Monday, January 29, 2018

It's 2030 and...

Note: The following was written before we had any idea that COVID-19 would happen, but also before we knew that Trump would lose in 2020, fair and square, and leave the White House being escorted out by the Secret Service at Noon on Inauguration Day.

It's 2030, and...

* The Wall has finally been dedicated. Not at the border of the U.S. and Mexico, which became unnecessary after Imperator Donald nuked Mexico. No, it's at the border of the U.S. and Canada. Imperatora Ivanka dedicates it, and officially makes a liar out of President John F. Kennedy: "We have never needed to put a wall up to keep our people in."

But JFK remained right with the statement he made right before that in West Berlin in 1963: "Freedom has many difficulties, and democracy is not perfect, but... " That was why Imperator Donald, then still "President Donald Trump," fired Robert Mueller in March 2018.

When voters, against all obstacles, voted to have a Democratic Congress in November 2018, Trump, rather than allow himself to be impeached and removed when the new Congress convened in January 2019, suspended the Constitution of the United States, declared himself Imperator (the one time he listened to his wife Melania, who said it sounded more authoritative than its English equivalent, "Emperor"), and federalized every State's National Guard and State Police.

"What have you got to lose?" he said when he ran in 2016. We all found out.

Then came August 19, 2020. Some call it Black Wednesday, others call it the Night of the Long Knives. A week before what was supposed to be the Republican Convention -- since there would be no election, it was essentially just a celebration of the Imperator -- Ivanka finally realized that her father was not mentally fit to rule.

So she had her father quietly smothered with his pillow, had her stepmother Melania deported back to Slovenia, declared her half-brother Barron and her half-sister Tiffany bastards and out of the line of succession, and had her brothers Donald Jr. and Eric killed, as "liabilities." At least, in that, she was honest.

For 10 years, now, America has been on its own. In all fairness, the killings that happened between November 2018 and August 2020 did stop. But the imprisonments and the deportations have continued.

So have the "self-deportations." Whereas, in 2015, black people made up 12.6 percent of the U.S. population, now, in 2030, they make up less than 8 percent. Hispanics made up 17.1 percent, but that number has been cut in half, to, again, less than 8 percent. There were 1.4 million Muslims living in America in 2015; in 2030, there are believed to be less than 200,000.

* The 100th Anniversary of the Great Depression has nearly been matched: The economy is in shambles. Pretty much anybody who can avoid paying taxes does. As part of the nation's 250th Anniversary celebrations in 2026, Imperatora Ivanka "purchased" the tax-haven Cayman Islands from the United Kingdom of England and East Belfast.

I put "purchased" in quotation marks because she told King Charles III and Prime Minister Boris Johnson that she would let President Vladimir Putin of Russia do whatever he wanted in their country if they didn't agree. With "Brexit" fully implemented, England out of the European Union, Scotland and Wales out of the UK and back in the EU, Ireland reunited (except for pro-Unionist East Belfast), and the Imperatora in charge of NATO and within her authority to deny England any help, they realized it was an offer they couldn't refuse, and didn't.

* The Imperatora seems not to have figured out that, with the middle class having shrunk significantly, and the poor bearing most of the burden of taxation, having the poor population shrink is a bad idea. Yet with 81-year-old Wayne LaPierre, former pitchman for the National Rifle Association, as her Minister of Internal Security, guns are everywhere, and poor people, regardless of race, are clogging the emergency rooms and funeral parlors.

A prominent online columnist called it the "Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out" philosophy. Shortly thereafter, he began to feel ill. Within a month, he was dead of polonium poisoning, a.k.a. "The New Russian Flu."

Only the rich can fly now, aboard the reborn Trump Airlines, which bought out all other airlines. Amtrak was disbanded in 2022, and so Greyhound is more clogged than ever. Basically, if you don't have a car, you're not going anywhere.

* Awards shows are still in place, but with strict censorship on films, TV shows and music, no one but the government's biggest fans wants to watch them.

* What's sports like? Well, the Yankees still haven't won the World Series, or even a Pennant, since 2009. Gleyber Torres is 34 years old, and sitting on the bench for the Virginia Beach Blue Jays. There are still people saying he will break through one of these days, and that Yankee general manager Brian Cashman still should never have traded him.

(The Jays left Toronto after it became clear that Major League Baseball would contract them if they didn't get out of "socialist Canada.")

The World Series is won by the Texas Rangers, after superstar catcher Gary Sanchez hits 3 home runs in Game 6 against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Sanchez has starred for the Rangers since July 31, 2019, when Cashman traded him there for 5 players who never reached the major leagues.

Giancarlo Stanton retired due to injury after the 2024 season, stuck on 399 career home runs, having never won a Pennant.

John Moynihan, son of Tom Brady, was last season's NFL Rookie of the Year, as he led the New England Patriots to win Super Bowl LXIV. His total gives the Patriots, and the Brady family, a total of 14 Super Bowl wins.

It's a lot easier for the Patriots to win now, because there are only 16 teams left in the NFL. Several teams, including the New York Jets, had to fold, because they were unable to field full teams. Due to the concussions and other injuries that football players sustain, far fewer parents are willing to let their kids try out for football.

The Canadian Hockey League folded in 2028, unable to support itself with just the Canada-based teams that were kicked out of the NHL in 2024.

