Am I Not Offensive Enough?

Either I haven't got enough readers, or I haven't offended enough people. My last 3 entries were about how Knick fans were delusional if they thought they were going to get LeBron James for next season, the 2009 Yankees would have beaten the 1986 Mets in a best-4-out-of-7 "World Series" and my Top 10 Reasons the New York Rangers suck... which they do. (Though they beat the Atlanta Thrashers on the road tonight, 5-2, 2 days after the Devils blasted Queen Henrietta out of the nets.)

Maybe I need to insult Penn State again. The biggest response I've ever gotten is when I called Joe Paterno a rat-faced score-running-up bully who was able to cover up his players' crimes for 40 years until recently... which he is.

Let's see, who else can I insult... The Dallas Cowboys, or Manchester United? Nah, too easy: Glory-hunting cunts, who are too stupid to accept it as anything other than a compliment.

The Red Sox? Better yet, Sox fans. Yeah, you loved Nomar Garciaparra, until the steroids stopped working, then your team dumped him, and then you "won." You chowdahead bastards, it's Bill Buckner who needed to forgive you, not the other way around. Hell, Johnny Pesky forgave you for the way you treated him from 1946 to 2004, I guess Billy Bucks can as well.

The purpose of a blog is to spread one's opinions. Brag on your own teams and smack around other people's.

So my problem is that I'm not offending enough people. How can I offend more?

I could call Sarah Palin a moron, Chris Christie a fat heartless bastard, and the "Tea Partiers" a bunch of fascist bigots... but then, politics is only a hobby with me.

Maybe I could get a few Canadian readers by calling Sidney Crosby a diving little twat. Yeah, I know, he's the best player in the world and he just won the Gold Medal with his overtime winner... but tonight, the New Jersey Devils beat his Pittsburgh Penguins, 3-1 at the Prudential Center. Sid the Skid scored for the Pens, but for the Devils, the lamp was lit by Patrik Elias, Andy Greene and Ilya Kovalchuk. Marty Brodeur turned back 34 of 35 shots. The attendance was a full house of 17,625, and Ranger fans, as always, can kiss my Garden State ass.

Maybe I could get a few extra Devils fans to read this by pointing out my favorite hockey team's flaws. For example, whenever the Devils win on Friday night at home, and the next game is the following night, a Saturday at the Nassau Coliseum against the pathetic Islanders, the Devils always manage to fuck it up. Especially if I've made my way across the Raritan, Rahway, Elizabeth, Passaic, Hackensack, Hudson and East Rivers and onto The Island. (I won't be in the Nassau Mausoleum tomorrow night, so maybe the Devils have a chance to win this one.)

Who knows. If I knew as much as I think I do, I wouldn't be blogging on this site, I'd be doing a show on WFAN.

I could call it "Mike IS the Mad Dog." The sad part is, that's already an old joke.

*

Days until the Devils play another local rival: 1, as previously mentioned, tomorrow night at the Islanders.

Days until Opening Day of the 2010 baseball season: 23, the Yankees playing the Red Sox at Fenway for the ESPN Sunday-night season-opener. A shade over 3 weeks.

Days until the next North London Derby between Arsenal and Tottenham: 29.

Days until the Yankees' 2010 home opener: 32. Just 1 month.

Days until the 2010 World Cup begins: 90. Just 3 months.

Days until the World Cup Final: 121. Just 4 months.

Days until Rutgers plays football again: 176.

Days until the new Meadowlands Stadium (still unnamed) opens: 177.

Days until East Brunswick plays football again: 182. Just 6 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving clash: 258.

Days until Derek Jeter collects his 3,000th career hit: 446.

Days until the Rutgers-Army football game at Yankee Stadium: 610.

Days until the 2012 Olympics begin in London: 878.

Top 10 Reasons the Rangers Suck

As they would say in English "football," 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3!

They might also say, to the tune of "The First Noel"...

Brodeur, Brodeur, Brodeur, Brodeur! Born is the King of Prudential Center!

The Devils actually blew leads of 1-0, 2-1 and 3-2 last night at the Prudential, but so what. They blew it open, and chased Queen Henrietta out of the Broadway Boozehounds' goal.

Six different Mulberry Street Marauders scored: Rob Niedermayer (Scotty's little brother has grown up nicely), Bryce Salvador (who is having a sensational season by his standards), Zach Parise (soooo close to being an Olympic hero), Jamie Langenbrunner (O Captain, My Captain), Brian Rolston (partying like it's 1995) and Travis Zajac (maybe we should start calling him "Zorro").

Ten different Devils had either a goal or an assist: The preceding, Mike Mottau (assisting on Niedermayer, as did Rolston), Andy Greene (assisting on Salvador, as did Langenbrunner, and on Langenbrunner, as did Mottau), Dainius Zubrus (assisting on Parise, as did Zajac, and on Zajac, as did Parise) and David Clarkson (assisting on Rolston, as did Niedermayer). And it was 5-3 Devils on even-strength, with only Parise's goal coming on a power play.

The Devils hadn't done too well lately, winning only 6 of their last 20, including the Olympic break and bad losses in Alberta (to both the Calgary Flames and the suddenly-woeful Edmonton Oilers) in their last 2. This was the first home game since the break, and what a break-out.

*

As we all know, the Rangers suck. I'm presuming you do know, because, as the song goes...

If you know the Rangers suck, then clap your hands.
If you know the Rangers suck, then clap your hands.
If you know the Rangers suck, and they'll never win the Cup
If you know the Rangers suck, then clap your hands.

Yeah, I know, it's Islanders fans, but they know that much.

Top 10 Reasons the New York Rangers Suck

I'm not going to rank these... though the Rangers themselves are quite rank, if ya know what I mean. I'm just gonna put them down in the order I think of them. The hard part is going to be stopping at 10.

1. They think 1994 makes up for 1941 to 1993 all by itself. Does it, really? Even if it does, then, does it, all by itself, make up for both 1941 to 1993 and 1995 to 2010? Seriously, I'd rather have 3 Stanley Cups since Oklahoma City than 1 Cup since Pearl Harbor.

