Monday, February 24, 2014

Top 20 Signs You're From New Jersey

Top 20 Signs You're From New Jersey

1. You've had to explain to outsiders that the State consists of more than the Turnpike, Newark Airport and the Linden oil refinery.

2. You give outsiders a dirty look when they say, "You're from Jersey? What exit?" when you know full well that you use it yourself.

3. You've had to explain, "Nobody calls it 'Joisey' here. Only people from N'Yawk call it that."

4. You know a "pork roll" isn't one of those four-foot salamis.

5. You don't go "to the beach." You go "down the shore." Unless you already live in a Shore town, then you go "to the beach."

6. You've gone down the shore, and gotten stuck at a drawbridge, and when the bridge is fully open, you see what it's been opened for: A dinky little boat with a 100-foot-high mast. That little thing has held everybody up? Where's a torpedo when you need one?

7. You know that pizza tastes better at the shore. So do french fries.

8. You wince at the mention of "the New York Giants" and "the New York Jets" -- even if you want them to win.

9. You've ever told a Ranger fan, "The Hudson River is that way. And when you get there, keep walking!"

10. You've emphasized the first syllable in "NUT-ley" or "PIS-cataway."

11. You've had to explain what "a Rutgers" is.

12. You've ever said, upon traveling to another State, "Whattaya mean, I gotta pump my own gas? What kinda crazy place is this? You pump my gas, or else what am I payin' ya for?"

13. You refer to the Statewide newspaper as just "The Ledger," not "The Star-Ledger."

14. You still call MVS "the DMV." Sometimes with a profane adjective thrown in.

15. You've had to explain that the Governor isn't that bad -- knowing that he (or, in the former case of Christine Todd Whitman, she) is.

16. You've never known about any real mobsters that were like Tony Soprano, because you know full well that a guy like that would get whacked before he turned 40.

17. You still lament that Bamberger's was taken over by Macy's.

18. You've called a cab because the bus is half an hour late, and you know the cab will still get there before the next bus is due -- and that's if the next bus is on time, which it won't be.

19. You never refer to a mall by its name. It's not Woodbridge Center, it's just "Woodbridge"; it's not Menlo Park Mall, it's just "Menlo"; it's not "Garden State Plaza," it's "Paramus," etc.

And finally...

20. No matter how much further you still have to go, you always feel better when you get back into the State, whether it's coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel, coming over the Delaware Memorial Bridge, or any of the Pennsylvania crossings.

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