Tuesday, August 21, 2012

It's Boone Logan, Naturally

In a little while from now
he'll still leave me feeling sour.
I promised myself
to treat myself
to send him to the shower.
But I'm not Joe Girardi.
I wish I were, you see.
In an effort to
make it clear, it's true
that this guy's a lousy pitcher
left standing on the mound
with the sound of home runs cracking.
My God, that schmuck, he's out of luck.
His ERA is stacking.
His time here needs an end.
He is simply not my friend.
It's Boone Logan
naturally.

To think that only yesterday
we put the Red Sox away.
Looking forward to
win a game or two
against the White Sox that we'd play.
But as if to knock me down
this bad pitcher came around
and without so much
as a strong touch
left our game chances in pieces.
Leaving me to doubt
talk about old Sparky Lyle.
A reliever who goes three strong?
Haven't had that for a while.
And in my hour of need
who goes and blows a lead?
It's Boone Logan
naturally.

It seems to me that there are pitchers
throwing in the world
that are much better.
They are go-getters.
What do I do?
What do I do?

*

As you may have guessed, Boone Logan is not one of my favorite people.  In the 2010 regular season he was, for the most part, okay for the Yankees.  But in the postseason, he got rocked by the Texas Rangers.

Then last season, he blew leads all over the place.  Drove me up the wall -- and caused opposing hitters to drive baseballs over the wall.

This season, he's been better -- or has he? He won his first 4 decisions, including one at Fenway Park.  His ERA has gone from 2.93 in 2010 to 3.46 last year to 4.07 for this season at the moment.  His ERA+ has gone down from 149 to 125 to 105 -- and a reliever should have it a lot closer to 149 than to 105.

Logan is a LOOGY: Lefthanded One Out GuY.  A pitcher who's supposed to come in and be a lefty pitching to a lefty batter, and then gets taken out for a better righthander.

I detest this strategy.  I don't care what hand a pitcher throws with: If you don't trust him to get two consecutive outs, you shouldn't trust him to get one out.

Like Esteban Loaiza, Tanyon Sturtze, Sean Henn and Scott Proctor before him, Boone Logan has now inspired me to write about him for the song-parody website Amiright.com.  (Strangely, Carl Pavano and Kyle Farnsworth avoided this fate, probably because I couldn't stand to think of them long enough to write one.) I have paid tribute to several Yankees with positive parodies, but more often than not it's to rip bad ones, usually pitchers.

*

I know, there are other Yankee pitchers we could talk about this morning.  Injured-for-the-season pitcher Michael Pineda got busted for drunk driving, with a blood-alcohol content of .13 or thereabouts.  Freddy Garcia started last night's game and is looking more and more like the end of his major league career is near. And Joba Chamberlain, who (much more so than Yankee management) really is his own worst enemy, has definitely come back from his injury too soon.  He doesn't seem to be in pain, but he needed more minor-league rehab prep.  At this rate, he's going to get some more of that.  He's still got a million-dollar arm, but also still has a five-cent head.

Last night, at U.S. Cellular Field (formerly the new Comiskey Park), the Yankees took a 3-0 lead over the Chicago White Sox.  But Garcia melted down in the 5th, including allowing a home run to Dewayne Wise, recently let go by the Yankees, and it was 5-3 to the Pale Hose.  (One of my favorite team nicknames in all of sports.)

The Yankees struck back with 3 in the 6th, including Derek Jeter's 11th home run of the season.  The Captain went 4-for-5, and now has 3,255 career hits, tying him with Eddie Murray for 12th on the all-time list.

But Joba allowed the tying run in the 6th, on a home run by Gordon Beckham.  (Could be worse, it could have been hit by David Beckham.) And then Logan mucked it up by allowing 2 more in the 7th on a home run by Alexei Ramirez.  (Alexei? Ramirez? Those names don't go together!) Derek Lowe, who pitched 4 shutout innings in a fine relief appearance in his first game for the Yankees, wasn't so good this time, as he allowed another run that pretty much put the game out of reach.

White Sox 9, Yankees 6.  WP: Former Phillies star Brett Myers (2-5).  SV: Addison Reed (22).  LP: Logan (4-2).

More of Logan's Runs.  Unfortunately, for that little bit of dark humor to work, he'd have to have turned 30 by now.  He just turned 28.  Hopefully, by August 13, 2014 -- hell, by tonight, but who's kidding who -- the Yankees will have gotten rid of him.

*

And looking back over the years
at these guys who make me drink beers
I remember how I fumed
when ERAs ballooned
never wishing to hide the jeers.
And at 28 years old
this pitcher torments my soul.
I can't understand
why this failing man
has a place in our bullpen.
Leaving me to start
with a heart that's heavy thumpin'.
Despite encouragement from me
this pitcher, he's got nothin'.
And when the ball flies away
I scream and curse all day!
It's Boone Logan
naturally.

It's Boone Logan
naturally.

The preceding parody should appear on Amiright.com tomorrow.

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