In fact, since the Rangers last won the Cup, here's the tally: Detroit Red Wings 4, New Jersey Devils 3, the Colorado Avalanche (who didn't even exist until 1995) 2, and 1 each for the Dallas Stars (who didn't even exist until 1993), the Tampa Bay Lightning (not until 1992), the Carolina Hurricanes (not until 1997), the Anaheim Ducks (not until 1993) and the Pittsburgh Penguins (at least they were an established team).

It gets worse: Since 1940... over the course of 70 years...

Montreal Canadiens 20, Toronto Maple Leafs 10, Wings 9, Edmonton Oilers 5, Islanders 4, Devils 3, Boston Bruins 3, Penguins 3, Philadelphia Flyers 2, Avs 2, Chicago Blackhawks 1, Calgary Flames 1, Stars 1, Lightning 1, Canes 1, Ducks 1... Rangers 1.

Pathetic, isn't it? (That's 68 Cups awarded: None was awarded in 2005, and the 2010 Cup remains to be awarded.)

Howie Rose said it best: "This one will last a lifetime!" It will have to. 16 years down, 38 to go... if they're lucky... again. What are the odds of Ranger fans getting lucky twice in a lifetime?

2. They think they have better fans. Oh really? You think it takes courage to ride the Subway to The Garden? Try spending years walking across a barren parking lot in frigid winter, like Devils fans had to do (and Isles fans still have to do).

3. They put up with Sean Avery. The man is a supreme cunt, the most hated player in the game. He makes Claude Lemieux look respectable. (But then, I loved Claudie. No Devil ever hated the Rangers more. Except maybe Stephane Richer.)

4. They taunt Martin Brodeur, the greatest goaltender on the planet. When have Ranger fans ever seen a better goalie in their own net? Let's see, the Rangers have won 4 Cups in their 84-year history, and when they did, those goalies were... don't help me, don't help me... Lorne Chabot (good, but not in the Hall of Fame), Andy Aitkenhead (not even as good as Chabot), Dave Kerr (also good, but hardly great) and Mike Richter (he might have been as good as Brodeur during the 1996 World Cup, but that's about it).

There are 3 Ranger goalies in the Hall of Fame: Richter, Chuck Rayner (who got them to overtime of Game 7 of the 1950 Finals, but didn't win the Cup) and Eddie Giacomin (who got them to the 1972 Finals, and their cheering for him on his return in 1975 may have been the last time Ranger fans showed any class). And Henrik Lundqvist is not better than Brodeur, either.

Sure, under the First Amendment, the have the right to chant, "Marrrr-teeee!" But what did Jesus say about the mote in your neighbor's eye... (Then again, if Jesus were to watch hockey, that would be the least of his concerns.)

5. The Olympics. When the U.S. won the Gold Medal in Squaw Valley in 1960, their uniforms -- as we saw when the U.S. wore "throwback" uniforms for their 2010 group-stage game against Canada, 50 years later -- were almost a perfect copy of the Rangers' uniforms, right down to the drop-shadow lettering.

But how have the Rangers done in the Olympics? I'm not counting how Olympians-turned-Rangers (including 1960 goalie Jack McCartan and 1980 "Miracle Men" Rob McClanahan and Mark Pavelich) did, I'm talking about since 1998, when players already in the NHL have gone from their club to their country.

Richter and Brian Leetch helped the U.S. win the 1996 World Cup (prior to that, that tournament was known as the Canada Cup), but in the Olympics of 1998, they were busts, and in 2002, they failed in the 3rd period and let Canada beat them for the Gold.

And now, in 2010, current Ranger Captain Chris Drury was awful for the U.S. Whereas the Devils' Jamie Langenbrunner made a fine national Captain and Zach Parise nearly saved our bacon in the Gold Medal game. And don't get me started on Gold Medal-winning Devils vs. Rangers for other countries, such as Brodeur and Patrik Elias. (Yes, Jaromir Jagr was on a Czech team that won Gold, but he wasn't a Ranger at the time. He sucked, anyway.)

The New York Rangers are not just a metropolitan disgrace, they're a national embarrassment. Indeed, they are an international joke.

6. The Dumbest Chant in Sports History. Islander defenseman and Captain Denis Potvin's February 25, 1979 hit on Ranger center Ulf Nilsson was totally clean -- Nilsson himself said so. No penalty was called, because, yes, it was a clean hit. And the Rangers did, in fact, beat the Isles in the 1979 Stanley Cup Semifinals without Nilsson, who did, as it turned out, return in time for the Finals against Montreal. Devils broadcaster Glenn "Chico" Resch, who was the Isles' backup goalie in 1979, tells the story.

You would think that Ranger fans' lust for revenge would have been fully satisfied after only 2 months. Besides, that Montreal team was so good, a fully-healthy Ranger team would never have beaten them anyway.

But, no, 31 years later -- 5 Presidents, 3 Popes and 7 Stanley Cups won by area teams other than the Rangers later -- these bozos still chant, "Potvin sucks!" Oh, what the heck, he's only the most successful defenseman in New York Tri-State Area hockey history -- and the most successful Captain, too: Stanley Cups won as Captain: Denis Potvin 4, Scott Stevens 3, Frank Boucher 2, Bryan Hextall 1, Mark Messier 1. (The one Ol' Lex Luthor won in Edmonton doesn't count for this issue.)

I didn't like the guy, either, but, 16 years later (about half the time), how many Devils fans curse out Stephane Matteau? None. Maybe, every now and then, I'll yell out, "And remember: Messier's not just the Hair Club Team Captain, he's also a client!" Or someone will make a reference to Avery and some other Ranger (it used to be Jagr) as "2 Girls, No Cup!" (And if you don't know what that refers to, aside from Avery and Rangers in general being effeminate, hell, I ain't gonna be the one to tell you.)

But are we going to go on and on about something that happened long ago? Hell, no. (We've only had a team since 1982: It's taken us this long to even, really, have a "long ago.")

