2010, but got knocked out by the Spurs in the 1st round.

Nothing would stand in their way in the 2011 NBA Playoffs. Not the Portland Trail Blazers in the 1st round. Not Kobe Bryant and the 2-time defending World Champion Lakers in the Conference Semifinals. Not Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and James Harden and the rest of the Oklahoma City Thunder in the Conference Finals.

And not the Heat, with LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in the NBA Finals. The Heat won 2 of the 1st 3, but the Mavs won the next 3 straight, clinching 105-95 in Miami. It may have been the most humiliating defeat in the history of Miami sports. (Sure, they won the next 2 titles, but... )

Nowitzki finally got a ring. So did longtime stars Jason Kidd, Peja Stojakovic, Shawn Marion, Jason Terry and Caron Butler. And so did Mark Cuban. For once, this was a Dallas team that anybody could root for. Well, maybe not David Stern.

4. 1997-2000 Dallas Stars. They've only made the Playoffs in 2 of the last 10 seasons. But in their 1st 15 years after moving from the Twin Cities as the Minnesota North Stars, they reached the NHL Western Conference Finals (1998, 1999, 2000 and 2008), reached back-to-back Stanley Cup Finals in 1999 and 2000, and won the 1999 Stanley Cup.

And let's get something out of the way right now: Even if Brett Hull's clinching goal had been waved off, the Stars and the Buffalo Sabres were still tied. The Stars could still have won it beyond any doubt. And if the Sabres had won? They would still have had to play the Stars in Game 7 in Dallas, an unlikely win.

3. 1966-73 Dallas Cowboys. It took the Cowboys until their 2nd season to win a game, and their 6th to reach .500 (7-7 in 1965). But in 1966, they won the NFL Eastern Division. (Why was Dallas in the East, and the Baltimore Colts in the West? It made no sense. It doesn't make sense that the Cowboys are still in the NFC East today.) They lost a tough NFL Championship Game to the Green Bay Packers.

They won another Division title in 1967, beat the Cleveland Browns for their 1st Playoff win, but lost the NFL Championship Game to the Packers again, this time in Green Bay, in the frigid game known as the Ice Bowl. They won their Division again in 1968 and 1969, but got knocked out of the Playoffs by the Browns both times. In 1970, they finally reached a Super Bowl, but lost to the Colts on a last-second field goal.

The 1971 season was when Tom Landry's team finally put it all together, and won Super Bowl VI over the Miami Dolphins. They again reached the NFC Championship Game in 1972 and 1973, then missed the Playoffs in 1974. They were back in 1975, but, by then, they were a different team.

2. 1975-83 Dallas Cowboys. This was the bunch, high on ego and cocaine, that became known as "America's Team" and "Doomsday." They won the 1975 NFC Championship, but lost Super Bowl X to the Pittsburgh Steelers. They won the 1977 NFC Championship, and beat the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XII. They won the 1978 NFC Championship, but lost Super Bowl XIII to the Steelers.

They got knocked out in the Divisional round in 1979, then lost 3 straight NFC Championship Games, to the Philadelphia Eagles, the San Francisco 49ers, and their arch-rivals, the Washington Redskins. They reached the Playoffs again in 1983, but they were getting old, and it would take a major retooling to make the Dallas Cowboys the Dallas Cowboys again.

1. 1991-99 Dallas Cowboys. But that retooling did come, and the team it produced was probably more talented than either of their previous Super Bowl winners. They won 3 Super Bowls in 4 seasons from 1992 to 1995, including 2 wins over the Buffalo Bills (XXVII and XXVIII) and revenge over the Steelers (XXX).

That Super Bowl XXX win, on January 28, 1996, remains their last Super Bowl appearance. In fact, their preceding win, over the Green Bay Packers at Texas Stadium, remains their last appearance in the NFC Championship Game. They did make the Playoffs in the 1996, '98 and '99 seasons, but they haven't been able to put it together since.

Following a win over the Minnesota Vikings on December 28, 1996, the Cowboys are 2-9 in Playoff games: A win over the Eagles in 2009-10, and another over the Detroit Lions in 2014-15. It's not that they've been bad -- they've won 4 of the last 11 NFC East titles, and only in 2015, with a 4-12 record, have they been truly dreadful -- it's that they've been mediocre.

Indeed, where they once called themselves "America's Team," making them the favorite team of everyone with a TV set and a bad (or no) local team from the 1970s to the 1990s, the Dallas Cowboys have become the worst thing an NFL team can become: Irrelevant.

