Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Top 10 Elvis Presley Songs About Sports

In honor of the King's birthday, I repeat a post I once did on the anniversary of his death.

For the record, when Elvis was growing up, first in northeastern Mississippi and then in Memphis, that was unquestionably St. Louis Cardinals territory -- for a long time, the Memphis Redbirds were their top farm team -- and he was a big Cardinals fan.  It's easy to forget that Harry Caray, before he became the Chicago Cubs' broadcaster and ambassador, was the voice of their arch-rivals, the Cardinals.  In his book, Harry claimed that Elvis once called him up and told him how much he enjoyed his broadcasting.

These are not really songs about sports.  I’m just going for humor here.

10. “I Feel So Bad.” This is the only Elvis song I know of that actually mentions sports: “I feel so bad, feel like a ballgame on a rainy day. Guess I got my raincheck, shake my head and walk away.”

9. “Hound Dog.” Could be about any number of athletes who dog it, ain’t never caught a rabbit, and ain’t no friend of their teammates.

8. “Jailhouse Rock.” Michael Vick was playin’ on the saxophone. Bernie Madoff's blowin’ on the slide trombone. O.J. Simpson’s hacking away on the drums, the band’s manager is Alan Eagleson, let’s rock!

7. “Don’t.” The word of every college basketball star who hears the Los Angeles Clippers might draft him.  If the Clips draft them anyway, their new Elvis song is "I Got Stung." (Oh, sure, the Clippers might have recently had a 17-game winning streak, but don't kid yourself: They ain't goin' too far in the Playoffs.)

6. “Burning Love.” I’m sure there’s a few athletes who’ve, uh, had to go to a clinic to relieve this particular problem.

5. “One Broken Heart For Sale.” Sung by a fan of a Cleveland sports team. Which one? Does it matter?

4. “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” To the few fans who actually go to watch the Miami Marlins after their latest fire sale.

3. “All Shook Up.” How Notre Dame fans are feeling after last night.  How Met fans feel all the time.

2. “Little Sister.” About a guy who got dumped by Venus Williams, then finds that Serena doesn’t mind him staring at her magnificent booty.

1. “Don’t Be Cruel.” Currently being sung by Red Sox fans who have done plenty of dishing out, but now can’t take being told that the only World Series their team has won in the last 94 years are both fake as hell.

I thought about saying “My Way” was sung by any number of athletes whose selfishness finally drove them off their teams, but then again, regrets, they’d have a lot more than “too few to mention.” You talk about "Suspicious Minds"...

At least the NHL owners and players finally got the message: "It's Now Or Never." And chose Now.

Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the blog.

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