Essentially, when we want to insult the most insultable team in hockey (with the possible exception of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I'll leave it to Canadians to decide that), we just go for the simple, all-encompassing line that Islander fans handed down to us when we arrived in 1982: "RANGERS SUCK!" (And some of us, in an NC-17 way, add, "Flyers swallow!")

7. The Dumbest TV Commercial in Sports History. Interestingly, it came along the same year (calendar year, if not season), as "Potvin Sucks!" Oy yi yi, 1979. Somebody wanted to capitalize on the Rangers' stunning (yet incomplete) success by making as many TV commercials as possible. Some worked. Some didn't.

These bozos -- and I include the highly intelligent Phil Esposito in there -- didn't even know that "Sassoon" is a line of hair care products (with all that Seventies hair, they needed 'em), while the brand of jeans was "Sasson," pronounced "Sah-SAHN." You'd think these Canadians, who knew French, could pronounce it right. (Maybe they should have worn Jordache instead.)

But that wasn't the worst of it. They had their jerseys tucked into their jeans. Really, really tight jeans. (Paging Michael Wilbon of The Washington Post, ESPN's Pardon the Interruption, and Chicago Cub fandom.) But that wasn't the worst of it.

The worst of it... I'm sorry, I do support gay rights (what right do I have to tell anyone else whether or not they can get married?), but... judge for yourself...

Espo, you did a lot for this great game of hockey, around here, in New England, and in 1972 for your country. But that commercial overshadows everything.

They even made a sequel ad! At least this time, they pronounced "Sasson" right. But those girls... I apologize to everyone born in 1980, but if New York women were really impressed with that in 1979, then there must have been some seriously bad genetic mixes born 9 months later!

8. They Eat Their Own. No, I'm not talking about the season after the Sasson ads ran, when the Rangers fell from grace and their fans would chant, "Ooh, la la, you suck!" (Which... they did.) And, no, I'm not talking about Ranger fans being cannibals, either. I don't think they actually eat each other. As far as I know. Would I really put anything past these animals? Not really, considering the following:

The last time I was in Madison Square Garden for a hockey game, I had a fantastic seat, at the back of the 200 Level (cost me a bundle from a scalper), but the view was great. (Aside from the escalator towers and the narrow corridors, minor complaints, I have no problem with The Garden itself. It's the regulars I can't stand.)

Sitting in front of me were these four guys, all from the Czech Republic, each wearing the jersey of a Czech player on the Rangers: Jagr, Martin Straka, Petr Prucha and Michal Rozsival. No harm in showing a little national pride, right? Except these guys were already three sheets to the wind when I got in, and they were cursing out everybody on the ice except the Czech Rangers. Including the Devils' Captain at the time, the Czech-born Patrik Elias. In Czech, so most of the players they were yelling at couldn't understand a word they said anyway!

If that had been the worst of it, I would mark it down as typical Ranger fan stupidity. But no. These guys got so rowdy that a couple across the aisle from them told them repeatedly to stop. And what did they do? Their leader, the first in their row, got up, and shoved the wife of the couple across from them. He shoved a woman. Who was also wearing a Ranger jersey! He shoved a woman rooting for the same team!

Fortunately, the husband, also wearing a Ranger jersey, showed that some Ranger fans have brains: He chose not to take on four big, agitated drunks at once. He called an usher, and the four drunk Czechs were deported from The Garden. Fair play to that couple, and to the Garden ushers.

I'm not saying all Ranger fans are like that. But enough are. The top level of The Garden wasn't just called "the Blue Seats" because, from its 1968 opening until a 1992 renovation, they were painted blue, or because all the cigarette smoke (then allowed) made the air turn blue. It's because of the "blue language" that still rains down from there. And from most other sections of The Garden.

9. They have the same name as the most bigoted team in professional sports on this planet, Rangers Football Club of Glasgow, Scotland. And those Rangers also wear blue shirts. Come to think of it, so do baseball's Texas Rangers (Dallas... good reason to dislike a team), and one of the London soccer teams, Queens Park Rangers. Seriously, the only blue-shirted Ranger who doesn't suck is the Lone Ranger.

I know the New York hockey team has nothing to do with those Catholic-hating, Irish-hating bastards who root for the team from Ibrox, but the connection is there. (Then again, the Yankees used to show Manchester United games on the YES Network, so maybe this point is a weak one.)

10. Most Ranger fans are also... Yankee Fans. This one bugs me the most. While the arrival of the Devils in 1982, the move of the Jets from Shea to the Meadowlands in 1984, and the nearly-continuous pathos of the Nets has complicated things, most fans of one older team root for the others: Yankees, Giants, Knicks, Rangers; and most fans of one newer team root for the others: Mets, Jets, Nets, Islanders.

I am willing to make a minor allowance for geography: A native New Yorker now living in New Jersey is not obligated to switch from the Rangers to the Devils. (Yes, I'm including you, "Tio.") And a New Jersey native who rooted for the Rangers up until 1994 can be accepted, because he had to ride it out, stay with his team until they reached the, uh, promised land. Fine. But that was the time to put an end to it and start to root, root, root for the home team -- and that's got nothing to do with the fact that the Devils won the Cup the very next year and have been one of the top two franchises in the league since then (along with Detroit). You're from New Jersey, you root for the Devils. (Unless you grew up south of Interstate 195, in which case it would be ridiculous, but understandable, if you rooted for the Flyers.)

Yankee Fans who are also Ranger fans? I swear, I am not making this up: I was at an early-season game at the old Yankee Stadium, and the Rangers and Devils were both playing in the Playoffs that same night. The Devils' score was never put up on the DiamondVision board. (They won.) The Rangers' score was, and they were winning (and held on to win), and 50,000 Yankee Fans chanted, "Let's Go Rangers!"

Take a wild guess as to who the Yankees were playing that night, right in front of these same fans. You got it: The Texas Rangers. If then-Texas Governor George W. Bush had traveled to New York to watch the baseball team he had once owned, he was not the dumbest person in The Stadium that night. (At least the Yankees won, too.)

Most of these people are actually kind, generous, intelligent, and even thoughtful from April through October. But from October through April...