Why I'm Rooting for the Giants in the World Series

From the film Nurse Betty:

Morgan Freeman: "I'm in hell!"
Chris Rock: "Worse: You're in Texas!"

I hate the Rangers. I hate all teams called Rangers, no matter what the sport, no matter what the country. Especially when they wear blue shirts.

I give the Dallas Mavericks a pass because Mark Cuban upsets the NBA establishment, which could use it. I give the University of Texas Longhorns a pass because anybody in Texas who isn’t a Hook-em-Hornser hates them. Every other Texas team, I despise them. Especially the Dallas Cowboys.

Traditionally, on those occasions when the Yankees are eliminated, I tend to root for the team that plays the team that beat the Yankees. In Italian soccer, this is known as gufare: Essentially, it means "to support against."

And, unlike Met fans, the Flushing Heathen, I don't automatically root for the champion of a League just because my team is in that League. That's just plain dumb.

So I have no problem with rooting for the Giants to beat the Rangers and their inbred John Birch redneck cunts.

Who forget that the Alamo was manned by guys fighting for the “right” to own slaves (already illegal in Mexico). And whose State seceded from the Union, against the pleas of their founder Sam Houston. And who killed a President. And gave us 2 Presidents whose macho bullshit got us into a war that we never should've gotten into. (At least LBJ was good, even great, on domestic issues; GWB was a fucking idiot and a right-wing nut at everything.) And, oh yeah, the Rangers' former owner stole a President election and then repeatedly stabbed the American people in the back.

In fact, I'll bet I can come up with a...

Top 10 Reasons I'm Rooting For the San Francisco Giants in the 2010 World Series

10. The Yankees. The Rangers beat them. The Giants didn't. Not since 1922, anyway.

9. Mascots. Lou Seal, named for the Pacific Coast League's old San Francisco Seals, themselves named for the seals that seem to hang around San Francisco's coastline, offends nobody. Except maybe Dodger fans, and they deserve to be offended.

But the Rangers' mascot, a horse named "Rangers Captain" -- dumb name -- held up a sign saying after the Pennant clincher, saying, "Payroll + Tradition = Nothing."

Maybe the Captain would realize tradition means a lot... if his team had any.

I just checked: 13 current teams won their first trip to the World Series, but 14 lost theirs. (I'm counting only in their current cities: The Boston Braves and the Milwaukee Braves won on their first tries, the Atlanta Braves did not.) That's more that have lost their first than have won it.

And no Texas team has ever won so much as a single World Series game.

So the Captain better watch what comes out of the horse's mouth, or else the Giants could send him to the glue factory.

8. Television. San Francisco has had The Streets of San Francisco, Ironside, McMillan & Wife, Too Close For Comfort, Full House and Party of Five.

Dallas has had, well, Dallas. What kind of TV show is it when the main character gets shot and, unlike Ironside, people cheer? And the next-biggest show set in Dallas was Walker, Texas Ranger, starring that fucking charlatan Chuck Norris.

7. Food. San Francisco is known for great seafood. And for sourdough bread. And for "Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat." Dallas? In its own State, Fort Worth, Houston and San Antonio kick its ass at its signature food, barbecue.

6. Public Transit. San Francisco has had streetcars seemingly forever, and started the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) subway service in 1972. The Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) didn't start a subway-style service, as yet only light rail, until 1996.

And AT&T Park is a short walk from BART and CalTrain stations. If you don't have a car, how are you supposed to get from downtown Dallas to Rangers Ballpark in Arlington? Google Maps seems unsure. And DART's map shows no stops anywhere near Rangers Ballpark -- the closest commuter-rail stop is 6 miles to the north.

5. The Dodgers. The Giants hate the Dodgers. The Rangers don't. Granted, the Giants would still have moved out of New York if the Dodgers had stayed put (the plan was to go where their top farm club was, Minneapolis, which got the Twins instead after 3 more years), but if Walter O'Malley hadn't tricked Horace Stoneham into going to San Francisco, chances are the Bay Area would've gotten a better team. And I don't mean the Oakland Athletics.

Sure, having Willie Mays and a lot of great stars was good, but they might've won more Pennants with an expansion team, despite the Giants having been one of the great teams in baseball history to that point.

Gee, maybe that's what that stupid horse meant.

