Friday, March 12, 2010

Am I Not Offensive Enough?

Either I haven't got enough readers, or I haven't offended enough people. My last 3 entries were about how Knick fans were delusional if they thought they were going to get LeBron James for next season, the 2009 Yankees would have beaten the 1986 Mets in a best-4-out-of-7 "World Series" and my Top 10 Reasons the New York Rangers suck... which they do. (Though they beat the Atlanta Thrashers on the road tonight, 5-2, 2 days after the Devils blasted Queen Henrietta out of the nets.)

Maybe I need to insult Penn State again. The biggest response I've ever gotten is when I called Joe Paterno a rat-faced score-running-up bully who was able to cover up his players' crimes for 40 years until recently... which he is.

Let's see, who else can I insult... The Dallas Cowboys, or Manchester United? Nah, too easy: Glory-hunting cunts, who are too stupid to accept it as anything other than a compliment.

The Red Sox? Better yet, Sox fans. Yeah, you loved Nomar Garciaparra, until the steroids stopped working, then your team dumped him, and then you "won." You chowdahead bastards, it's Bill Buckner who needed to forgive you, not the other way around. Hell, Johnny Pesky forgave you for the way you treated him from 1946 to 2004, I guess Billy Bucks can as well.

The purpose of a blog is to spread one's opinions. Brag on your own teams and smack around other people's.

So my problem is that I'm not offending enough people. How can I offend more?

I could call Sarah Palin a moron, Chris Christie a fat heartless bastard, and the "Tea Partiers" a bunch of fascist bigots... but then, politics is only a hobby with me.

Maybe I could get a few Canadian readers by calling Sidney Crosby a diving little twat. Yeah, I know, he's the best player in the world and he just won the Gold Medal with his overtime winner... but tonight, the New Jersey Devils beat his Pittsburgh Penguins, 3-1 at the Prudential Center. Sid the Skid scored for the Pens, but for the Devils, the lamp was lit by Patrik Elias, Andy Greene and Ilya Kovalchuk. Marty Brodeur turned back 34 of 35 shots. The attendance was a full house of 17,625, and Ranger fans, as always, can kiss my Garden State ass.

Maybe I could get a few extra Devils fans to read this by pointing out my favorite hockey team's flaws. For example, whenever the Devils win on Friday night at home, and the next game is the following night, a Saturday at the Nassau Coliseum against the pathetic Islanders, the Devils always manage to fuck it up. Especially if I've made my way across the Raritan, Rahway, Elizabeth, Passaic, Hackensack, Hudson and East Rivers and onto The Island. (I won't be in the Nassau Mausoleum tomorrow night, so maybe the Devils have a chance to win this one.)

Who knows. If I knew as much as I think I do, I wouldn't be blogging on this site, I'd be doing a show on WFAN.

I could call it "Mike IS the Mad Dog." The sad part is, that's already an old joke.


Days until the Devils play another local rival: 1, as previously mentioned, tomorrow night at the Islanders.

Days until Opening Day of the 2010 baseball season: 23, the Yankees playing the Red Sox at Fenway for the ESPN Sunday-night season-opener. A shade over 3 weeks.

Days until the next North London Derby between Arsenal and Tottenham: 29.

Days until the Yankees' 2010 home opener: 32. Just 1 month.

Days until the 2010 World Cup begins: 90. Just 3 months.

Days until the World Cup Final: 121. Just 4 months.

Days until Rutgers plays football again: 176.

Days until the new Meadowlands Stadium (still unnamed) opens: 177.

Days until East Brunswick plays football again: 182. Just 6 months.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge Thanksgiving clash: 258.

Days until Derek Jeter collects his 3,000th career hit: 446.

Days until the Rutgers-Army football game at Yankee Stadium: 610.

Days until the 2012 Olympics begin in London: 878.


Lisa Swan said...

Hey there, Mike! Just wanted to say hello. Do I need to act offended? :)

Uncle Mike said...

No, not at all. That I'm aware of. (Hee hee.)