Of course, by the time baseball season gets going, the Rangers are usually eliminated from the Playoffs anyway, so these people can go back to being Doctor Jekylls for 6 months.

I hate the fucking Rangers. Fortunately, they not only suck... they stink! 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3! We beat The Scum 6-3!

2009 Yankees would have beaten 1986 Mets: Who's Kidding Who, Darryl?

Bob Klapisch -- no friend of Mets, he. As you'll recall, in 1993, he wrote a book about the previous season's overpaid, underachieving Mets, parodying Phil Pepe's book about the 1977 Yankees, The Best Team Money Could Buy, titling it The Worst Team Money Could Buy. At the time each book was written, its author was writing for the New York Daily News.

Now, Klapisch, still one of the best baseball scribes there is, writes in New Jersey for The Record -- a.k.a. the Bergen Record, published out of Hackensack. You don't need to know that, I just like saying, "Hackensack." I do like the town, though.

Anyway, in last Saturday's column, Klapisch did a feature on Darryl Strawberry, once again in the employ of the Mets. Seriously, were Darryl's various crimes so bad that he had to be punished like that?

Klapisch asked Darryl what would have happened if the 1986 Mets, the last World Championship team for that sliver of the New York Tri-State Area that refuses to accept the glory of Pinstripes, played the 2009 Yankees, the current defending World Champions. By "we," Darryl refers to the '86 Mets, and by "Doc," he refers to Dwight Gooden, a.k.a. "Doctor K":

"Doc would've destroyed them. We would've beaten them. They're a great team, but we wouldn't have been intimidated. We could hit, we could pitch and we could definitely fight."

I see Darryl's back on drugs, because you'd have to be on drugs to think that the '86 Mets could beat the 2009, or 1998, or 1978, or 1961, or any championship Yankee team.

Those Mets were damn lucky just to get past Houston in the NLCS, and needed the collapse of all time to survive the Red Sox... and they'd be facing Mariano Rivera, not Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Stanley, with Mark Teixeira instead of Bill Buckner at 1st base.

You could hit? So could the '09 Yanks. You could pitch? So could the '09 Yanks. You could fight? First of all, just try fighting A.J. Burnett, Nick Swisher or Joba Chamberlain. I triple-dog-dare you. Second of all, what the hell does fighting ability have to do with winning baseball games?

Forget for a moment that Darryl won more rings with the Yankees than with the Mets, 3-1. (So did Gooden, 2-1. And David Cone, 4-0 -- Coney didn't get to the Mets until 1987.) This isn't about where his loyalties rest. This is about who was better.

Let's check it out, position by position -- and, remember, we're not talking about a career, which favors the team whose players have all since added to their reputations. Or... does it? Well, as I said, we're not talking about a career, we're talking about just how they did in the season in question. I'll list them in chronological order: 1986 Met first, 2009 Yank second.

First Base: Keith Hernandez vs. Mark Teixeira. Mex vs. Teix. Mex had a good year at the plate, Teix led the American League in runs batted in. Fielding? Any edge Mex may have had there isn't enough to wipe out Teix's edge with the bat. Edge, Yankees, slightly.

Second Base: Platoon of Wally Backman and Tim Teufel vs. Robinson Cano. This is a joke, right? A platoon against Robbie? Edge, Yankees, in a landslide.

Shortstop: Rafael Santana vs. Derek Jeter. Hmmmm, this is a tough one. A real head-scratcher. I'm going to have to say Santana by the slightest of margins. What's that, you say? April Fool's Day is still 23 days away? Oh, in that case... Edge, Yankees, in a landslide.

Third Base: Howard Johnson vs. Alex Rodriguez. Neither HoJo nor A-Rod had his best year in the year in question, but Ho-Jo's best year would be an off-year for A-Rod... and A-Rod could actually play the position of 3rd base, too. Edge, Yankees, solidly.

Left Field: Kevin Mitchell vs. Johnny Damon. If this were the Mitchell of 1989, the National League's MVP with the Giants, it would be a different story. But it isn't. Edge, Yankees, solidly.

Center Field: Platoon of Lenny Dykstra and Mookie Wilson vs. Melky Cabrera. Put Nails (or "Dude," as he became known in Philly) and Mookie together, and you've got good power numbers and great speed (55 stolen bases). And Lenny did have some big hits of the variety since given the name "walkoff." So did Melky, and, in 2009, he was a better player than either Met ever was. Unless you mean the 1990 Dykstra who nearly won the NL batting title -- but we're talking about 1986, and besides, he was with the Phillies by then, another bonehead Met trade (for Juan Samuel, who was great in Philly but not good in Flushing). Edge, Yankees, slightly over both (solidly over either).

Right Field: Darryl Strawberry vs. Nick Swisher. I love Swish, but I'm not going to pretend that he, last year, was a better player than Darryl was in '86. Edge, Mets, solidly.

Bench, in the Yankees' case including the Designated Hitter, which would come into play in the games between the teams played at Yankee Stadium II. This was one of the Mets' true strengths, as they could go to either half of their 2B or CF platoons and lose very little. And Mitchell wasn't supposed to be the starting LF, the crumbling George Foster was. Throw in Ray Knight at 3B, who turned out to be the World Series MVP, and you've got one of the best benches ever. I like Brett Gardner (and he'd better fully mature as a player in 2010), but the Yanks just can't match the Mets for the bench... unless you throw in DH Hideki Matsui. Then this becomes, for all intents and purposes, a toss-up.

Catcher: Gary Carter vs. Jorge Posada. Carter had 25 homers, 106 RBI, and a .776 OPS. But wait, Posada had 22 homers and 81 RBI, despite making only 76 percent as many plate appearances in '09 as Carter did in '86 (438 to 573). At that rate, Posada would have had 29 homers (better than Carter) and 106 RBI (the same as Carter). And the '86 Camera Kid had an OPS+ of 115, meaning that, in relation to the league average, his offense was roughly 15 percent better; '09 Hip Hip Jorge had an OPS+ of 133, meaning he was 33 percent better -- pretty strong for any player, but especially so for a catcher. Defense? Posada had one of his best glove years in 2009. Carter may be a Hall-of-Famer for his career (Merci, Expos), but for the seasons in question... Edge, Yankees, slightly.

