I'm Still Here

A replica Seattle Pilots jersey honoring Jim Bouton

Today, my age matched the uniform numbers of such luminaries as Lawrence Taylor, Chris Doleman, Pat Swilling, Len Hauss, Andre Tippett, Hardy Nickerson, Darryl Talley, Joe Schmidt, Lance Mehl, Ray Mansfield, Mark Buehrle... and Jim Bouton, author of Ball Four.

When he reached the major leagues with the 1962 Yankees, Bouton was given uniform Number 56, a very high number for the time. Later that season, clubhouse manager Pete Sheehy said he could now receive a smaller number, recommending 29. Jim said that he would rather keep 56, to remind him of just how difficult it is to stay in the major leagues. Except for his 1st game with the Houston Astros after being traded there from the Seattle Pilots in 1969, what turned out to be the Ball Four season, he never wore any number but 56.

When my grandmother turned 56, she said it bothered her, because she was now closer to 60 than she was to 50. She made it to 81.

Turning 56, or hitting any birthday, doesn't make me feel old. It makes me feel better about having survived so much. It's a confidence boost.

What does make me feel old is remembering how it felt so long waiting for the Devils to win the Stanley Cup in 1995 and the Yankees to win the World Series in 1996... and realizing those events were about 30 years ago! I've lived more since than before!

Friedrich Nietzsche said, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." Well, the things that have tried and failed to kill me really haven't made me stronger, they've only tended to piss me off. But they haven't killed me yet.

I've been through a lot. But I'm still here. And I'm ready to see what's next. Whether I'll like it is another matter. But I'm here to see it.