Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Someone Better Stop This Fire

UPDATE: You sure you wanna do this?
UPDATE OF THE UPDATE: Yes, we have an election to take care of.

For all the garbage going on in the world, much of it done or inspired by Donald Trump, did you forget that a decade is coming to a close? Time for another rewrite of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

Barack Obama, Eurozone, Deepwater Horizon,
Burj Khalifa, Leo Messi, Cristiano.
George Steinbrenner, WikiLeaks, Aung San Suu Kyi,
Arab Spring, Instagram, Mitch McConnell says no.

Aaron Rodgers, Syria, bin Laden, gotcha,
Kate and William, David Freese, end of Moammar Gaddafi.
Harry Potter, Steve Jobs, Breaking Bad's meth slobs,
Jane Russell, Liz Taylor, Amy Winehouse, goodbye!

We didn't start the fire.
But we should be telling, even worse, it's smelling.
We didn't start the fire.
It's gone off the kilter, there's no way to filter.

Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum had gall,
Costa Concordia, LeBron gets his ring.
L.A. Kings, Higgs boson, goodbye Whitney Houston,
Neil Armstrong, Benghazi, Bieber please don't sing.
47 percent, Obama leaves Romney bent,
Hurricane, Sandy Hook, Red Wedding worse than book,
Pope Francis, Boston, avenging the Marathon,
Gay marriage, Mandela, trouble in Nairobi!

We didn't start the fire.
But we should be telling, even worse, it's smelling.
We didn't start the fire.
It's gone off the kilter, there's no way to filter.

Pete Seeger, Ebola, Seahawks win, Malaysia,
Crimea annexed, Flint water system wrecked.
ISIS launched, Germans ride, Robin Williams' suicide,
Mad Bum, Giants win, World Trade Center back again!

Whoa-oh-oh!
Boko Haram, Nimoy, Golden State hoop joy
Supergirl, Carli Lloyd, Taylor Swift left me annoyed.
Kansas City's title take, Star Wars' Force awakes,
Donald Trump is psycho! All his stances wrongo!

We didn't start the fire.
But we should be telling, even worse, it's smelling.
We didn't start the fire.
It's gone off the kilter, there's no way to filter.

Muhammad Ali, Cavaliers, Brexit Tory sneers,
Nice truck, Michael Phelps, Trump needs jail or mental help.
Hillary's e-mails, Cubs win, election fails,
Tom Brady, Grenfell, Chuck Berry, Charlottesville.
Vegas shooting, Astros champs, Texas concentration camps,
Refugees locked away! What else do I have to say?

We didn't start the fire.
But we should be telling, even worse, it's smelling.
We didn't start the fire.
It's gone off the kilter, there's no way to filter.

Eagles win the big one, Trump duped by Kim Jong Un,
School shootings yet again, synagogue shooting sin.
ICE raids, great shame, New Zealand, Endgame,
U.S. women win again, Brits get Boris Johnson.
St. Louis wins the Cup, Hong Kong fed up,
Foreign debts, homeless vets, farmers have Trump regrets!
Nationals raise the score, Trump impeached for breaking law!
Will he launch distracting war? I can't take it anymore!

We didn't start the fire.
But we should be telling, even worse, it's smelling.
We didn't start the fire.
And when Trump is gone, it will still burn on,
and on, and on, and on…

Time to start a new Roaring Twenties.

*

Days until Arsenal play again: 1, tomorrow, at 3:00 PM New York time, in Premier League action, home to Manchester United.

Days until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 2, on Thursday night, against the New York Islanders, at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. The next game against the New York Rangers, a.k.a. The Scum, will be on Thursday, January 9, at Madison Square Garden. The next game against the Philadelphia Flyers, a.k.a. The Philth, will be on Thursday, February 6, at the Wells Fargo Center.

Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Derek Jeter: 21on January 21. Just 3 weeks.

Days until the 1st Presidential voting of 2020, the Iowa Caucuses: 34, on Monday, February 3. Under 5 weeks. The New Hampshire Primary will be 8 days later.

Days until the New York Red Bulls play again: 61, on Sunday, March 1, at 1:00 PM, home to FC Cincinnati.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 Opening Day: 86, at 1:00 on Thursday, March 26, away to the Baltimore Orioles. Under 3 months. And now, it feels as though we can look forward to it.

Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: 86, at 3:45 PM New York time on March 26, 2020, against the Netherlands, at Philips Stadion in Eindhoven, home of PSV Eindhoven.

Days until the Yankees' 2020 home opener: 106, on Thursday, April 2, against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 109, on Saturday, April 18, at 1:00 PM, against the New England Revolution, at Red Bull Arena. On Sunday, April 26, at 3:00 PM, they will play D.C. United, at Audi Field in Washington. On Sunday, May 31, at 3:00 PM, they will play New York City FC, at Yankee Stadium II. And on Saturday, June 6, at 6:00 PM, they will play the Philadelphia Union, at Red Bull Arena.

Days until the next North London Derby: 116, on Saturday, April 25, Arsenal's 1st visit to the new Tottenham Stadium, adjacent to the site of the previous White Hart Lane. Under 4 months. It is currently scheduled to be on the 16th Anniversary of the 2nd time that Arsenal won the League at White Hart Lane -- but also the last time Arsenal won the League anywhere. Of course, for TV reasons, the game could be moved to another date, probably the next day.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 129, on May 8, 2020, at Yankee Stadium II. A little over 4 months. 

Days until Euro 2020 begins, a tournament being held all over Europe instead of in a single host nation: 164, on Friday, June 12, 2020. Under 6 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 206, on July 24, 2020. Under 7 months.

Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 249, on Saturday, September 5, at noon, home to Monmouth University, a Football Championship Subdivision School in West Long Branch, Monmouth County, New Jersey. In other words, if they don't win this game overwhelmingly, especially now that Greg Schiano is back as head coach, it will look very, very bad. Anyway, a little over 8 months.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: Unknown, as the 2020 schedule has not been released yet. Most likely, the season opener will be against arch-rival Old Bridge, on Friday night, September 11, away at the purple shit pit on Route 9. That's 255 days.

Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge football game: See the previous answer.

Days until the next Presidential election, when we can dump the Trump-Pence regime and elect a real Administration: 308on November 3, 2020. A little over 10 months.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 333, on Saturday, November 28, at home. Under 11 months.

Days until a fully-Democratic-controlled Congress can convene, and the Republicans can do nothing about it: 369, on January 3, 2021. Just over a year, or just over 12 months.

Days until Liberation Day: 386at noon on January 20, 2021. A little over a year, or a little under 13 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not just from Donald Trump. Having Mike Pence as President wouldn't be better, just differently bad, mixing theocracy with plutocracy, rather than mixing kleptocracy with plutocracy.

Days until the next Winter Olympics begins in Beijing, China: 766, on February 4, 2022. A little over 2 years, or a little over 25 months.

Days until the next World Cup is scheduled to kick off in Qatar: 1,056, on November 21, 2022, in Qatar. Under 3 years, or under 35 months.

Days until the next Women's World Cup is scheduled to kick off: As yet unknown, but space on the international women's soccer calendar has been cleared for July 10 to August 20, 2023. So if July 10 is the tournament's starting date, that would be 1,287 days, a little over 3 1/2 years, or under 43 months. A host nation is expected to be chosen on March 20, 2020. Bids have bee put in by Brazil (South America has never hosted), Colombia (ditto), Japan (Asia last hosted in 2007), and a joint bid by Australia and New Zealand (Oceania has never hosted).

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