So... the Mets have the edge in right field, and come fairly close at first base, catcher, and with the bench. Other than that, the Yankees have the edges, going away.

What's that, you say? It doesn't work that way? You're right, it doesn't. And I haven't taken pitching into account.

Well, let's see, whose bullpen do you trust more: Rick Aguilera, Randy Myers and Doug Sisk leading to Jesse Orosco; or Joba Chamberlain, Phil Hughes, Alfredo Aceves and Damaso Marte (not necessarily in that order) leading to Mariano Rivera? If you trust the Met pen more, then I think you've made too many trips to Shake Shack, 'cause you've got brain freeze.

*

Let's take it game by game, keeping in mind the actual pitching rotations used in their respective World Series. Also keep in mind that both teams went with a 3-man, 3-days-rest rotation in the Series, meaning that Sid Fernandez and usual 4th starter Joba were relegated to the pen.

Both New York teams had the home-field advantage, but, just to make it interesting, I'm going to give the Mets home-field advantage for Games 1, 2, 6 and 7, and the Yankees for Games 3, 4 and 5.

Here are the Mets' actual scores for the 1986 World Series against the Boston Red Sox, with their own score listed first: 0-1, 3-9, 7-1, 6-2, 2-4, 6-5 (in 10 innings), 8-5.

Here are the Yankees' actual scores for the 2009 World Series against the Philadelphia Phillies, with their own score listed first: 1-6, 3-1, 8-5, 7-4, 6-8, 7-3, no Game 7.

Here goes:

Game 1, Shea Stadium, CC Sabathia vs. Ron Darling. (Remember, I'm using the pitchers who actually started in the games in question.) CC pitched OK, but got outpitched by Cliff Lee. Darling pitched well, but got outpitched by Bruce Hurst. The Mets managed just 4 hits off Hurst, and were shut out; the Yanks got just 6 hits off Lee, and by the time they finally scored in the 9th, it was pretty much meaningless. Darling probably had a little more on the night in question.

I could give the Mets the benefit of the doubt here, but if the Yanks get to Darling before the 9th, do the Mets dare bring in Sisk? If they do, they're toast.

Mets 2, Yankees 1. Mets lead, 1 game to 0.

Game 2, Shea Stadium, A.J. Burnett vs. Dwight Gooden. This is not the Doc of 1984 or '85. It is the A.J. of '09. A.J. pitched well, but Doc got rocked, and the Red Sox didn't care that they were playing in the pitching-friendly Flushing Toilet instead of their little green pinball machine in the Back Bay. Doc doesn't see the far side of the 4th inning in this one.

Yankees 9, Mets 3. Series tied, 1 to 1.

Game 3, Yankee Stadium II, Andy Pettitte vs. Bob Ojeda. Bobby O, who had pitched for the Sox the season before, knew how to pitch in Fenway. But did he know how to pitch in The House That George Built?

Andy had his good stuff, and as a lefty he can hold off Darryl and Hernandez -- and the switch-hitting HoJo, who would have to switch to his weaker right side.

What's that, you say? "The Yankees can't hit lefties, especially in the postseason." How'd that work out against the Mets in October 2000?

The big factor here is A-Rod's opposite-field homer, which just barely got over the fence at Citizens Bank Park. But at Yankee Stadium, with that short porch, it probably becomes less questionable.

Yankees 7, Mets 5. Yankees lead, 2 games to 1.

Game 4, Yankee Stadium II, CC vs. Darling. CC was just fine on 3 days' rest, allowing just 2 runs; Darling, also on 3 days' rest, allowed 4.

Yankees 5, Mets 3. Yankees lead, 3 games to 1. Not looking good for the Crass of '86, is it?

Game 5, Yankee Stadium II, A.J. vs. Doc. A.J. did not have his good stuff, but neither was Gooden in full Doctor K mode. Maybe he wouldn't need to be: The Yanks trailed the Phils 8-2 in the 7th, and while they had the tying run at the plate at the end, they couldn't do it.

Mets 5, Yankees 4. Yankees lead, 3 games to 2. We're going back to Flushing. For... Game Six.

Game 6, Shea Stadium, Andy vs. Bobby O. The Yanks hit Pedro Martinez hard. And even given the "inflation" of age and injuries, Bobby O was not Pedro. This doesn't get to the 10th inning, and Teixeira doesn't have to worry about "a little roller up along first, behind the bag."

Yankees 6, Mets 4. 4 games to 2. Ballgame over. World Series over. Argument over. Yankees win. Theeeeeeee Yankees win.

No Game 7.

The 2009 Yanks don't exactly toy with the 1986 Mets, and only 1 game was not close. On the other hand, I really gave the Mets the benefit of the doubt in Game 1, so this could have ended up being a sweep.

But I like it better this way, clinching in Game 6. Like 2000, the Yankees clinch the World Series at Shea.

The 2009 Yankees would have beaten the 1986 Mets. Anybody who says otherwise, simply doesn't understand baseball.

Of course, if they understood baseball, they wouldn't waste their time rooting for the Mets. Would they?

Nets: Number 30 in NBA, Number 1 in NY

Last night, the New Jersey Nets pounded the New York Knickerbockers, 113-93 at Madison Square Garden.

Devin Harris scored 31 points. Yi Jianlan got hurt, though. The Nets' record advances to 7-55. They are now on a pace to exactly match the 1973 Philadelphia 76ers for the worst record in NBA history, 9-73. The Knickleheads are now 21-41, but have lost 12 of their last 14. Only they and the Charlotte Bobcats -- the league's newest team (6th season) and the only one of the 30 current teams never to have made the Playoffs -- have lost to the Nets twice this awful season.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the Knicks' 18 missed 3-pointers sets an NBA record for most attempts without a make.

Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni: "I don't know about shocking, but it's bad. It's about as bad as it can get."

Nets coach Kiki Vandeweghe: "I wish we could do this all the time."