Major League Soccer folded in 2027, following America's failure to qualify for 3 straight World Cups, and being denied the right to host any part of the 2026 World Cup following Imperator Donald's nuking of Mexico.

* An attempt to break Chelsea Clinton out of prison fails. Malia and Sasha Obama are under house arrest.

* There are still people who say that 89-year-old Bernie Sanders will beat Ivanka in 2032. They don't seem to be aware that there won't be an election.

*

You say this can't happen? Admittedly, it's a very bleak scenario.

But isn't what has already happened bad enough?

*

Assuming the preceding does not come to pass...

Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: Unknown. They did play last night, a weak 0-0 draw with Bosnia in the Los Angeles suburbs. But no further matches have been scheduled. They were supposed to play at the World Cup in June. Alas... 

Days until The Arsenal play again: 1, tomorrow afternoon at 2:45 PM our time, away to Swansea City of Wales. Having beaten West London club Chelsea in the Semifinal of the League Cup, sold liability Alexis Sanchez, and purchased Henrikh Mkhitaryan (HEN-rick MICK-ih-TAIR-ee-an), it now appears that they are about to purchase Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang as well.

Days until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 3, on Thursday night, against the Philadelphia Flyers, at the Prudential Center. They played the Flyers in Philadelphia today, and lost. They next play the New York Islanders on Saturday, February 24, at home. They won't play the New York Rangers again until the last week of the regular season, on Tuesday, April 3, at the Prudential Center.

Days until the next Winter Olympics begins in Pyeongchang, Korea: 11, on Friday, February 9. Under 2 weeks.

Days until the next North London Derby: 12, on Saturday, February 10, at 7:30 AM our time, at Wembley Stadium in West London, where Spurs are playing their "home games" until the new stadium they're building on the site of White Hart Lane opens the following August

Days until the New York Red Bulls play again: 40. They open at home against the Portland Timbers on March 10. Under 6 weeks.

Days until Opening Day of the 2018 Major League Baseball season: 59on Thursday night, March 29, as the Yankees open away to the Toronto Blue Jays. Under 9 weeks. The Yankees still don't have a 2nd baseman or a 3rd baseman who can both play those positions and hit major league pitching well.

Days until the Yankees' 2018 home opener: 63, on Monday afternoon, April 2, against the Tampa Bay Rays.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 71, on Tuesday, April 10, at Fenway Park.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 96on Saturday afternoon, May 5, home to New York City FC. Their 1st game against the Philadelphia Union will be on Saturday night, May 26, at Red Bull Arena in Harrison. Their 1st game against the New England Revolution will be on Saturday night, June 2, at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro. Their 1st game against D.C. United, and their 1st game ever at the new Audi Field, will be on Wednesday night, July 25.

Days until the next World Cup kicks off in Russia: 136, on June 14. Under 4 months. But the U.S. team won't be playing. At least now, Donald Trump doesn't have to choose, and can root for his favorite country, the host nation, Russia.

Days until the 2018 trading deadline, after which we won't have to fear Yankee general manager Brian Cashman trading any proven good players for "prospects": 183, on Tuesday, July 31. A little over 5 months.

Days until September 2018 roster call-ups, when we can finally start to expect seeing most of these wonderful "prospects" that Yankee general manager Brian Cashman wanted: 215. A little over 6 months.

Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 215, on Saturday, September 1, home to Texas State University. 

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: Unknown. The 2018 schedule hasn't been released yet. But the season opener is usually on the 1st Friday in September. that would be September 7, which is 221 days from now.

Days until the next Congressional election, when we can elect a Democratic Congress that can impeach and remove Donald Trump from the Presidency: 252on November 6. A little over 8 months.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State game: 263, on Saturday, November 17, at High Point Solutions Stadium in Piscataway, New Jersey.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving high school football game: 268, on Thursday, November 22. A little under 9 months.

Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Mariano Rivera: 330, on January 23, 2019. Just under a year, or a little under 12 months.

Days until the next Women's World Cup kicks off: 446, on June 7, 2019, in France. A little under a year and a half, or a little over 15 months. The U.S. team, as 3-time and defending Champions, has, as usual, a better chance than the men's team would have had in 2018 anyway.

Days until my 50th Birthday, at which point I can join AARP and get discounts for travel and game tickets: 640, on December 18, 2019.

Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Derek Jeter: 675on January 22, 2020. A little under 2 years, or a little under 24 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 859on July 24, 2020. A little under 2 1/2 years, or a little under 30 months.

Days until the next Presidential election, when we can dump the Trump-Pence regime and elect a real Administration: 961on November 3, 2020. Under 3 years, or a little over 32 months.

Days until Liberation Day: 1,039at noon on January 20, 2021. Under 3 years, or under 36 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not just from Donald Trump. Having Mike Pence as President wouldn't be better, just differently bad, mixing theocracy with plutocracy, rather than mixing kleptocracy with plutocracy.

Days until the next World Cup for which the American team will be eligible is scheduled to kick off: 1,709, on November 21, 2022, in Qatar. Under 5 years, or about 58 months. The charges of corruption against Qatar may yet mean that they will lose the tournament, in which case it will be moved to a nation where it would not be too hot to play it in June and July.

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