Yankee Bats: That's Cold, Man. That's Cold.

The Yankees started a 3-game series away to the Detroit Tigers yesterday. Here's what they got at bat:

* A walk by Brett Gardner in the 1st inning -- erased by a double play.

* A walk by Chase Headley in the 2nd -- stranded.

* A single by Jacoby Ellsbury in the 3rd -- and then he was caught stealing.

* A single by Mark Teixeira in the 4th -- stranded.

* A walk by Teixeira in the 7th, and he reached 2nd base on a wild pitch, still only 1 out -- stranded.

* A walk by Austin Romine in the 8th -- stranded.

* A leadoff single by Gardner in the 9th, subsequently forced out by a Starlin Castro grounder -- and Teix and Carlos Beltran called out on strikes. (When you're Carlos Beltran, you take a called 3rd strike to the end game with a man on base. It's what you do.)

That's it. We got 3 singles and 4 walks, and only 1 guy got as far as 2nd base (and even that wasn't his own doing). The bottom 5 places in the batting order went a collective 0-for-14 (with 2 walks).

I know it was a bit chilly in Motown, but the Yankee bats? That's cold, man. That's cold.

I know Comerica Park is a pitcher's park, but that is unacceptable.

Also unacceptable is this Yankee trend of the 2013, '14 and '15 seasons, apparently back for '16: Scoring runs in bunches (25 over the preceding 2 games) and then we can't hit the ground if we fell off a ladder.

Luis Severino didn't pitch great, but our bats could very well have given him a chance to win. Johnny Barbato (a 23-year-old righthander from Miami, wearing Number 26) and Luis Cessa (a soon-to-be 24-year-old righthander from Veracruz, Mexico, becoming the 1st Yankee to wear Number 85 in a regular-season game), pitched decently in relief (Cessa did give up a home run to Miguel Cabrera), but it didn't matter.

It's worth noting that, since it was a roadtrip day game after a home night game, manager Joe Girardi gave Alex Rodriguez the day off. He also gave Beltran the day off until sending him up to pinch-hit in the 9th. In both cases, you can see how well that worked out.

Tigers 3, Yankees 0. WP: Jordan Zimmerman (1-0). No save was credited. LP: Severino (0-1).

The series continues this afternoon. CC Sabathia pitches his 1st game since going into alcohol rehab, against former Met Mike Pelfrey. I hope we get both the Sabathia and the Pelfrey of 2011.

It's supposed to be even colder. Maybe T.S. Eliot was right: "April is the cruelest month."

Actually, he was from St. Louis. He would never have written that if he was from New England. Or Chicago. Or a Met fan. He'd know it's October.