You and me both, Kiki. You know the old saying: "Wish in one hand and poop in the other, and see which one gets filled up the fastest."

The Knicks, with the Isiah Thomas debacle, had to hit rock bottom before Cablevision/ITT/Gulf + Western/Paramount/Madison Square Garden Corporation owner Charles Dolan said, "Enough." He finally decided that his son James' choice of Isiah as head coach and general manager had to end, because the Knicks weren't just losing on the court, they were embarrassing in the locker room and in the boardroom. Isiah out, GM Donnie Walsh and head coach D'Antoni in.

But Charles Dolan's top priority had to change from making money (which the Garden Corporation does no matter what happens in play for the Knicks and Rangers) to avoiding embarrassment in order for the worst of the Knicks' losing to stop.

The Nets? Outgoing owner Bruce Ratner never had winning, or even avoiding embarrassment, as a priority. It was all about getting the Atlantic Yards project through. He is a real estate developer; for him, unlike many other rich guys (George Steinbrenner, for example), he wasn't using a sports team as a vehicle for enjoying winning, or even for testing himself in another field. He wasn't even using a sports team as a vehicle for directly making money. He wanted that land in Brooklyn, and the structures and businesses that he could put on it.

And that's why he's nearing completion of the process of selling the Nets to Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov: Because the Atlantic Yards deal is close enough to completion that he now only needs the Nets as a tenant, not a possession. In essence, he was using them as a "beard" to impress the boss (i.e. the people who had to approve the deal). He didn't love the Nets, he just used them. Used them for sex? Nope, but he certainly screwed over what few fans the Nets had left, and he's taking the DVDs and CDs without even leaving breakfast behind.

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Look at all that has happened to the Nets since their last Atlantic Division title in 2006:

* The dumping of stars Jason Kidd, Kenyon Martin, Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter.

* Getting next to nothing in return, although Devin Harris did come in the Kidd deal.

* A resumption of the team's history of hideously bad draft picks.

* Remaining stuck in the Meadowlands Arena (by any name) for 3 seasons, while the Devils were smart enough to build the Prudential Center, proving that the downtown area of a city of ghettoes (or so Newark's reputation remains) is an improvement over a parking lot in a swamp.

* Finally seeing the light and announcing a move to the Pru, but for only 2 seasons, showing them the crowds they could have gotten all along, and are now refusing. (Brooklynites love their basketball, but they're smart fans: They'll come out for a promising team, but not for one that has been designed, at first, to stink; they'll stick with the Knicks.)

* And the threat of historic futility, as 9-73 or worse is still very possible.

Despite all of that, the Nets have still been able to be better than the Knicks, at least in head-to-head matchups.

It's more than that: Over the last 9 seasons, since 2001-02, here is what the two franchises have done:

Nets: 6 Playoff berths, 4 Division Titles, 9 Playoff series won, 3 trips to the Conference Finals, 2 Conference Titles, 2 NBA Finals games won.

Knicks: 1 Playoff berth, never finishing higher than 3rd in the (same) Division, no Playoff series won.

In fact, we can even take it back as far as the Knicks' 1994 NBA Finals loss, and since then, here is what they've done:

Nets: 7 Playoff berths, 4 Division Titles (and 2 2nd places), 9 Playoff series won, 3 trips to the Conference Finals, 2 Conference Titles, 2 NBA Finals games won. And while what Ratner has done should be considered a "front-office scandal," it generally isn't.

Knicks: 8 Playoff berths, still no Division Titles (though 5 2nd-place finishes), 9 Playoff series won, 3 trips to the Conference Finals, 1 Conference Title, 1 NBA Finals game won. And the Isiah Thomas Era, one long front-office scandal.

Think about it: The last 16 years, the Nets have been more accomplished than the Knicks.

Or, to put it another way: The last time the Knicks were close to a World Championship, in June 1999... Bill Clinton was still President. Barack Obama was a largely unknown State Senator. Sarah Palin was Mayor of a town of 6,000 people (or roughly half the Nets' current average attendance). Jennifer Lopez was still with Sean (whatever his nickname was at the time) Combs. Brett Favre could be called the best quarterback in the NFL without anyone laughing. Peyton Manning and Donovan McNabb had just been selected in the NFL Draft. Tom Brady and Michael Vick were still in college. Bill Belichick was a joke as far as head coaching was concerned. Rutgers football was still suffering under the hopeless Terry Shea, and were lucky if they could get a crowd of 23,000, which would have filled the old Rutgers Stadium, into the then-41,500-seat new Stadium. Greg Schiano had just been installed as defensive coordinator at the University of Miami. There were a few people who thought that Nomar Garciaparra was better than either Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez. The Devils had won just one Stanley Cup since 1940. (But then, so had the Rangers... that part hasn't changed.) And Sidney Crosby, the little twerp, really was one, just 11 years old. (He's not really "little": At 5-foot-11, he's not big by hockey standards, but he's still taller than I am.)

The Nets, this season to the contrary, have nearly always been closer to the NBA Championship since.

They may only be "the New Jersey Nets" for another 2 seasons, unless Prokhorov studies the situation and realizes he's better off staying in Newark past the 2011-12 season. But, for the moment, they're a better show than the Knicks.

I can say that because the Knicks just got rid of their top drawing card, Nate Robinson, and once again look like the team that was so bad under Isiah.

I can also say that because they're clearing all that cap space to make room for their big 2010 free agent signing. Apparently, they think cap space is the final frontier. Rather than the space between Jimmy Dolan's ears.

And what if they don't get LeBron James? Well, their second choice is Dwayne Wade. Pretty good consolation prize. And what if they don't get D-Wade? Well, their third choice is... Chris Bosh?

The Knicks are banking everything, and have for the last year and a half, on signing a big free agent for the 2010-11 season. Everyone knows they want LeBron. I understand: Along with Kobe Bryant (who is not leaving the Hollywood Fakers -- thanks for that term, WFAN's Steve Somers), one of the game's 2 top stars. D-Wade? Easily one of the top 5 players.

