Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Auuuugh! I can't stand it!

The Boston Red Sox have won the World Series for the 2nd time in 4 years.

In the words of the immortal Charlie Brown, "AUUUUUUUUGH! I can't stand it! Good grief! My stomach hurts!"

As you can see, I've moved on from shock, past denial, to anger... and to disgust. Next comes bargaining, as in fix the roster, starting with dumping, as King George would say, "the 3rd baseman." Finally, will come determination: Next season will bring Title 27.

There is no "acceptance." As Yogi Berra would have said, if he'd thought of it first, "When you accept losing, you accept losing."

I will not accept losing. If I was willing to accept losing, I'd root for some other team, like, oh, I don't know... the one that spent late September, uh, flushing away a Playoff berth.

I'm reminded of that scene from Fever Pitch, where Jimmy Fallon watched his tape of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, the Buckner Game, rewinding and rerunning the fatal pitch, and his Sox-fan friends broke in and staged an intervention: "Where'd you get this? Huh? Where's your stash? All right, let's clean him up!"

The morning after, being a Yankee Fan, I went back to a moment not of catastrophe, but of glory. Two, in fact: Bucky Blessed Dent and Aaron Blessed Boone. And I still got to work on time.

To all the Red Sox fans who are either old enough to remember the hard times, or sober enough to not be one of the bozos making spectacles of themselves for the sake of slobbering ESPN and Fox cameramen... Congratulations on a hard-fought victory by the best team in baseball.

To all the others... It's still 26 to 7 (8 if you count 1904), Pedro is still a headhunting punk, Nomar did not have godlike powers, Munson was still better than Fisk, Chambliss' homer actually won a championship unlike Fisk's, Jim Bouton's book is still better than Bill Lee's, Tony C was an overrated nightlife-chaser (making him your Pepitone rather than your Mantle), DiMaggio was a better player than Williams, and Chris von der Ahe invented the sports bar in St. Louis before Michael "Nuf Ced" McGreevey opened his in Boston.

And Tessie is still a whore.

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