Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Top 10 Things About M*A*S*H That Don't Make Sense

I love M*A*S*H. The show, part comedy, part drama, set in a U.S. Army hospital during the Korean War in the early 1950s, might be the greatest TV show of all time. But there are some things about it that just don't make any sense.

And I'm not talking about continuity errors, such as which characters' family members were still alive or not, or consistency in what their names were, or where they might have lived. I'm talking about things that, had they happened in real life, would not have happened that way.

10. The Manpower Turnover Rate. Hawkeye, Margaret, Klinger, Father Mulcahy, and possibly some of the nurses seemed to be at that one unit for the duration of the war, 3 years. They each would have been transferred at least once.

9. Potter's Age. In one episode, he gave his age as 62. But in more than one, he mentioned that he was too young to serve in World War I, and thus lied about his age. This would have put him in his mid-50s. But he looked more like 62, or even older. At that age, it's unlikely that he would have been put in that particular command.

8. The Hair. In that era, men would not have had hair as long as Hawkeye, B.J. and Klinger had. I'm also not sure they would have allowed B.J. to have that mustache.

7. Henry's Unfitness For Command. Aside from cheating on his wife, Henry Blake was a decent guy, and a good doctor. But, as was pointed out by Hawkeye on one side, and Margaret and Frank on the other, he was a bad choice to command any military unit, even a hospital. Potter was so much better suited to it.

And Henry knew it, too. Frank and Margaret "went over his head" so many times, "I've developed athlete's scalp!"

6. Klinger's Stunts. It wasn't just wearing the women's clothing. He tried all kinds of things to either escape from the Army (mostly early on) or convince Henry or Potter to give him a psychiatric discharge. It's shocking that he got away with it for as long as he did, without getting tossed in the stockade, and eventually getting a dishonorable discharge.

5. Hawkeye's Antics. No matter how good a surgeon he was, half of what he did would have gotten him court-martialed.

4. Frank Burns' incompetence. If he was that bad a surgeon, that would have gone on the record, and he would have been transferred out of there.

And 5. and 4. both lead to...

3. The Frank & Margaret Affair. A couple of times, Hawkeye threatened to blow the whistle on them if they didn't back off on their threats. At some point, the good surgeons would have had enough, and ratted them out. Even if Hawkeye and Trapper, and later Hawkeye and B.J., weren't willing to do so, and Henry didn't have the spine to act like a true commanding officer on the subject, a man like Colonel Sherman T. Potter, M.D., U.S.A. would have.

The only way not doing so can be justified is their professional respect for Margaret as a nurse. They couldn't take Frank down without also ruining Margaret's career. But, at the very least, one threat to Frank should have scared him into leaving Hawkeye alone.

2. Hawkeye's Crackup. In the series finale, the war finally breaks him. While he and Sidney Freedman did reach a breakthrough, it was way too soon to be allowed back into action. It proved to be vital, but the real Army wouldn't have allowed it.

1. The Drinking. There is no way the Army would have let surgeons have a distillery in their quarters.

1 comment:

Pat, Marcus & Alexis said...

I'd recommend the book, if you haven't read it (you very well may have). The tone and character portrayals in the book very closely match those of the first couple of years of the series.

I loved this series as a kid, but for some reason sort of quit watching it when I was an adult. I guess in the last couple of years I was a student and in the National Guard, and therefore I was busy and also had a different view of military life by that time. It's still a very good series, however, and I'm sure I've seen all of them, a lot of them, quite a few times.

Your #1 observation is something I've often noted as an adult. Indeed, I caught an episode on television just recently, in which the plot involves an older doctor who was too drunk to perform difficult surgery. Casualty loads would never have been predictable, so the heavy drinking the show features could not have been allowed, as it would have meant that surgeons might be impaired when needed.