But I have to say, at this point, when he's never gotten out of the first round of the Playoffs (and, at 26, in his 6th season in the NBA, he should have gotten out of the first round at least once by now), that if the Knicks have cleared all that cap space just for the sake of signing Chris Bosh, then they've been fools on a massive scale.

If the Nets come out of their current disastrous season at no worse than 10-72, worse by 1 game than the '93 Dallas Mavericks and the '98 Denver Nuggets, but 1 game better than the '73 76ers, people will only remember that they were dreadful, not that they set a record for single-season futility.

Knick fans knew that, after the end of the Isiah Era, management was going to sock them with 2 years of mediocrity (at best) in exchange for the attempt to sign LeBron or D-Wade. Most of them have been willing to live with that.

But if the Knicks come out of their current condition, with the Isiah Era a wound that still requires stitches, and with nothing bigger to show for it than Chris Bosh, then there's going to be hell to pay at 32nd & 7th.

There may be language coming down from The Garden's former "Blue Seats" worse than anything ever heard at a Ranger game.

Am I exaggerating? For the sake of the game of basketball in the City that has done more for that game than any other, I hope so.

Just imagine it: The 2010-11 Knicks, led by Chris Bosh, playing to a Garden with announced attendance of 16,000 and change (out of a basketball capacity of 19,763), with those actually on hand remarking that there were more people there for the St. John's-UConn game the week before. While a full house of 18,500 at 165 Mulberry Street watches the rising Nets pull off the upset on the suddenly elderly-looking Celtics.

Or even this: The 2012-13 Knicks, led by Bosh, playing to a Garden with announced attendance of 14,000 -- maybe half of those who paid decided they didn't want to sit through this crap, and couldn't even give the tickets away -- while the Nets have a full house at either the Prudential Center in downtown Newark or the Barclays Center in downtown Brooklyn, with some kid currently in high school making plays that get people calling him "the next LeBron," while the current LeBron is out in L.A. wondering why he still has no rings and why Kobe's not passing him the damn ball.

The Knicks were the last of the old New York teams (including also the Yankees, both sets of Giants, Dodgers, Giants and Rangers) to win a World Championship for the first time. The Nets are the last of the current New York teams (unless you include the WNBA's Liberty and MLS' Red Bulls) that hasn't won one.

Which team is currently closer to winning an NBA Championship?

Feel free to think about it until after LeBron James and Dwayne Wade decide where they will be playing the 2010-11 season. I'm very curious as to what your answer will be then.

I'm Not Ready for Baseball

It's only March 6. I'm not ready for baseball yet.

Clearly, neither are the Yankees. They got embarrassed 9-1 by Toronto today.

Forget it, it's only the first week of spring training games. Or, as the late, great Billy Martin would have said, "It's an exhibition game, George, it doesn't mean anything!"

I guess I still want to bask in the glow of last October. And November. The most recent Yankee season was a great one, and I'm not yet ready to add one on to it.

Last night, the Devils weren't ready for hockey. Led 1-0 after one period in Calgary, then the Flames burned us for 5. Oy vey. That rest that Martin Brodeur got during the Olympics didn't do much good, did it?

The night before, the Rangers played Pittsburgh, and guess who scored? Chris Drury. Yeah, sure, now! Guess who didn't score? Sidney Crosby. The little schmuck. And guess what: The Scum lost anyway, blowing a 3rd period lead! RANGERS SUCK!

Nets still stuck on 6 wins. Come on you bums, 4 more.

N. Boo A.

Mitch Lawrence wrote a great column in today's New York Daily News, about how the New Jersey Nets fans booed LeBron James at last night's loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers at the Brendan Byrne Arena.

Yes, I called the drafty old barn by its original name. That was its name when its first World Championship was won. Thank you, Jacques Lemaire, Scott Stevens, Martin Brodeur, Claude Lemieux, Ken Daneyko, Neal Broten, etc.

Not that long ago, the Cavaliers were called the Cavalosers and the Cadavers. Now, of course, they are called "LeBron's Team." In the National Basketball Association, one player can make a difference.

Or can he? The Cavs have been to 2 Eastern Conference Finals and 1 NBA Finals with LeBron, although they have yet to win a Finals game, let alone an NBA Championship.

The greatest player in the history of basketball was Wilt Chamberlain, and he didn't win an NBA Championship until perhaps the greatest team ever was built around him, the 1967 Philadelphia 76ers.

The guy most fans under the age of 50 think is the greatest player ever (and they are so freaking wrong it isn't funny), Michael Jordan, won nothing without Scottie Pippen.

Oscar Robertson might have been the most complete player ever, but he won nothing until he had Lew Alcindor.

Alcindor went on to change his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and was still a great player, but won nothing after arriving in Los Angeles until the Lakers also got Magic Johnson.

Bill Russell made the difference for the Boston Celtics, but how much difference could he have made if they didn't already have Bob Cousy, Bill Sharman, Tommy Heinsohn and Frank Ramsey? (K.C. Jones, Russell's college teammate, arrived at the same time, Sam Jones a couple of years later, John Havlicek a few years after that.)

"When are you going to get to the point, Mike?" you're asking. Right now:

LeBron James signing as a free agent with the Nets, rather than the Knicks -- which was actually suggested by WNBC-Channel 4 sports anchor Bruce Beck in a currently-running commercial for the station -- won't make that much of a difference.

The culture of the Nets won't allow it. They've had Julius Erving, Buck Williams, Jason Kidd and Vince Carter, and under different coaches, different general managers, and different owners, and yet they've always managed to screw it up.

The Nets won't win a World Championship until they get an owner who says, "Nothing less is acceptable." And Bruce Ratner isn't it, and the new Russian owner isn't it, either.

And even then, it won't matter. NBA Commissioner David Stern doesn't want the Nets to win, regardless of whether they play their home games in East Rutherford, Newark, Brooklyn, or go back to Long Island to share a new or rebuilt arena with the Islanders. He wants the New York Knicks or Los Angeles Lakers to win. The big markets.

