If J.J. Abrams Directed "The Honeymooners"

So, once again, a rumor is out that J.J. Abrams will finally get to make the 4th film in his "Kelvin Timeline" Star Trek series.

Oy vey. We have Strange New Worlds. We don't need Abrams' "Captain Jerk" crap.

If Abrams had done the Honeymooners reboot, instead of a black cast led by Cedric the Entertainer a few years back, which didn't go over well but was, at the least, in the spirit of the original...

* Ralph Kramden would have been born in 1912, on a lifeboat fleeing the Titanic. It would have made him just 4 years older than Jackie Gleason.

* Adult Ralph would be played by Seth Rogen. Ed Norton would be played by... Edward Norton. Ralph's wife Alice would be played by Karen Gillan. Not a great choice, but she's a redhead with a good body, so they go with her. Ed's wife Trixie, well, it doesn't really matter who plays her.

* In 1955, Mayor Robert Wagner, played by Stanley Tucci, while inspecting the New York sewer system, would have been killed along with 30 others by a bomb planted by a Communist agent. (In real life, Wagner served from 1954 to 1965, and lived until 1991.)

* Ed, eating his lunch with Ralph in a City park at the time, would be traumatized by survivor's guilt, which brings back his Navy PTSD from World War II. Alice figures out that Ed actually is a "mental case," and that his apparent stupidity is his suppression of his experiences.

* Inspired by the Red-baiting Senator Joe McCarthy, Ralph and Ed come up with a "crazy harebrained scheme" to avenge the Mayor and the sewer workers, involving technology that shouldn't have happened for another 70 years (our time).

* Not only does it work, but they are hailed as heroes. Ralph wins the Mayoralty in a special election, and defeats Nelson Rockefeller for Governor in 1958.

* Free of his repressed memories and his mental block, Ed re-enlists in the Navy, and graduates from Officers' Training and Flight schools.

* In 1969, U.S. Navy Commander Edward Lillywhite Norton says, "That's one small step for a man... one giant leap for mankind!" And President Ralph Kramden makes the phone call from the White House to the astronauts, saying, "Norton, didn't I tell you, long, long ago, that you weren't just 'the man from space,' but that you were actually going to the Moon?"

If you are a Honeymooners fan, and you find this ridiculous, you would be right. Well, that's how true Star Trek fans feel about J.J. Abrams' "Bad Reboot."