Sunday, August 16, 2009

Top 10 Elvis Songs About Sports

August 16, 1977 was a sad day in the history of music. Elvis Presley died.

August 16, 1948 was a sad day in the history of baseball. Babe Ruth died.

They had a lot in common. Both were the best at what they did. Both were irresistible to women (although, in the Babe's case, that was a bit strange). Both had royal titles, which, unlike most royal titles, were well-earned: "Sultan of Swat" and "King of Rock and Roll." Both married women who proved to have excellent business sense (although, unlike Claire Ruth, Priscilla Presley didn't manage her husband's business affairs until after not only their divorce, but his death). Both got too fat later on. And both are instantly recognizable, long after their deaths.

For the record: The Yankees were not scheduled to play on the day the Babe ended up dying, and beat the Chicago White Sox 11-10 at Yankee Stadium the night Elvis died.

Top 10 Elvis Songs About Sports

Not really, I'm just going for humor here.

10. "I Feel So Bad." This is the only Elvis song I know of that actually mentions sports: "I feel so bad, feel like a ballgame on a rainy day. Guess I got my raincheck, shake my head and walk away."

9. "Hound Dog." Could be about any number of athletes who dog it, ain't never caught a rabbit, and ain't no friend of their teammates.

8. "Jailhouse Rock." Michael Vick was playin' on the saxophone. Ray Carruth is blowin' on the slide trombone. O.J. Simpson's hacking away on the drums, the band's manager is Alan Eagleson, let’s rock! (And those 3 deserved to have the insanely crooked Eagleson as their manager.)

7. "Don't." The word of every college basketball star who hears the Los Angeles Clippers might draft him. If the Clips draft them anyway, their new Elvis song is "I Got Stung."

6. "Burning Love." I'm sure there's a few athletes who've, uh, had to go to a clinic to relieve this particular problem.

5. "One Broken Heart For Sale." Sung by a fan of a Cleveland sports team. Which one? Does it matter?

4. "Are You Lonesome Tonight." To the few fans who actually go to watch the Florida Marlins.

3. "All Shook Up." How Johan Santana and Francisco (K-Rod) Rodriguez have felt since becoming Mets.

2. "Little Sister." About a guy who got dumped by Venus Williams, then finds that Serena doesn't mind him staring at her impressive booty.

1. "Don't Be Cruel." Currently being sung by Red Sox fans who have done plenty of dishing out, but now can’t take being told that the only World Series their team has won in the last 91 years are both fake as hell.

I thought about saying "My Way" was sung by any number of athletes whose selfishness finally drove them off their teams, but then again, regrets, they'd have a lot more than "too few to mention."

Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the blog.

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