This is why he fixed the 1985 Draft so that Patrick Ewing became a Knick. And guess what: It didn't work, because Ewing was a loser.

It's also why he let Michael Jordan, of the big-market Chicago Bulls, get away with everything, from traveling on the court to traveling down to Atlantic City to gamble a million dollars away during a Playoff series with the Knicks: Because Jordan was a smiling superstar with a big-market team, and that made money for the league.

Same with Magic, and later Shaquille O'Neal, in L.A. -- but not the not-nearly-as-smiley Kareem. Same with Larry Bird in New England (a bigger market than the population of the City of Boston would suggest). Same with Erving in Philadelphia.

It's why you never see the promotion of the truly best franchise of the last few years, the one with 4 NBA Championships in 9 years between 1999 and 2007, with Tim Duncan and Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili, and, formerly, David Robinson. It's because they play in San Antonio. (The fact that Parker is married to the luminous Eva Longoria doesn't seem to help.)

It's why the Phoenix Suns, with all their stars the last few years, such as Steve Nash and formerly Amare Stoudamire, didn't win: Yes, I'm saying the NBA and the refs fixed it. Same with the Portland Trail Blazers and Sacramento Kings, when the Fakers beat them in thge 2000 and 2002 Western Conference Finals: Small markets without particularly marketable stars. (Though why anyone would want Bonzi Wells or Chris Webber, respectively, to win a title is beyond me.)

You think David Stern -- a graduate of another basketball-troubled New Jersey institution, Rutgers University -- cares if the Nets finish with the worst record in NBA history? Clearly, he doesn't, or he would have done something to help the Nets to better compete with the Knicks for the hearts and minds of basketball fans in the New York Tri-State Area. Same with the Clippers in L.A.

The fans who booed LeBron last night weren't booing him so much as they were booing Stern and the NBA establishment as a whole. Just as fans who boo Sidney Crosby aren't booing him as much as they're booing NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, who deserves it more than any league leader ever. (After all, he's the only one who ever cancelled a season, in the name of money or of anything else. And, yes, Gold Medal or no, I will still boo Crosby. He's a twit and a punk, no matter how successful.)

Bravo to all the fans booing LeBron, and by extension Stern, at the Meadowlands last night.

Look at it this way: Only 22 games left in this season, and the Nets only have to win 4 of them to avoid at least tying the 1973 76ers, 9-73, for the worst record ever. Memphis, Oklahoma City, Philly, Washington and Charlotte remain on the schedule, all of them terrible teams at the moment. So there is hope that the Nets can at least win a 10th game.

And, only 11 more home games at the Meadowlands -- Monday, April 12, against the Charlotte Bobcats, will end the 29 years of futility at Exit 16W.

Then 2 years at the Prudential Center, and then... maybe, just maybe, the new Russian owner will see what it's like at a good new arena, and tell Ratner to go fucksky himself, and Ratner will have to get a new team for Brooklyn, and be the 3rd-most-popular team in the market.

I wonder if Donald Sterling will finally be willing to sell the Clippers? Ratner deserves that team.

Olympic Hockey: The Better Team Won

What else can I say? Team Canada played harder and better, and deserved to win. They outplayed the U.S. for 59 minutes, and it was only a fluky goal that put the New Jersey Devils' Zach Parise in position to score the equalizer with 24 seconds left that gave us any hope.

Still... Did it have to be Sidney Crosby? The diving little... He would have fit in perfectly on Manchester United or Chelsea. Oh well, I guess it's better than the Gold Medal-winning goal being scored by DUI-homicide driver Dany Heatley.

And give Canada credit: They beat the Russians before we had a chance to try. Good.

I can't even be happy for Martin Brodeur: While he was the starting goalie on their 2002 Gold Medal team, he was just a backup here, and it's a lot harder to cheer a 2nd win than a 1st one, anyway.

Anyway, Canada put on one of the best Olympic Games ever, showing nationalism without chauvinism, and, despite a lot of grousing, in the end, they did "own the podium." The U.S. set a record for most medals won at a Winter Olympics, and came up with several heroes: Lindsey Vonn, Hannah Kearney and Seth Westcott; Bill Demong winning our first-ever "Nordic combined" Gold Medal, and the bobsled team captained by Steven Holcomb winning our first in 62 years; repeat performances from Apolo Ohno, Shaun White and Shani Davis; and even a fully-redeemed Bode Miller.

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Spring training is underway. Yesterday, at Port St. Lucie, Jose Reyes hit a triple in an intersquad game. His running seems to be back on track. His hitting? Take it with a grain of salt: He hit it off a Met pitcher.

Aaron Boone retired. Although he didn't get a hit after coming back, he did come back to play Major League Baseball again after open-heart surgery. And what does it say about the Mets' organization that Boone came back from open-heart surgery before Reyes came back from... whatever injury he had?

I hope Johnny Damon does well in Detroit. From April through September. But if they make it to October, I hope the Yankees beat them in the Playoffs. I'm still ticked off about that '06 Division Series.

The Nets are still on track to finish 8-74, setting a new NBA record for futility. All they have to do is win one out of every six games they play for the rest of the season, and they'll avoid it. But can they? I'm not optimistic.

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Days until the Devils play another local rival: 8, a week from tomorrow, at home against The Scum. Three days later, a trip to The Island to play the Fish Sticks.

Days until Opening Day of the 2010 baseball season: 33, the Yankees playing the Red Sox at Fenway for the ESPN Sunday-night season-opener. A shade over a month.

Days until the next North London Derby between Arsenal and Tottenham: 39.

Days until the Yankees' 2010 home opener: 42. 6 weeks.

Days until the 2010 World Cup begins: 90. 3 months.

Days until the World Cup Final: 131.

Days until Rutgers plays football again: 186. A shade over 6 months.

Days until the new Meadowlands Stadium (still unnamed) opens: 187.

Days until East Brunswick plays football again: 192.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving clash: 268. Less than 9 months.

Days until Derek Jeter collects his 3,000th career hit: 456.

Days until the Rutgers-Army football game at Yankee Stadium: 620.

Days until the 2012 Olympics begin in London: 878.