4. Legends. Here's what an all-time San Francisco Giants team would look like:

1B Willie McCovey – with Orlando Cepeda as a backup, or as the DH in AL parks
2B Jeff Kent
SS Rich Aurilia – with Juan Uribe as a backup and potential successor
3B Matt Williams
LF Barry Bonds
CF Willie Mays
RF Bobby Bonds – with Felipe Alou as a backup
C Benito Santiago – with Buster Posey as a backup and potential successor
SP Juan Marichal, Jack Sanford, Gaylord Perry, Rick Reuschel, Tim Lincecum
RP Robb Nen

Now, here's what an all-time Texas Rangers team might look like:

1B Rafael Palmeiro
2B Ian Kinsler
SS Alex Rodriguez
3B Michael Young
LF Rusty Greer
CF Oddibe McDowell
RF Juan Gonzalez
DH Vladimir Guerrero
C Ivan Rodriguez
SP Fergie Jenkins, Charlie Hough, Kenny Rogers, Nolan Ryan, Kevin Brown
RP John Wetteland

Save your remarks about Barry Bonds using steroids: So did A-Rod (at the least, he confessed to using them while he was in Texas), and Palmeiro, and probably also Juan Gone and Pudge.

Now, I ask you: Who from this lineup would crack the all-time Giants lineup?

Palmeiro over McCovey? You're joking. Kinsler over Kent? Not yet. A-Rod over Aurilia? Yes. Young over Williams? Not yet. Greer over Barry? No. McDowell over Mays? Not on this planet. Juan Gone over Bobby Bonds? Not even with steroids. Vlad over Cepeda? Tough call, but I can't say yes. Pudge over Santiago? Yes.

From the Ranger rotation, Jenkins would push out Sanford, and Ryan, even at age 44, would push out Reuschel, but only 2 out of 5. Nen vs. Wetteland is a wash -- even if Wetteland never washed his cap.

So... 4 out of 15. Not good.

What about Cliff Lee, you ask? He's pitched a grand total of 18 games for the Rangers. He doesn't qualify yet, any more than he qualifies for the all-time teams of Cleveland, Philadelphia and Seattle.

3. Ballparks. Forget the fact that both parks have had several names, including corporate names. AT&T Park is regarded as one of the best of the new parks. Rangers Ballpark isn't bad, but all that money in North Texas, and they couldn't put a roof on it, like Houston's done? Twice? It's hot enough, but its predecessor, Arlington Stadium, was a frying pan. After 8 innings in that thing, you'd be begging to be back in Candlestick Park freezing your ass off.

2. Cheaters. Yes, the Giants had Barry Bonds and Matt Williams -- and Gaylord Perry, a different kind of cheater. But the Rangers had Ivan Rodriguez, Juan Gonzalez, Rafael Palmeiro, Kevin Brown, Kenny Rogers (okay, he was caught in Detroit, not Texas) and, yes, he confessed to using steroids only while he was a Ranger, Alex Rodriguez -- and, as it turned out, Gaylord Perry... twice.

1. The Cities/Metro Areas. San Francisco gave the world Dianne Feinstein, Harvey Milk and former Baltimorean Nancy Pelosi. North Texas gave the world H.L. Hunt, Dick Armey and George W. Bush.

The San Francisco Bay Area gave us the San Francisco Poetry Renaissance, the Free Speech Movement, and all sorts of liberation movements. North Texas killed a President. One their top newspaper had printed ad accusing of treason.

San Francisco gave us Joe Montana and Jerry Rice. North Texas gave us the Dallas Cowboys, with their unearned arrogance and their cocaine.

Did I mention that I hate the fucking Rangers? Go on, celebrate with your ginger ale, while Bush, Ron Washington and Josh Hamilton have a snort in the manager's office.

*

I’m not ready to fire Joe Girardi. But he really fucked it up the last month and change. Turned out, it was worth it to fight for the best record in the American League. Turned out, it was worth it to fight for home-field advantage. Turned out, it was worth it to get to Cliff Lee in the 1st postseason series, not the 2nd, before his legend could be built up and hyped further. (Some legend: He's 26-22 in the last 2 regular seasons.)

No, I'm not ready to fire Girardi. But I was thinking, "If the old George Steinbrenner was in charge, this could be Girardi's last game."

Winning the Series last year got Girardi a pass for this year in my book, but my book has some nasty chapters in it. If the Yankees don't do it next year, and it can be blamed on Girardi, then I'd start thinking that maybe it's time for him to go.

I'm not sure who would replace him; his bench coach, Tony Pena, although he's already had managing experience, would probably go with him.

Willie Randolph, perhaps? It would be his 1st chance to manage in the major leagues.

Wouldn't it be fun to see a 2012 World Series, with the Yankees, managed by Derek Jeter, defeating the Dodgers, managed by Don Mattingly? Hey, at least Donnie Regular Season Baseball would at last have won a Pennant.