Thursday, January 30, 2014
Peter Vescey E-vesc-erates David Stern
Peter Vescey, NBA honcho at the New York Post, did this:
With all due disrespect 2 Letterman's Top 10 things David Stern learned during his 30 years as commissioner, my 'staph' created its own list:
10. When in doubt, lock 'em out.
9. There are 71 ways to genuflect at the third-world shoes of Michael Jordan.
8. When it's a slow news day, fine Mark Cuban.
7. The Maloof brothers are not as annoying as Silna brothers. (The Maloofs own the Sacramento Kings. The Silnas owned the ABA's Spirits of St. Louis, and got paid off for not keeping their team going in the 1976 ABA-NBA merger with a percentage of NBA TV revenue, which is the NBA's equivalent of the deal the Mets have with Bobby Bonilla. On the other hand, speaking of the Mets, the Silnas did lose a lot of their money to Bernie Madoff.)
6. Donald Sterling has developed a tolerance to propofol.
5. Charles Barkley is a full-service idiot. (No, he's not, Peter. That comment was, as Charles would say, "Turrible.")
4. There are actually Hebrew words for "tats" and "posse." (Maybe, but the same Book of Leviticus that bans homosexual acts also bans tattoos in the very next chapter. Awkward for the guy who got a tattoo of that verse.)
3. How to have more people working on Christmas Day than the Vatican.
2. Baby mamas are people, too.
1. And the No. 1 thing David Stern learned during his 30 years as commissioner is...You can't rig enough lotteries to make the Knicks relevant.
Well, the Knicks will always be relevant. But it's been 40 years (nearly 41) since they won a title. Stern may have been able to fix things for Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, but never for the Knicks.
Unfortunately, he taught Gary Bettman too well.
UPDATE! As soon as I retweeted his #1, Vescey followed me on Twitter! Hot damn, that's a nice score.