Morgan Freeman: "I'm in hell!"
Chris Rock: "Worse! You're in Texas!"
-- Nurse Betty
After a dreadful series that included 2 walkoff wins by the Texas Rangers, losing 6-5, 7-6 and 4-1, the Yankees move across the Confederacy to face the Tampa Bay Rays at the Florida Suncoast Dome. I mean, the ThunderDome. I mean, Tropicana "Field." Perhaps the dumbest ballpark in the majors now that the Minnesota Twins have wised up and moved outdoors.
As the greatest of all college football broadcasters, Keith Jackson, would say, the social portion of the Yankees' schedule is over, and from here on, it's strictly meat and potatoes. Three in Tampa against the team battling them for the AL East title, with the loser likely winning the AL Wild Card. Three in Baltimore against Buck Showalter's revitalized Orioles. Home for four against the Rays, which will pretty much decide the Division. Home for three against the Boston Red Sox, which will almost certainly eliminate The Scum from either Division or Wild Card chances. Three in Canada against the Pesky Toronto Blue Jays. And closing the regular season with three in Boston against The Scum.
How important is it that the Yankees get home-field advantage throughout the Playoffs by beating the Rays out for the Division, and thus the best record in baseball? Not that important. Last season, the Yankees played 7 postseason games away from Yankee Stadium II, and won 5 of them. 5 of 7 on the road, compared to 6 of 8 at home. Besides, the National League actually won the All-Star Game this season for the first time since Bill Clinton's first term, so the Yanks won't have home-field advantage if they reach the World Series.
Still... We gotta beat them. Make a statement. As Yankee Fan Billy Joel might say, the most they will do is throw shadows at you, but they're always the Devil Rays to me.
Tonight: CC Sabathia going for win Number 20, in the dump where he almost pitched a no-hitter back in April, against Rays ace David Price. Tomorrow night: Ivan Nova vs. Matt Garza. Wednesday night: Phil Hughes against James Shields.
Anything less than 2 of 3 against Joe Maddon's cunts is unacceptable. In the words of the immortal Billy Martin, "Let's bury these sons-of-bitches!"
The Giants seem to have learned their lessons from last season, opening the new Meadowlands Stadium with a 31-18 win over the team that embarrassed them in their Giants Stadium finale, the Carolina Panthers.
In a few minutes, the Jets open their tenure at the place against the Baltimore Ravens, from whence coach Rex Ryan came, a team that has Rutgers men Ray Rice and L.J. Smith. Whoever wins that game has a 50-50 chance of being the AFC representative in the Super Bowl.
Let me get this straight: The Philadelphia Eagles got rid of Donovan McNabb because he was always getting hurt and he couldn't beat the Dallas Cowboys. So what happens? New Eagles starting quarterback Kevin Kolb gets hurt, they lose to the Green Bay Packers, and McNabb goes to the Washington Redskins, and in his first game with them he beats the Dallas Cowboys.
The Eagles looked good yesterday. They stunk, but at least they looked good. They wore throwback uniforms to the 1960 season, their last NFL Championship season. The Packers, their opponents yesterday, were also their opponents in the 1960 NFL Championship Game. (Or Super Bowl -VI if you prefer.)
They should keep the uniforms... but dump Kolb and Michael Vick and get new quarterbacks. They'd better hope the Phillies make it to the World Series again, and that the Flyers and/or the 76ers then get off to a great start, because if not, that's going to focus a lot of attention on the Eagles, and the Eagles are a joke.
East Brunswick lost its season opener to Monroe, 21-18, the same exact score by which we beat them last season. Same exact ending, too: The visiting-and-trailing team (this time, E.B.) was driving late, but an interception ended their hopes. Oh well. Home to Edison on Thursday, being played that night due to Friday night being the start of Yom Kippur.
At least we didn't embarrass ourselves, unlike Rutgers. Yes, the Scarlet Knights won again, but it was only 19-14, and Florida International had a chance to win with 2 minutes to go. The next game is on Saturday, September 25, home to North Carolina, and R.U. doesn't get its offense untracked, it will be sca-rewed.
Does Thierry Henry have any eligibility left in American-style football? Maybe he can help.