Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Ghost of Scott Proctor

Aaaaaaaah!

Huh!

Oh, wow, what a nightmare.

I dreamed I was back in 2007 and Scott Proctor blew another game for the Yankees.

Thank God it was only a dream.

Right?

Right?

WRONG! Proctor was released by the Atlanta Braves on August 10, but was taken back by the Yankees on August 13, and today he made his first appearance in a Yankee uniform since July 27, 2007, after which he was traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers for Wilson Betemit, who did next to nothing for the Yankees, but who cared, it meant Proctor was gone!

Now, like a monster in a bad movie series, he's back.

The Yankees led 4-1 after 4 innings in Baltimore this afternoon, but Ivan Nova ran into a little trouble, and he couldn't get out of the 6th. Rafael Soriano let the O's tie it in the 8th.

The Yanks made 2 more errors today, a misplay by Brett Gardner in the 5th and a bad throw by Francisco Cervelli in the 6th.

The game went to extra innings. In the top of the 10th, Curtis Granderson and Mark Teixeira both struck out swinging. Alex Rodriguez drew a walk, but Robinson Cano grounded out.

Proctor had allowed a single and a walk in the bottom of the 9th to almost blow it. One would think that would be enough evidence for Joe Girardi to say, "Gee, this guy doesn't have it. What a shock. I'd better get another pitcher for the bottom of the 10th."

Instead, like Joe Torre before him, Girardi left Proctor in. Seriously, does he have compromising photographs of everyone in the Yankee organization over the last few years?

Proctor struck out Mark Reynolds to start the 10th, but Nolan Reimold beat out a grounder to Derek Jeter. Then Proctor walked Chris Davis to set up 1st and 2nd -- that's the winning run on 2nd -- with just 1 out.

And Robert Andino singled to left, scoring Reimold.

Orioles 5, Yankees 4. WP: Clay Rapada (1-0). LP: Proctor (2-4).

It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a Nightmare On Eutaw Street. It really happened.

Scott Proctor... Who's next? Kerosene Kyle Farnsworth? Paul Quantrill "Is Gone"? Esteban "Low I.Q." Loaiza? Tanyon Sturtze "So Bad"? Or even... Jeff Fucking Weaver? Maybe, he was released by the Dodgers after last season, so he is available.

Please, Brian Cashman, no more...

(To the tune of "Goldfinger" by Shirley Bassey)

Scott Proctor!
He's the man, the man who just cannot pitch!
Son of a bitch!
Worse than John Rocker!
Beckons you to call him out to the mound!
Ignore that sound!

Ninety-eight miles an hour he'll throw!
But over home plate that ball won't go!
For a Golden Glove won't heal this blister!
He's the kiss of death, is Mister

Scott Proctor!
Manager, beware of his golden arm...
It brings you harm!

Ninety-eight miles an hour he'll throw!
But a long way his hit balls will go!
For a Golden Glove won't heal this blister!
He's the kiss of death, is Mister

Scott Proctor!
Yankee Fans
beware Number 43...

He's no Yankee!
You'll lose so badly!
Misery!
Take it from me!
Woe is thee!
Forty-three!

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